Saturday, November 10, 2007

my day today





my show at the continental was
fantastic..it was fun...
a bass player and drummer showed
up..of great great skill.
and rocked the house down..
for the two dozen people
that where there wanted
to se the act i had filled
the slot for..but goodness
me...i had made some new fans..
and got to play some of
my favorite songs
with some great players..
they made the words
and melodys
find a home..when that happens
i know in my heart i am
not nuts for writeing
the music i do...
i guess i just get fustrated
knowing i havewritten
hundreds and hundreds
of songs..
and i will keep
writeing no matter what..





other wise my day today...

i have a medical condition
and the medication
costs close to 400 $ a month
and being on the road
trying to expose
my music to as many people
as possible is and always
is a risky thing
its always a gamble
on my health
but i have never let it
get in my way
mut sometimes the price
is always tagged to some
form of adventure..
but going threw it always
makes me very very sad..





so i had to go to a
homeless shelter
and wait ten hours
eat meet the other folks
get adopted for a couple
hours by an old time hobo
who showed me the
ropes of liveing
on the streets
in austin..
i got some
notourious soup
from this place
it felt good
to est but the
the smell was
so bad in there
i almost passed out
in the back of the kitchen
there was showers
but thank god
i got a place staying
atmy friends friends house
anyway
then i walked aroung and listened
to my adopted
hobo body guard
for the day
of course we
got followed by
the cops
cause you got to
get out of the clinic
and then wait in line
to get back in..
sometimes the truth
is stranger than
fiction..
he had been a carpenter
for twenty years
after he got back
from veitnam..
and before he had
gone to fight for
uncle sam
he had done three years
in prison for stealing
asphalt on the side
of a construction site
anyway back to the
him being a carpenter
he had built a house
and was liveing with
his daughter
in his later 60's
getting ready to retire..
him and his daughter
had been driveing to the store
when i car out of no
where hit him
he had been hit by
two other cars
four cars in total
everyone died
his daughter
the other drivers..
he had broken
almost every part
of his body and went into
coma..recovered
stayed 15 months
in the hospital
at this time
his house foreclosed
and the state
sold his house all the contents..
he was in the hospital
with no left family in his house..
found him self
in a wheel chair homeless..
then contracted a staff infection
almost lost his leg again..
was in the hospital for another
six months...
well it had been
a while since all that
had happened
and then he just stayed
on the street..
it seems to me
there are alot of
storys like this..
but what he kept
repeating to me
was your life
can be changed
in a flashing minute..
so be grateful
for the idea of
a higher power..
while we where
walking we had found
ten green tiny bags..
some where empty
some where not
i just didn't want to
dope..what would of
been the point for me...
i just needed my
own medication..
my condition which came
from a direct result of being
a child drug addict...
no thanks i said...
by the time i had finally got
to see the docter
i got terrible ill...
my stomach was so much
in pain..
great i had gotten
a stomach flu..
but that pain went away
when a fellow hobo
was waiting to see if
he had liver cancer..
it turns out he did not..
i was glad for him..
so i got some of my meds
and got my friend
to take me home
to my friends, friends house..
i just passed out
for a long time
grateful i did
not have to sleep
on the streets that evening...





Thursday, November 8, 2007

i wish i could tell you.................


dear my dearest friend,
i wish i could tell you
the pain in which i have
felt, the tears i have cryed..
the wounds i have reopened.
my heart i have shattered.
the bullet holes in my soul
i have gotten..i wish you
where right here beside me..
your hand would be
around me..your lips would
have written a whole record
on my breasts.
your warmth would erase
all the buckets of tears
that have ripped threw
my vains..
your kind words, your voice
your music,
your movement still
plays in my head.
your love...your motion..
your intellegence..
your whole being....
your the only one...

takeing pictures of my self







things i adore xoxoxoxoxo






things i adore........

i feel ..like this...i feel...like this.....i feel.......like this...



















everyone has ghosts
in there closets
xoxoxoxoxooxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
oxoxoxoxoxoxox




let go of my chains
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

this is how i feel sometimes ..xoxo






i just want your lips on mine....
i miss his smell...
the way he looks at me..
the way he holds me..
xoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
but he is far away..
i can get lost in his eyes for hours and hours.....
days and months go by...
the truth is he has always felt
the same..he has always touched me
the same...
his love for me is true......
you can tell when a man really loves you....
its all in the way he kiss's you,,,touches you...makes you feel...
the way he speaks to you....
touches you.....
how could i leave.......
how could i just walk away.......
because love can be the scarest thing in the world...........
...................................................................................
he makes me feel like a pin up girl.....
he makes me feel sexy .................
......................................................
...........................................................