October 28, 2008 - Tuesday
meloncholy missing seagrams canadian whisky lovers
Category: Life
missing my friends
today..missing that whiskey bottle lovers
the kind that make
you feel like a million dollars..the kind that dont care if them worry lines
have carved them selves on your forehead.
the kind that smell you like a vintage bottle of rum.
the kind that demand you to sing so they can go places in there mind.
the kind that appreciate
your soul.
but sometimes you cant get want you want so you have to do with the things you have.
cross roads..
calling my name..
roads of change..
time to get a packing..
time to be playing places
for food and a place to stay..
i just keep going cause if i dont i will surely die..
most will never relate..
most will be scorned..
feeling betrayed..
that when that bus comes around..
i got to get on and start a rolling..
like a rolling stone..
just as long as i stay away from the spoon and the rose colored glass's..
i wont complain..
i wont cry..
i wont ..
i know that this is the road that is my destiny..
well maybe not but its the only thing that makes me happy..
new places, new sounds, new tempratures..
mountains to streams, oceans to hills, barrel shot guns, purfume cigars, loud rock n roll, whiskey barrels, 100 year old banjos, auto harps, snakes and scorpiens, rugged working clothed, and farmer johns and deer tractors, with dirt road bikes, and old records spinning, chewing and spitting tabbaco,eating grits and falling into devil weeds, brakeing my teeth on odd candy, and sweating junk food out of my soul..hearing sermons on local radio stations, give satan and inch and he will be your ruler..for heaven is for people who have never gone to hell..but i wont tell no body that..
how can i make a difference...
thats all i truely give a shit about...
give me this..
give me this..
more than anything..
even those lost lovers...
if i died right now i would be happy..
thats all i can say..
12:54 AM - October 26, 2008 - Sunday
what to do now...
THE WORLD IS AT MY FINGER TIPS
CAN I GET ACROSS THE EMOTIONS I FEEL
I SURE WILL TRY
TRYING I WILL DO TILL I DIE
LIPS AND NOOSES
VISIONS
OBSESSION
I MUST DIG
A HOLE 6 FT DEEP
AND PUT MY
DESIRES
IN AND BURY THEM
THE TOMBSTONE
WILL BE PRETTY
BLACK STONE
AND THE FLOWERS
WILL BE BIRDS OF PARADISE
ENCASED IN GLASS
WITH A PICTURE OF SOMETHING
I HAD
IN MY POCKET
A DREAM
BUT MY BUBBLE HAS BROKEN
TOO
AND IAM SORRY I DID
THAT TO YOU
EVERYTHING THE FORTUNE
TELLER SAID WITH HER COBWED
CARDS WHERE TRUE
AND THIS WAS MY CROSS ROAD
AND I WAS A FOOL
I CRYED AND BANTERED
FOR I DESIRE
OH HOW SWEET DESIRE IS FOR
SOMEONE LIKE ME
TRYING TO STROKE MY EGO
IS LIKE TAKEING A RAZOR
BLADE AND GOING DOWN THE RIVER
THE SPIRIT OF SPIRITS
80 PERCENT PROOF
HAS TAKEN A GRAYHOUND TICKET TO A FAR FAR
AWAY PLACE
SEEING THOSE OLD FACES
HEARING THOSE OLD PHRASES
KNOWING IN MY HEART
I DID THE RIGHT THING
THE GACKLES SING IN THE TREES
LIKE NAILS ON A CHALK BOARD
LIKE HAMMERING OF STONE
THEY ARGUE THEY LAUGH
WHY MUST I KEEP
DIGGING THAT DITCH WHEN
THE BOAT IS READY
TO GO DOWN THAT RIVER
TO GET ACROSS THE OPEN SEA
I KNOW HOW TO SWIM
AND NOW I MUST
DO I WASTE THE TIME FIGHTING
OR TAKE THE TIME FLOATING..
THE CRYING WILLOWS ARE PRETTY
AND THE SNAKES ARE TO BUSY TO BITE ME
BUT MY SOUL IS TOURCHED
AND IT ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE
I JUST WISH I COULD SHOW YOU
MY FRIEND WHAT I HEAR AND SEE
AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME
THAT ITS SAFE
I TRYED TO PICK LOCK THAT SAFE
AGAIN
AND AGAIN THE CONTRAPTION
SLICED THREW MY FINGERS
THE PAIN WAS SO BAD
THAT I PASSED OUT
SEEING DOTS OF MANY SHAPES AND SIZES
OH HOW I PAID FOR THOSE MOMENTS
TO CLOSE THE DOOR
AND SHUT THE WINDOWS
BUT MY FOUNDATION
WAS SLOWLY SINKING IN A QUICKSAND HOLE
THE ONE I FELL IN WHEN I LIVED IN TEXAS WHEN I WAS
LITTLE
DONT FIGHT IT
OR YOU WILL GET SUCKED IN
I ASK MY SELF
WHY ARE YOU NOT HAPPY FOR ME
WHY CAUTION ME
WHY TELL ME
SO PLEASE DONT HATE ME BECAUSE NOW
I MUST LEAVE THIS WORM HOLE
OF EVER ENDING DESIRES
AND FLY ON MY OWN
WHOM AM I TALKING TO
TO MANY DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS IN MY HEAD
HOW IF I JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT
THEN I CAN BLEND IN
BLEND IN BLEND IN BLEND IN BLEND IN
MY EXISISTANCE DEPENDS ON IT
IT IS DIFFERENT
ITS IS HARD
IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE
WHY NOW
WHY HERE
UNDER THE STREET LAMP
WHY ME
WHY ASHAMED
WHY UPSET
I MUST NOT THINK THESE THINGS
BITE MY LIP HARDER
DIG MY NAIL INTO MY SKIN
BUT THAT DOES NOT HURT BECAUSE I BITE MY NAILS
EMBRACE YOUR GIFT
EMBRACE YOUR GIFT
EMBRACE YOUR GIFT
I SEE YOUR EYES GAZE OFF INTO THE DISATANCE
LIKE WATCHING A CLOCK CHANGE ITS HAND
I SEE YOUR BREATH GETTING SHALLOW
LIKE THE SUNSET BOWING DOWN FOR THE NEXT ACT
OF THE MOON
THE MOON WAS THIS MORNING
AND I WAS FOCUSED
HOPEING FOR A PLACE ON YOUR SHELF
HOPEING FOR A PLACE IN YOUR POCKET
OR EVEN A FLY ON YOUR WALL
BUT ALAS THAT CURTAIN IS CLOSED
THE DOORS HAVE BEEN SHUT
THE TRAIN HAS LEFT
THE PLANE IS IN MID AIR
THE BOAT IS FAR INTO THE DISTANCE
THE CARGO IS LIFTED
THE KITE HAS BEEN LET GO
THE BALLOON HAS BEEN LET GO
THE POSTCARD IS DOWN THE HOLE
AND NOW REALITY HAS HIT ME
LIKE WAKEING AFTER A DRUNKEN HAZE
TO FIND ONES SELF ON A LAWN AND THE SPRINKLERS
HAVE BEEN SET ON A TIMER
AND THEN YOU AWAKE OUT OF PANIC
AND WONDER WHERE YOU HAVE GONE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY TO MY FACE YOU CAN
SEE THE GROOVES OF WHERE THE TEARS HAVE
WORN DOWN MY FACE LIKE A MOUNTAIN
OVER TIME THE LINES ON A TREE HUB
YOU CAN COUNT THE YEARS OF WHICH IT WAS ALIVE
I WAS ALIVE
THEN I WAS DEAD
NOW IAM AM BOTH
MY TWO FEET
BOTH EQUALLY BALANCED
I WOULD LIKE TO GET SHAKESPEAR LIKE
AND BE DRAMATIC
BUT HOW CAN THAT BE JUSTIFYED
I KNOW MY SINS
I CAN NEVER WASH THE BLOOD OFF
OF MY DIRTY DEEDS
BUT I CAN MAKE SURE I DONT CARRY A
KNIVE AND PUT MYSELF IN A KNIVE FIGHT.
I CAN MAKE SURE I STOP AND SMELL
THE FLOWERS ALONG THIS ROAD OF HAPPY DESTINY
MY LONGING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT
MAYBE THE SAME LONGING I HAVE TO
WATCH A TRADGIC AFFAIR ON THE SIDE
OF THE ROAD.
PLEASE BELIEVE ME THAT MY LOVE FOR
YOU IS ENDLESS
IT HAS NO ROAD STOPS
I JUST WISH I COULD APPLY THAT TO MY SELF
FOR THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MYSELF
COMES AND GO'S LIKE A BACK DOOR LOVER
September 29, 2008 - Monday
so many tears for fears..............
so many tears for fears..........
why why why?
7:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
meaning has no time and time has no meaning.
Category: Life
i knew in the back of my
mind this would happen.
i was scared to go forth
with where i have gone
and where iam.
i did not care
no one could
change my mind
not one thing could
have stopped me
not love, not money, not fame,
not even my own well being.
and now i am
at the very place
i feared from the
depths of my soul
so i have arrived
i am here
the very place
i feared and
prayed not to enter..........
i crossed the very very very thin line..
and now i dont care
what happens to me.
i guess i did not
care to start with
and this is the place i have arrived.
red carpet welcome.
it wont take long before
i get lice and body sores from sleeping
in or on a ditchs, alleys.
point of no return.
this is how i feel.
they say facts are not feelings.
and feelings are not facts..
is that from a place
of comfort survival.
i have a show and
perhaps thats
the only thing right now that means anything.
or at least i have a reason
to be some where.
so dont let your children be artists
only to be chewed out spit on
and walked on.
to be let go to the wells of no water.
to be for ever misunderstood.
this curse is not a blessing
this blessing is not a curse.
it is neither.
you have no choice
and no choice is the choice.
i can only pray to be sick enough
or enough of sickness to have a bed.
i am sorry for any feelings
that this may bring.
or a brink .
this stinks
i am closed compleatly.
unable to close
to try.
unable to speak
unable to ask
unable
and for this iam sorry.
sorry
unable
unable for sorrow.
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September 15, 2008 - Monday
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
I HAVE A DREAM
THAT ONE DAY
THIS CRAZY LIFE WILL
ALL MAKE SENSE
BUT IF I HAVE BEEN ALIVE THIS LONG
I DOUBT IT...
TEXAS AUSTIN HAS BEEN VERY
VERY VERY KIND
INTRESTING
AND WORTH WHILE
LEARNING ALL THESE NEW
BUT OLD THINGS
AND LEARNING SOME
OF THE SAME LESSONS
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
NOTHING IS ALL THAT BAD
JUST WISH I HAD A COMPUTER
AND A CAR
OTHERWISE OK
I HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
JUST NOTHING WORTH MENTIONING
JUST HAPPY
I GOT THREW TODAY
THATS ALL
NOTHING BAD
JUST WANTING TO BE BAD.....
HA HA HA HA
WRITEING MANY SONGS
HA HA HA HA
HANGING OUT WITH OLD FRIENDS
HA HA HA HA
MAKEING NEW ONES
HA HA HA HA
MISSING MY LOVES
MISSING DEARLY
MY FRIENDS
NOT MISSING LOS ANGELES
MISSING THE NICE PEOPLE IN LOS ANGELES
JUST WISH THERE WAS ENOUGH OF THEM
TO BE ABLE TO PLAY MORE OFTEN THAN I DID
BUT I WILL BE BACK SOON ENOUGH
JUST NICE TO NOT SLAVE SALVE SLAVE
FOR NOT ENOUGH PAY TO LIVE ON...
HA HA HA HA
GUESS HA HA HA HA
AH AH AH AH AH AH
WHAT A FUCKEN SACRIFICE
AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN
HAVEING TO LEAVE AND LEAVE AGAIN
BUT FEELING MUCH BETTER
MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER
SLEEPING AND MORE SLEEPING
PLAYING AND MORE PLAYING
WRITING AND WRITEING
VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY
HAPPY FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN A VERY LONG TIME
IN A DIFFERENT WAY OF COURSE
ALWAYS THE SAME
THE LIFE
I LOVE THE ROAD
I WILL NOT STOP TILL
THE DAY I DIE.......
NOW I MUST FIND
A WAY TO RELAX
TONIGHT
PEOPLE HERE ARE VERY VERY
VERY NICE
EVERYWHERE I GO
EVERYWHERE I GO
PEOPLE ARE VERY VERY NICE
NICE TO FINALLY HAVE A MOMENT
TO REST
FIRST TIME IN 5 YEARS
FIRST TIME IN 5 YEARS
FIRST TIME.....................
I AM NOT WORKING JOBS PLAYING AND TOURING
ALL AT THE SAME TIME
NOT FOR MUCH LONGER
NOT FOR MUCH LONGER
WHAT WILL I DO
I WILL TAKE THIS TIME
I HAVE BEEN GIVEN
AND REST
REST REST
AND BE MY BEST
BE MY BEST
BE A FRIEND
BE OK WITH REST
HAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPP
XOXOXOXOXOXOOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
XOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOOXOX
...........................
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August 8, 2008 - Friday
time to get, a packen , time to get a movin
time to get a pack in
time to get a mov in
in and out each
and every town...
just play in my guitar
and selling my cd's
see what will be will be.
xoxoxoxoxox
July 26, 2008 - Saturday
today i have my silver spoon and i have to just keep digging my way out of shit..
today i have my silver spoon and i
have to just keep digging out of this pile upon piles of shit...
how fun it is...
to just keep getting spoon fed...
piles and piles of shit....
July 22, 2008 - Tuesday
i am just never going to win
i just am never going to win..
the line is so narrow i could easily fall off.
July 14, 2008 - Monday
love you and thank you
love you
thank you...
everything is bright
and pretty.....
getting ready to go to bed.
xoxoxoxo
see no evil.speak no evil.hear no evil.
go fuck your self.......
you know who you are.........
thanks alot...
you suck....
really really bad........
beuty of it...
is........
you are wrong...
xoxoxoxoxoxo
andwhats sad is
all i have for you is love...
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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July 7, 2007 - Saturday
wow people are fucked up sometimes
people are fucked up sometimes...
anyway.....
its amazeing
i dont have a steady place to live..no computer ..no car....just playing shows
and writing songs....
i work a job to put my records out......
and people are still expecting me to be up to something...
...........
people are fucked up...
............
you my friend know who you are....and you are fucked up...take a look in the mirror..and the person you are talking about is probibly you....
............
cause i have had nothing but love for ya....
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
6:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
July 1, 2008 - Tuesday
the sun is very very hot
the sun is very very hot
like a burner under a kettle of water..
xoxooxoxoxox
9:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 30, 2008 - Monday
bite the bullet, bite the bullet now
bite the bullet ..
bite the bullet
now ..
she used to scream at the top of her lungs..she did..while i bent down for third postion
russian ballet was what i was trained in..this was jazz ballet
...cynitha brown
a 60 yr white drinking loud direct teacher from the bronx, she danced with everyone back in the day..why she would single me out i will never know...but last night i hate to repeat those very very very words...over and over and over..bite the bullet...bite the bullet..bite the bullet...do you think people can tell that its always going to be hard for me...i suppose they do...thats the artists rite...people lie... they cheat...you will nevr get that from me...nope you never ever never will....
but i must find out where i could be appreciated ..my soul...depends on it...it was nice to see my friends last night...how kind they where to come and see me...sometimes i feel like i must bite the bullet...i must dodge the shotgun barrel pointed at my face....the one that tells me everythings going to be all right...people are cruel...i can be cruel sometimes...but often other people are better at it...today i will face the world and bite the bullet...
ok......
ok....
you ok...
iam ok, god knows i will die fighting to make a difference....
just to say it can be done...
just to say someone like me...from where i come from can say something....
jean loulupe a fantastic singer from quebec..has a song i relate ..i lost my friends...i lost my mind...
..............
love thay lyric..
............
an despite all my tribulations and trials i still love you...
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June 28, 2008 - Saturday
hard days passing as sails
hard days
passing as sails
on the ocean
the waves
have conversation
of change
of choices
no hesitation
what will the heavens
pass down
servant like
status...
looking for a place
to rest my head with no termoil
or disfunction
have i have moments these
days...
they have said goodbye
bon voyage
so long good friend
back turning
going different directions
all i have ever want ed to do is do what i love to do
but everything has a price
a title
nothing is for free
everything has a price
you always loose
something when you gain something
i want to go mad
but what is the result
another party pity
pulledright from under me
......
there are many things i like
my guitar
i can play it very very very well
enough not to think about it...
but this is a rare
because parks are hard to play in..
zoo are too expensive..
and houses are all falling down around me..but like the flower and the butterfly i will find a way..
9:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 18, 2007 - Monday
happy in the creases of your heart...
happy in the creases of your heart......
happy in the folds of your
bed..
happy in the sand between our feet....
happy in the amp of your voice...
happy even if
that houses light does not turn on...
happy even if..
happy even if...
happy even if..
all the kings men never come back again..
happy even if
all the oysters
in the world
could no longer produce pearls..
happy even if..
happy even if..
you dont love me any more..
but now i focus on the ones that love me no matter what.....
.............
........
i love the ones that love me today it was not always like so
i spent many many years loving ones that really could care less if i was happy or not..
i love even if
................
why not?
11:28 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 16, 2008 - Monday
sweet as the day..
sweet as the day
our lips touched.
sweet as the day.
11:24 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 14, 2008 - Saturday
thank you very very very very very very very much...
thank you
very very very very very very very very very very
much
*************
wow
**************
it was so easy.
**************
**************
***************
wow
**************
***************
(I have a tear
in my heart..with
your name on it.)
****************
**************
******************
can you explain to
me why?????????
*************
**************
**************
why did you have
to go and become predictable..
***********
***************
***************
wow
****************
**************
***************
that sucks....
**************
*************
you say you
understood...
************
************
*************
but no you did not..
*************
*************
*****************
sometimes its really hard to
understand why
people become cruel********
**********
***************
**************
i should already
know that cause
the pattern was there the day i was born...
***********
************
***************
thats makes me
very very very very very very very very very
unhappy
**************
*****************
************
but at least
we had a happy moments....
************
***********
**************
and at least i
know i was honest with
my heart...
************
*************
***************
and you ??????
***************
well perhaps
now iam not
so sure..
**************
****************
**************
really?????????
************
**************
**************
why does it happen
when iam happy
somebodys
got to get mad at me????
??????????
?????????????
whats the point..
i vowed to be your friend
till the end...
*************
***************
***************
guess i was just another notch
on the side of your bed.....
thats fine...
i can deal with that...
***********
**************
***************
i just hope you are truely happy...
************
*************
***************
thats all you want when you love somebody
unconditionally
..............
...............
..............
................
I mean it your honor....
**********
I would stand by
my word what about you...
************
************
**************
what about it.
what about it.
what about it
*************
*************
************
did you miss
***************
*************
*************
friends???????
??????????????
?????????????
????????????
??????????????
double edged
sword????????
?????????????
broken tea cup
???????????
no more thread
for that needle
*************
************
************
why you wearing
a weasel on your shoulder?????
????????????
thats to bad
*************
************
*************
the love we had
*************
**************
*************
was fleeting
like a bird on a wire
**************
**************
**************
like a midnight drunken choir
i have tryed in my way to be free
*************
***********
************
did i succeed
in pushing you away*******
*************
***********
the ants go marching on and on
and then that one went to the
market...
and the other
one lost his chain on his ball.
xoxoxoxoxox
i love them
deeply....
xoxoxoxoxox
xoxoxoxoxoxo
but one has all
my parts ...
xoxoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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June 10, 2008 - Tuesday
i cant win..no matter what i do..
i cant win
no matter what i do..
no matter how hard i try..
i cant win..
iam trying ..
but everything
has a barakade.
well that has never stopped me before..
never ever and it wont now..
xoxoxoxoxox
10:50 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 9, 2008 - Monday
what is so is so...
what is so is sowhat is so is sowhat is so is so
is that so what is so..how is it so..what do you know...what is sois so..do you like to sew..do you need more...i need head phones...you so so sos so sos ososoosososososos
what is so is so..
is so ...so sos os...
arghhhh...what is so...is not so..not so...not so..xoxoxox
oxoxoxxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxox
xoxoxoxoxoxo
glad to be home...
glad to be home..
glad to have
a chance to write all these
new songs...
.....
getting ready
to go again..
xoxoxoxoxox
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June 5, 2008 - Thursday
blood tide coming threw the clear sea threw water
blood red tide
coming threw the blue sky water
embraced by bandages pins and needles
comfort to be comforted
honest on the rockd gulping every single drop till the ice cubes melt.
hideing under a rock
jumping thre the river and hearing the needle drop..
pressure drop..
drop of temprature
iam cold today
restless..
in need of absence
..
in need of solitude..
..
in need of honest desire..
the fire has a circle..this circle of fire has been broken..
once the tide has paaing i may take a breath and breath..
but until it pass's i will have dis ease..
the sun is not shineing threw..
the clouds have made this journey askew..
who asked you..
no one has asked..the gatekeeper..has been murdered..
tribulation..
tripe..
fight....
i cant fight any longer..
i have laid my hat down..
and will sleep till i know where i belong..
the tag is expired..
...
...
...
...
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June 1, 2008 - Sunday
ther once was....
there once was a bucket..i wish i could kick it..
xoxoxoxoxox
2:40 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
his arms are very strong.. a morbid poem...
there once was
a little fly and he was friends with a plum..
the plum said to
the fruit fly
i once knew a butterfly and his arms where very strong...
the fuit fly was upset by the comment...
thaught perhaps the prune was not over his butterfly affair..
and the plum responded you are going to get mad at what ever i say...
then 24 minutes later the fruit fly died..and the plum said well another one hits the dust..
than the plum ran away with the knife...
the knife naturally diced and sliced him when she got excited..
it wasn't personal
the prune just fell in love and did not know when female knives get excited they like to dice and slice, thats why they always end up with rocks..
just naturally they cant really kill each other..
the plums last words where oh my what strong arms she had..
the moral of the story is the plum may have died but he did love and got over the butterfly...even at the hands of death we might find happiness...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
xoxoxooxoxoxox
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apples and worms..poem..not personal
apples and worms........
i am neither
a core..
just a single leaf blowing in the wind..
xoxoxoxoxxoxo
xixiixixixixixix
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May 31, 2008 - Saturday
i only buy butter to go with my toast.......
Current mood: creative
yes........
..........its
how so exciting.
...........
...............
...............
.............
its a hustlers
rite......
.............
..........
..............
exciting....
...........
............
.............
its so so real..
so so sos os so
real.........
.............
so my dad wrote
me today.......
.............
............
...........
makes me sad sad sad........
.............
.............
...........
why..........
..............
...........
.............
all i can remember is the
blood.........
...........
............
..............
...............
everywhere...
..............
..........
...........
............
i just got to keep on moving its safer that way..........
............
............
...........
anybody who gets close might get hurt..........
............
.............
.............
so i must keep a distance.......
..............
...........
.............
path of least resistance........
..............
.............
............
all that no longer matters..
............
.............
..............
no longer...
............
............
.............
if there was a way i could just fly away.....
.............
...........
...............
underneath that ground...
.............
...........
...........
silent soil full of toil.........
............
.............
..............
hanging on those trees.......
.............
...........
..............
my people your people we are all one people..
.............
.............
..............
there are bones everywhere....
.............
............
............
our blood is soiled with toil.
...........
..........
.............
how can i be a good person..
..............
............
...........
i fight for it everyday......
.............
...........
............
you my friend will never be able to comprehend such a notion.......
...........
..............
............
but fill the air
with whispers...
............
............
.............
you will never have my heart...
.............
...........
............
because i am not here its all a illution....
no resolution..
............
...........
..............
depression....
............
...........
.............
friend or foe..
............
.........
.............
to your kind its a funny little game.........
.............
..........
to me your just a funny little game.........
..........
............
.............
its never going to change .....
...........
...........
...........
but if you dont have love you have nothing at all........
...........
.............
...........
the only way to see is threw the eyes of a child.
...........
...........
..........
the only way to hear is what the birds mimic...
...........
.........
.............
the only way to bleed the hate
to to cut it from its source..
........
...........
...........
if you let the venom take it wont take long before you die..
..........
...........
..............
that is such a sad state of affairs....
..........
.........
..........
but we never die.. threw memorys......
..........
........
but the ones we no longer want to remember we forget about them........
...........
..............
..........
we erase over and over and over till we rewrite want we want to hear..
.........
............
.............
over and over and over again..
..........
...........
...........
and we forget the
sky........
..........
........
in witch we fly every night in our dreams......
...........
...........
.............
there are those that steal butter and their are those that make it.......
...........
............
..........
but really you kind of need to have a cow and now how to milk it........
.............
..........
cause if you dont it will
blow up and die.
............
.............
...............
good thing i only buy butter to go with my toast........
............
...........
...........
Currently listening :
Nuclear War
By Sun Ra & His Outer Space Arkestra
Release date: 21 August, 2001
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i enjoy the road...i want to do this till the day i die...
las vegas what a racket...if i could be so smart to make as much money as they have figured out to do...perhaps if i was a slot box..all pretty square and shiny lights and blows and whistles...had a arm i could pull, but just my losses if you lined them up , hell you would win thousands of wooden nickles...the blurbs coming out would say...your so ugly...your so pretty...your going to get rich...your going to make it..its not true..people love you...but iam a fool..iam taking all your money...we go to this club..has a huge tank of big tooth fish, the kind found in the amazon river banks..the kind that only eat meat...if you put your fingers in the tank ..those fish will eat your human flesh..they look like goldfish...friendly
but no my friend.if you put your fingers in the tank they will eat them..gobble them up for an appetizer...today i saw my friend on a t.v screen, wowed and wooed by the thousands of music loving people..so many years ago...when he was happy and young and free , on top of the world...when i was young i was begging on the street for change..standing in soup kitchen lines..bandageing my knees from getting a crowbar smashed against them..looking into the carpet for my tooth, thats fell out from being a heavy drug addict at such a young age...i was a preteen run away...i am lucky that i am still alive..but i cant justify my fears to people...that i have seen so many battles...no one owes me anything for living this long...i just hope i stay positive...and love my self a little like i love other people...being on the road makes me feel safe...for liveing my most formative years on the run..i just dont turn or look over my shoulder as much...this is a relief...i am over my penny slot addiction..i was a low roller for two times...and thats enough..the people i have met on this tour have been life time memorys of the good, the bad and yes the very very ugly..i just hope on the other side of the phone i did not say to much or too little..i look forward to editing my next album tapetracks from my arm..and killing my own kind.......
.............
all i have on my mind these days is can i sleep tonight...will he be there tommorow..your always on my mind...how can i count the ways...its a wonderful world..iam so lonesome i could cry..missispiee woman...walk this way talk this way..we are going to stand up and rise..my way.......little blood and milk in every one...38 palms...stagger lee.....hope i make some money...cocaine blues....in the jailhouse now...sex crime and honky tonk...highway patrol man..whiskey not wine.........johnny law......the way i walk is the way i walk....like a eskimo kiss....i dont live here anymore....you call another man daddy.....rattleskin boots.......broken dreams on the lost highway...leaving los vagas....my big brass bed...black magic woman...lets do it again...old dirty town....iam going to slap you...prison braid.....i will fly tonight when i die....fright train fright train...howlen wind....je ne regrete pas..rose colored glasses..your elephant feet are.....stagger lee....angels in the electric chair...help i need somebody anybody...a man named sue..that song reminds me of my daddy...highway man....baracuda..there was a picture of my mom and dad holding one in burmuda....chains around my feet...ziggy played guitar...high tone woman...rebel rebel your face is a mess..some call love a river....i call it a broken water...despardo..these
irish eyes are smiling....pouge mahone...christmas night...where are my bones..me myself and i...a black smoke...lets get high tonight...the tar underneath you finger nails from all the ciggarettes you smoke...thick as nails sharp as blades..good night.....my sweet sweet sweet destiny...in your arms i feel at home...your kiss as sweet as wine...if looks could kill...i only have eyes for you...
i only have eyes for you...your going to teach me how to throw knives...and run wild in the fields...only you...only you...only you...that lady is a tramp....devils daughter....rejected lover...my tiptoe ..a camel can go 24 hours with out a drink..venus was her name...intentions paved of gold...a boirgous town..monday i got arrested...action not words...forget i am not...further than a country mile...3000 buried under ground...rattlesnake songs...i did my time..just say i did wrong...dont tell anyone...hush my
child dont you cry...swing low swing chariots...she'll be coming around the mountain..dog gone blues...only the fool...just the joker..know when to fold them when the dealings done..i coat of many colors...hanging time...thats me sitting in the corner loseing my religon..peg legged penny...worms coming threw the nose...if i was young again...i would walk ten thousand miles..i want to get sedated...
ido ido ido...
xoxoxoxoxoxox
xoxoxoxoxoxox
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May 30, 2008 - Friday
so you dont love me anymore...
you dont love me anymore...
any more.......
well thats not true...
thats just a big fat lie..
thats o.k ...because i have found love...and its like getting a sunburn your never
are the same..its like doing acid and morphine..it gets under your skin....and every thing you do is never going to be the same...its been a experience of a life time..life recently...you would not understand ..i dont think you can...
you say you dont love me anymore..but thats a lie...so dont hate me cause iam happy..love is like a gun...it just is and once your shot you bleed all the saddness out...try it...its different..like moving to a different country..with a different language of silence and screams..blues and reds...voilets and crimson.....skys of grees, oceans of red, trees of aqua....cactus of gold...streams of whisky..and a place where the jails are made of 24 caret gold, soft as aluminum...water as thick as cloth...cows and birds that speak coherently....thats love to me..where the wind, mountains and rain sing...when your touched by your loved one you see there bones..you touch each others bones...threw the skin..and see each others organs...the smells when you are near of each other is electrifying...like gallons and gallons of moonshine with every kiss ...when you whisper to each other..the sounds shake the earth you stand on...this is love...when your body burns like fire ...a fire extenguishing a whole city on fire..thats how i feel when i am touched by this person...when i touch my guitar....there is no heaven ..no hell, no doors...no ..prisons...no chains.....chains..shackles.
bars...metal beds...no electric shocks to my head....no broken noses..no broken ribs..
no dead baby in my arms.....no lying in pools of blood...no sleeping on the cold cold cement...no acheing for a fix...no
more shot guns to my head...no more nooses around my neck...
my friends you should be happy for me..
cause ive already been dead...and now iam kind of happy...
the tears i shed are no longer battery acid...
so you dont love me anymore...well i have always loved you and always will.i might have no family but i have friends...and we will always be thick as theives.....dont you forget....i love you...
and have never told you no lies.... maybe one, but the truth is just a perception...
and the truth is always stranger than fiction..
now.....it was not always like that
my friends.........
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
xooxoxoxoxoxox
4:22 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 29, 2008 - Thursday
updated tour from days ago...
from the album
"love letters from the electric chair"
18 songs......................
will is available at c.d baby
the story about the album
one year ago...----------------------------me and 7 other guys snuck into-----------------you are the greatest---love you love your music
the gene autry art gallery
in griffith park, in hollywood
with a huge board and lots of preamps...
for three nights we recorded set up and then
tore down each night..
my good pal grant capes works there ...
and i did over dubs in echo park
with victor janacua who did not
know his pals after two months of intensive work..
(i just went nuts adding piano parts
drums...etc...mandolin..etc)
wanted to own a part of the record
i protested , offered money etc...
after a year they finally gave me the recordings
and so you can finallly hear my best work yet...
tell me what you think friends...
also yesterday we played three shows
me solo
whitton the marleine dietrich of today
and dave berry crazy finger picking
dobro playing...
the starlight record shop
in san jose was fun...
a meth induced folk stole my lighter
tryed to sell me a bike
and smashed my lighter...
he seemed to like the music...
then we played amnesia
in san fransico it was so fantastic and the sound
was like velvet...
people poured in and asked for more..
almost would not let us leave...
then we played the oak city rats club house
whiskey drinking, gun shooting, fightclub style
ring boxing, motor cycle driving good guys...
jerry springer cinco de mayo seigment
one of the great guys kept the beat
with a bull whip......
fantastic.....
was going on while i was singing..
they liked it so much they starting singing
frank sinatra and bob dylan covers in three
part harmonys.....
they stole my heart...
wow.....that was fantatsic...
so i gave them my acoustic guitar and they proceeded
to sing the whole night...
i just thaught there clubhouse needed a womans touch..
now we are at some great town
of retired new york little italy city folks...
the coffee's great and the pasta is probibly to die for..
so here is some of the upcoming shows...
tonight
7-9pm
CafeBlack Cat Bar & Cafe.
10056 Main St Penngrove, CA 94951
may 8pm
blakes berkeley
2367 Telegraph Ave
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 848-0888
May 8
2 pm
Berkeley Farmers' Markets
2530 San Pablo Avenue
Berkeley, CA 94702
Phone: (510) 548-3333
may 9
11 am
townsquare
downtownvacaville.com
311 Parker Street
Vacaville, CA 95688
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
see you all
thank you
from the bottom of my heart..
izzy cox
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last day & night we played the nevada city crazy horse saloon
so we played the crazy horse in nevada city again...was really cool...find our selves back in reno ready to go to las vegas..last night i had a terrible dream of two leeches one on my toe one on my finger...it means i will meet enemies in unexpected places...worst of the dream
is i woke up then they where gone.. i looked inbetween my legs and thank goodness those leaches did not go up my skirt....we have a ten hour dream..just saw the photos we took at this mystical lake in reno..lots of dead fish heads and scattered bones everywhere...
the lake was full of moss
...crazy....
the tour is coming to an end but we are very happy ...we started to form a touring act..three individuals under one unbrella called...the americana wagon entertainers...
will have a myspace...
i miss los angeles..i guess it really is my home now...sold a bunch of c.d's on c.d baby...it works...
it sounds like a good time....
xoxoxoxoxo
May 27, 2008 - Tuesday
sometimes you just have to keep moving...
sometimes you have to keep on moving...cause sometimes people are small minded
and cruel
its plain to see they must be really bored in there life.....and frankly i just have to keep on moving...cause i dont know about you but i have songs to write...songs to sing...art to make...and all that petty bullshit just gets forgotten over time because its just not important..
xoxoxoxo
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I feel Great...........Very very very happy
I feel great today.........
i feel so good
its crazy.....
today i have the day by myself
and god knows thats worth to me as good as gold..starting to plan my south to the east and back tour...
exciting...
I love the road..and i believe the road loves me...
billy my most favorite guitarist is going on tour with his other band ...opening up for bob dylan.. so when i return to los angeles i have to figure what i want to do..
tell ya... close to 60 shows in three weeks i have definately found a way to manage playing solo...and selling records just the same...
but when i return i think there's a couple cats that are willing to help me out...having my pasadena c.d release on friday the 13..
the day one year ago..i was so close to wearing the orange jumper for a long long long time...or just going to rest 6 ft under...all i want to do is make a difference...
thats all.thats it...
Some people get cars, get rich, have homes , hey get married..when i play my guitar and sing songs it really is the same thing to me..
xoxoxoxxoxo
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May 26, 2008 - Monday
time just flys as you get older..
time just flys as you get older...
it just goes just as fast as a bunny crossing a high way..just not a lucky rabbit...
sometimes i feel like a crippled rabbit...
i see the world in a way to even explain it would take a wild..and even then you probibly would not understand..
i have never had the luxury
of resting my head with out a heavy price...i only wished i had been smarter..more trusting of trusting people than i would not be where i am at..when you have been swimming out of quicksand holes its hard to even step in a puddle with out remembering hunger in the dead of winter, sleeping on top of vents to stay warm..sleeping in tack rooms cause you have no where else to go..hopeing your sick enough to be admitted to a hospital so you get to sleep in clean sheets...yes its possible to live in a state of hunger and no home in this country...in north america its just we dont make it past 18 yrs..thats what the reports say..censes i guess...iam just glad iam still alive...
all my peeps i started with are dead..junkies..killed in prison...knive ...fights...mental instatutions...
i guess my audience may not be around..i sometimes feel
like iam an outsider...
i should of parished..become a statistic..
but for some reason i just write a song and it keeps me going..
i come from nothing and all i have is
my music..thats all i have ever had..really...
but time flys..
i wanted to play the game but i just didn't know it was a game..
when you live life or death for so many years...you dont play games..games are what dealers, social workers,therapists
jail wardens, etc.. there not bad games but personally when it comes to my art i just want the one only thing that brings comfort to my pain..to be with out games..
but now i know i did it all wrong...and such is my life..
and such is my art..
i cant go on this way people say..but i have no other option..do or die...but those punkrock days are gone..even the jazz greats are gone..the poets are dead..perhaps when i go to sleep i wont wake up...that would be a dream..and than i wake up..it was nice to be around trees..and see real wildlife..real cowboys..and cows...thats where my blood comes from..but now i know i just am a human..a victim of sir comstance..when i sleep tonight i hope its somber...but i get terrible nightmares..but no body cares
and they say its not good to get personal with your auidence..but really whos listening to anyone these days..well iam
and the one thing i am grateful for
is some of the fantastic people i have met on this month long tour..i played already 90 shows..most of them are not listed..cause when i get to a city i stake out where i want to play or can play than i play..word of mouth..person to person..the old fashioned way..because i dont spell so good ..people dont take the art seriously..they dont care if iam very very dxylexic...
no body cares when you have nothing its hard to show them all you got is your art...nothing else...but i just was born either ahead of my time or behind it...
as far as iam concerned this evening...i dont care..iam in a bad mood..
thats happens when your a person...
anyway such is life...
such is life...at least for the first time 13 c.d's later people can buy them on the internet...
thats cool...
i just never figured it out..too much pain..had to keep playing..no my life is finally with out so many burdens and i can travel and be focused enough to play and sell c.d's..the peeps iam travelling with are nice people...just nice and equally talented so i dont have to cringe..i've been lucky though in my life i have not cringed often..now i know what i want to do and that is make a difference...
any means possible and be true to my self at the same time..
such is possible...
because iam living proof..
you can come from hell and cause hell and have a hell of a goodtime ...
ha ha ha ha
writing makes me happy..
like at least someones listening..even if its myself..
2:35 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 25, 2008 - Sunday
you can order the c.d love letters from the electric chair on cdbaby
you can order the c.d love letters from the electric chair on cdbaby
4:19 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
on the road........extreamly pretty roadsides.........
sierra ville hot springs
was magical.
petting farms..real cows ..i never was so close...
dears...
played a yoga resort..kind of made me angry..so peaceful...
but happy...
now in reno
........
tired..
hot ..
exhausted...
iam broke...
bought a fender amp...last of my money..
kind of a trobleing, bad ass mode..
want to gamble and drink moonshine..
but not for today...
i kind of need to stay
out of jail...
any body that knows
me knows..i just cant...
or a blow my stomach...
........
i will just play my heart out and hope i sell some c.d's.....
..............
xoxoxoxooxox
3:36 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 24, 2008 - Saturday
portland was kind.....
portland
has been
extreamly kind...
and for that i am thank ful..
very very very
connected...
with wholesome
nice friendly folks.....
its been the nicest little city i have ever been in...
and of course
it had to be a port....
trees, hobo's, and lots and lotsof good bud...
these past two days we played
six little shows..made just enough to get out of town..and be on our way..so many talented people
its abnoxcious..
we met a young rock band the
my american heart..mat one of the players of that band was very kind, and very smart in the music department..giving me hopein the future of rock
stars knowing and appreciateing
jazz and the blues...
but i must say
i have met more
real authentic hobos..that could play a wicked harp..
one guy had a little case of harps (fifty in total) sure there has been some humbleing
moments...selling c.d's for
packs of smokes
and bags of other things, but it all works out just the same...
we where kind to be hosted by this fab guy..and the proud owner of
sebastian the hymalaian, siemese blue eyed crossed eyed cat...many
songs where written about him by all of us..
portland your
trees and level
of oxygen made this bad girl
eat her veggies
and soak in a hot spring..
and not have to witness what happens in citys
take a relaxing
and god given thing and hustle it for pennys..
no bathhouse action...
suppriseing for this jaded big city girl...
i love you portland you will for ever be
in my heart...
not one gunshot..
that made me homesick
i must admit...
xoxoxoxoxoxo
1:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 23, 2008 - Friday
what did i do............
what did i do..
what ever did i do......
what did i not do....
i guess you think it is so..
perhaps perhaps
perhaps....
my heart is braking in a million pieces...
into the long black hole......
5:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
i can not sleep..........................
i can not sleep.
i try and try and try....
but i can not sleep....
perhaps i will
soon....
today was pretty.
in portland...
we played many many places and partys...
i am tired...
we sure can muster lots and lots of shows if need be...
i missed the boat on other things..
i tryed to set the anchor but aset at sea i am now...
far farfar
away..
there's this cat
i am staying with
his name is sebastion..
he is very very friendly..
portland...
my you really know
how to party...
yeah.....
i need to sleep..
i can if i try..
but to many things on my mind...
twirling like
a lolly pop...
over and over in circles...
what ever will i do.....
the days are coming in like the tides of the ocean.....
your lips stained my lips..no matter
what i do i smell you on me...
this is not going away...
perhaps i will
dream of this
over and over and over and over
like i have for so many nights...
now i am unable to sleep...
no more red bulls for me...
4:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 21, 2008 - Wednesday
was in seattle, back in portland...
bored bored came
threw the town
bored town....
i would hate to live there....
went hikeing
saw real trees..
wow...too much
oxygen i almost
passed out...(city girl most of my life, even when i worked at the race track)
then went in a hot spring...
went and soaked
in hot water...
nearly passed out again..
was fun...
now back in portland....
we have no gigs...
nice to have a break....
but not really
now iam used to
playing three times a day and i have all this
energy...........
like i got to do something.....
but i dont......
we are looking for
gig tommorow...
god knows...
god knows...
god knows...
i wish i could
express my self..
just wish i had a show this evening...
i get bored very very very very very quickly.....
and i wish i could just find a room to record in.....
wish i could drink a bottle of moonshine...
something to numb this feeling....
perhaps just going to bed will do...
however
i feel like i ate some nails
ate at taco time in some tiny town....now
my guts feel like i ate glass..................
this sucks............
i think a bottle of antacid
will help......................
.....................................
.......................................
......................................
....................................
...........................................
....................................
......................................
............................................
11:21 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 19, 2007 - Saturday
so i cant sleep? go figure?????
anyway
in the middle
of no where...
out of smokes...
out of drinks..
the tap water
here in portland
oregon tastes
fantastic..
the trees are
overwhelming
and making me
all emotional
for montreal...
i spent 15 years
there...playing, performing...
moving around...always
going back...
but not these
past five years..
no time...
it just flys...
trying so hard..
to get by..
its been great traveling with
younger folk..
they are so
optimistic...
i think its
rubbing off on me...
well learning
alot...playing
alot..
laughing...
laughing...
drugs sex and rock , roll
give or take alittle...
on the first two.
well it really
depends how you
look at it...
portland portlandportland
port land....
so many.. trees
perhaps i cant sleep cause iam
getting too much oxygen to my brain....
and have been
really well taken care of...
wow...........
it really is what i am ment to do....
well i knew that.
but it sounds goood....
sleeeeeeeeeeeep
time......
three shows a day...no time to write them all down..
ok ok ok ok
no time no time...
everything is
is going back in time..
drowning
drowning drowning....
then i wake up
and iam in a coffin....
thats how it is for me..
every morning when i awake...
..............
................
shush.....
quiet.....
shush.....
quiet......
special 58
on the wall...
the one
my daddy taught
me how to shoot
with....
...........
do i drink the
whiskey
or go for the needle...
????????????
how i love my
nightmares...
...............
being on the road calms them
down some...
playing three
times a day
and selling ten to
15 c.d's a shot..
just
been doing really good selling them..
people like it...
i never ever never ever..want to not tour...
this is the closest i have
ever felt to feeling safe again.....
..............
.................
sad is it not...
just the way
things go...
people judge
you wrong...
just cause you are different...
sometimes
i feel so far far far far
away from understanding
this world i live in.....
i have nothing to complain about really...
it was fun playing a pizza
joint everyone in there bought
a c.d...
so thats three
in total...
ha ah ah ah ah
i met this cat
sabastian...
a hemilain siemese blue cross eyed
cat..
he's really nice
to pet..
even if i am
allergic...
peoples floors..
beds...back of a pick up truck.
floors......
beds.......
no sleep......
no sleep......
sleeping.....
lots of it...
than none of it.. in the sun.
in the rain...
in the heat...
loving every single moment of it.....even if i am going slightly nuts...at least
iam appreciated
right....
and people
are being touched by my lack of showering...hahahah
no just my songs...
are making people cry....
thats nice...
5:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 17, 2008 - Saturday
playing the farmers market ,now in portland
playingportland
in a couplehours
i love being on
the road.........
it just makes me
very very very
happy.........
last couple days
we have played and been tosome
intresting places.greatpeeps..
you never really know who will
like what you do..
fun fun fun fun.
in the sun,with guitar in hand
and songin cue..
on the road again..
temptation everywhere
............
but thats what
life is about...
always knowing
thelines that cross.........
i like standing
in between
the light and the
darkness..
xoxooxoxoxoxoxo
2:10 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 14, 2008 - Wednesday
in reno still...ready to play...at a cool coffeeshop / open mike..
still in nevada..
reno..
haveing a good time...
very sad today..
i just dont know why...
perhaps knowing..
that it just comes over me...
and wishing that
things could be easier..
today i experienced..
the feeling of being on that lost highway...
i am on that lost highway...
8:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
May 14, 2007 - Monday
in reno still...ready to play...at a cool coffeeshop / open mike..
still in nevada..
reno..
haveing a good time...
very sad today..
i just dont know why...
perhaps knowing..
that it just comes over me...
and wishing that
things could be easier..
today i experienced..
the feeling of being on that lost highway...
i am on that lost highway...
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May 12, 2008 - Monday
reno navada is very dry, voice today is like sand paper..fun...
i am in reno nevada
it is a great town...
about to get on and play
and this cute coffee/
acousticpunkrock coffee house (all ages)
well have checked the casinos..
and for the first time i won
at the penny slots...
put 4 dollars and then lots
of noise happened for
twenty minutes...
i won 190.00 $$$
now i see how this could
become addictive...
last night we played this
art show cathartic...
whitton and dave berry
played great shows...
i broke a string but improvised
and they liked it...
staying in the days inn..
a good friend drove up..
wow its just nice to see
a friendly face that knows my name..
but every town i am
just meeting very very very nice
people that are happy to hear my music..
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoox
thank you
sincerely
izzy cox
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May 11, 2008 - Sunday
nevada city...a historical mining town...the peeps are just fantastic...
wow..wow..wow
nevada city in california...
founded in the late 1878....
this club a old saloon..the indian chief saloon...lots of people drank car bombs...
this cabin is great miles and miles and miles
of large trees..
ready for bed...
fan fucken tastic....
people to die for...i have now sold well over 400 c.ds in 7 days...not includeing...just
the great people
i have met...
the folks i am traveling with are the salt of the earth...
sure this evening we almost
overturned the
van...and got stuck in a ditch in the middle
of no where..
but we are doing it..grass roots
style...so many trees....so many
just salt of the earth folks...
my amp died...
that poor poor
vox...just died
could not take it anymore...
got to find a new amp...
got a replacement
a blah marshal..
but beggers can not be choosers..
or whiners...at
least somebodies
given me a amp for the tour...
and its a tube..
but oh those tubes..got to cradle them like little babies...
like priceless
glass art...
they are if you
think of them
giving you that
seductive sound...
oh what a bad
influence i am
i have five year
old girls singing..iam a bad bad bad bad woman i pawned all your things..
your a bad bad bad bad man leaving her pantys on my bed
again...
etc......
so the club last night storks in oakland..gave me a last minute slot..treated me
like gold sold
so many c.d's
crazy...just carzy.....
all this good times and good folks...
i got my shipment of
a 1000 c.d's..
already 50
gone..
oh my oh my..
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May 10, 2007 - Thursday
oh ya ..also farmers markets are better than buying fruits and veggies from big ol food factory
also farmers markets are better than buying your food from huge huge market factorys where the food is just treated badly...but what do i know...its just nice to see where all those vegtables come from....iam really a city girl but have the heart of a farmer i feel...i played this punk rock joint the storks in downtown oakland and it was such a blast..i guess iam having fun...and less depressed than usual...its really intresting playing to very diverse crowds..and the response is overwhelming...but before i get
a chance to really process it i find myself in a completely new town..and different surroundings..trees
plants..farmers..cabins
...trashbins..hills..
citys...trains.
parking lots..
smiles..frowns..
cheers..hecklers.
..fans..talkers..
movers and shakers...miles
and miles of road...lights..
el pollo locas..
7-11's coffee..
highways..bridges
..intellectuals,,
poets..punk rockers..pin up dolls...debutaunts,,,
universitys students...university drop outs...
transsexuals..
hobos with harp collections..playing along when iam singing..nashville rejects trying to find a place..sad stories of musicians going blind..hustlers..con men...great jazz
drummers scraping by...
ex bar owners
from the big citys now bartenders...
famous writers
trying to get by...kids buying c.d's pick pocketing travelers with gucci bags...
cars on fire..
crack pipes broken in a
pretty park...
three legged seagulls..cowboys
looking for a place to drink..
bikers looking for a place to rest there heads.. highway
5, 101, 154....
so many directions...
so many abandoned
houses..farms..
desolation is
like highway signs...
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what a great day waking up in navada california
have you ever seen the trees
in nevada california...so big...we are in a cabin..warmer than the last one we stayed in ..finally took a shower after four days...so nice ...so nice...baby wipes can only last for so long...only one show this evening...i am so happy...i played all these shows that where not even listed...in dive bars no doubt...but got rid of three hundred cds in 6 days...go figure.tonight i get the hard copy c.d ..pressed from the factory and everything...yeah.
this is very exciteing....i take back my slight bother with farmers markets..just i dont think i have ever seen
so much agriculture in my life...alll those vegtables can
be over whelming
when the sun is beating..hard on your skin and there is no shade....time for a nap...this morning i thaught i saw three chickens and dreamed about mining for gold...and then i found out this
town i am goin to play in was a mining town back in 1875...creepy but cool....i still dont know what the chickens where about...maybe iam hungry...
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May 9, 2008 - Friday
i love oakland....so kind to me...
i love oakland...
add on show @ storks .....
in oakland...
they are so so so so so so so nice to me...
xoxoxoxoxoxoox
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iam just joking...
i am just joking....
hahahahaahah
May 9, 2008 - Friday
so tired...........
i am exhausted...
and i would not be sad if i never saw another carrot, peach, sunshine, tip jar....
so i guess i am just not cut out
to be a circut farmers market singer, this is rough...and i guess i am never going to make it........
so sad...........
so sad.......
but at the end of the day i just dont care anymore...
4 shows a day is a bit much...
and it just feels
people are just depressed, every where i go...
anyway i am sick...and sleeping on floors is great, iam used to it...but anyway...now i really know how its like...its so much fun..having the time of my life.......
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May 7, 2007 - Monday
never.................................................................
i am never going to be the same.......................
never..........................................................
never have been the same since/......................
that day.................................
.............................
it is not the same.......
guess thats it...............................................................
close the door...................]and keep on a moving...........
4:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
never.................................................................
i am never going to be the same.......................
never..........................................................
never have been the same since/......................
that day.................................
.............................
it is not the same.......
guess thats it...............................................................
close the door...................]and keep on a moving...........
4:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
never.................................................................
i am never going to be the same.......................
never..........................................................
never have been the same since/......................
that day.................................
.............................
it is not the same.......
guess thats it...............................................................
close the door...................]and keep on a moving...........
4:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
never.................................................................
i am never going to be the same.......................
never..........................................................
never have been the same since/......................
that day.................................
.............................
it is not the same.......
guess thats it...............................................................
close the door...................]and keep on a moving...........
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May 6, 2007 - Sunday
i love the oakland rats boys and gals xoxo
so my new songs are up...
tell me what you think friends...
also yesterday we played three shows
me solo
whitton the marleine dietrich of today
and dave berry crazy finger picking
dobro playing...
the starlight record shop
in san jose was fun...
a meth induced folk stole my lighter
tryed to sell me a bike
and smashed my lighter...
he seemed to like the music...
then we played amnesia
in san fransico it was so fantastic and the sound
was like velvet...
people poured in and asked for more..
almost would not let us leave...
then we played the oak city rats club house
whiskey drinking, gun shooting, fightclub style
ring boxing, motor cycle driving good guys...
jerry springer cinco de mayo seigment
one of the great guys kept the beat
with a bull whip......
fantastic.....
was going on while i was singing..
they liked it so much they starting singing
frank sinatra and bob dylan covers in three
part harmonys.....
they stole my heart...
wow.....that was fantatsic...
so i gave them my acoustic guitar and they proceeded
to sing the whole night...
i just thaught there clubhouse needed a womans touch..
now we are at some great town
of retired new york little italy city folks...
the coffee's great and the pasta is probibly to die for..
so here is some of the upcoming shows...
tonight
7-9pm
CafeBlack Cat Bar & Cafe.
10056 Main St Penngrove, CA 94951
may 8pm
blakes berkeley
2367 Telegraph Ave
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 848-0888
May 8
2 pm
Berkeley Farmers' Markets
2530 San Pablo Avenue
Berkeley, CA 94702
Phone: (510) 548-3333
may 9
11 am
townsquare
downtownvacaville.com
311 Parker Street
Vacaville, CA 95688
xoxoxoxoxxoox
till next time
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May 5, 2007 - Saturday
bobcats & polarbears kill people too
Category: Writing and Poetry
if you stay any where long enough its history wants to tell on its self....santa cruz where the beachs are maroon in the moonlight..its so pretty its a postcard...those rocks and artichokes...salad leaf food like plants , set free, out of its bags growing wild on the side of the road....my allergys are o.k..been so long since i have been near trees...wild...lush like iceing ontop of carrot cake...that kind of sweet alcohol , in the air....
so far its been refreshing...nice to be out of los angeles,,
but i am missing those gunshots at night and the man sized airplanes army looking things that buzz around at night...with a spotlight...searching and very loud...zipping at all hours like a hummingbird sucking the oxygen out of the air, the sweet sweet necture like i do when i lick my fingers after i have eaten...did you know that bobcats and polar bears both track humans...they are my hero's....would that not be a giving way to die...but rather painful..probibly would hurt more than a dislocated hip or arm..your death could feed a whole family of happy furry animals..ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...i am laughing cause they would probibly not bother with me...all toxic , worn and torn......perception is complex situation i deal with everyday...like those card dealers in vagas..or baseball players that make handsignals by grabbing themselves and picking their nose and sctraching their head...i was at the zoo recently and a little monkey and i made friends..i sang and one monkey got it, the rest well just chomping on carrots and iceberg leaves...lots of produce on my mind....san francisco tommorow...three shows...its fun....people are very nice...one boy said to me "you must be used to men being fickle with you" out of the blue, random like that, kind of like when someone shits their pants and they are so drunk they dont even notice it...my first thaught was, he must be not talking to me..then i noticed he was...intresting to me...iam glad i was not drunk, but than perhaps i would of not noticed or cared..he would of been a fantastic person to hurl my breakfast on...back to the trees...i like them...i need to buy serious allergy medication ...and sleep on this air matress...the shows have been fun, this coffee shop the ugly mug had large fish with lots and lots of teeth....then the art walk we played well,,,the coffee was free...this guy screamed sing happy happy happy songs, i noticed he had a skateboard and i said get rid of the skateboard and buy rollar blades...i offended, yet another person........we played borders...i thaught not so bad,,,at least you know they can read...right..well i kept saying that and they bought more books...not my intention..my intention was buy c.ds from us...we are touring with no support,,but our friends...are helping us..its cool...well they also bought c.d's who would of known...down the street a band a have been paired up with to share bills with...happened to be in the same town...they where charging $15.oo to go see them...i like there music..one of my ex's used to say to me...enjoy the process...i am....going to sleep.............
if a bob cat or polarbear dont get me....
xoxoxoxoxoxxo
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May 3, 2007 - Thursday
one hour and off i go...
one hour and off i go...
could be lots of fun...
spent days getting ready..
it looks so much more simple than it is...
but it is not...
it is not...
ready..
i am..
to entertain and play and sing my guts outs...
and to sell my record...
xoxoxoxoxoox
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April 28, 2007 - Saturday
some things fuzzy
somethings funny
nothing i do is flowing right
my cd burner broke
my artwork needed for the record
could not be done
everything
mechanical
is brakeing on me....
losing money.....
friends not talking to me...
all hell in a handbag............
say it is not so......................
but it is my friends..............
it is so.........................................
and this is fustrateing...........................
i have the silent treatment and i hate that more
then drops on my brain..................
this is hard..like tofffee in my teeth...................
just another day right..........................................i might be able to sleep
but i doubt it...................
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pretty bags...tied up garbage bags heading on out of here..
Pretty Bags...
tied up glad bags..
heading on out of here..
we`are thick as theives
my friends...
as i jump into that pick up truck
....................
with my bottles of sedatives to sleep
i will be ready to be
singing bunko buckaroo
....
this new record
is my best one ever...
finally 18 recordings that
give me justice....
this is exciting....
but so be it....
nothing is ever perfect..
i am perfect at being imperfect...
now i am a ramblen gal
with a guitar...
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxx
April 25, 2007 - Wednesday
too much
this is too much
i have finally did it
hog tied
and down under
perhaps this is the way
it always has been
i want to be so much more
i wanted so much more now
just a card board box
with my name on it
i just cant stop
i wish i could
burn the wooden horse thing on fire
but with out a horse i have no transportation
i cant communicate
any other way
not any other way
lets face it
iam got at locking myself
out
and i just dont have those skills anymore
i just dont
what have i done..
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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April 6, 2008 - Sunday
so this is how it go's
fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!
wo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow!!!!!!!!!!!!
7:02 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
ummm
lHello this is Izzy Cox
I will be doing a westcoast tour
with some pals...
http://www.myspace.com/izzycox
http://www.myspace.com/whittonacoustic
http://www.daveberrymusic
I will promoteing my new records...
"love letter from the electric chair"
"Killing my own kind"
Looking for some help in playing some states...
looking to play living rooms, nightclubs, art gallerys, coffeeshops, social clubs, bar b que s, open up for acts...................
May 5th - Sat. ~ San Fran. â€" night gig
May 8th - Tues. ~ San Fran - night gig
May 15th - Tues. ~ Eugene, OR night gig
May 16th - Wed. ~ Eugene, OR night gig
May 19th - Fri. ~ Portland, OR late night gig
May 20th - Sat. ~ Seattle or Olympia all day and night
May 21st- Sun. ~ Seattle or Olympia all day and night
May 22nd - Mon. ~ Seattle or Olympia or Portland
all day and night
May 25th - Fri. ~ Salt Lake City, UT all day and night
May 26th - Sat. ~ Salt Lake City, UT all day and night
May 27. Sun. Inbetween saltlake or Las Vagas
May 28. Mon. Inbetween saltlake or Las vagas
May 30th - Wed. - Las Vegas all day and night
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo
hope you can help...
Sincerely
Izzy Cox
Am I the only woman?
writing about murder, mayhem, sports of nature and serial killers?
Hello.
My name is Izzy Cox
I have been putting records out
since 1994-2007 .
It sounds like a bad seed resulting
from an unholy union
underneath the dinner table of
Billie Holiday and
Tom Waits entertaining Wanda Jackson
on Sun Ra's home planet..
Originally from montreal and was
part of a unique musical community
bands...The Stars, Godspeed! you black ..
The Dears, Rufus & Martha Wainwright..
Arcade of fire, Bloodshot Bill,Tricky Woo..
Anyway I moved to los angeles
five years ago..
I have continued to put out a bunch of records
And play two to three times a week..
I have recently opened up for
Wayne Hancock, Jr Brown
Jack White, Candye Kane,
Big Sandy and the Fly Rite boys,
Soda and his million piece band
and count among my fans along
with Rick Rubin who apparently digs my
stripped down sound from my
live appearances on college radio stations.
I am planning a tour
and would like to play
your venue, wedding, death march, living room, recording studio..
I have remained 100% Diy
and am approaching the business
in a very hands on approach..
I have never met a woman or man
I did not like..
Love Always
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooooo
Izzy Cox
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April 2, 2007 - Monday
looking for shows
Hello we are a couple of songwriter and singers ..from Las Vagas/ Hollywood. Ca / Montreal Canada...
We are going on tour together and would like to
know if you could recommend anyplaces to play for these date...
May 18 - 22
we will be around seattle..
we are open to play cafes, nightclubs, housepartys
craft sales, book shops, farmers markets......
Http://www.myspace.com/izzycox
(1920's femme flapper meets tom waits)
Http://www.myspace.com/whittonacoustic
(dirt folk with a touch of honey)
Http://www.myspace.com/daveberrymusic
(Roots acoustic, jack johnston ish)
thank you sincerely
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Izzy Cox & Whitton & Dave Berry
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March 28, 2008 - Friday
i love
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
i love (black thick smoke)the way
you (green grass eyes)
me smile
i love (pipes with ships on them)
the way
you pick (soft soft gloves)
throw
me
in the air
like a box (oak tinder box)
of toothpicks
i love ( a barnicle)
ways
i lie down
you hold (vice grips)
it all
every
every god
damn moment
flicker of an eye (bloodshot)
never a complaint
too bad
its burning
iam starting to itch (1000's of red ants biteing )
love
everything a have
......no regrets
this thing
love (a ball).......
the problem
it is.........
cant
stop
wanting
to stab it in the heart (pumping jimmy the cricket)
with a switch knife
not a wrist band (#547736)
you
mutter in my ear
i just want to fuck it so hard...(too hard , )
i whisper back
ya like when
you stab that thing
in my leg (brown liquid, and cotton balls)
and off to heaven we go (nirvana: coming close to death)
the hand cuffs
(silver steel)
the rope
(hog tied)
hanging upside
down
(like a bat )
the blood..
flowing to my head (rosey rosey cheeks)
bleeding
(red like ink)
is this love...
just hit me harder
(flogging: to hit bottom with a cutting board)
tie me then...
hours go by........
(i awoke on a pile of hay stacks )
then we (him and I, I and him)
wait for someone
to buzz us in...
(we sneak in, no cameras)
this abandon
warehouse
the rat dropping
are everywhere..
the pipes sound like a nursery of thousands of babys in box's)
i think iam creeped (tingleing down my back)
out...
so i
creep away..
(its all black: a blackout when in total fear)
and hopped into a cab...
i love new york (relief)
for this very very very reason.....
its not everyday
you get away
from a serial murder...
(i saw his face in the paper years ago, and felt very very very lucky to be alive)
6:13 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
March 18, 2007 - Sunday
cool pic w updates
..>..>..> ..>
03/24/2007 07:00 PM - safari sams *dinner club show*
7-8:30 pm before Wayne Hancock
5212 w sunset, hollywood, California 90029 - n/a
Cost: free
..>..>..> ..>
03/28/2007 11:00 PM - Molly Mahones ***with 8 mill
fairfax, west hollywood, California 90029 - 7
molly mahones los angeles, California 90029 US
..>..>..> ..>
03/29/2007 08:00 PM - continental club *********Car show event************
1315 s congress ave, austin, Tennessee 78704 - n/a
1315 S Congress Ave. Austin, Texas 78704 US Cost: n/a
..>..>..> ..>
04/07/2007 08:00 PM - las vagas ***Rob ZZZZZZZZZ girls from venus********
, las vagas, Nevada - na
..>..>..> ..>
04/13/2007 08:00 PM - Old Town Pub Pasadena **Robbers graveshow***
66 n fair oaks ave, pasadena, California 91103 - n/a
Description: Trophy Girl at The Old Towne Pub w/ Izzy Cox! 66 N. Fair Oaks Ave., Pasadena, California 91103 Cost :
..>..>..> ..>
04/18/2007 08:00 PM - The knitting factory
7021 hollywood blvd, hollywood, California 90028 - n/a
7021 Hollywood blvd hollywood, CA 90028
9:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
March 18, 2008 - Tuesday
cool pictures
Category: Art and Photography
..> ..>
03/24/2007 07:00 PM - safari sams *dinner club show*
7-8:30 pm before Wayne Hancock
5212 w sunset, hollywood, California 90029 - n/a
Cost: free
..> ..>
03/28/2007 11:00 PM - Molly Mahones ***with 8 mill
fairfax, west hollywood, California 90029 - 7
molly mahones los angeles, California 90029 US
..> ..>
03/29/2007 08:00 PM - continental club *********Car show event************
1315 s congress ave, austin, Tennessee 78704 - n/a
1315 S Congress Ave. Austin, Texas 78704 US Cost: n/a
..> ..>
04/07/2007 08:00 PM - las vagas ***Rob ZZZZZZZZZ girls from venus********
, las vagas, Nevada - na
..> ..>
04/13/2007 08:00 PM - Old Town Pub Pasadena **Robbers graveshow***
66 n fair oaks ave, pasadena, California 91103 - n/a
Description: Trophy Girl at The Old Towne Pub w/ Izzy Cox! 66 N. Fair Oaks Ave., Pasadena, California 91103 Cost :
..> ..>
04/18/2007 08:00 PM - The knitting factory
7021 hollywood blvd, hollywood, California 90028 - n/a
7021 Hollywood blvd hollywood, CA 90028
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March 16, 2008 - Sunday
this is it folks.............getting it together........
getting it together
you bet ya......
thats it........
i am making the biggest bet on the table....
and my hand is a winner...........
if i do this right.......
you will surely be proud!!!!!!!!!!
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxo
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March 11, 2008 - Tuesday
who knows what the future holds......
Category: Blogging
who knows what the future holds......
but i can tell you
its great!!!!!!!
8:26 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
what ever.forget about it...move on......
Category: Art and Photography
what ever................
forget about it.......
move on................
thats what
they say
to do...................
what ever.....
forget about it........
move on............
March 8, 2008 - Saturday
made up story...fiction...lips move but the lips are still stiched up...
..> ..>
did i did DID i
have to be such a little little girl.........
a little little bitch
i can be....
i was begging...
Kicked me in the head with his spike toe boots..
but he missed i was too fast for him...
and that sam the
hook would kick any girl in the face
that was out of line...
but not i ...
because i have always known and will always know when i am out of place...
but not in here
with voodoo alters
on the ledges..
shrunken heads
on the bed post tables and chairs...
and the ever flowing smell of opium pipes and moonshine...
i love this place...
i have always hiden here...
right there table 54..
i have each and every troblesome story carved under the oakwood table..
Who is sam...
sam is the ass who comes inbetween me and everyone he is forever 21
but the blood on his fists are always bleeding...
and he has a hook arm...
that was once
and the last time
he ever really attempted to hurt me...
it was a lovers spat..
it gives me a headache just thinking about it...
but the truth must be told...
On january 1 1980
we where at a pool hall..my dad would drop me off , cheaper than a baby sitter...
well sam was my first boyfriend...
and really my only
one...
i taught my self how to ride a bike
in the alley... and that when i almost ran sam over...
he was five too...
well he enjoyed lighting fires well...
we liked lighting fires....
and one day
we thaught it would be cool to light my dads ford pickup truck on fire...
and so we did while he was hustleing the pool table..
well thats when he lost his arm and thats when my face became deformed...
i have never had a complex about my face...
to be continued.................
..> ..>
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made up story...fiction...lips move but the lips are still stiched up...
..> ..>
did i did DID i
have to be such a little little girl.........
a little little bitch
i can be....
i was begging...
Kicked me in the head with his spike toe boots..
but he missed i was too fast for him...
and that sam the
hook would kick any girl in the face
that was out of line...
but not i ...
because i have always known and will always know when i am out of place...
but not in here
with voodoo alters
on the ledges..
shrunken heads
on the bed post tables and chairs...
and the ever flowing smell of opium pipes and moonshine...
i love this place...
i have always hiden here...
right there table 54..
i have each and every troblesome story carved under the oakwood table..
Who is sam...
sam is the ass who comes inbetween me and everyone he is forever 21
but the blood on his fists are always bleeding...
and he has a hook arm...
that was once
and the last time
he ever really attempted to hurt me...
it was a lovers spat..
it gives me a headache just thinking about it...
but the truth must be told...
On january 1 1980
we where at a pool hall..my dad would drop me off , cheaper than a baby sitter...
well sam was my first boyfriend...
and really my only
one...
i taught my self how to ride a bike
in the alley... and that when i almost ran sam over...
he was five too...
well he enjoyed lighting fires well...
we liked lighting fires....
and one day
we thaught it would be cool to light my dads ford pickup truck on fire...
and so we did while he was hustleing the pool table..
well thats when he lost his arm and thats when my face became deformed...
i have never had a complex about my face...
to be continued.................
..> ..>
9:13 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
March 3, 2008 - Monday
a made up story...fiction.....called hello walls......
Category: Travel and Places
it was so pretty
this little flower
mounted on a cactus
on the ledge
of the hills
of the new mexico border town..........
the banjo sitting on the
skeleton........
there was a mass
in the little catholic
church
people dressed in black
crying they where
sad or at least showing
their tears trying to prove something...
but the casket
was held by bands
of woman
how ironic
how different
how i wished i had
been one of those woman...
so strong..so pretty..
it was sad to say good bye...........
i did know the deceased....
in this tiny
new mexico
town............
the mules
they where mules...
not woman...
i guess i was not far
off...
i am a mule..
i suppose i have been
to some...
i kissed his face
as my tears
changed the texture
on the embolished
skin...
like a cow hide..
like a cow hide........
i love the texture
of cow hide...
it made my lips burn..
my eyes turned
a jade like green
and a aqua crayola
childrens crayon...
my processed bleach blond
hair got caught underneath
his crown of thorns...
and my face started
dripping blood on his face....
it was sad...
but i had to run...
i had a plane to catch..
a horse to ride...
a train to hide in...
because the angry mob
would be after me...
in this tradition
if you bleed
on a corpse
it is the upmost disgrace...
they will kill
you for lesser things....
this is the town in
where dwells
my ancestors...........
the scorpions...
and the diamond back snakes...............
the roadrunners..........
and the mules........................................
forgive me.........
i dont know how to write very well.
i never graduated
elementary school...
so i am kind of dumb...
ambitious
and fair....
often mistaken
as crazy...
back to how i got out
of that place....
and why i ended up there...
well i have often found
my self in situations
that i have enjoyed
and presumed
my presence was equally
enjoyed....
but like the
story
of my beginning
i am always supprised
when a judgement
is placed on me...
but i understand it...
truely....
bank robbers...
hinch men..
texas rangers...
brothels ..
hairess's...
handmaids to far away
lands...
this is my blood.......
and when i kissed him
good bye...
and cut my face
it was not ironic...
that he had a fucken barbed wire crown of thorns...
how martyer of him...
he always thaught
he was better.........
but what was i
just a long line of mules...
lucky i have always
been..
a keen sense of when
to move...
and the clock was striking
3 oclock
i had the money
in my pocket
a bandage covering my forehead..
and his key...
in my bra...
finally i was going to get mine...........
it was owed...
that was our deal...
for all the times
i risked my life
for the idea of what i thaught love was..
he was finally going to let me have my own ...
now he was a man of tricks...
and how i escaped
all the others he had promised,,
that in a split second would of sliced my head clean off with out hesitation...
i had the map tatooed
to the bottom of my foot...
i remember that day..
i was 7 years old...
anyway.
to cut a long very long
redundant story...
dont trust
what you know
is right in front of you..
everthing has its price...
and i guess i got
a really big debt...
cause it just does
not get easier...
and i just keep
running, cause i always always
never stand up for my self...
why should i...........
I owe no one anything
and no one owes me anything.........
but i sure wish
the noose burns
would go away......
..............................
i love everything
and everyone
anyway....
because
i just refuse to join them...
and who ever they are...
they dont pay my rent......
7:11 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
show details.........
Category: Music
..>..>..> ..>
03/05/2007 09:00 PM - the gig playing with killing casanova [Edit] [Cancel]
7302 melrose
hollywood, California 90036
US
Cost: 5$ w/ flyer
..> ..> ..>..>
03/24/2007 07:00 PM - safari sams *dinner club show*7-8:30 pm before Wayne Hancock [Edit] [Cancel]
5212 w sunset
hollywood, California 90029
US
Cost: n/a
Description: 5212 W sunset los angeles, 90029 US Cost: free
..> ..> ..>..>
03/28/2007 11:00 PM - Molly Mahones ***with 8 mill [Edit] [Cancel]
fairfax
west hollywood, California 90029
US
Cost: 7
Description: molly mahones los angeles, California 90029 US
..> ..> ..>..>
03/29/2007 08:00 PM - continental club *********Car show event************ [Edit] [Cancel]
1315 s congress ave
austin, Tennessee 78704
US
Cost: n/a
Description: 1315 S Congress Ave. Austin, Texas 78704 US Cost: n/a
..> ..> ..>..>
04/07/2007 08:00 PM - las vagas ***Rob ZZZZZZZZZ girls from venus******** [Edit] [Cancel]
las vagas, Nevada
US
Cost: na
..> ..> ..>..>
04/13/2007 08:00 PM - Old Town Pub Pasadena **Robbers graveshow*** [Edit] [Cancel]
66 n fair oaks ave
pasadena, California 91103
US
Cost: n/a
Description: Description: Trophy Girl at The Old Towne Pub w/ Izzy Cox! 66 N. Fair Oaks Ave., Pasadena, California 91103 Cost :
..> ..> ..>..>
05/03/2007 08:00 PM - may 3 - may 31 **west coast tour with Miss whitton and dave berry [Edit] [Cancel]
LOS ANGELES, 90029
US
Cost: N/A
Description: May 2 2007 8:00P West coast tour w/ IZZY COX & DAVE BERRY . . west coast . . May 3 2007 5:00P TBA Soquel, California May 4 2007 5:00P The First Fridays Art Walk Salinas, California May 7 2007 8:00P TBA Santa Cruz, California May 8 2007 9:00P TBA San Francisco, California May 9 2007 8:00P TBA Berkeley, California May 11 2007 5:00P ~ cathARTic ~ w/ Jahzilla, Pufferbilly, Mark Sexton, Grace Reno, Nevada May 12 2007 8:00P Walden 's - w/ Dave Berry Reno, Nevada May 16 2007 8:00P TBA Eugene, Oregon May 18 2007 8:00P TBA Portland, Oregon May 19 2007 8:00P TBA Olympia, Washington May 23 2007 11:00A Town Square Vacaville, California May 24 2007 8:00P TBA Chico, California May 24 2007 8:00P Sierra Hot Springs Sierraville, California May 31 2007 8:00P TBA Las Vegas, Nevada
7:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 24, 2008 - Sunday
special musical reunion show ******arizona****
..http://a708.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/57/l_9e27da686a97f7e8fa2b575b6d3f5e43.gif">
12:36 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 18, 2008 - Monday
this tour is fantastic...
Category: Blogging
this tour is fantastic...
el paso*great
austin* great
the drive was and is breath takeing....
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
5:03 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 16, 2008 - Saturday
ITS ALL GOOD, good going GONE................NEW TIRES...
ITS ALL GOOD
GOOD
GOING GOING GONE................
JUST WAITING FOR NEW TIRES...
on this car..
planes..
trains
and grayhound bus's......
two weeks
fun fun fun.........
..............................................
your going to like it...
its new...
its different.....
cactus
and bones
and love in my heart
who could ask for anything more
right..................
sure staying here
staying there
............................
see you on the other side
cause iam going on the
highway to hell...........
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
12:18 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 9, 2008 - Saturday
Its been 25 years since i have gone home...
Category: Life
Its been 25 years
since i have been
to a great big piece
of my heart..
called texas....
I just found out
i have three uncles
not two.
and a whole bunch of
relatives...
I miss those nights
i miss the termite
hills...
the land you can see
for miles and miles..
the horney toads..
with those cute little punk rock spikes..
where jesus christ
is a good guy...
a devoted and simple
but yet hard working life..
i sure hope one of them
come out to see me play...
a little scary but is not home always a little...
the accents are just
wonderful..iam not a little hard of hearing but its kind of hard to understand..
but when i hear it
i just cry...
it reminds me lemonade , watermellons
and bar b ques...
i guess i am going to the only place
when i was little that people loved me and treated me real nice...
25 years ago i was loved by what some people call family...
and i sure am grateful
they are just willing to open the door alittle...
and for that i am grateful...
xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
life can be o.k
sometimes..
and god knows
that can tear me up
cause it reminds me
of all the kindness
i have not always had....
oh ya
one of my favorite
animals
armadillos and road runners ...............
iam excited
hope i dont get shot
and hope i dont affend anyone...
xoxoxxoxo
4:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 3, 2008 - Sunday
hello a dramatic poem
hello
hello
wont you
see the sea
once and a while
my lovely
my dear
my one and only
under the ground
you lay
but everyday
you are beside me
and my bones rattle
the earth
the snakes
shed their winter coats
the rats build their nests
the vultures
just gave birth
the babys
are scwealing
or are they singing
everything
is fine
in this den
in this den
in this den
is this it then
is this it then
is this it then
how did it begin
all i know is how it ended
you in my arms
blood drenched
and cold
you had a smile on your face
and i suppose
that was the way to go
they never did catch
him
they never did
but i will one day
i still wonder why he spared my life....
12:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 29, 2008 - Tuesday
its a rock
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
its a rock
being thrown
over and over
crimson
and clover
its a sling blade
cutting threw
my guts
its a device
i just
cant afford
over and over
stone
cold
hangover
stand over
no where
to run
no where to hide
throwing stones
lets all get stoned
they
we where
hey
later
January 2, 2008 - Wednesday
fu k ing al l the ti me............
Category: Writing and Poetry
fu k e ck ing
al l l l t he
ti me
th a that st at
is wh a eht
i do o oooooo
th at ththththth
is ssssssssssssssssuuuuuuu
wher e
my he he head
g o es too
bad ba baaaaaaaaa
ba ba ba ababbababa
ddddddddddddddd
giiiiiiiiiiii
rrrrrrrrrrrrr
llllllllllllllllllllllllll
i am amamamamama
w hy hy high gi high
u r
your you are yo
uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
pppppppppppppppppps
ssssssssssssss
TASTE
TASTE
LIKE
SUGER
SUGAR
SUGER
SUCRE
SUCRE
CHOPPED
UP
SPINAGE
SPIN AGE
SPIN AGE
SAND WICHES
SAND WICHES
PRETTY
SO LUCKYSO LUCKY
SO LUCKYSO LUCKY am
i am i am i
lucky so lucky
i am iam iam
so lucky
so are you
are you
r u
where r u
where are you
happy
happy
am i
finally
fin
the end
the end
THE END
OF A BAD
OF A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
BAD BAD
THE END
OF A BAD TIME.......................
IT THE END OF THAT TIME
HE GRABBED
HE GRABBED
MY HAIR
AND DID
TERRIBLY
TERRIBLE
THINGS
LIKE MILLIONS
OF KISSES
KISSES
UP AND DOWN MY ARM
............................................................
THERE ARE TOO MANY
SCARS
NEVER TOO MANY I SAY
HE SAID
THERE ARE TOO MANY
SCARS
I WONT BE ABLE TO
TOO KISS THEM ALL TONIGHT....
THE MOON WAS BRIGHT
AND A FAMILY OF RACOONS
RAN UP AND DOWN
THAT PALM TREE...
IT FEELS REALLY GOOD
TO BE BACK..............
IT FEELS REALLY GOOD
TO BE HELD AND LOVED THAT
WAY...........................
ITS BEEN
ITS BEEN
IT HAS BEEN
A REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLYreally
really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya really!!!!!!!!!!!!
i konw you dont believe me
but be leave me
me my friends
............................
its never to late
to remember
re meme bar ber
barber
whom you are
.........................
it has been
222222222222222222
long
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
knnnnnnnnnnnn
ooooooooooooo
wwwwwwwwwwwwww
.................................
even if the sun
does not come up tommorow
..............................
i will forever
be branded
pierced
hooked tattoed
cut in
to my heart..........
and i can not
will not
for get me not
for give me not
for get me not
for ever not
forgetful not
forgeing hot
ot
hot hot hot
tros troes
tro throws
throws
throw rug
what the fuck
what the fuck what the fuck
fuc what the fuck what fuck
the lili pad
has opened
the lands of thiland
thight land
tie land land lands of ties
...............................
i aborded aboarded
board a borted
this boat lang ago.......
long ago.........
never
NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER AGAIN...........
WILL I SMOKE PCP
WITH YOU,,,,,,,,,,,,
I THINK I THAUGHT
I WAS LOSEING
LOST LOSE
LOOP LOOP LOO[
90838753875
*&^&^%^%*$%$
&^&^%^%$%$#
*&^*^%^%$
&^%^%$^%$
EVERY TIME
I PEE I THINK OF YOU............
AHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAH
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XOXOXOXOXOXO
XOXOXOXOXXOXO
XOXOXOXOXOXO
TIC TAC TOE
TIC TAC TOE
TOE TAC TIC
TIC TIC TIC
TOCK THE
MOUSE RUNS UP THE
CLOCK...........
TIC TOK
TIC TOCK
THATS THE SOUND
OF YOUR BEATING HEART.............
...............................
9:45 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 5, 2008 - Saturday
nothing else matters******
Category: Travel and Places
I would say nothing else matters
nothing i tell you
NOTHING
else matters
nothing
I tell
you....
my peace
my piece
my fee
to life
nothing
else
will ever
ever never
ever never
ever
come in between
my peace
piece
peace
of mind
3333
1111
4444
2222
but mostly
3333
i like that
you like that
alarm clocks
bumper cars
watch towers
grand daddy
clocks
the smell
of crimson
and clover
over and
over
over and over
i know you
understand
not to
under estemate
estamate
estemate
estamate
estimate
never under estimate
the way
i
i
you
i
we
they
where
nous
vous
mi
si
moi meme
me also
qui
who
qui
who
your really
really
sweet
sweet sweet smell good
delicious tasty perfume
l'air du temps
ta elle et tres jolie
el et tres tres tremendously
fantastic ........
fanatstic.............
never before never
NEVER BEFORE
DID I GET TOUCHED
TOUCHED
TOUCHED
TOUCHED
CARESSE
CAR REST
CARE & REST
REST & CARE
MY HAIRS
MY HAIR
MY HAIR
my hair
my hair
my hair stands up
when i think of that moment,
behind the yellow brick veranda
infront of the tomb
of vincent
behind the urn
of isis
is is is is is is sis si sis i
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shu!!!!!!!!
shut up!!!!!!!!!!
cross my fingers
cross my toes
crossing my fingers
and toes
please dont go away
please dont ever go away
so far we cant be friends..........
because
i love you
unconditionally
un condistion un constutionally
un condition ly
le lay le lay
on off
never alway
always
right there
you are
in my heart......
thank you
thank you
thank you
from the very bottom
of my jadded
jaded heart
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooooooo
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooooooooooo
XOXOXOXXOXOXO
XOXOXOXOXOXOXXO
1232
12222222
333333333333333333
222222222222222222
THIS IS A POEM
I AM NOT CRAZY
HE WHISPERED
IN MY EAR
I WILL CUT YOUR THROUGHT
EARS
AND MOUTH
AND I SAID
NOT IF I DO
IT FIRST
............................
9:25 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
March 9, 2007 - Friday
Time can change all things
Category: Life
TIME CAN CHANGE ALL THINGS
there was a time
i was strong and screamed
very loud
i was not polite
angry and forth right
the louder i got
the doors slammed
and the hatchets
came out of
peoples
mouths
I cowardly drew within
and invited them in
there was a time
till it got kicked
out
again
drunken stoopers
and formulated jives
i strived
but with in
but that time
has passed
and the new dawn of a day
has reignited
and the phenix
has risen
nothing to loose
ive moved out and lit it all on fire
I thaught to return
retreat
once again
but then i kissed
those lips
i retraced my steps
and never again
will i not
light this house on fie..
and when the hatchets
come down an how
they do
i will point the finger back
and say dont
try to steal
this fire....
or just punch them in the
head like i used to do...
this is my life
and i will do
what i want to do...
quiet
shuuuuu
for way too long
did not get
this far to
drown in all my sorrows...
good thing they have
wings
and with a beat of the
drum
i can kick and scream
every is my birthday
and i will do what i want to do....
hahahahahahah
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
1:03 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 4, 2008 - Friday
Just seeing the clowns and skulls in the clouds
Category: Music
just seeing the
clowns ans skulls
in the clouds...
sitting with my legs
in cement...
chains
to the blocks...
its just seemly
anthropy..
trying to find
a place to rest
my head..
this might be the
time..
to rob that train
car and blow my horn.
abandoned
by love and
abandonded
community again
and again...
musical
bandit..
musical outcast..
set aside..
looked over..
not valid..
detained
by stupid
rules and obligations..
tribulations...
the truths
just not
good enough for most folks..
just not good enough for a handful of you.
just not but i dont care..
no not i.
i will servive..
dispite all adversity..
i will.
i have..
i am...
the clouds
warned me..
they always do
under that moon..
the jaded blue
halo
around
the eye..
snakes and swords..
needles and cotton..
gods liquid pollen
into this glass..
sugarcubes..
and silver spoons..
velvet bags..
gold thread..
stiching
fate or destiny...
its all the same..
it is...
how are you today..
how are today...
how is it today
already...
working...
dieing..
very very very slowly...
heaven is a place for
people who have never been to hell.
i love anyway.
i love today..
i loved yesterday..
i love...
its o.k
xoxoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoxo
xoxoxoxoxoo
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
10:11 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 29, 2007 - Monday
my wooden horse is painted green.
Category: Life
my wooden horse is green.
the paint is crackleing
for time had aged
it still.
the sand
the wind
the rain
has eaten away
at the oak
and the maple wheels
golden shanks
ans golden shoes
and iron nails...
cement blocks
and marble
filled bags..
this is the wall.
this is the hole in whick i have
digged my self for.
no where to run,
no where to turn.
not one person I can lean on.
the floors are broken
and now when i fall
i just open all the cuts
all over again
so they dont even heal.
everyday
the rains pours
down
harder
and that is all
that happens.
I pray for an
oasis
i pray for safe
shelter
I pray for
a place to rest.
but this is the end
my friend
.
no one cares.
and now i
wish i understood
that to be cared for
is the same as caring
but since that has
never happened to me
how will i ever know
how to care for my self.
god knows ive tryed
i try all the time
but nothing i do works
but things are things
people are people
places are places
and i can no longer
know which road
iam walking on
because all the street
lights are burnt out.
I must thank him
for taking that knife
and sticking it so
hard in my heart,
it came right out my back.
well all i can do
is write a song about it
but no ones wants
to hear it,,,
cause if they did
i would not be here.
writing this blog.......
6:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 23, 2006 - Saturday
soooooooooooo..........
soooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
its crazy
it never fails
.......................
again it just gets
low low low
low low low
down.........
.....................
there go's
the line....
there go's
the $$$$$$$$$$
there's go's
my peeps......
there go's
my luck......
all out the door.....
but at least
i still got a thumb...
just in time.......
to put..........
the lights....
on and turn
up that heat!!!
.........................
there it all go's.........
...........................
that fucken hell
of a year!!!!
it ONLY GETS
better...
cause.....
well?????????????
i am begging
and pleading
on my knees
.......................
please......
2007
may it be fantastic......
and may i get rid
of all those dead
birds with my hair
off my porch....
thank you.........
8:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 23, 2007 - Sunday
Happy Holidays..........
Category: MySpace
Dear Friends, Fans, and Peers...........
Happy Holidays and a Have a Fantastic New Year!!
love always
and thank you..
J'taime
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
oooooooooooo
Izzy Cox
8:09 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 20, 2006 - Wednesday
Happy Holidays
http://www.minutecity.com" title=" Friendster Graphics">..http://www.minutecity.com/images-for-myspace/animation2/horror/horror_2.gif" />
http://www.minutecity.com" title=" Friendster Graphics" target="_blank"> Friendster Graphics
happy holidays
and a great new year!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooooooooo
Izzy cox
12:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 17, 2007 - Monday
Coupe du ville 2,**** burlesque, voodoobilly, pin ups,***
2:36 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 17, 2006 - Sunday
Coupe du ville 2,**** burlesque, voodoobilly, pin ups,***
December 16, 2007 - Sunday
UPDATED BIO FOR PRESS, CLUBS, MANAGERS, WEDDING PLANNERS..
Izzy Cox ........is an anarchist crooner
she has coined the style Voodoobilly
Jazz as her own;
Influenced by old movie soundtracks,
Old time bar room blues and country singers.
Her lyrics are like diary entries..
Stories of serial killers, buckaroo cowboys,
snake handlers and sports of nature .
She had a unusual childhood, for the
formative years of her life she would
live part of her years in rural texas, and
then in french canadian montreal.
Throughout her moving around she was
part of a religious organization where
she played in marching bands.
At the age of twelve she found
the traveling bug, she lived and worked
in horse racing tracks, traveled with circuses
and took part of many early punk rock mosh pits..
All by the age of sixteen..
At sixteen she released her
first two tape track recordings..
And has never turned back..
Till she was 27 years she was involved with a
leading and progressive musical movement
in montreal putting out 10 records and
playing 4-6 night a week... and her peers
consisted of ..Godspeed! you black..,
Rufus and Martha Wainwright, Arcade of fire,
The Dears, The unicorns..basically the top 20
of independent music today..
After a 15 year career in the East Coast
She caught a Greyhound to Hollywood
California...
At a backyard vegan barbeque hootenanny in
silverlake, she met guitar player Billy Pitman, who, up to
that time had played with pretty much everybody he would
want to (Jimmie Vaughan, Hubert Sumlin, Janis
Martin, Gatemouth Brown, LouAnn Barton, Billy Gibbons,
Brian from KIX, Rev. Horton Heat, Eric Clapton,
and the list goes on)except for Izzy after
seeing her solo set.
After only five years she put out four albums
and has opened up for and counts among her peers
Wayne Hancock, Jr Brown,Jack White, Candye Kane,
Big Sandy and the Fly Rite boys,Devil Doll and
Soda and his million piece band,The Jim Rose Circus,
and counts among her fans Todd the Surfer,
Gene Autry and
Rick Rubin who apparently dug her
stripped down sound from live
appearances on college radio stations.
She is planning a tour
and would like to play
your venue, wedding, house party, death march etc....
And here as a few words from
Izzy Cox..
"I have never met a woman or
man I did not like..
I may be a woman of not
many words,
but I am a woman of many songs.."
Thank you
Sincerely
XXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOOOO
Izzy Cox
Please enjoy this
Press package!!!
2:23 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
UPDATED BIO FOR PRESS, CLUBS, MANAGERS, WEDDING PLANNERS..
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Izzy Cox ........is an anarchist crooner
she has coined the style Voodoobilly
Jazz as her own;
Influenced by old movie soundtracks,
Old time bar room blues and country singers.
Her lyrics are like diary entries..
Stories of serial killers, buckaroo cowboys,
snake handlers and sports of nature .
She had a unusual childhood, for the
formative years of her life she would
live part of her years in rural texas, and
then in french canadian montreal.
Throughout her moving around she was
part of a religious organization where
she played in marching bands.
At the age of twelve she found
the traveling bug, she lived and worked
in horse racing tracks, traveled with circuses
and took part of many early punk rock mosh pits..
All by the age of sixteen..
At sixteen she released her
first two tape track recordings..
And has never turned back..
Till she was 27 years she was involved with a
leading and progressive musical movement
in montreal putting out 10 records and
playing 4-6 night a week... and her peers
consisted of ..Godspeed! you black..,
Rufus and Martha Wainwright, Arcade of fire,
The Dears, The unicorns..basically the top 20
of independent music today..
After a 15 year career in the East Coast
She caught a Greyhound to Hollywood
California...
At a backyard vegan barbeque hootenanny in
silverlake, she met guitar player Billy Pitman, who, up to
that time had played with pretty much everybody he would
want to (Jimmie Vaughan, Hubert Sumlin, Janis
Martin, Gatemouth Brown, LouAnn Barton, Billy Gibbons,
Brian from KIX, Rev. Horton Heat, Eric Clapton,
and the list goes on)except for Izzy after
seeing her solo set.
After only five years she put out four albums
and has opened up for and counts among her peers
Wayne Hancock, Jr Brown,Jack White, Candye Kane,
Big Sandy and the Fly Rite boys,Devil Doll and
Soda and his million piece band,The Jim Rose Circus,
and counts among her fans Todd the Surfer,
Gene Autry and
Rick Rubin who apparently dug her
stripped down sound from live
appearances on college radio stations.
She is planning a tour
and would like to play
your venue, wedding, house party, death march etc....
And here as a few words from
Izzy Cox..
"I have never met a woman or
man I did not like..
I may be a woman of not
many words,
but I am a woman of many songs.."
Thank you
Sincerely
XXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOOOO
Izzy Cox
Please enjoy this
Press package!!!
2:23 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 16, 2006 - Saturday
Booking a tour is very very hard....too bad my old manager became a sailor..
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Dear Folks,
After being in the business
for coming on thirteen years.
Yes puting multiple recordings
out for 13 years.....
It is so hard, its really really
too bad my old manager
became a sailor......
Thank goodness
for my band.
Thank goodness
for the music,,,,,
thank goodness
for all the folks
that believe in my music.....
Did you know?
I have never gotten
a bad review..
not once.
crazy..
but I will get this
done..
And I will tour..
and god knows
why?
cause I know and you know
I am a true original..
and after 200 songs written.
and after thousandsof hundreds of shows, well
I have got nothing to lose.
Thank you.
Sincerely
xxxxxxxxxx
oooooooooo
Izzy Cox
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January 13, 2007 - Saturday
thank you for all the support, it means alot
thank you so much
for all the support
it means alot to me
thank you
one and everyone of you
thats why I keep
writing the songs
to make you all
smile laugh cry and
beleive in your selves..
11:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 12, 2006 - Thursday
thank you for all the support, it means alot
thank you so much
for all the support
it means alot to me
thank you
one and everyone of you
thats why I keep
writing the songs
to make you all
smile laugh cry and
beleive in your selves..
10:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 11, 2007 - Tuesday
I surely have got to jump on a train and hurry
I surely have got to
jump on a train and hurry
but i sure like
the romote
surrondings
I just saw
a roadrunner
she sure was pretty
she fought that
rattlesnake
with those long
nails of hers
wow
God knows
when iam done
going where
I got to go
I will lie here
for hours
and stare into
that black night sky
and watch those
stars
till I draw my very very
last breath..
1:12 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 12, 2007 - Friday
honored very honored..
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
honored very honored
to be so misunderstood
but thats just makes
all the sense in the world
dont it?
8:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
honored very honored..
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
honored very honored
to be so misunderstood
but thats just makes
all the sense in the world
dont it?
8:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 10, 2007 - Wednesday
boy you make me feel good like you know you would
Category: Friends
boy you make me feel
good like you know you would
i was so down down
so low low low
them boys where
kicking me down when
i was on the ground
but no not you
not any time
you where there
when I needed
a friend the most
and everytime
you are around
you make me feel
so good good good
and you know you
do
make me feel good
when iam down down down
and low low low.
12:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 7, 2007 - Sunday
boy you make me feel good like you know you should
Category: Friends
I was feeling
so sad
I was feeling
so bad
I was so
so down down
low
and about to
die
and each and
every time
when i was
low
you made me feel
good
you made me
smile
when i was ready
to check out
and go
boy oh boy
it was so good
to hear your voice
you always make me
feel good
always make me
feel good
when i was down
down down
all the boys where
kicking me down
but not you
not you
you made me smile
and feel good.
You make me
feel good like
you know you should.
I hope one day
I can repay
the way you made me feel.
wiped my tears
held me close
when i was
falling
on to the ground
and loosing all my teeth.
boy you where there
each and everytime.
and you always make
me feel like good
because you can
and that makes me feel good.
so if you ever are down
low low low
down down down
you can count on me
like you know you should.
January 8, 2007 - Monday
waiting for the bus, waiting for the line, waiting for the day to end, waiting
Category: Life
waiting for the bus,
to clock in
waiting to clock out
for the door
to shut
waiting for the phonecall
waiting for the o.k
to get on with my life....
waiting to hear iam just not
good enough
waiting to hear I was last
to know
cause i was born to wait..
born to wait upon
born to wait upon awakeing
awaking to wait
sleeping to wait
wait to be sleeping
why cant this day
end
soon
enough
as i wait
for the lids
to close
down shut
lke a
fridge door
closing
.
.
i am waiting for
the pain to subside
i am waiting to be
o.k
for it to be o.k
that i am just waiting
waiting for nothing
at all.
that all this time
was not worth waiting
it was not
it was all a waste
of time.
I have never been
waited upon
and I now know
I will not wait
any longer
but accept
that I have spent
most of my life
taking peoples word
eating it up
like a gospel
hoping that
someone would
do what they say
and i have waited
for it too all fall
not i know
this is done
those days of
waiting
..
.
it kind of hurts
when people assume
.
.
but do they know
how it feels to be
waiting
for this painful
gash in my heart
to heal..
.
over the years
it just seems
to get bigger
.
.
I have been
waiting for
this pain to heal
my whole life..
.
so I will wait for
this
.
.
as I wait
for my line
in the food
line
.
as I
wait
for my ride
in the bus
line.
.
as I wait
for another
disappointment
I did not
even have a expectation on...
.
.
.waiting....................
2:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 7, 2006 - Saturday
waiting for the bus, waiting for the line, waiting for the day to end, waiting
Category: Life
waiting for the bus,
to clock in
waiting to clock out
for the door
to shut
waiting for the phonecall
waiting for the o.k
to get on with my life....
waiting to hear iam just not
good enough
waiting to hear I was last
to know
cause i was born to wait..
born to wait upon
born to wait upon awakeing
awaking to wait
sleeping to wait
wait to be sleeping
why cant this day
end
soon
enough
as i wait
for the lids
to close
down shut
lke a
fridge door
closing
.
.
i am waiting for
the pain to subside
i am waiting to be
o.k
for it to be o.k
that i am just waiting
waiting for nothing
at all.
that all this time
was not worth waiting
it was not
it was all a waste
of time.
I have never been
waited upon
and I now know
I will not wait
any longer
but accept
that I have spent
most of my life
taking peoples word
eating it up
like a gospel
hoping that
someone would
do what they say
and i have waited
for it too all fall
not i know
this is done
those days of
waiting
..
.
it kind of hurts
when people assume
.
.
but do they know
how it feels to be
waiting
for this painful
gash in my heart
to heal..
.
over the years
it just seems
to get bigger
.
.
I have been
waiting for
this pain to heal
my whole life..
.
so I will wait for
this
.
.
as I wait
for my line
in the food
line
.
as I
wait
for my ride
in the bus
line.
.
as I wait
for another
disappointment
I did not
even have a expectation on...
.
.
.waiting....................
1:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 4, 2006 - Wednesday
say it is not so...that boys got a hook in his mouth
you got a
fish hook
in your mouth
boy..
wow it
must be nice
to be dangleing
off a chain..
just like a charm
bracelet..
wow
so pretty
next you will
hanging off a tree.
......................
ha ah ah ha ha ha
.........................
so pretty..
wow..
shiny
play things....
wow
.............................
hahahahahahahah
it must be so tough..
at least you got
a blanket and a baby bottle...
..............................
boy you got a hook
in your mouth
and pretty soon
if i dont say so
my self
your guts will
be taken out
and you will be
in that skillet......
.........................
just dont say
i warned you so......
3:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 4, 2007 - Thursday
i woke in a sea of palm tree's and flat hills....
Category: Life
I woke up in
a sea of palm trees..
and flat hills.
but in the bushes
a blue bird was
fighting with a
bushy tailed squrilly..
oh my what will
happen to my babys
the blue bird
sang.
The bushy tailed
squirlly fell
in love with the song..
feeling bad he regurgitated
the egg and out hatched
a baby blue bird..
the mama bluebird
tried to take back
her baby..
but the baby refused
to go and sang
your not my mama
and iam not some blue
bird..
Iam a funny bushy tailed
squirrlly.....
oh what horror..
they both repiled
at a d sharp screetch...
i just stood back
wondering how did the
head hunters do it...
1:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 4, 2006 - Monday
i woke in a sea of palm tree's and flat hills....
Category: Life
I woke up in
a sea of palm trees..
and flat hills.
but in the bushes
a blue bird was
fighting with a
bushy tailed squrilly..
oh my what will
happen to my babys
the blue bird
sang.
The bushy tailed
squirlly fell
in love with the song..
feeling bad he regurgitated
the egg and out hatched
a baby blue bird..
the mama bluebird
tried to take back
her baby..
but the baby refused
to go and sang
your not my mama
and iam not some blue
bird..
Iam a funny bushy tailed
squirrlly.....
oh what horror..
they both repiled
at a d sharp screetch...
i just stood back
wondering how did the
head hunters do it...
12:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 4, 2007 - Thursday
ash's to ash's, dust to dust, the rust on my ring is green,
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
ash's to ash's.....
dust to dust.......
the rust on my ring is green...
Oh those green green greenhills of Kentucky...
I remember the rust ,
the polishing of the saddle,
the shanking of the chains..
putting the halter on that horse..
That horse was site, 18 hands..
I was a 13 yr old pre teen runaway..
traveling with an outfit to maryland
the company of an old mans sport.
The secrets , we all have secrets
and when we have to dodge them
ours eyes sometimes get cross eyed.
then we went to the Kentucky Derby..
those green green green hills of
kentucky...
The night before the race..
we the whole out fit
where staying in a one room
apartment..
Inbetween places...
The horses where settleing
in there stalls and we had
a couple days off it must of been
some holiday, the streets where
always empty.
I loved turtle, he was 6.9
and was friend.
never laying his hand on me
when your very young that
means the world to you.
1997 and on the racetrack
hank williams, black sabbath
mattalica and loverboy??????
where the favorites...
On our outfit...
Pot belly billy was the trainer
and he was the average
kind, always drunk and high on weed.
So here we where eight guys from
all walks of life..
They where just dodgers
dodgeing the lives that had brought
them here..
and one other girl...
Jodie, much older than me,
but we got into a fist fight and that
was the first time i got into
a cat fight she scratched me face
like a cat.
Anyway So here we where looking
for something to sooth our weary
lives.......
I wanted to try loveboat...
But the boys where set on trying
this new drug crack cocaine...
Well ,,,,it was snowing...
We got into this broken down rusty
hunk of junk car..
and drone searching for presents...
For our broken souls...
This big guy,
got into the car..
and directed us to this huge gate..
The kind you see in front of rockstars
mansions in Bel air...
Then these three guys with there
faces covered, pointed these
very long shotguns to our heads..
and ordered us out of the car..
they patted us down for guns i suppose...
I was in the backseat..
with Todd this jockey with huge
pocks on his face..
I knew him well, and his wife...
But we where on the road,
well things are always different
when your on the road...
He turned to me
and said this was a normal procedure
for buying drugs in this part of town,
and not to worry.
Years later I know he was shitting his
pants and I was just dumband young enough
to believe him.
Well we drove in, it must of been
a nice place had one time..
but here was a empty community
with boarded windows..
And people standing around
steel barrels with a fire ..to stay warm.
I saw a mom and a baby huddling..
In her hand was a coca cola can
and then i saw her holding her baby
and struggleing to put the can sideways
to her face...
This was my first introduction
to crack cocaine.....
Well the next day we got
on our trailers ..
I was grooming the horse that was
going to be in the race..
So I sat in the middle all four
horse faceing me...
I dont know after a while
the smell of horse shit and piss
and hay dont bother you..
I was ready...
this was a big deal..
I loved that horse...
And before I knew it we walked in
the crack was good with a combination
whiskey...the hang over was not bad enough to
not consentrate...
Wow I looked up
and millions of people where there
in the distance...
I was worryed about his brades
and bandages i carefully put on him
with love...
You see at that time..
horse's didn't do things to
me that didn't feel good.
I was scared for one second
as my face was plastered on
the big screen, but when you are
a backhand, no one really pays attention...
Lucky for me...
But those green green hills of kentucky
with white picket fences for miles and miles.
millions in their seats shouting, crying
laughing, hestarics..after a minute
after years of making...
oh those silks...the
sound of horses running on a dry
track...
shot guns, crack cocaine, and little
baby horses with their mama's
eating hay..and Hank williams
a got a tear in my beer..wailing
from a boombox...
And on the floor beside my foot
there was a rusted ring that was turning green......
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January 2, 2007 - Tuesday
VoodooBilly Jazz..........I like that!!!!!!!
Finally
the label of my
music is called
sultry voodoobilly
thats a cool title.
yes life has been
throwing some monkey wrenches
my way.......
i can not tell a lie.....
however..
my favorite of favorites......
that have helped me..........
thank youfrom the bottom of my heart....
xxxxxxxxxxx
ooooooooooo
my guitar for always kicking my ass
and those microphones for always
catching me off guard...
kelly and veronica benway for being awesome
and inspirational forces in my life
...............
Billy Pitman for after all these
years not giving up on me, and supporting my music by playing and giving his story with his playing...
........................................................
Safari Sams for always treating me like a human being, and not shaming me because i express my self threw music and iam autistic I mean artistic......
Candye Kane was and is a legend.a soul that heals ya when she singsand speaks her truth, her story,
I relate, she is the light on the
watch tower.......
so outspoken
so wonderful
so great at giving love
and makes me feel good
about my self, for me thats
near impossible.........
..........
rob z a very talented and kind person and touched my heart
with a song about the devils in life that keep you going .......
..................................................
rev paytons big jam band......
they are so sweet and great music that moves you threw the trenches of life....
Big Sandy is a great and has a heart of gold, a force not to be reckoned with.....
Wayne Hancock and his gal Gina
and those firestarting music makers..
just melted my weary heart.....
i have to be grateful, no matter what.......
thank you too all my fans for buying my music and coming to my shows......
8:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 31, 2006 - Sunday
13 years of bad luck...new box set of years 1994-2007
13 years of bad luck
its a box set
of the years 1994-2007....
......................................
iam excited
are you?
well you should be..
cause all i got
to say is in the music.
..............................
some people have nice lives
and have nothing really
to show for it,
all i have had is a pile
of shit and a box set
of music no ones
ever heard before..
....................................
iam not bitter, i just
cant afford a 4 track
or know any reliable
that wants to record
me.........
...........................
so i will be releasing
the best of 60 tape cassette
recording.....................
its going to be called.......
.....................................
tapetracks from my arm.....
......................................
if i get threw this year
of course.......................
.....................................
but with my luck
god knows at this rate,,,,,,,,
.............................................
............................................
12:38 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 30, 2006 - Thursday
tommorow iam dropping that bmw red car off at the dmv, no more chains and gross ass ball.
no more ball and chain..........
no more lieing cheating stealing
mother fuckers no more.......
no more assholes to deal with...
i am a happy woman.......
free........
from low lifes
cliches a million
a dozen by the dollar.......
.....................................
the low lifes i love.......
the lieing stealing cheating mother fuckers...
dont fuck with there own kind...
rich ass
spoiled mother fuckers
who fucken go after
people who are just trying
to get by........
get there's
.......................................
as for me.............
i got work to do..............
no more times dealing with
spoiled minipulative untalented
mother fuckers...............
..
9:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
tommorow iam dropping that bmw red car off at the dmv, no more chains and gross ass ball.
Category: Life
the nightmare is finally
over........
disclaimer......
iam stupid and like to trust
people before they do something
to me..................
now i trust no one.................
and will never again..............
that fucken scanky ass hole
and his ugly ass women
finally............
closed that fucken door shut.
......................................
the great things about
lieing cheating mother fuckers
are they always get caught.
...................................
and my sentence is over......
....................................
never to see that low down
mother fucker again.......
....................................
you know the sweetheart
gave me a staff infection
that went to my head.
i must of been blind
to even consider that
fucken scanky ass.........
........................................
.................................
well at least i know i loved
him with all my heart
and did everything i could
with every inch of my soul...
.......................................
wow love is fucken blind.
...................................
sure iam hurt.......
sure betrayal sucks
when i guy your with
fucks as many as he can behind
your back...
of course when he's drunk.......
and his love making powers
last less than a second...........
wow such a rock star.........
.....................................
saying the problems with you..
minipulateing saying you
are never going to get anywhere..
and talking shit behind your back
in hopes that you never acheive anything..............................
..............................................
and thats called abusive.....
......................................
god knows in 5 years.......
my two loves of my life..
just took my hard earned money
and beat me down either emotionally or physically.....
......................................
my fault .....
my fault......
my fault.........
i had a self esteem
of an ant.........
.....................................
but no more..........
and thats that!!!!!!!!!!
....................
and they will get there's
as for me
no thank you
i have a box set to put out
13 years of bad luck
but after this
year
my lucks going to
change
why?
cause i finally
relized
i dont need
people
to build me
up................
i know what i do is real
and good people
should be
treated nicely
iam a little
bitter
but i will
not low down motherfuckers
get me down
they are a dime a dozen
..
December 11, 2006 - Monday
why bother, at this point iam who i am, take it or leave it
Category: Blogging
why bother trying to be someone iam not
trying to empress someone i dont even like
at this point take it as is
or leave it.................
it was such a great time opening up for
Candye Kane ,
incredible and memorable...
It was such an honor..
And her music just is greatly
empowering...
god knows i need that in times
like these.......
but despite how i feel things can
only get better from here.
writing all day..
fun...
with an acordian, piano, autoharp,
at least those memorys have not be
taken from me.
I know i loved with all of my
heart and gave it all i ever had.
So at least the passion for what
ive been doing just gets stronger
and more focused as the days roll by.
Going threw all 40 tape cassettes
going to put out the best of.
Tour plans are going well.
Very excited and empowered
by great artists that have the
balls to do what they believe
in despite all adversity.
Either brought by their own
hands or others.
I just believe in simple things
like life love and death.
and you either doing one of those things
or gettin g ready to do so.
I am personally shattered
in the love department.
past four years not single, just jumped
into one from the other.
like into the fire from the frying pan.
Now i can breath....
but god knows i got to learn how
to date all over again.
but between you and i
SSSSSSSHHHHHUUUUUUU
i just will date the one i've got
that has never turned his back on me..
He's kind of flashy
and like wearing silver.
Sure he gets out of tune
at times
but thats what a little helper helps with..
hahahahahhah
at least i still make my self laugh...
6:47 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 1, 2006 - Friday
love
Current mood: crushed
love
this love i have sucks
cause i love this person
and he dont love me
at all not
like that
not enough to be honest
not enough to be true
not enough to be rightous
just another guy i am hung up over
just another one, and why do
i do this,
over and over and & over &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
over and over and over again
................................
it makes me sad
it makes me sadit makes me sadit makes me sadit makes me sadit makes me sadit makes me sad
*(&(&^^&%&%$
how will i get over this?
how will i get over this?
how will i move on?????????????
????????????????????
i just dont know....
i just dont know...
its like i got a handfull
full of dirt......
and a handfull full
of diamonds...
and i choose the dirt,,
over and over and over
again and again and
again....................
i am ashamed
i still love this person..
but it hurts so bad..
so bad...
or do i just always
feel this bad,,,,,
all of the time...
fuck it .........
ive got stuff i have to do
and this is pure boredom
this is boreing..
and it sucks.........
running in circles
like a mouse on a wheel
over and over and over
it makes me sad
iam sad i let this happen to me
iam sad i let this happen to me
iam sad i let this happen to me
iam sad i let this happen to me
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
iam sad i let this happen to me
this so called love is just full of empty promises
and i keep wanting
a relief
but there is none
no relief
from this dis ease
just playing music
and writing songs
heals this shattered
heart........
6:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 24, 2006 - Friday
this time, it going to be different..
Category: Life
this time its going to be different
hahahahahahahahhaha
see that monkey
stabbing me in the back
it wants me in places
that i will just sufficate
and parish
but not me ..........................
i say..................
thanks for nothing
and nothing for something.........
watch?
another lie another tall tale.............
do they have to be so
distasteful
do i have to be so
distatesful.............
gross so gross
the whole things
gross like rotting
bananas on a plate
with larvea
and bugs
thats what i see when i think of
when i think of looking at your face.....................
gross
gross
gross
this is just a bloody mess i tell you
3:18 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 2, 2006 - Saturday
big changes...
Category: Travel and Places
today is the day
iam going to turn
it all around
yup folks
more adventures
to come...
3:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 18, 2006 - Saturday
how sweet
how sweet
you called me
asked if i was o.k
nope you took
the fucken knife
and stabbed
it deeper..
burn that things
going to light the sky on fire...
so full of shit..
such a lier..
cheat..
and thief
but how sweet its gonna be.....
haahahaha
i always have the last laugh...
7:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 16, 2006 - Monday
who do you think iam
Category: Romance and Relationships
who do you think i am
mother fucker
get out of my face
if you must open
u r mouth
then let me give you
a taste
of what you did
as i spit in u r face
your just a disgrace
a low down idiot
so mother fucker
who do you think iam
get out of my face..
your kind an't welcome here
no more...
and your bmw
i gave it away
to some bum on the street.
so mother fucker
cause money and fame dont matter
to me......
honor is worth more than gold...
and you an't got no heart of gold..
just a cold stone...
and your just a bad cliche..
there's a million mother fuckers
like you...
i am exceptional and your never gonna get
it......
too strong..
too bold...
and fear less and could care less
about your kind...
get lost .....
get gone........
one day you will see my face everywhere
and you still wont understand
how it feels to love somebody
the way i loved you......
3:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 13, 2006 - Monday
just getting organized....
Just getting organized..
The band is getting a van..
Things are getting
better...
once i got
the leech out of
my life ...
wow things are 100 % better.
****************
who would of thaught when you
give everything
from your soul and heart to somone who is
just bullshitting.
how much that takes the life
right out of you.
probibly the most
important lesson
i have ever ever learned.
there are people
out there that will use you,
and really could care less if you
live or die...
its not personal.
there is a reason
i am alive.
i love people
despite all odds.
I love life cause
i have fought to stay alive.
no matter what
no matter what
i stay honest
no matter how much it hurts
and no matter
what happens...
10:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
just getting organized....
Just getting organized..
The band is getting a van..
Things are getting
better...
once i got
the leech out of
my life ...
wow things are 100 % better.
****************
who would of thaught when you
give everything
from your soul and heart to somone who is
just bullshitting.
how much that takes the life
right out of you.
probibly the most
important lesson
i have ever ever learned.
there are people
out there that will use you,
and really could care less if you
live or die...
its not personal.
there is a reason
i am alive.
i love people
despite all odds.
I love life cause
i have fought to stay alive.
no matter what
no matter what
i stay honest
no matter how much it hurts
and no matter
what happens...
10:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
just getting organized....
Just getting organized..
The band is getting a van..
Things are getting
better...
once i got
the leech out of
my life ...
wow things are 100 % better.
****************
who would of thaught when you
give everything
from your soul and heart to somone who is
just bullshitting.
how much that takes the life
right out of you.
probibly the most
important lesson
i have ever ever learned.
there are people
out there that will use you,
and really could care less if you
live or die...
its not personal.
there is a reason
i am alive.
i love people
despite all odds.
I love life cause
i have fought to stay alive.
no matter what
no matter what
i stay honest
no matter how much it hurts
and no matter
what happens...
10:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
just getting organized....
Just getting organized..
The band is getting a van..
Things are getting
better...
once i got
the leech out of
my life ...
wow things are 100 % better.
****************
who would of thaught when you
give everything
from your soul and heart to somone who is
just bullshitting.
how much that takes the life
right out of you.
probibly the most
important lesson
i have ever ever learned.
there are people
out there that will use you,
and really could care less if you
live or die...
its not personal.
there is a reason
i am alive.
i love people
despite all odds.
I love life cause
i have fought to stay alive.
no matter what
no matter what
i stay honest
no matter how much it hurts
and no matter
what happens...
November 13, 2006 - Monday
just getting organized....
Just getting organized..
The band is getting a van..
Things are getting
better...
once i got
the leech out of
my life ...
wow things are 100 % better.
****************
who would of thaught when you
give everything
from your soul and heart to somone who is
just bullshitting.
how much that takes the life
right out of you.
probibly the most
important lesson
i have ever ever learned.
there are people
out there that will use you,
and really could care less if you
live or die...
its not personal.
there is a reason
i am alive.
i love people
despite all odds.
I love life cause
i have fought to stay alive.
no matter what
no matter what
i stay honest
no matter how much it hurts
and no matter
what happens...
10:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 6, 2006 - Monday
the hand of glory......
the hand of glory
did not do its function..
the hand of glory..
was there on the pew..
never letting them in the house
of the light......
i am no longer a hand of glory..
i walk in this world alone..
in the breeze i hear
the secrets of gods god earth.
people lie steal and cheat
doing what ever it takes
to fill their houses full of
gold and silver..
i rather live in shacks
and stop by the side of these
roads..with not a soul around..
or follow my steps in greed
or lack of empathy..
to fill my house with silver and gold..
i rather shine in light and freedom
then in chains and mental torcher..
all truth lays withen your soul..
empire of the death...
in the catacombs...
stacked the bones....
of the sick poor and forgotten..
walls of mortality..
the names....
six million underneath..
all truth of souls..
find there way to tell their storys..
but the innocence always get
the brunt of sickness.
i venture to be well.
my legs and hands
tell of the years
i have lived..
i have no shame
i need not tell lies
i accept my fate..
accept the price of all i have paid..
freedom from bondage
of illusion.
i can not be what people
want me to be..
i can only be thine to my self be true..
1:37 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 9, 2006 - Saturday
times are a changing..just came back to go again...
Category: Life
times are changing
just came back
to go again..
if i had known what i know
now...
life would be easier..
but i guess i will just have to wait..
for these huge holes to heal a little.
but at least I learned
how to love.......
6:27 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 8, 2006 - Sunday
something inside has died...but that makes for some music...if i dont drown in my tears....
Category: Life
even in this perfect
place..
where i am suppose
to be closer to peace..
but something inside
has died ....
my music should be
inspired...
I just hope i dont
drown in my tears...
empty and saddness
is what i feel.
................
but this too shall pass.
...............................
for everything that is not
ment to be in your life
shall be removed.......
...............................
those are the rules
of the universe i believe
in........
....................................
Searching deep in these
mountains.
powder white gates....
...............................
all tile......marble.......
fountains...............
peaceful....................
very noisy birds at times.....
gackels?????
48 hours.
......................................
waiting for insight
waiting for peace..
...........................
love is real and should
should not be messed with..
............................
but i live in a world that
people lie, steal, cheat,
and kick you when you
are down.....
.................................
god knows iam not that way..
..................................
but i fight for it...
it do's not come naturally..
but if i want to stay alive
i have no other choice.......
......................................
12:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 7, 2006 - Thursday
funny looking tassles on these curtains.......
Category: Blogging
funny looking curtains
tiny little bed
pretty yukka trees
outside my window
its very hot
is it weird
i am happy for other people
that are in love.
thats great..
to settle down...
well very public
thats so romantic..
well ive moved on...
i heard that train..
i went straight home and packed..
as i got the stiches out of my side..
this chapel is so old.
I feel the spirits
comforting my soul..
the red red bricks ..
the wonderful paintings..
the sculptures..
this piano..
the food sucks but i dont feel
like eating..
its hard to have loved
some one with all of your
soul and they did not
notice or care...
I must go now..
its time for meditation...
iam on this journey of my soul...
i did write my will out...
my dear beloved when my
time comes ..
my death train...
perhaps i will see you
in that big orchestra in the sky...
..........................................
but till then may my songs
answer all your questions.........
.........................................
i only send love
then to be loved..
........................................
siant sissy knows the power.......
..............................................
now this might be a magical set of recordings....
if i dont say so my self............
1:09 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 6, 2006 - Wednesday
what now?
what now?
what now?
what a day
ahead.
its funny this morning
everything is quiet...
perhaps the storm
is over..
i sure hope its
not the calm before
the storm...
enough with the emotional
tornado..
all i was guilty of
was being in love..
giving it my all.
giving everything
i have thats good.
and my friends
if your trying
really really hard
it probibly is not right..
if it feels weird
or your always
questioning your self
it probibly is not right.
we all have different
morals..
but feeling bad
is not right.
lots of things have happened..
now lots of great things
are happening
and thats what makes sence.
my way i was told
is never going to work out..
well thats o.k
iam different than those folks...
i refuse to abuse other people
i refuse to be dishonest
and thats what i stand by..
i llove people despite the wrongs
that i have been aflicted with.
internally and out wardly.
i have been graced.
i know it in my heart.
i stand for the voiceless
not for the spoiled.
my road is long and harsh
but it comes from my heart.
beware of wolves in sheep
clothing.and vice versa..
but humans are alot more scary
than any other living creatures
on this good earth..
you just dont know
how it feels..
you just dont know how
it feels to love somebody...
the way i loved them...
but now this love is
gone..
there is just no more meat on those bones..
no meat..nothing juicy nothing tasty..
no more meat.
no more..
8:06 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 5, 2006 - Tuesday
it could be worse..i could be at valley prison
it could be worse
i could be at valley prison..
10:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
January 6, 2006 - Friday
wrote up the papers and cocked it so close,still got to do my homework......
Category: Blogging
wrote out the
papers
got not alot to leave
its really clear when
you are where i am at..
not much convinceing
in the pro and con
department my friends..
i ve been raped beaten
abondoned and left for
dead many a times..
just as i thaught
it was getting better
for the first time in my life..
ha just a little joke
life played on me.
this one really
tore me up..
got scars to remember it by..
what dos a girl got
to do to rest her head
and not be worried
to be beaten over the
head with pop cans really.
but the papers are written.
just got to send alot
of backlogs in..
i got to buy one that
is easy to use..
finish the records.
tour hahahahah
that was a stupid dream..
got new photos to take..
focused..
but these damn fucken
bugs keep on coming.
the room is so crowed
i cant even breath.
i can not breath,,,
thats why i know,
but today jimmy
said everything is
going to be o.k.
thats nice...
no pity in his eyes..
thats what i cant stand
sympathy is alot different
than empathy..
when people
feel sorry..
i dont feel sorry
i am sorry.
and whoa
this time its just
overwhelming.....
the heat...
cremation heat like..
no i like the way
the inuviets do it.
on a piece of ice
everyone waving good bye..
and back to the maker
you go..
thats peaceful...
peace ...
thats all iam looking for...
thats alll...
peace...
but thats not going to happen till
iam over that could earth..
so i will live with it
all this chatter..
all the movement...
all the comments...
all the lack of deep sincerity..
it could be worse..
it has been worse...
it feels that worse
has worth..
and say it is not so..
say it is not so..
my child you better
wake up and smell
that sulfure on your hands
it is worse.......
10:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 4, 2006 - Saturday
ya ya ya the beat go's on..
Category: Life
ya ya ya ya ya
the beat gos on
ya yay ya yay aya y
the beat gos on
no hard feelings
just feelings
ya ya ya ya ya ya
the beat gos on..
big houses
lots of people
intresting conversations
lots of pretty things
to look at..
lots of pretty
things to hear..
lots of instruments
to play with..
oh what will i do?
ya ya ya ya ya
the beat gos on...
got my ticket..
got jackets waiting
for me..
nice people..
honest people...
real people...
what a nice change
oh the tears..
how they are going to fall...
so hard so hard so hard..
8:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 2, 2006 - Thursday
rick ruban likes my music...so my music must be o.k right?..
Category: Life
thats crazy
i had played this radio
show ...it got recorded
my friend kelly
has a record shop
and she was playing
my live show..recordings..
And Rick ruban
excited said.
"this is great! who is this?
and she responded
Izzy Cox
i cant even believe it
even if nothing
ever comes from it
just knowing that
rick ruban likes
my music just
puts a smile
and a huge fucken
bandaid
on this heart
of mine.
October 31, 2006 - Tuesday
tonight i will be playing late night...
Category: Life
tonight i will be playing
late night..
privite vip
event
..............
will be fun......
9:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 1, 2006 - Wednesday
i just feel sorry for all those folks getting services...
Category: Life
i just feel sorry for all those
folks getting services
off that girl..
if she gave him
what i have then
she might still
have it to
give it to all those
folks..
i hope she wears
gloves...
peircing and holeing
all that...
with staph
bad bad bad bad
mix...
10:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 30, 2006 - Monday
box set coming out..new records..tee shirts..buttons...
Category: Music
i will be putting out a boxset
6 records total....
years 1994-2007
also
love letters from the electric chair full album
also
killing my own kind...
also
a zine with photos and comics and prose.......
getting on with my life...
leaveing the old...
ways...
also looking for a car...
if someone wants to donate one.
also looking for a cd duplication machine......
thank you for u r support....
lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxx
oooooooooooo
Izzy Cox
8:25 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 27, 2006 - Friday
this is great...the man of my dreams.........
Current mood: confused
Category: Life
so frankly i dont give
a shit what you think..
the guy i would of
taken a bullet for.
gave me a staff infection i have been
battleing with for
6 months..he and his girl got treated for it.
but forgot to tell me...
past six months i just got sicker and sicker..
and guess what he did
took and took and lied to me...it sucks...
but what iam really sad
about is he knew...
so when i was in intensive care unit
for three days..
he never even wanted
to know if i was o.k or not...
but days prior..
wow what a difference,,
thats o.k ...
all iam going to do
is go to new york
and spit in his face and leave...
actually why should i even do that?????????
i guess i took
a bullet for the one i loved....
but when the one
you love does not give
a shit if you live or die......
is this really your true love?
by the way its the kind
that can only be transmitted by blood...
dont share your razor
with your lover........................................
never i warn you!!!!!!!!!!
10:52 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 13, 2006 - Friday
ahhhh got pins & needles in my skin
Category: Life
Got pins & needles in my skin
24 hours with out any smoke
My body is thirsty
Thirsty for anybodys touch
Its really bad
I ve got a fever
Going to the underground
Got to get some tar
So I can kill all these
Feelings that drive
Me insane
Iam a slave again
In the hole
Going down
No siteseeing
Where iam going
Got my foot
In the grave
Not asking
For help no more
Keep needing
Pleading praying
Kneeling feeling
Begging fetching
Fleating beating
Just in need
Of love & affection
How come nothing
Is filling my thirst
I got it so bad
It an t good.
11:39 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 10, 2006 - Tuesday
alone in a empty hall.poem.
Category: Life
Iam just trying
To get by.
Trying to dodge bullets
With my name on them.
I took a chance
With this thing
Called love.
But all I found
Was an empty
Hall with no one else
Around.
Alone again with
A shotgun pointed
To my head.
No one else around
Just me and that
Gun.
Its cold here.
I feel very alone
Again.
Its been years
Since anyone
Has truely
Been sincere
And wanted to
Touch me
Inside.
I am ashamed
That I denied
Myself.
Any honest love
I just can't tell
The difference
Between a kiss
Or a beating.
Should I be supprised
I was a unwanted
Child
And have always
Fought for my life.
But this time
No one cares.
I guess I have expired
My visit.
Broken by lies
And denial
Of something
So precious & rare
To me.
So I thaught
I protected it
Like the last meal
I would ever get.
I fought for it
Lied for it.
Almost
Killed myself for it.
Turned my back
On people who cared
For me.
I just don't know
What is real.
What is false.
I just know
This
I am
All
Alone in this
Hall pointing
This gun
At my reflection.
All because
In the name
Of love.
2:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
alone in a empty hall.poem.
Category: Life
Iam just trying
To get by.
Trying to dodge bullets
With my name on them.
I took a chance
With this thing
Called love.
But all I found
Was an empty
Hall with no one else
Around.
Alone again with
A shotgun pointed
To my head.
No one else around
Just me and that
Gun.
Its cold here.
I feel very alone
Again.
Its been years
Since anyone
Has truely
Been sincere
And wanted to
Touch me
Inside.
I am ashamed
That I denied
Myself.
Any honest love
I just can't tell
The difference
Between a kiss
Or a beating.
Should I be supprised
I was a unwanted
Child
And have always
Fought for my life.
But this time
No one cares.
I guess I have expired
My visit.
Broken by lies
And denial
Of something
So precious & rare
To me.
So I thaught
I protected it
Like the last meal
I would ever get.
I fought for it
Lied for it.
Almost
Killed myself for it.
Turned my back
On people who cared
For me.
I just don't know
What is real.
What is false.
I just know
This
I am
All
Alone in this
Hall pointing
This gun
At my reflection.
All because
In the name
Of love.
2:42 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 9, 2006 - Monday
so many changes
Current mood: bouncy
So many changes
months but more like years in my soul
ball & chain
Now they r off
Off
And iam sad
But otherwise
Once
The pain subsides
I think
These gashing
Wounds
Will heal
But god
Knows
I can never
Be too sure
It hurt so bad
That day
I took the knife
Threw my heart
To numb
The lies
Deception
I thaught
My heart was
Strong
But now
I know
It was locked
Inside
A safe
But buried
Very deeply
In my grave
10:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
so many changes
Current mood: bouncy
So many changes
One year
Of ball & chain
Now there
Off
And iam sad
But otherwise
Once
The pain subsides
I think
These gashing
Wounds
Will heal
But god
Knows
I can never
Be too sure
10:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
September 27, 2006 - Wednesday
i can't even begin to tell u how bad i was
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
i can't even begin
to tell u how bad
i was.
it was.
or how bad i'am going
to be.
but they sure kicked
the shit out of me
my friends.
they did
they did
but thats o.k
what goes around
comes around
and what ever will be will be.
in my bed
in my head
drove those grubby
fingers in my pockets
in my friends
and are still
doing it
but watch
it will all come out
like dirty
lundry
wash it well
and it
will come
out in the wash
dont say
i didn't warn you
they say
as they take their knives
and stick them in my back
am going to take
everything until
i see you crazy and in the street
god knows i did not heed
to the warning
god knows
i thaught it was funny
because it was so unbelievable
at the time
but now i see
it was the truth
it is the truth
wolves in sheep clothing
always show their teeth
you can smell the blood
on their paws
and the street from the pee
pretty soon that is coming
and there will be no more
need
and i will be free
from the clutches
of assholes and beasts.
but then again i always
said if i am going to swim with
the sharks let them
be best of them.
so my wish it did come true
i sat in the cross roads
and i am still there
waiting for the one to come along
i know he will be big and strong
he will blow and blow and blow
we will be so far
and all those houses
will all fall down
and you will see
how it feels
to be me
for one moment.
and god knows i wont
be late late for this
important date.
September 27, 2006 - Wednesday
true friends never turn there backs in the beginning and the end
Current mood: cheerful
true friends never turn
there backs in the
beginning and the end.
I have a couple i can
count them on my fingers
but then again
triple that a million fold
cant change the way
i am and god knows
well figure.
point at me your pulling
your own trigger.
for all the things i
have seen in my life
cut from a spleen
i will consider
gather
and go back to the
work shop
there is no community
or nice people
from the concave of
this shelter
my friends
be cautious
of empty promises
and too nice of people
as they enter with sweets
and supprises
I see the fingers with
razor cut blades
I hear the laughter
of mocking others
that are poor and depraved
the power they suck
from niceness all together
everything i have
i would give off my back
for a friend in need
but whoa
my eyes are blind
and i need a new priscription
cause what is happening
in not feeling very good
its going to be a while
till i write open
on this forum
going on a trip
seeing and exploreing
only the houses
with the mark
on the ledge
so the theives
dont have to be
cut from the ledge
fetch this fetch that
kicked me untill i bled
on the floor
abhore
mean
discreet
cant trust a sole
who only sleeps
and shits where
they feed.
but alas my friends
i have a story to tell
step back and see the truth for your self
if it dos'nt sound right or feel good
in your tummy got knows
you are being fed
bullshit
remember
lies and deception
are the easiest to believe
truth and honesty
feels different
because its what we
live on
and when you have been
starveing
and you eat
you get sick because
its been so long
since you have eaten.
go ahead
I invite you in
come on in
take what you want
stay as long as you like
but remember
this when the nazi
where coming into
russia
they where so cocky
and ego driven
they had no idea
how big russia was
they came on in
and days had passed
they starting dieing and eating
each other from starvation
and lost so very bad.
so my foes
come on in
but remember this
you will never
never
never touch
what i have inside.
and as for friends
well i have so many
i am so grateful
they are everywhere
and arrive at anytime
alittle
like myself.
my hollywood
chapter
is over.
the open road
is my next.
see you next time
my friends
and i promise to keep you up dated.
in good tideing
and bad
I will see you at the finish line.
10:58 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
opps did you forget something
Current mood: surprised
Category: Life
opps did you forget something
all those empty promises they make
they love to make them
to see the hope in my eyes
the smile out of my mouth
but they just lie
because thry are afraid
i have never met one that was not
in the end things work out the
way they are suppose to
i am happier today than I
was yesterday
got to go to day job
the kind that drains all
the life out of ya
but not for long
not for long.
cause i know
things are going to change
i feel them in my bones
and all the men
i have choose have and
always will be the same
players in a playing feild
players in and out of the game
never staying and never taking the blame
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September 26, 2006 - Tuesday
love the fact people lie to my face and ears!!! awesome...the truth always comes out....that my
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
love the fact people lie to my face and ears!!! awesome...the truth always comes out....that my
fact.........
always lieing
always getting his way
and they all lie
in my face
in my ears
god knows
I need a change
a snip of the cord
good fucken by
good bye
good by
not to my life
but to him
good and for all
good and for all
good and for all
good bye.
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too little to late
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
too little to late
got it got it
stabbing in my heart
stabbing in my spine
too little to late
got to go now
got to go yesterday
i'am now well on my way
judged again
stabbed some more
now for the glory days
and the patting
on my head
thank you
thank them
thank all the inbetween
and thank when
thank how
thank now
good bye
i opened up
my heart
and now its
being stabbed
into a million
little parts
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September 25, 2006 - Monday
sweating & hauling ass
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life
sweating
like a hog in heat
hauling box's books and instruments
selling gear so I can eat
selling all my great books
got less than 10 cents a piece
driving in this heat
and sweating like a hog
in heat
got records upon records
some are mine
some are not
should really get my hands on a
ipod
would cut down the
13 box's of records
as for my clothing
my sister got crazy
and threw everything
out
when i was not looking
just down to a pair of
pants and a dress or two
good thing she
didn't touch my shoes
i tried quiting smoking today
but i just didn't last long
its sad to see
this empty house
the turtles are gone
and the milks all empty and dry
the phones going to get cut
and there go's the end of my writing
days for now
this way at least
its funny
you always know how
things end by the way they start
I moved in here
my man at the time
was on tour
broke up with me
and i hauled ass
getting this
house moved in.
And the same thing has happened
again.
this time
though
things are better
sure I wont have a house
god knows
I loved the ides
cause I had never lived in a house
before
always
boarding rooms
religious rooms
boarded up dead man walking rooms
the kind people get out of prison and die in
the rooms that
still had urine and semen on the walls
and blood on the door handles
1444 du fort st.
I wrote about that one
I lived in that one for 4 years
I wont even get into the places i lived
from the ages of 11-16 years of age
but at least I am not living in tack rooms
and eating the horses barley to eat
At least I dont have ticks and ringworm from sleeping in stables
God knows I wish it was not my life
I was talking about
But its mine and sometimes it just makes me sad
At least the sun is shineing and my water taps are not frozen
At least I'am not in a locked room like I was in for two years
I an't fighting for my life that way anymore
god knows I remember I useed to sneak into hospitals and have a bed and clean sheets
I still dont like hospital food
those where days that no one would of cared if I was alive or dead
god knows I hope I never end up there again
this one was different
this house
it was my dream house
fireplace, rose garden
sky lights, soundproof wall
i put in for playing drums
and recording in.
hard wood floors
big ass french windows
built in the 20's
the house was filmed
laural and hardy
used it
and artists
lived in it.
i made money back then
for three years my friend
but i just got getto rich with it.
and now I drive a borrowed car
dont own a phone
and living on borrowed time.
I'am so in debt again
I dont have a bank account.
I just hope I dont get sick
like i have been getting.
I have often wondered
if other people
have lived like me.
no one and no where to call
there own.
I suppose
its just the way things are
for someone like me
always trying to
get up a step
and always getting the foot
in the face.
at least these days
i dont have to be nice
to folks so i
have a bed to sleep on.
i've aged
and life has taken a toll.
the only place i have
a home in is really
on stage
and god knows
thats just a dieing
decade.
i'am just one of those folks
that has made the best with what i've got
even if its a empty
room
with a piss pot.
cause the 30 other folks
are useing the only bathroom there is.
I drank very hard
one evening hopeing things would
change after all these years.
but even the drink has turned its back.
I'am just trying
to get by.
I just hope I
make it out of
this world alive
only god knows.
time
Currently listening :
At Folsom Prison
By Johnny Cash
Release date: 19 October, 1999
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the sky is blue and the winds of change are calling my name
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life
the sky is blue
and the winds of change
are calling my name
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September 22, 2006 - Friday
going out on the ledge
Current mood: determined
Category: Life
going out on the ledge
thinking about how
exactly am i going to get
my c.d's pressed
how am i going to do it
with out short changeing
my self
get crafty
just do it
thats what my peeps
are saying
just think of you
and just do it
if 100 people gave
me 20.00 each
that would be 2000
sounds easy right
perhaps
if 200 people
gave me $10.00
then that would be
2000
if 300 people
gave me $5.
then that would be
1500
so i guess sell
300 c.d.r's
then i will
make the cash
to release one c.d.
sounds good!
got lots
of stuff to do.
have got rid
of all bulk items
now the books and records
as for the clothing
good will.
pawn some of those instruments
or put them on ebay
dish's pots pans
found people to take them
yup
tommorow
selling avocado's
at dodger stadium
sis coming to help.
will be fun.
po box
must do
and change head lights
just got no $$$$
and that so sucks
real real bad,
but determined
to be happy
and face all adversities
either in my brain
or face to face.
thats all.
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September 20, 2006 - Wednesday
time has stopped still and I can see everything
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
1
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dante "hells inferno"
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life
dante's
"hell's inferno"
just glad
I ain't there
no more!
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September 18, 2006 - Monday
this sucks so bad.
Category: Life
this sucks so bad.
so bad so bad so bad
this sucks so bad
September 17, 2006 - Sunday
thank you!!!! found a place and a job(i think)!
thank you!!!!
found a place and a job(i think)!!!!
sincerely
from the deepest
part of my heart.
I love you .
XXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOO
Izzy Cox
10:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
I got a case of the lovesick blues
Current mood: groggy
Category: Music
I got a case of the lovesick blues
just got a case of the lovesick blues
lovesick fever full of lovesick
you would too!
if you saw
his black raven feather hair
his tigerstone eyes
his deep muted trumpet voice
his crinkly pants and his legendary picture
on that belt buckle of his.
his smokey charckled monet paint robust hands.
hands of a murder of my tender heart.
His chest of a strong polish Sire
His mind of a irish poet
his precense is imprinted in my thaughts
his songs haunt my mind
and seduce my dreams.
His words cut threw my
every dishonest strand.
his feet move to the beat of
a racing cart and friday night traffic.
we times we shared
are stiched into the gapeing wounds in my heart.
I would take a bullet for this man.
I would bend over back words
and do houdini tricks if that would be of any help.
But I must caution myself
Love is not a ball and chain
love is a blessing
for all i have ever cared about
I must let it be free
Cause I dont
want to cage
anything
or be caged either.
what a price to pay
this thing called love
good thing for me
it really is priceless.
but what I got
is a bad
bad fever from the lovesick blues.
And no one can help me.
I just hope I dont die from
the lovesick blues.
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September 16, 2006 - Saturday
COMMENTS CAN NOT BE POSTED*BROKEN*
Category: MySpace
COMMENTS CAN NOT BE POSTED
FOR TWO WEEKS ANNOYED!!!!
8:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Its all good!
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life
Yup!
oh my!
more box's
to pack
more tape
to tape
more garbage bags
to fill and throw out
saw a movie today
very very very
dissapointed
by black dahlia
once again not
really about the victim
more about the
other people
perhaps i'am
not very sure what
i'am talking about
perhaps I have
a different view
cause I read the book
and this subject is
my forte
writeing music
playing guitar
screaming stuff in my pillow
playing on my c.d player many great artists
singing along
shouting at my self in the mirror
for being so silly
crying
cause i love to cry
missing some form of tranx
being in my
baby's arms
always feels like home
my ears all better
but now my knees
killing me
why do I have so much
clothing I just dont wear.
at least I sold my dress's
for 50 cents each.
man I am such
a terrible business
woman
when it comes to
sentimental things
i love cops
i remember the first
time it aired
i was so high
and drunk
and fucked
up on cociane,
hash
and whiskey.
I was 11 year
old run away
poseing like
a 19 yr old
hoping to
find some ways
not to be caught.
but my boyfriend
at the time revealed
to me he thaught i was
just retarded
its funny how
life seems to
be a cycle
and god knows he
was not to far from
the truth.
I think I will go out
tonight instead of
isolateing in the house
doing shit all.
Currently listening :
Kitty Wells - Twenty Greatest Hits
By Kitty Wells
Release date: 01 January, 1996
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shooting my self in the foot
Current mood: contemplative
shooting my self in the foot
waiting for the 2:oo am mark
so I dont drink tonight
thats just how I feel
yup!
thats it!
that fucken god damn fucken monkey
trying to kill me again
great how great!
I hate alcoholisim
I just cant fucken beat it!
that fucker is trying to strangle
me and kill me.
yup!
just me trying to do my self in!
so here are some pictures
explaining how I feel!
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
MySpace Codes
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September 15, 2006 - Friday
very dark dark clouds
Category: Life
very dark dark clouds
coming my way
should I stay
or should I
go now
cause
between you and I darling
this is just too much stuff
I just cant deal with
I am just not feeling
well
and I got to get away.
cause nothing I do
seems to work out well.
dark dark dark clouds
hanging over my head
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September 12, 2006 - Tuesday
no more complaining..........
Current mood: recumbent
Category: Blogging
So I have had enough
with this ear shit
peircing
like a hunters blade
in the side of my ear.
It started on my birthday
then it went away
How ever I went to
the doctor
the walk in $25.00
guy
and that time he just laughed at me
and me at him
but four days ago
I was not laughing
more like crying
I thaught 4 tooth abcess's
where painful
but this hurts
anyway
I was blown away
by wayne hancocks
performance
so far I have been
lucky in the music
department
these past months
Big Sandy
awesome
and
its just really cool
seeing and hearing people
that are just
giving it all there soul
blood sweat and tears
So today
despite
the dark couds
and this
bullet in my ear
I started
my "killing my own kind"
recordings
However when I went to
recording the
piano songs
it was too intense.
anyway
I saw the perfect
flower today
and the hummingbirds
where fighting
over its necture
how sweet it was
just to be near
such a flower
of omni importance
I guess love just
brings out the
rare and priceless
in the world
it gives you sences
of upmost observation
the delicate
pedals
that the world
just can not grasp
beyond
the hands grab
I cant breath
somethings got my breath
the suffication
of antisipation
the chills on my arm
when I hear
his voice
on the other end of the receiver.
Oh my
the flys better not
be swarming
on the oranges and avacados
in my garden
I never minded the wasps
you can hand feed
them and they will not bite you.
oh I long for
that moment
that intoxication
that liberation
that moment
those moments
you can hear the silence
in the desert
in that touch
in that awe long
standing stare
when time stops
and the heart beat is
all you can hear
like a train
coming right down that track
wilst the secratary bird
kills the rattlesnake
with her long and feirce legs.
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September 11, 2006 - Monday
how my ear really sucks
Category: Life
how this day really sucks
I was up for two night now
cause of the extream pain
in my right ear
like some one is stabbing me
with a hunting knife
this really sucks
I have my friends dog
that he left with me
the two people that where
going to take the dog
flaked out 100%
so I have the dear sweetheart
but I 'am moving in two weeks
to a place
that do's not take dogs
sometimes I just
feel that someone blind folded
me and beat me on the head over
and over and over again.
I want to do right but
I always feel steared into
the wrong way.
Now its just painful
my ear and heart.
Why do people
have to lie to me?
I just dont get it?
Ohhh my ear>
now i know why van gogh
chopped his off.
If it felt anything
like this
I get it.
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I remember today
Current mood: apathetic
I remember today
like no other day
7:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
September 9, 2006 - Saturday
soup and bread
Current mood: bored
Category: Life
soup and bread
split green
two orange
halves
grain from the
ohio corn fields
with
butter
its in my mouth
resting my belly from
ciggarettes and coffee
1
September 8, 2006 - Friday
ummm yah,,,,,,,,,
Current mood: bored
Category: Life
ummm ya,
this is fun!
whooooooaaaaaaa!!!
bored out of my mind.
hate packing
love moving.
guess alot of people
feel that way right!
just lots of working.
not enough playing.
cant wait till billy
comes back new
songs to work on.
recordings ???????
well its called the waiting game.
I guess ...................
who know?????????
I guess its just not that
good.
cest la vie!!!!!
9:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
its true I am happy!
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
Its true I am happy
happy happy joy joy
thats what I remembered
we had great times
and i was so happy
and today I remembered
i am happy
today
i am also
very very very
manic
trying my
best not
to be tradgic
got to work
work work
and I
hope to
work towards
getting and saving
money so I can
put a c.d out
a bunch of them
tee shirts
stickers
little art books
of prose
and emotion
make some shorts visually
capitol
thats the goal
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September 7, 2006 - Thursday
packing, running around in circles, hopefully I will keep swimming
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
packing
working
moving
running
around in circles
just trying not
to drown
or be eaten
by the sharks
let me define that
just trying not
to be swollowed
or chewed
by the sharks
really.
I hate moving
I love touring
so I guess I've
just got to plan that
cause the love
in los angeles
is gone gone gone
and I reallly
have not alot of peeps
here that can help me
musically
it sucks
life
got to find a lawyer
to sign papers
in order to hear
all the work I hoped is still there.
my band the eskimos
is practically breathing.
got to tour
got to plan
my music
should be out there
it could be out there
it will be out there
cause thats what i do.
play
record
play to people
who want to hear it.
and thats what I got to do
find the people
who want it.
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September 4, 2006 - Monday
the time has come.......
Current mood: accomplished
The time has come.
to say good bye.
My little bird.
we had the best
of times.
We had the worst
of times.
I was your secret
and like you told
me.
I was one of your
many favorites.
As well as the
person whom you
said ruined your
life.
now I'am left
with an empty pocket
and a crying child.
you robbed and stripped
me of everything
everything I ever had
has left me
with nothing
but a slap of
embaresment
poverty
and hopelessness.
as my mama
said the cycle
will end and all you gave will come back.
I told you I was wealthy
I lied
you loved me for a moment
but not really, just a good door mat really.
8:16 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
it was alot of work, but i feel X100x100 % better!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
It was alot of work but I feel X100X100 better!!!!!!!
Currently listening :
In a Silent Way
By Miles Davis
Release date: 20 August, 2002
2:29 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
three pretty fish with hand sewn silver needles
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
seven pretty fish's
with thread and
silver cooper gold string
sewn in each of
there pretty mouths
from every sea..
as the cycles
from start and finish
be thrown
back alive
with ashes
to ashes
and dust
to dust
of the salt with fins
and tails so mote it be.
what a pretty poem
I found in my box.....
333
1:27 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
September 3, 2006 - Sunday
Fait sa au moi, mete nan cette dans son dantes ette yeues ete coures et moum hissX2
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
it would of been nice
to have tea with you
again my friend
while the snow
is being trown
in buckets
over our heads
the needles
the bottles
the purfume
the bones
the keys
the needles
the uncut bread
the unchurned
butter
the lattes
the harsh scotch
tingleing down the
back of my neck
the napkins
with left over
soup
the glass eyes
you left by my bed
the porceline dentures
in the cup by your bed
My finger nails in your
glass with silver pins
the busk of my breasts
by your marble mantel
by the firplace
all those whipers
that you rescued
from the track
the chains of gold
that hold my picture
in your 24 caret railroad
watch
the tophat i kissed with
the cranberry stains
the mogo hand you placed
beside my picture
by your bed
the lamella i cut my finger
on by your tin cast ciggarette tins
I threw in a well.
the korans surah cx111
you told me to say
when i felt this way.
I had to burn that
strand and bandaid.
the iron pan
I fryed the contact lens
you gave me that day.
The eggs had blood in them
but its a good thing
the benzoin, frankincense
sandelwood, myrrh and pine needles
dragons blood mandrake
foots and hooves
of whoms
and paparious from that tomb
and other nice objects
that always seem to
return to sender.
I hate being hexed
for not doing anything bad.
So I called him today
and now all troubles
shall cease over my head.
I mote it be and will he.
I got my bottle
from the hand
that touched me
with nails from the one
whom cursed me
and so may the moons
tell the time in which
each was placed
shall be returned
to senders with bow and arrows
and twine from a vultures nest
and a grande papa doctors ash.
elegba pele kapo from molokai
isis archangel micheal kupala
ommplayha from babylon
le notre dame jaspe air mon
dieu cette femme qui place
les chose au moi
ce vous plete donne moi lu
protection a sous sourcres
sousoir metenian fait sa
tout ceste at tout les parsonnes
quie fait s a a moi memes
avec les noir choses avec
le soins les cheins les dantes
les cles sons voie son santes
met na proteject
evec tout the chose avec la mour
avec les solioies avec the noir mete la
blanches pour mamnaint and tout
las vie au les parsonnes qui fait sa
donnes la l'amour donnes tout les chosse
met pa moi yeues
not my moi voi ever
sonnes nommbres a
pait dans ma tete
nue plus
a truce
pour tout ma vie morte and ici
ette patte donnes ma spirit
meit nans
ja ecritre cette fait.
so mote it be.
Currently listening :
Colours Of Shiva I
By The Infinity Project
Release date: 10 October, 2000
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the waves of the ocean are calling my name
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
the waves of the ocean
are calling my name
back packs or box's
its hard to tell
its really pretty
the little room
by the sea
glad I sat down
today
it had been two weeks
two long,
had been lost in
endless modes
of conversation
like a metro electronic
stairs going up
each step at
a time
each stair being
spit out
today was
the needle that
got the load off
the camels back
things
sometimes
packing is a hard
thing
to know where
I'am going
but I just dont
know how it all
happens
box's and
putting things
in them
this an't no
shot gun
packing
and I am not
doing the
back pack
fuck it run
routine
time to take
on deep breath
and just do whats
in front of me
work, play, make
send, paint
being saine
just the
comfortable grind
I just know this
as I get older
I know nothing
but I do
know I embrace
peace
just dont like
the paint being torn
from the walls
I rather the process
of it ageing on its own
cant change anyone
and I can only be
influenced by others
and in turn do the same
I do believe in
stars that reflect
off the deepest blue sea
and birds that sing
in the darkest brown oak roots
braking apart the pavement
going against the grain
as she weeps the
salt of her tears
it slowly cleans
and destroys
the man made objects
just like fraggle rock
I got some humour
today
just a little
I am in need of a rv
and god knows touring
could be a little easier.
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August 31, 2006 - Thursday
life is great
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
life is great
this week
went to an amusement park
for the first time in 13 years
had lots of fun
riding rollor coasters
I opened up for big Sandy
at saffari sams
then I played in las vagas
at this great ol punk rock joint
called the double down
then recorded in las vagas
with soda
might be moving
that will be fun
if it really happens
Currently listening :
The Spell
By The Black Heart Procession
Release date: 09 May, 2006
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August 24, 2006 - Thursday
so it was
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
So it was
a day on the road
my ears jammed up
with wax
and unable to hear
very well
I walked into
my sunken floor home
and downed the
pulpy orange juice
rotten as
milk left for days
to take
the taste away
I bit into
some bread
and after I took
a bite it came to
my attention
the mold had been
hiding on the other side
It going to be hard
to leave this little house
but like a bullet
leaving the wound
it hards at first
but heals alot better after.
This is change
slapping me right across
the face
and once
again my nose
is broken and bleeding.
This year has made up
for 7 years of good luck
in the physical problem area.
Got hit on my bike twice
and fell off my bike once.
2 dislocated shoulders
3 head concussions
2 infected eyes
4 voice loss incedents
2 sprained backs
2 knee sprains
now
hopefully the end
1 infected ear.
If this is not a sign
then god knows what is?
The pond is pretty
I hope i just dont get
bit by deer flys
they irritate me.
but I will miss
the helocopters
every night.
the 15 children around me
pinned in little sardine
apartments
the gangs across the street
dealing drugs
and having the
police and the feds
constantly
driving around.
those creepy men that constantly
follow and undress me with
their eyes.
the 4 am drunks
that puke on the outdoor gates.
how about
the men with there
million dollar cars
racing down a 3/4 block
oh yes the grime and
litter that is everywhere like grass in a park.
how about those flying water bugs nice word
for cockroach.
I will miss the sirens
and helicopters
they are my wild animals st night.
god know you just cant feed them.
I always have lived in bad neigborhoods
always felt safer
cause criminals
never shit in their homes.
so dispite all the cons
of the situation
I still felt at home
and it is a pretty home
built in the 20's
and a kind spirit
in the house it self.
Wrote some great songs
here.
lost many tears here.
laughed some smiles here.
but thank fucken god i'am getting
out of here.
alive.
not
los angeles
just yet
but this november
I will taste the snow
and let the snow flakes
hyponize me into silence
for a moment at least.
August 23, 2006 - Wednesday
today ia my b-day cest bonne oui
Category: Life
today la is the day
i was dropped off on this
earth
like a open casket
with a living breathing thing
myself and i
struggleing
and gaspeing
for air
evry minute of
the day
when i get out of the water
love you
and thank you
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August 21, 2006 - Monday
Long day, but good just the same.
Current mood: drained
Category: Life
so today i'am slightly tired.
I worked 8 1/2 hours trying to
convince people to give to
greenpeace on a telephone.
then i played one song
with soda at this club
in los angeles called
the mint.
It was this show doing
gospel tunes in country
styles
kind of good
just the same.
then I went to a
radio station
and these great guys
rose's pawn shop where
playing on this radio show
called trashomaticbarbageagogo
on www.kuci.com collage radio
then soda played
and
Soda asked me to play
a couple songs with him
its always a great honor.
It is always nice to be asked
to play.
I always get very nervous
and talk way to much
and always make a fool
of my self.
I have always been told
I give it all away.
and in return i say
if this was my last day
on earth at least i gave it
all i had right?
now I have got to focus.
but i am always focused.
its just hardsometimes.
to get everything n
order in my brain.
All I know is this.
is as i get older i know
nothing at all.
and more and more
it seems i am just alone in
my brain and thats a good thing.
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August 12, 2006 - Saturday
Just Joking hahahahahahha
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
Just a little pycho
this evening
no money
no smokes
spent all
my money
just trying
to get buy
no lie
no lie
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August 11, 2006 - Friday
I love Captain Beefheart
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
Its going to be a good show
and by the way I love Captain Beefheart alot today!
Currently listening :
Bongo Fury
By Frank Zappa & Captain Beefheart
Release date: 02 May, 1995
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August 9, 2006 - Wednesday
Why the fuck not, i'am not signed yet.
Current mood: awake
Category: Music
Why not?
put a sample of
1995-2006
many many many years of hard work?
right?
why not?
what do i really have to loose?
I already have lost
things that where dear to me.
many people I wish that could see me
and would want to see me but they are dead now.
so
this is for them.
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August 6, 2006 - Sunday
perception is always like a straw in a glass of water.
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
perception is always like a straw in a glass of water.
every one has a opinion
and every one has a right to express themselves
if it involves them personally.
lately I have been irritated slightly.
getting lots of hate emails.
when is going to end?
All I do is play guitar,sing, write songs.
and my day job involves working for
non-profits and good causes.
I am not wealthy
and everything I do
involves music and trying to enjoy life.
I have playing and putting out
records since I have been
seventeen years old.
And right now I am very
focused at least trying to be.
I must remember I have alot
of people who love me
and who have never given up
on me.
It is true that I have often taken the
many different roads to the path
of success.
I have often let my enemys
sleep in the same bed as me
and even clothed them and
given them money I just dont have
why? cause people have done the same for me.
I am a girl who has come from nothing
and I am very very grateful for
all the good people who have helped me along
in my life.
My Friends are lifelong.
My Peers are lifelong.
Lately I have been meeting some
very unhappy sour vendictive people.
I really kind of wish I understood
this.
People have been very cruel
lately.
And also People have been very nice.
I must learn to follow my gut
my intuition and come from a place
of love.
Its better to have loved then not loved at all.
I know thats not very pirate of me.
but there's a place for that.
probibly not on myspace
but i have never let that
bother me before.
I will always remember
the three wise men in my life.
I had just left a group home.
I had lived with 15 girls for four years
in a place called Grace Haven.
We occupied a 20 bedroom victorian
house.
I had lived in room 11 for two years
then lived in room 3 for the remaining
2 years.
I had gone back to highschool
at seventeen and finished highschool
in two years.While being in cirque du solei
clown school, Ballet school, animation class's
and art class's, acting school etc..
While alot of the other girls where being
pimped, shop lifting, drug dealing
and joining gangs, playing with guns.
The meanest girls where always my friends
and the nicest ones where also my friends.
Now when I had this guy put a gun in my
stomach and girls trying to fight me
It always compelled me to express my self threw art.
you see before I was there I has already gone threw
that from the ages 11-16
from those years.I have had all my ribs broken,
my nose broken four times.
I had been thrown out of a car
getting complete amnesia.
having two strokes, three heart attacks
having people stab me, and try to murder me
getting guns pulled on me.
and in turn doing the same things to my self.
You see I came from a very very dark place.
A victim of circumstance.
NOT A VICTIM.
So what is my point
Well after being told by leading doctors and pychiatrists
that I was fucked for life.
I took every thing I had left in me.
And told them to fuck off.
I was alone
utterly
most of my life
but always the
meanest and societys view of crazy people
took care of me.
well back to the three wise men.
When I was 21 the system closed my case.
I was off to collage
eating in soup kitchens
for breakfast
and bumming ciggarettes.
And after one year
I started exposing my prose
and playing in front of people.
It was scary.
I had no idea of my past
at the time because of
from the life I had crawled threw. many conditions
someof them called pts and long term memory amensia.
As well as having extream chronic asthma
heart murmers, and bone pain ( from the physical altercations I had lived threw.)
and constantly had to stay in hospitals every two weeks
because back then the medication was very different
then what it is now.
Often I had no idea how to talk people
I was physically and mentally alone threw all this.
But you see the hobos on the street
the book sellers, coffee drinkers,and barflys
always listened and said you have something
special and your o.k. kid!
More often though alot of people judged me
at first until they relised over many years I
not a lier I just get the colors and years wrong
and say what do you you know then I could only
respond in my own little code.
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August 1, 2006 - Tuesday
this is how I will die!!!!!
Current mood: bored
Category: Blogging
I took this quiz
at eSPIN-the-Bottle:
How Will You Die?
and here's what I got:
Devoured By Wolves
Take this quiz yourself.
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July 31, 2006 - Monday
funny poster
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
Myspace Layouts
izzy cox
& the eskimos
1920's pop noir
tom waits meets
nina simone
meets
captian beefheart.
100% cutting edge
100% original
every friday of july & august 2006
7-9pm
@ saffari sams
5214 w sunset blvd
hollywood
free parking
free entry
great dinner
great drinks
Love O lots
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOOOOO
Izzy Cox
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July 29, 2006 - Saturday
Every thing is Fantastic!
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life
I just started a new band
called Izzy and the Very Happy All The Times.
All our songs are about fun
and feeling great all the time.
I hit makes be larger
the other makes me small
go ask alice when she's ten feet tall.
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July 27, 2006 - Thursday
I love with everything I got.
Current mood: grateful
Category: Life
I love with everything I got.
Crazy but always gut honest!
Despite all odds.
Even if I piss people off.
i just say it as it is.
If it matters.
And at the end of the
day you would not want
me any other way.
cause if I was any other way
I would be dead!
thats the difference
between me and you.
July 25, 2006 - Tuesday
what ever...........
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life
what ever
is a fool
with out
a fools
fool
but to be
a fool
or to have
been fooled
to tell
of such things.
so much for
honesty
cause at the
end of the day
what ever
comes out
of the wash
or might as
as well throw
the baby out
with the
bath water
but its not
my bath
or my baby
either.
I would of done things
differently
perhaps perhaps not
I always go with the truth
because I know that
its not wrong
caught between
a stone and a hard place
not really
perhaps just a beach
and a ocean
I never take sides
I just call it as I see it.
And if I have done
wrong then
I will make my
amends.
and not do it again.
but come on if
your being an ass hole
sooner or later
someones going to call it.
especially if they care.
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July 24, 2006 - Monday
oh my.
Current mood: confused
Category: Life
oh my.
its very
clear.
its a
a broom
with out a floor.
dominoes
right.
craps.
marbles and jax.
oh i'am wrong
I will never do that again.
It felt right
but perhaps
knots in my belly
like a butterfly
a bee hive
shit
I tripped
on my foot again
deeply wedged
in my mouth
My foot
is blown right
of my leg
looking for a peg
now.
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My reasoning.
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life
Why would I post that?
Why would I become involved?
Because its the truth.
And its just not right.
I love those people
dearly.
But its not right.
Its not o.k
to blame your problems
on one individual.
And not be honest
with the ones that care
about you.
That how I feel.
Thats what happened.
And that is what is
happening.
I did not mention names
because there is no need.
And the ones that are
close and friends
can discuss these issues.
this is a serious matter.
This is not some bullshit.
I do not regret my actions.
I know I am not misinformed.
I weighed all the pros and cons
and may not be liked
and may be judged harshly.
Useing peoples faults for
your own gain
is just wrong.
Not talking about serious issues
and blaming people
is not the right action.
All I did was state the facts.
And in the end of the day
people care.
And I do care.
I am just calling it as I see
it.
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July 23, 2006 - Sunday
Every friday in July & August!!!!!!
Current mood: energetic
Category: Music
MySpace Stuff
1920's buckaroo speak easy punx
vi va
vi va
Murder mayham scandalous sexy exotica
film noir music
Great Menu
grab grub and rum
Izzy Cox & The Eskimos
Every friday
@ safari sams
7-9pm
5214 w sunset blvd
hollywood
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I only have good intentions.
Current mood: amused
Category: Life
I only have good intentions
and protective mantras
and have a desire
deep with in my soul
to create harmony
and balance
salt and sage
sage and salt
This house is so hot
I have taken showers upon
showers
So i went to the meeting
place this evening
I have made a friend
tryed to save a friend
lost a friend
and stabbed in the back
by a friend
all in good time
all in good time
no ciggarettes
to late to leave the house
and to early to start my day
mistaken
or over looked by
a friend
is probibly the hardest thing
to find in the world
I believe in honor
of actions
otherwise everything
else is bullshit
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July 21, 2006 - Friday
I had the most shiny pearl in my heart.
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
I had the most shiny pearl in my heart.
I felt better
for the first time in my life
and now its gone.
And i will die
of heart brake this time.
I know it.
If all the tides in the world
promised me riches and allure
in trade of this pearl
I would swear my life
of this love.
Love me too much
they say.
And then others swear not
enough.
Cant you see
what you see is what you get
and once again
not good enough
could you have just said
one nice thing
something personal
but no the time
has come
to move along
like a bull in a china shop
but you forgot
I was just a bull too
and now i'am
pinned with a sword
and a red flag.
right threw my soul
right threw my heart
I asked for a moment
and this is what I got
a hand full of rice
just enough for the mice
and was told
I was a horrible mistake
all over again.
a mediocre
just another fucken
road block in the
yellow brick road.
wow how original
so creative
out standing.
but you said
it in the most brillant
of terms
and I applaud
the time a ferce
dedication
of honesty
the truth always
is silent
and cuts threw
the bullshit.
however I am both
bull and shit
so in half I go.
tagged me with all the
most normal terms.
it is all true.
1. crazy
2. medioc re
3. ditsy
4. unfocused
5. unmotivated
6. a waste of time
7. a sucking life force
8.untalented
9. Lazy
10.mean
11.weird
12.and the million dollar bonus
a bother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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July 20, 2006 - Thursday
playing, working & begging for change
Current mood: blank
Category: Life
playing
working
begging for change
I wish I slept
on a softer bed
this floor out of a box
type living is all I know
but honestly
I need a change of
scenery
but I know
I have alot of more
work to do.
I'am reaching
for a helium filled
ballon that just rises
higher and higher
above my head
but god knows
I got ladders
no more
pedistals
thank you
they all fall apart
and I always
end up brakeing
my knees
and my fingers
are wraped
with too many
counting beads
cause after a while
I have nothing to
count its just ends
up being one big
bead.
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July 17, 2006 - Monday
ots all starting over again
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
ots all
starting
all over again
very hot
day
the records
almost
done
my eye hurts
though
got a stye for
the first time
working
on 3
musical
projects
exciting
friday
will just be
me
billy
ronny
the record
is like
a classic
rock
album
I added
so many things
visions in my head
could
be
received
well
and well
is full of water
and cause
its hot
I will rather
love
jumping
in a well
of water.
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July 13, 2006 - Thursday
oh my!!!!!
Current mood: blank
Category: Life
oh my!!!!!!
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July 10, 2006 - Monday
oh!
Category: Romance and Relationships
oh!
July 10, 2006 - Monday
Aw shucks!!!!!
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life
I just love
when people
are so kind!
so honest
so straight
forward
so so
I am an
understanding
person.
And I have never been
happier.
I have found love
for the first time
in my life.
Like my good
friend
told me
watch out they
just jump out
of the wood work.
well 've
got a album to finish
got another album to start
a zine to finish
and got
to find people
who can help
a girl like me out
I'am not ugly
I can be quite funny
yanking
my chain
At the end
of the day
are you staying
true to whats
in your heart?
I try my friend
I try.......
I whisper back
as I scream
at the top of my
lungs under neath
my breath
but can you hear
my heart shattering
into a million little pieces
I can
it sounds like billions
of hail stones
hitting the expensive cars
and zillions
of pennys
being thrown in wishing well
all over the world.
Currently listening :
Baltimore
By Nina Simone
Release date: 18 July, 1995
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July 9, 2006 - Sunday
got brand new nails for
Current mood: touched
Category: Life
the devil they say
brings you nails for your coffin
silks for your noose
ether and roses for smelling
needles for morphine
shiny toy guns you
thaught you where playing
a russian childrens game
I married that devil
and stabbed him in the heart
I charmed that devil
with a kiss
and a guitar
now heaven wont take
me
and hell dont want me cause
I broke out of hell.
Currently listening :
Swing Low Sweet Chariot
By B.B. King
Release date: 14 July, 1995
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its all very good!
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
Its all very good!
who would of thaught?
oh well
the show must go on!
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July 6, 2006 - Thursday
who am i kidding?
Current mood: hungry
Category: Life
who am i kidding I have many places
I can go..........
Newyork,Saltlake, SF, Seattle, Texas,
Vancouver, Edmonton,Montreal,
Toronto, Washington DC, France, U.k,
Spain,Hawaii, Mexico, Ireland
many places......
perhaps I will just stay Eh!
for now.
The record is sounding great!
Almost done!
And I have enough songs to record another.
Got to get ready for show cases!?
scary!
anyway
I thaught to my self
If I dont go on tour
anytime soon
I will just get ready to do
the grayhound tour like I did
many years ago.
thats fun riding with felons
on their weekend pass's
and many intresting people.
if all fails.
At least this record will be
the accomplishment of my life time.
pretty soon if things dont change
I will have to get a cellphone
and a safe deposit box.
I want to finsh my blog book
where i edit and scribble all over
and make fun of my self.
I dont know
its my four year mark.
................................
I cant jump the boat right.
perhaps rock it.
hahahahahahahahhahaha
life sucks bad but my hearts in the right place.
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July 5, 2006 - Wednesday
time to start packing and I will do it right this time.
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Life
time to start packing
I will do it right this time
use box's
use tape
but where would I go?
I have no where to go.
this sucks.
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June 30, 2006 - Friday
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
ha ha ha ha ha
I feel much better now!
thank god!
i am very happy to be alive.
smile now cry later
love life!
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June 29, 2006 - Thursday
I love when I'am just nuts and nothing is real
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
I love when I'am nuts
and nothing I think is real
its so much better than
I have ever dreamed
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Its not nice
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
its not nice
its not not fun
truths the truth
you have moved on
now that things are hard
just as before
its quite inconvienent
that your gone
I am the fool
I am blinded my love
this is how i get repayed
a fist in the stomach
and a scar across the heart
now I have a letter
and things will never be the same
and worst of it all
no one can be blamed
But when I got hit
you just walked away
and I doubt I will ever see you again
I waited oh for hours
and promises
you did make
dont lie to me
cause i know you an't
coming around today
your off to the races
and goodluck
with all your ways
I just an't pretending
I know its just going
to work out
that way
it was nice
is the past
so goodluck
with your future
and goodluck
with it all
I have to worry about
other things
things you just
dont understand
or care about
and I will never
ask for help
from you again
threw all this
it had to end this
way
thanks alot
and it an't very nice.
but it an't your fault
it really is all mine
I was warned
a million times
and now I pay
this lifelonged
bill.
I'am so glad
i see it now
like i never have before
I fell in love with
another hustler
with a heart of gold
god bless his heart
for i am all to blame
left me stone cold
and is well upon his way
good luck good bye
thank you for warning
me and good bye.
I know you have choices
for you make it so clear
I pray they hold and love you
better than I ever did.
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bullshit bullshit bullshit
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
thats the code
of honor
of this place
bullshit bullshit
going to fuck
you up
anyway i can
mean evil down
and dirty
but the most
greatest thing
about this
whole deal is
I will write
the better song
for it
its like
the creme
of the cream
handed to you
on silver platters
but now i'am
really fucked
its so bad
thats its just
not worth even
to go there
tainted like a
scarlet letter
and pushed l
ike a sack of
unwanted puppys
to a bottomless river
the swamp is muddy
and now It was as
you wanted
me gone
me out
me to die
you said that one day
and I was like where
have a heard this
before
i was broken
but now i really
am a broken toy
and the worst thing
of all this is I did
it to my self.
just some puppet
something to laugh at
and not be taken seriously
or included
and this is the price a pay
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June 27, 2006 - Tuesday
I guess I kicked out of yet another social scene
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
I guess I kicked out
of yet another social scene
wow that so cool
I fit absolutely
no where
and have no place to call
my own
anyway thats what
my head tells me.
so long
June 27, 2006 - Tuesday
a ballad of belle gunness
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
my favorite parts!!!!!
Lay that shovel down
lay that shovel down
shovel-shovin mama
lay that shovel down
lay thoses matches down
lat those matches down
makin matches mama
lay those matches down
they couldn't find a head
they couldn't find a skull
so people said
perhaps instead
she wasn't dead at all.
just moody
so i wrapped my self
in silk sheets
and started smoking
a elegent smoke
with a nice hard
punch drunk drink>
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June 26, 2006 - Monday
day off today
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
out of cash so I cant t make stickers
out of cash to buy things
out of cash to buy love
out of cash to feel creative
out of cash to buy my medication
out of cash so I feel un comfortable
to broke
some times your
just to broke
to feel good
debt is starting to
creep up past my neck
kind of feel like i'am drowning
oh well
I made my bed
now i must live with it
convienent
how things go
when the tough gets going
spent the day at the lybrary
cause there was air conditioning
the recording session
last night was a blast!
so much work
so little resources
so very few people to
lean my shoulder
on
it seems
my world
is so very
tiny
today
as small as a safety
pin
perhaps I will
go bowling and knock
a couple of pins
cause when it
go's this way
its the only thing that
makes me happy
i love the love
i love that being
and so I pay the price
of the ferris wheel
and stand in line
sometimes
out of cash when I need
it the most
I suppose it
is just the way it is.
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June 24, 2006 - Saturday
sometimes you feel like killing your own kind
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Art and Photography
sometimes you feel
like killing your own kind
somethings in life
push you to the edge
its either you or them
and in the end
it was me who pulled the
trigger
and
threw the ring off my finger
with a dent in the wall
and a bottle full of alcohol
and shot my self in the foot
clumsy like a clown
with a scar on my face
forever a frown
endowed
with a plow and a headless mule
they can be cruel
but who's fooling whom
it runs much deeper then
that
this
paperless promise
five men hanged them selves
that day
it was a sunny day in july
beside the ramsacked
den
they where looking for diamonds
and killed the patrons
left a child
by the side of the beaten road
the logging season was over
and it was passover
the snow snuffed the child
dead cold
those five banded men
stayed true to each other
but when they read the
papers
there was nothing they could
do karma wrapped her
scales across there
mouths and noses
I just sat waiting
with a bottle of alcohol
and a gun
I had not washed
my clothing
smudged with
horse shit
and ticks fighting
for some of my
flesh to eat
I feel asleep
too consumed
with rage
to think with
reason
I feel asleep
and woke up
framed with
convictions
I had never
done.
they put the
handcuffs
on
the judge
never looked in my
eyes and the jury
never met someone
of my kind.
they took my
clothing.
and shaved my head
the shackles
on my feet
keep
hitting the bullet
wound on my foot.
the guards
are souless
like the
dogs from
concentration camps
way back when.
Its funny
they call me
the murdering
one.
the woman
who share this burden
have never and will
never tell there storys
they dont mix the
ones I'am in with.
there ruthless
until they practice cooking
and mold pretty things with
pottery.
Currently listening :
Leadbelly Sings For Children
By Leadbelly
Release date: 23 March, 1999
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June 23, 2006 - Friday
there is this place tucked in the middle of paradise and long cement roads
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life
there is this place tucked in the
middle of paradise and long cement roads
I love them and they are loving
Just when I was packing up and
hopping trains
I changed my mind
things are not so bad
love is around
the cards
are turning good hands
and the tables throwing
good games.
o.k
next time
I will make you beg
cause its just so much fun
the things I do when
the moral police is not around
so hot the heat is just starting
to catch a flame
Currently listening :
Dirty Three
By Dirty Three
Release date: 25 July, 1995
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June 22, 2006 - Thursday
its o.k today!
Current mood: content
Category: Life
its o.k today!
there was a very large beetle
in my living room
i got scared and killed it
with my shoe
I feel sad
cause I really
like
beetles
otherwise just
tired
from working
alot
and taking care of my self.
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June 21, 2006 - Wednesday
Just the way things go!
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
just the way things go sometimes!
sometimes yes
sometimes not
like a lollypop
or a flavor of the month
perhaps like a rug
you can just wipe your feet
perhaps just a weed
in your garden you see
pluck it out
throw it away
its nothing for you anyhow
I have two more records to record
then I will release the box set
i must go home first
go threw dats
do threw quarter inch tape of music
casettes upon casettes
then when I find everthing
then I will release
13 albums
includeing the ones I have
not released yet.
which will be two.
yep!
amibitious
for a middled aged gal who started
recording and collaberateing at 17 years of age
god knows why?
I had hopes and dreams
of playing music and being taken seriously
but do I really care at the end of the day
I care about the ones I love
and all the people who where involved and the people
whom are involved now.
my abilitys as a song writer and a melody maker
are as good as anyone who has not stopped persueing
or just doing what feels right
for 14 years straight
do i really care if no one shows up to a show
I guess really
I feel bad for the venue
and my lack of kissing ass
14 years of playing and making sound recordings and art.
I have never fucked anyone I didn't want to
from the ages of 17 years and on
and now at the age of 31 about to turn 32
I question myself
should I just become a escort and put all that music and poetry out?
I wish i could, just sell the cream from inbetween my legs
but I know if I did that I would have to stick a very thin
needle in my arm and date a doctor
so I could get morphine
because why bother
or do that with out morphine?
and that to me
could be my downfall
you see I did that under the age of 17 years
and all that did was land me in a hospital and a rubber room
with a steel toilet with no seat
I didn't mind being tied up and all
but being locked up in a very white room
for months on end
is very damageing to ones soul
and I still have nightmares about it
so what am I trying to say?
I just believe if I just keep putting music out
even if no one likes it
or believes in it enough to make a investment
I will stay out of that rubber white bland room
however if I dont find a way to get $$$
or help I might have to sell my ass
so I can leave something behind that
tells my story
its a conumdrum
I think
this upcoming record is the beginning
of a dream come true
where after all these years i have allowed my ears
and my heart follow and try things out
I did do that years ago
then I stopped for a couple years
but still had put music out.
It has been fear that has held me back
not the normal I dont want sucess I have figured out
but just a primile I care about other people thing
you see I have a crazy father who has tried to take my
life many times
and deep down inside i'am afraid
if I get popular this son of a bitch
will hunt me down and kill me dead for good
but as long as i'am struggleing and poor he will leave me
alone and the other people i love alone
but of course the people i love I always keep at a distance
because of my past and this fucken biological
idiot who has litterally hunted me down for years.
fear of death is greater than death its self.
why?
am i talking about this so openly
it is because I do it in hopes that
i face success and embrace it
and my grand mother oddessa white / cox
used to say just talk it out of your system
so since most people dont have the time to listen or
really can digest these sad sad sad stories about me
and i cant afford my therapist
that writing about these experiences kind of heals me
yea i know!
persona
of a rock star must be discrete
must be an illusion
so then people can stay intrested in your art
right?
but what the fuck?
its a catch 22 in my case
I must stay honest
and I must stay sane
but I also must
stay intresting enough
for people not to tire of me.
who knows?
I just wanted to do it my way.
show the world you can be a no body
and a somebody at the same time
but this tactic is following the
reality
that right now
i have no money to my name
two girls showed up to see
me play
and the two guys who like
what a do
really really well
work a the venue
so i made $5.00 on a c.d
and gave that for gas.
who knows what I will do?
how I will get my masters
of the art i spent so much of my life doing
and when done if it had any significance
in this world I am now living in.
time to sleep
and enter the night of nightmares
and weird dreams
then wake up get a ride
to work from a armless lady in her seventies
who loves her dog nigal
and puts calssical music at the loudest possible
volume, screaming at the people who dont see
her disabled tag in the window, and dont let her pass
in the turning lane.
yes another day
of talking for eight hours
convinceing people
to give money to causes
that are good.
then wonder how I will eat that
day and how will i get home
cause i dont have a penny to piss on.
at least I can finish writing lyrics
and make plans that I hope I can execute
in the month or the following months.
god knows I need a bone.
I need a bone real bad.
cause this rock soup
is getting dry.
all i want for x-mas is my front two teeth.
stickers c.d's a website
a manager a booker a label
so my goal for this year is
a website
people can hear some of the works
get stickers made
get new photo's while my hair is platnium
finsh overdubs to 6 songs
7 songs are done.
put those songs on a c.d with a barcode
eat a little
laugh a little
love life a little more
cause like that movie
this is the
end
the end
the end of the beginning.
my friends.
I love life with everything I got
cause its the only thing
that wont quit me
however while I'am alive
I have a mission
its simple dont miss out
on the very things
that most people dont
want to see.
dispite my complaints
I still wake up in the
morning disputeing my wish's
with a will
that after all i must be graced
with unseen forces.
Currently listening :
Firestarter: Music From The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By Tangerine Dream
Release date: 31 August, 1993
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June 20, 2006 - Tuesday
life is good!
Current mood: good
Category: Life
life is good!
12:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
June 18, 2006 - Sunday
Why have I been seeing this everywhere?
Category: Life
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the sky was a pretty blue dot
Current mood: scared
Category: Life
the sky was a pretty blue dot
then you cut your finger
and it dripped
on the dot
it turned into a mauve
dry penciled
flake
an ash
from a lit ciggarette
or where you scratching
your skin
too hard.
in the yard a wolfgang
spider has built her
nest
admist the roses
and the banana trees
the pussy willows
can take care of them selves.
those sly fire ants
know just what to do.
the queen always
moves in the nix of time.
as the terpentine
assults the air with fumes
it was the wrong thing to do.
what a fimble
minded fool
with a que
for a pitchfork was I.
those rosecolored glasses
drugged me like absenth
and ether used to do for folks like me.
I dont have to try so
hard and I will never have
to rob others for my desires.
I invited
the slug in for a drink
while the wolf
was let loose
in the garden with the
prized lagumes.
Do I really trust
that thing
all dressed up
in sheeps clothing.
would you?
knowing that it
was playing the slots
everytime?
for every
cell in my body
thinks it is time.
once again
I left the milk
out to rot.
that caterpiller
is set of flying way
before its time.
and now
it has plunged to its death.
and the moths hover
over it laughing
at its funny little game
it has played.
how funny
how funny.
unrelentless
cowards
I tell you the
wolfgang spider knows better.
for not a hachet
or a bite
will change
its mind.
take my children
and desigrade
their graves
and justice will be brought
and justice will be paid for.
the leach
just sits there laughing
with the long cigar in hand.
the wolf knocks at the door
and the leach just slithers
by with out anyone noticeing
how fast he got out of the way.
all the little coffins
in hand
all the tears
of her soul.
all the spawns
of her hope.
for this is the greatest
cut down your spine
swine
of them all
they all sing
together.
but no the fool
stays the fool
while the house is on fire
and the garden
is slowly turning into
a desert.
so all is done.
and all has been done.
the cards are all dealt.
not a pot to piss in.
or a place to rest the head.
raped once again
and eaten live by the sharks.
not one person to turn to.
not one person who cares.
just a bunch of beggers
looking for a place in heaven.
so I pack my things
and off I go again.
having done
the very one thing I
swore never to do.
only doing it so
clearly
to myself.
digging the grave
so far deep withen
the barren land.
i should just buy that gun
and shoot my self in the head.
The owl swoops
in across the painted dot
snags my shoulder
falls into my lap
YOU STUPID FOOL
it sings to me in the sweetest melodys
dont you know why you started down
that path
why you are here
so I drop the gun and start to unpack all belongings
and all the little tenants
that share this garden with me
and I look around
and see that most of it
all of it
has nothing to do with me
always do what I think is right>br>
trust people until they prove me different
believe in the mammal code
have seen Karma in front of my eyes
either my force, death, or life
I am always protected and taken care of
that owl sits with me
As I lay my head down to sleep
Currently listening :
Bourgeois Blues: Leadbelly Legacy, Vol. 2
By Leadbelly
Release date: 18 March, 1997
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One of many of the things I have recorded
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life
One of many of the things I have recorded
is now illegally available
via internet
all the way from russia
what?
that really freaks me out!
why would someone do that?
I guess I will just have to put
the whole album available
via internet
o.k
anyway
this sucks
why?
cause someones making the money
And I have none
and the ones who
help me make it wont
get anything out of it.
anyway
good luck on trying to find
the 9 other albums
I have put out .....
I better not say that
cause before I know it?
anyway
I will make it all for free
the past stuff I put out
anyway.
If people dont start becoming greedy
assholes.
that is.
Thats o.k
there's a shit load more
and much more to come.
I am thank ful
I can write
improvise
cause there is always more from
where that came from.
Currently listening :
Blueprint for a Sunrise
By Yoko Ono
Release date: 09 October, 2001
.June 15, 2006 - Thursday
I have had the time of my life, playing with Soda and pawn shop three X 3
Category: Music
Wow
last week
playing with Soda and the pawn shop three X 3
which is a mix of the million piece band and roses pawn shop
has been fantastic!!!!!!
The songs are breath taking.
And bring shivers to my spine.
the time of my life
singing dancing laughing
Playing
with Eskimos
Billy Pittman etc.
has been fantastic as well
oh good things
are sometimes hard to handle
but it sure beats
saddness and disapointment.
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i have never been happier in all of my life
Current mood: grateful
Category: Life
I have never been happier in all of my life
It feels very much
like a well fitted dress
not one too tight
and one not to loose
it is very different
and in my house of cards
they are just all tumbleing down
I am a quiet softspoken soul
for ones whom know me well
when I am balanced and feel
well adjusted.
I have many dreams that have foretold
my future, I guess its the middle eastern
and native american in my blood.
When I was 6 years old
I saw a vision of my life
and all the horrible things to come
so when all those things happened
I was well prepared.
I had a dream six months ago
of my jaw and teeth falling out
countless times
as if for days and days
I was lost looking
for this other
in a carnival
of old new and future
and the other I was searching
for I kept missing where ever
I was searching and then all the
others lovers had grabbed me
they had formed a club
I did not want to join
All my teeth where falling out
pins needles, keys, knives
gushing blood and fluid
as if had been rotting
for years.
then I and more girls had
all backed this other
with instruments
on stage
and cute little suits
I was very happy
then my teeth
had started falling out again
pins,needles, large pegs and screws
and gushes of blood and odd
objects started falling out
of my mouth
still searching for this other
then All of a sudden
that other and I
where flying in inflatable
jets and we where laughing
I looked around
I was in a comic shop
in the future / antique
with masks and inflatable toys
flying around
having fun
as if I was on a balloon
that was getting the air let out
and my teeth
where brand new
and my jaw stopped
hurting
and I was o.k.
but you can just amagine
how I had felt that morning when
I arose.
I will never know who
that other was
perhaps it was my self
perhaps it is another
other than myself
and I searched endlessly
for the meaning
the hidden
meanings
but they where literal
as they have always been
no metaphore
no spiritual quest of any kind
just
teeth= money
teeth falling out= deep profound loss
jaw= relationships
mouth= control
other= my ability as a lover
others lovers= truth withen my own self
anyway the list go's on
it all came true
and now I am happier than i ever have
been before .
why?
I'am playing music.
I'am singing
i'am dancing
I'am loving
and being loved
and no
mean people in my life
that is a rare
thing
for a girl like me.
And I really do owe
it all to a very special
confidant.
That held this
wild hurt animal
with love and compassion
and just knowing
that I am not alone
can really change
the fact of wanting to put
a gun to your head
to
putting a flower in your hair
instead.
Currently listening :
C'est Si Bon: Satchmo in the Forties
By Louis Armstrong
Release date: 11 September, 2001
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June 13, 2006 - Tuesday
it is not subsideing this terrible ache inside
Category: Life
it is not subsiding this terrible ache inside
I wish it had a explaination
this fucken cricket on my shoulder
just yapping away so fast
i dont understand what it is saying
just repeating nothing
adds up
nothing makes sense
it all is bullshit
it is saying
time to sleep
time to say bed night night
time to enter the concove
empty
as the 29 days before minus 1
nothing adds up
it just dos'ent make any sense
out of proxy
out of time
lapseing in
and out of real
and forms of reality
its all falling apart
like the many times before
I tryed so hard
I didn't care
I cared to much
now I must let go
and face the mirror
the horror
of a dream just
left underneth a plliow
hopeing for something magical to happen
but nothing I do is right
or good enough
it never has and it never will be
and this my friends is the hardest lesson
to face
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June 12, 2006 - Monday
fuck june 12
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
fuck june 12
this sucks
nothings
working
everybody
lies
i dont
i was born
in the crossroads
i made
my road
i
made my bed
and i am lighting
it on fire
Currently watching :
Bob Dylan - No Direction Home
Release date: 20 September, 2005
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June 11, 2006 - Sunday
i'am tired, good week of music******
Category: Life
i'am tired
good week
of music
all work
no play
hey come
think about
I must be that
girl again
man i wish
I was not
but I am
yet again
a fucken
idiot
the smartest
man of our time
did say the defination
of stupid
is doing the same things
over and over again
and expecting different results.
so folks i'am a stupid
girl
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time to fais du do
Current mood: satisfied
Category: Life
time to fais du do
sleep sleep
not even a wink
this week
now I will get
3 hours
this sucks
but everything else was
wellworth it
playing playing playing
the only thing that really
makes me happy.
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June 9, 2006 - Friday
Take off my pantysfirst then I'll tell you a story thank you I love you
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
thank you 4 coming to the henry fonda and saying nice things
Thank you for saying nice
things at the henry fonda
Thank you for las vagas
people are great
Thank You in advance for
coming to doll hut tonight
Thank You for coming to the c.d
release this saturday with
vintage porn and big tubes to walk threw
in advance details below.
ect : Choose Your Own Adventure: Saturday, June 10th
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Here's the details...
It's a Multimedia Exhibition set for this Saturday:
June 10th, 2006.
[9PM-3AM!!]
We will have a human sized multi-directional tube with
"Exploration Chambers" consisting of thematic
installations and performance pieces in a spacious
3000 sq/ft. warehouse space just above Atwater
Villiage.
The concept of the show is to instill a
Consciousness-Shift for the patron. The objective
herein is to implore the visitor to a have a modified
perception by the end of the evenings experience.
No-one should leave as they came.
Each area/chamber
will have a different (working) artists' variation on
consciousness shift and evolution to boot. This
hapening will be multi-media and engage the subject to
interact with various senses... sight, sound,
vibration, etc.
EXHIBITING ARTISTS INCLUDE:
EDER ONE, DANFORTH FRANCE, MiKE ALivE, DAVID GARCIA,
SAUNDERS, MARK FARINA(MXF), KENT BULZA, JOSH FADEM,
ALEX MALOUTAS & BEN MEALEY
'Domestic Universe' Performed by YVONNE PAPANEK
Musical Performances by:
LINDA LAMB (Gigolo Record s Germany,Citizen Records)
NORA KEYES (Dualplover)
IZZY COX & THE ESKIMOS (Dead Art Records)
CALLS AFTER MIDNIGHT (Radio, Black Heart Society)
And MAGNETIC-RESONANCE-EXPERIMENTATION
MINIMAL-ELEKTRONIK-WAVE FOR THE NIGHT!!!!
By, JOB LEATHERETTE of (M/R/X)
We truly hope you can come, as our collection of
mind-bending music is intense and our visuals will be
enchanting. We want you to evolve!
TO SUPPORT THE
ARTS; CONSIDER A $3 - $5 DONATION @ the door.
For Location Go to:
http://www.chooseyourownadventure.info/04.html
The Address is:
3042 Rosslyn St
Los Angeles, CA 90065-1409
We will be Blasting you with Climactic Surges from:
9PM till 3AM.
-The FUTURISTS
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cool sang awws and ohhs for soda & the rose pawn shop X 3 that night, opened up 4 Jack White
Current mood: working
cool! sang awws and ohhs for soda & the rose
pawn shop X 3 that night, opened up 4
Jack White and the recouters i hope
i spelled it write, played at the henry fonda theatre
back ups...fun everyone was very very very nice
just one of those moments I will never forget
even though I know my ahhs and ohhs where
not spectacular and I am just as forgotten
as yesterdays news, I was needed only for
one reason only, I did it, and I got a once
and a lifetime experience.
Sure back home I opened up for large bands
that had large draws, Always the same experience
Great stuff.This time I was a player in a band
and that was fun to.My experience with successful
commercial or profound artists is this either its horrible
or mind blowing and this was the latter.
The very next morning would be yesterday
I got up, got ready with the eskimos
went to Las Vagas to play.
my first show in that city
First off I misplaced my merch
then the drum set that we where going to borrow
from one of the friends of friends member in las vagas
forgot to mention if we wanted to borrow
the drums we would have to drive
back with them to hollywood or stay the evening then return them.
Then I tryed calling people, who told me to call
other people to call other people.
We got to the venue and the delightful
fantastic bluegrass band meets the pouges
"The Shitkickers" were so kind to let us borrow
their drums.
We played we ate we drank we gambled
we stirred up music fiascos and got people dancing and
clapping.
Then we drove home.
&^&(%(^%%$$&....@%$@%..$@
despite these lonesome blues I will sing my heart out
tonight at the doll hut and play after the rose's pawn shop
c.d release.
I am happy
happy I am playing
happy to be apart of
a life sentenced community
of music makers and people
who love us.
And we love them
because with out them
music would be dead.
Currently listening :
Boots
By Nancy Sinatra
Release date: 21 February, 1995
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June 6, 2006 - Tuesday
I have always seen it to!
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
I have always seen it to.
three X 3 X 3
equals nine
funny
I love life
it just gets more
intresting as life
go's on.
wow!
that was fun!
Just making
prints
for all this
funky clothing.
for the release
on saturday.
Currently listening :
The Song Is You
By Frank Sinatra
Release date: 30 August, 1994
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I once had a wise man tell me that when you work
Current mood: content
Category: Life
I once had a wise man tell me
when you work and you work
hard at what ever you believe in
you will always get paid
perhaps not right away
or when you need it the
most
but it always comes threw
and such is life a balance
of the scales
a pendulme
I have always
believed when there
is change like the tides
when you stand up for what you
do, your art your passion
your truth
that is what matters the most
busy week
very happy
I get happy
the most when other
people around me
are postive
and focused
it just rubs off
on ya
so what 666
I say
If you have already
been to 666
then you know
the most greatest
thing is when your
faced in those types of
situations
the best thing you can
do is get in a get away car
and jump on the highway
66
I dont know?
I feel love
and I know in my heart
thst I am loved
and so life is an intresting
turn of events
life can be the hardest
of things
to adapt to the idea
you have in your life
but in turn
it all works out
sure my phones getting
shut off
but I know everyday
this week I'am
playing a show
and I'am doing my duty
what I was born to do
or perhaps
what being born brought
me.
sure things happen
feelings are not facts
and facts are not
feelings
believe me
but did I know this
it is
this life
is
all about
love
and love is not
a verb, it is an action
and every time
you have good intention
or hold your breath
and let cars pass by
or people shove you by
is this not
just what there part is
in the end.
I love that movie beraka
I know the monk
walking in admist
millions of people
running and screaming
and talking and laughing
dieing crying
that the monk
is doing his part
the balence
of the world
is the balence
of the h2o in our bodies
the streams by the mountains
the tears out of our eyes
the sweat off our bodies
the kiss from our lips
Currently listening :
Martha Wainwright
By Martha Wainwright
Release date: 12 April, 2005
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June 4, 2006 - Sunday
dont hate me peeps back home!i'am dieing of heatstroke
Current mood: good
Category: Life
I swear ia'm dieing of heatstroke
right now!
I rented my room
out
my bed out
my ac unit
so I dont go homeless
this heat sucks
too poor
to afford a fan
got to get up
in 3 hours
to talk for four eight hours
Why am I complaining
I hope I die of heatstroke
if you know anything about
the north.
Currently listening :
Smoke 'em If You Got 'em
By Reverend Horton Heat
Release date: 01 July, 1991
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June 3, 2006 - Saturday
life is a plume
Current mood: full
Category: Life
life is a plume
we are plucked
from the skin
and when we soar
threw the winds
we feel the
breeze
in our fins
land or water
that is our
o2 in our
blood
we are plume
dans la coure
Currently listening :
Sound and Recipes
By Dionne Warwick, Gene Autry, Linda Ronstadt, Eartha Kit, Pearl Bailey, Burl Ives, Lena Horne, Frankie Valli, Nancy Wilson, Frankie Laine Perry Como
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June 2, 2006 - Friday
better today than yesterday
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
better today than yesterday
sometimes
it really
hard to
accept and
swollow the
truth
100%
percent
past tense
present tense
I am a strong
enough
person
just trying
not to go
fucken
out of my
mind
I really dont
think
its going to be
easy
I am way to
sensitive
and
I like my
rhinestones
but when
a ruby
comes around
its hard
not to be
entranced
and hypnotized
I thaught
long and hard
today
and acheived
not much
not much
worthy
to even write
home about
just that I
saw a cool
movie
and hope
tommorow
go's a hell of
alot
better
than today
cause this
neighborhood
in my head
is the worst
part of town
Currently listening :
The Million Dollar Hotel: Music From The Motion Picture (2000 Film)
By Daniel Lanois
Release date: 14 March, 2000
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June 1, 2006 - Thursday
oh dear, oh dear dream on dream on,
Current mood: creative
Category: Life
By the way every word to
be typed on my electronic conveinent type writer
and instantly published
persay may be owned and copied
with underwritten legalitys
persay I did not know so therefore
persay is mine copwriitten persay.
so every word I type
by the way is a lie.
because the subject of truth
is derived between a matter or
subject or subjects that can not be identifed
as truth
if so who can really
justify truth
if no one person
place of thing
witnessed in where with all arena
of the brain or what is amagination
factual or fictional
in the events discribed
so what I write
is a lie in the subject
manner posted as
life
who's truth
so therefore what I write is a lie.
She'll be com'n around the corner when she comes
She'll be com'n around when she comes
she be strapped down in that web
with curly pig tails
down in out my friend
you'll be sorry
it wasn't ment
and there is nothing you can do
you ran out of funds
and she made you cum
I think she could be the one
don't tell me all
you needed
was
some
sum
in the end
thats all it's about
it an't love like a glove
just a mirror reflection
and a gun and certainly
a pun
it was a time so long ago
this is the real reason I left
and I leave everytime
heraciuo polymontheous
taught me the truth on a corner
with a bottle of bourbon
and a bag full of black pills
bonne bon bonne pcp let me see
drop the bullshit
drop the bombs
drop the gongs
what are your running from?
a reflection
a hesitation
a rejection
I'am on borrowed time
honey
cause he an't going to love me
when I'am old and gray
when I'am cold and hard
to look at in the face
penthouse wealthy will be mirror ones
hore goused charming wanna be ones
strapped down cellulighted daddy told me ones
down and out take you home a patch you up ones
married with a car extra in the yard ones
very ever lonely educated not out of the closet ones
arty winged diverted scared only care what people think of me ones
family pleasers plastered pac man liked ones
string bikini fingered in the tinker ones
trust fund with nothing inthe gut ones
scarey rip your heart and eyes daddy mother complements you ones
devoted you wished you where good enough ones
puns with guns and bikes with depressed coated, smirks when your not looking ones
I'am so glad it an't about me
Cause daddy only had wives
or hores and thats very limiting if you ask me
no choices or freedom from guilt can make
anyone destroy peoples lives
mommy never raised no people just prodigys
the hyennas,baboos,widows, cons, robbers, killers on the run
actually the sickest and meanest mother fuckers
raised
this stupid little flea
in the end its a parody
probibly perfectly fit like me
back to this simple sad tale
I was run out of town cause
there was no men left
just a gent and a love
torn between them from afar
I send my love and from beyond
everyday, I'am glad they are happy
I loved them both equally
One couldn't keep me no matter
how hard he tryed
and the other wanted something
I just couldn't contrive
and so I became a scorn woman
unable to be freed
my lover who was always there for me
got bored and settled down
and so there was nothing left for me
cause I'am not like normal people
poor oh little poor me
to often I'am a wolf in sheeps clothing
I just dress undercover
thats what punk rock is really about
to me.
the insides, the guts, the raw raw of unseen and unexplained forces.
your truth, your legacy how you faced yourself
in the mirror at the end of the day
the heart you placed first than the face
then one day this man a shining star
very very very very tall
stole my breath from right under me
he put the wind in my sails
and off I went
dropped everything for an idea
of freedom
till kingdom come
it will be done
and I just did it that way
I have and never needed a gun son
or a bun bakeing in the oven
and the rest was just
not ment for a girl like me
"my true love
sits in a box
and sings for me
it dos'nt care
what I look like
what I've lied about
what secrets I have none
when I face my true love
It answers my prayers
and lets me face this world
when all the chips are down
no one place person or thing
can ever come inbetween
the thing we got
It was either a razor
blade, a toster in my bath
a noose on the back bend
I syringe full of morphine
I rock of crack, a bottle full of pills
a man so sad with the ability to kill me
A crime so bad that prison time
would not cure me
a car with a faulty brakes
A steak left out for many days
A ailment with out the antidote
believe me folks I have tryed
every which way
before you even thaught
of jacking off
It was not time for me
you see when my true love came to
me, it was worn torn and left to die
and I picked it up
with out wisdom or a craft
out of tune and out of wack
I plugged it into a stack
and it screamed bloody
and I saw all the hands
all the crimes
all the unpure rath this thing endured
like me we became one
then one day like a true love would do
it released me
and so then from it
I can only be true
and never lie to my true rosewood blue
with dice on its belly
and strings for its heart"
anyway
back to this stupid
ditty boppy theme
they
always end up sitting
in a corner wishing they
never said those words
to me, doubting me
when the tough
got no so pretty
and they always
saved there face before
they saved there ass
and in the end made an ass
of them selves
and the final straw
A ass out of me
lets face it
honey
always seeps from the bees
and it will forever be
just that clean and simple
like that dimple on your
knee and that fleece
wrapped around you like
a lotus protecting its baby seeds
so sincere thats why I love that dear
no one ever wins
no one ever loses
no one can ever be untrue
just unseen
cause like my friend
put it perfect one morning on a hazy
drive to the other side of town
when all my chips where down
I love that flower
that grows despite
the smog and dis honor
among the trash
there's that flower beside the freeway
with its peddles strong and yellow
its body slightly flawed scars and bloated
the roots barely holding on
all alone beside
the place no one would ever
see a flower
that is me
despite all the odds
the cards dealt,the bullets I've dodged, ques stuck into me, bottles that have smashed against my skin, my nose broken four times, thrown out of moving large objectss and knives cutting deep within me, worst of all all the things I have done to me.
well what ever.
I stand as pretty as a odd one can
and in the end of the day
its because my true love
just like the flower and the sun
I stand tall
graced and with integrity.
what is really important is this
I'am excited
a person
I have never seen in the flesh
before
but is cut from the same cloth
is coming to visit me
and this person out of three is probibly
the only person in my entire
life I have been so happy to see
I am graced and not alone
and if you don't believe in fate
then you might be growing up
in the wrong side of your head
and not trusting your gut and
compleatly your heart.
Currently reading :
The Waste Land (Norton Critical Editions)
By T. S. Eliot
Release date: December, 2000
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May 30, 2006 - Tuesday
The show my have been cacelled, but we helped
Current mood: bored
Category: Life
It sucked tonight
the star shoes
gig got cancelled
but we saved alittle
critter
poor little guy
I hope he's o.k!
I love racoons
more than anything.
oh!
i hope he's o.k
I think I will write
a little didly.
Currently listening :
Worldwide Animal Trax
By Animal Trax
Release date: 05 December, 2004
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May 29, 2006 - Monday
today is the last day
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life
today is the last day
of me waiting for tommorow
all the time
whats the point
I ask
really
part time is becoming
extinct, I know they
are all tales and
creative bursts of thaught
vendictive cuts from a knife
like a farmer that no longer
whats the plant or tree to
over crowd the area , once
you cross that line you are
torn out and cut up
today is memorial day
it has alot of significance
my grandfather and father
both served the us army & navy
I need to get out of the house
I often wait for people
whom never live up to my
expectations and we all know
thats no a good thing.
Its been 13 years i have been
putting records out.
I put my first out
in 1n 1994 it was a four track
recording done all by my self
me and guitar inspired by
pj harveys record and jazz artists.
It was horrible but I remember
my friend Gaby he really liked it
and encouraged me.
My friend who gave me the four track
was a good friend of the bass player
from sloan and since he liked
my music i thaught wow
if someone who knows well
accomplished musicians
and is willing to lend me there
four track well, I must be on the right track.
I lived in a building/ rooming house
on 1774 Du Fort street apartment
3.. then apartment 13
Now you must understand
that at the time I was going to dawson
college and my Heitoyan family
my moms family gave up on me
and declared they would never help
me out with money because
of the chioces I had made.
First off I was accepted in a canadian
ivy type of collage Marianneopolis
very prestigious collage
for a full scholarship in the liberial arts
and I refused it
instead I went to this art collage to learn all about
theatre and making sets
But I got kicked out of that program
because often I would get
into fights with the other class mates
and did not understand the "i will make it you wont" aspect
Now the other reason I got disowned
was I refused to go once
again to another college
The royal academy of theatre.
I just think because I had
for the prior five years i had lived
in a instatution type setting
it was hard to relate to people
who perhaps would not understand
the pain I had lived threw
if my family who had
not understood
the pain I had lived threw
then how could these Ivy
type people.
I was locked up for
one year short of a month
in a juvinile jail
The doors where electronic
and you where searched
up to 10 times a day.
The girls my of been young
but some would definately
stab you with a object
if you looked at them wrong.
I remember this one incedent
this very tough girl tall skinny
skinhead with swastics on her
jacket was sitting beside me
got angry at me, cause i was
having a conversation
with my amaginary friend at the
time.I think she must had been
annoyed.She whispered in my ear
"Shut the fuck up bitch"
My response at the time was
I turned around and tryed to kiss
her and said kiss my ass
you skinny unhappy cabbage.
She grabbed a knife and was
clearly unhappy with my statement
at the time and was going to lodge this
butterknife in my neck.
Well all of a sudden the motely crew
the mean girls most of them
drug runners and child prostitues
from jamaca all stood up
and the leader of them nena
threw all the dish's and
said
"you touch that ragamuffin and we
cut yo throught right out dat
place White girl!"
And thus a chapter
began, I was protected
from that day forward
no one touched me or even
tryed to start a fight with me.
And the leader Nena
a africian pimp tough as nails
was to be my close friend
who in the end helped
me everyday get my sanity back
and gave me hope
that everything was going to be o.k.
Those where intresting times
and painful times.
My left eye was bandaged
and I could not sit comfortably
cause there was a huge cut
on my ass from being
thrown out
of a taxi cab in the dead of winter
and due to hitting my head
I had no memory
complete memory loss
also I was detoxing from
horse traxs and four bottles of wine
a day habit.
I was incarserated
and was in a witness protection
program and was going to
testify against my parents for
attempt of murder one.
So sometimes in the worst
of situations people can be nice.
Even the meanest
and most dangerous people
have a heart sometimes.
Nena never tryed to pimp me
and god knows why she helped me
get out of bed in the morning
and taught me how to dress
and eat with a fork
and encouraged me when
I was in the most painful
of situations.
Out of my mind
and unable to remember
the most simple of things.
But about six years ago
I ran into her on st laurent
street in front of bifteck
a local bar hang out in montreal
I was on my bike
on a very cold day
and we ran into each other
we hugged,
I was slightly taken
back, you see nena
could of been a great
public defender
she could articulate
things in a way that convinced
any body of anything
i guess she was delt the
hand she was delt
and probibly was a
fantastic pimp.
she looked good
I could tell by her clothing
and the beeper on her
belt that she was still
in the underground.
I told her about
my music and she was proud
of me
and stated to me
in a jamacain dielect
"you is still a ragamuffin
but when you has millions in the bank
you's still be biycleing on dat bike
you is the funnist gal i ever met "
I dont know why
I had the life I have had
but I know that my eskimos
have been the most un typical
of peoples and for that I thank
the powers of the unseen universe
and know I am graced.
It was strange this time in my life.
I had been a runaway from
the ages of eleven to sixteen
drugs rock in roll and scary people
Currently listening :
Give Me the Reason
By Lady Saw
Release date: 21 May, 1996
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May 28, 2006 - Sunday
ok?
Current mood: content
Category: Life
ok?
this was the first
saturday I had off
in three years.
Intresting.
No friends to
hang with (in my head)and
places to go
but no one to go
to them with.(saffari sams was cool, this band played this pop song I like the lyrics to, I dont practice santaria and I an't got no crystal ball, I really want to know? anyway saw there set, different, I am a sucker for a good melody)
Intresting.
Its going to be
a little tough
getting used
to this.
I never noticed
that alot of
people go out
on weekends.
Intresting.
Lonely.
Time to re invent
all over again.
Quiet very quiet.
perhaps
this silence
is very refreshing
and I'am just not
used to it.( i just hope its not the calm before the storm
Went to go see a movie
by my self.( i do that often)
Da vinci code
good.(I agree historically with alot of things and some thngs not, but then again I never really know what I'am talking about
Ran into some
old
peeps and ate out.
Wow.
All I know is this
listening to loud
jungle, house and rave for
hours and hours at
night was draining.
and this is nice.
no expectations
is nice.
Time alone is nice.
shocked by it all really.
Its peaceful.
for now.
My good x boss
did say these words
Dont take no wooden nickels.
And after posting
I got alot of different
messages
only time will really
be able to tell.
I just cant trust what
my mind see's right now.
And I do have to follow
my gut.
and not my eyes.
I can not regret anything
because I have this life
and I do what my heart tells me to do.
I might not have alot but
what I do have is heart.
Currently listening :
The Very Best of Dusty Springfield
By Dusty Springfield
Release date: 21 April, 1998
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May 27, 2006 - Saturday
have offically retired as a bathroom attendent
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life
have offically retired as a bathroom attendent
For the past three
years I had a job
(well my own business
working at what was
once a hot spot
at a night club called
the spider room)
I sold chocolates
and ciggarettes
and when it was popular
gave paper towels
to celebritys and got
tipped money.
I am sad to go?
why i ask myself
because I felt needed
and got paid accordingly.
It was a strange thing
I was at the time
I girl out of million
that moved to hollywood
with asperations
to make my riches
and do my art in the comforts
of a hot sunny climate
opposed to the 50- windchill factor
of montreal my home town.
When I first started
I had been in los angeles
for one year struggleing
to eat and living in strange
old ladies living rooms
and rooming houses
bikeing to a pet store job
15 miles in total everyday
playing music on the street
in clubs and coffeeshops
soaking in the smog filled
air and endless road blocks of
people and their cars.
anyway I got this job
selling chocolates and ciggarettes
and handing paper towels
to teen idol female celebritys
and I will always remember
the first night I worked
a gang of landies swarmed
the bathroom, cutting in front
of all these ladies.
Now you must understand
I had not even owned a television for
seven years and had
never bought a tabloid in my life
and watched only foreign art films
and still perhaps have watched
cabel television for
ten hours total in my life.
These gang of girls
where no other than
paris hilton, nicole richie
and a gang of girls
I still dont know who they are
anyway then for two years and some
change learned all about
this culture that still seems
strange and odd
I thank all those folks
for shareing there secrets with me
paying me money so
they can do drugs
and talk girl talk
and how they taught me to be
more ?
I dont know?
the past year has been
the horrible
side of what the term would
be has beens
I kind of liked those people
too.
prostitutes, Transvestites
C rate actress's beating me up
and robbing my tip money
meth and x addicts
tourists looking for the stars
I never saw them as stars
just young puppets and some
where not, I just know if
your 16-22 years of age and people
are following you constantly with
cameras and people trying to take
napkins you blew your nose in
to sell on ebay
thats just weird to me
anyway
it was an intresting experience
I have and probibly will write
songs about
but i'am so glad
that chapters done with.
At that time there was
even a website about me
the nazi bathroom attendent
like in a seinfelt episode
because I treated or tryed to
treat people the same.
Half the time I didn't know
who was what and frankly didn't
care, I just cared if people tipped me
and where nice to me.
These two things combined rarely
happened but when they did
it made it worth it.
At one time I had people
from the tabloids trying to bribe
for storys
strange I will probibly
write a zine about the whole thing.
I'am just glad its over
sure i will probibly
be broke and never make that
kind of money again
but today, I just feel free
and I think my time is to just
play and finish this album
and be what I have always
been a artist.
Currently listening :
Legacy of Brutality
By The Misfits
Release date: 06 November, 1989
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May 26, 2006 - Friday
Back to reality *back to life
Current mood: pensive
Category: Life
Back to life
I'am broke
almost homeless
with out
medicine
and a sore
mouth
because
I have been putting
my feet
in my mouth all day long
tired worn out
and ready for bed.
got to go
to the bread wagon
and wait in line
for eight hours
tommorow.
my turtles mad
her foot hurts
and i'am sad
i cant do anything
about it
I probibly
make it worse
like I always do
i burn bridges
with my eyes closed
and run into
buildings about
to be demolished
why?
I must really like
the dust and dirt
and love to get my hands
all dirty .
when everyones
left the building
I love to sneak
in and hear the door close.
when people
return
I always leave
and forget about
me
i cant breath very well
today
but thats o.k
perhaps this time I will
be lucky.
I tried
to feel free
running into
traffic
like that protest
years ago
gas masks
and pepper spray
and i just sat peaceful and
silent as I saw young people
shot with rubber bullets
and older woman
with flags
being run down with
police suv's
and thaught
to my self
is this not when i should
be really running
around
leading people
what into battle?
no I was a coward
and left
tear gassed
and tired
not a friend beside
me not a peep
to help me
and I made it home
not one person
had ever known i was there
and how they know
would it have made a difference?
it never was about me
it never will be about me
it never has been about me
I was a marriage agreement
when I was born
and then left to fend for myself
nothings changed
much all these years later
only now I can speak in riddles
a cry myself to sleep
that it has never been easy
and guess what?
it never will be easy.
I never choose a road in life
I just keep walking
and going where I'am wanted!
foolish me!
I make the same mistake over and over again
going where no one sees me.
and in this lifetime
no one really cares
what you need
only what you can give them.
and you got to know
by now I will give
you everything I got
even if its just love
and not a penny to piss on.
and sometimes thats
just not good enough
and I know this is the harsh reality
why/
because i face it everyday
I bite that bullet
but the one lodged in my heart
well I cant do much
about that one.
and god knows
I cant hate the bullet or
the persons that out it there
just myself i'am left with in the
end of the day.
I withered leg
and two not
so very strong lungs
just heart darling
thats all i got left
thats all i ever had
and thats all I'am ever going to get.
Currently listening :
Atom Heart Mother
By Pink Floyd
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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May 25, 2006 - Thursday
Listen if your into the next cool thing, i'am the wrong one.
Category: Life
listen if your into
the next big thing folks
then i'am the wrong one.
cause i'am a artist and i will
be doing this for as long
as i'am alive and able
so your either
into
the music and taste
vision and message
or your looking or something else
and i an't no quick fix
i'am a long time journey
like wine or whiskey
i get better with age.
May 25, 2006 - Thursday
blah blah blah blah blah
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
blah blah blah blah
its a fun tune
do you know it
i know it all to well
blah blah blah blah
Currently listening :
Blah Blah Blah
By Iggy Pop
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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again and again and again
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
again and again and again
i keep smashing my head
against a wall
against a pole
I might as well be a dog
thats right
I must be on my four legs
I might as well be singing
I want to be your dog
over and over agin
as I run in to traffic
and light my self
on fire
fuck that
fuck this
sucks
so bad
I want to grab diamonds
but all i do is grab
rhinestines
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May 23, 2006 - Tuesday
oh my oh mi la a la la la la i'am yu -pi!
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Music
oh my oh mi la a la la la la i'am yu-pi
cest bonne
tres bon
verb adverb
past and presents
wow
i cant even describe
this
mood
i'am in
fa la la la la la la lalalalalalalla
tres la la la
um mi ghawd
i'am yu-pi
this place
tucked away
a little place
from the outside
but what magic
those
three
brought into
my life this evening
drums
and weird
instruments
the weird
i can handle
then today
singing
laughing
so much
i'am crying
even when i'am not sad
if i died
today
it would of been a perfect day
my mouth
is brakeing
and this
perma sad
is turning around
oh no!
this cant be
i'am really excited
i'am really happy
letting me out of
this playpen and let
letting me in the
playground
oh my
oh mi
fi fi fom
nope
i'am not letting that
green thing get
me yet
oh can it get better than this?
I dont think so
my friends.
pinch me
hit me
slap me
beat me
point a gun in my face
birate me
all those things
I can handle with a breeze
but this?
I think I might
have a hard attack.
how will I
ever sleep?
and get ready for
my karma coffee
house show?
tommorow?
today was
a 100%
perfect day.
the universe is acting
against my wish's
of being a sad sad sad slightly
mad girl.
into just a smirking
sly grinned
winking
funny utistic
lady?
who knew this
was even possible?
Currently listening :
Firestarter: Music From The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By Tangerine Dream
Release date: 31 August, 1993
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May 21, 2006 - Sunday
its raining
Category: Life
its raining
its been a year since
i put that e.p out
now i will be putting 3 songs
than a full album
then i will put out
bedroom one track recordings
a small book
with poetry
lots of things to do
lots of things to do
lots of things to do
just not alot of money
not alot of resources
but that never stop me before
i must focus
and not get brought down
by my brain
by my fears
by my malady that just wants to get me down
no not this time
yes I have had better times
easier times
but i must focus
focus
focus
and times like these
that can be very very very
'diffilcult
i'am not alone
physically
yes most of the time
but i must believe that things will get better
i must must must must
have faith
at times like these
when nothing looks hopeful
nothing at all
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so tired, over worked and underpaid
Current mood: sore
so tired
over worked
and
under paid
love
my baby
i'am so lucky
my baby
loves me
to.
really
the luckest
girl
in the world.
dont tell any body
i'am really really
in love.
figure that?
Currently listening :
Midnight, Moonlight & Magic: The Very Best of Henry Mancini
By Henry Mancini
Release date: 23 March, 2004
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May 19, 2006 - Friday
i am not sad baby
Current mood: calm
i am not sad baby
i am glad
just to see you
smile
it an't you
it an't me
things happens
quite naturally
its all about feeing
good
if it dont hurt
then its the right thing
Currently listening :
Boom Boom (5 Songs: I Got to Find My Baby, Bo Didley, I'm Almost Grown, Dimples , Boom Boom Out Go the Lights)
By The Animals
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It seems so
Its seems so
Its seems so
like its repeating
echoing
boring
things
doing the same thing
expecting different results
I am tried
and nothing i do
works
nothing
I try and I try and try
so now I wont try.
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the story of the rat and the bird
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
freedom from self
There was a rat and a bird that met each other
the rat and bird tryed so hard
to meet each other
they played music and sang songs
moments when they tryed
to alter there born characters
they where in love
they made
love
but as fast as they fell in love
they drifted apart
the bird liked to fly
and rat liked to go threw the sewers
the bird wanted the rat to fly
and the rat wanted the bird to go threw sewers
most highly intellegent
both most brillant
but sometimes love
can not alter
true born identitys
and in the end destiny
always becomes fate
in other words
a univerise truth
and the bird flew
with other birds
and the rat was sad
for she loved the bird
so dearly
there will never be ill
regards
but we all know
when birds find there true
mate they fly around in harmony
and make there presence known
everywhere they go
the rat had to face the truth
for she knew if she did not
she would surely go mad
but she tryed
and she kneeled down for the bird
she danced
she sang
she tryed to fly
but she was most happy going in the sewers
being a passenger in cars
with other rats that would not
try to peck her eyes out
why do birds try to peck
the eyes of rats out
because we all know that
rats look threw the eyes and touch the
soul
and we know
that birds of the feather flock and fly
together
and rats are independant
and care for each other
and can servive
in the harshest
of conditions
they are a more needy
of animals
swift on there feet
scary if need be
for servival but always
loyal and trustworthy
and birds well
they have a different instinct
and it works for
them
but birds want so bad to be friendly
with everybody and they can because
they have wings and can always servive
and go where ever they like
but rats are different
they kill for no reason
so they must
stick together
and the rat
relized what a pretty love story
it was
it never was going to be
and saw the bird fell
in love with another bird
and she was happy for him.
the rat relized no matter what
she was going to be o.k
and gave up the dream
of being a bird
because she relized her whole life she
wanted wings and sing high in the sky
but she was a rat
and they do it different
and often people
hate and are scared of rats
because despite
there fragiltys
they are always going to be around
there ears to the ground
there feet on the street
always knowing when to jump ship
they dont have to try to be pretty
they dont have to try
because they are the secret
of the rose bush and in the end of the day
they have heart
selective
birds well the world will always
love them
and they will always be free
to roam anywhere
and there will always be
an infinity for the bird
that tryed so hard to be a rat.
but they shall never understand each other
again
because the rat has already
jumped on a ship
and we know
that when they hide
they can never be found.
a
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May 18, 2006 - Thursday
the war in my brain is over
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
today I was walking home
past the street gangs
past the thugs
past the transvesties
of santa monica blvd
the homeless doggy
was not there
the man in a wheel chair
with a oxygen tank
the hovering helecopters
the undercover cops
the teenager
mexican boys and girls
making love in the bushes
and it came to me
after all these years
all these years
of fighting
trying
scraping my knees
that the war is over
in my brain
finally a sense of clarity
a light is no longer
just a very big blue sky
the dark cloud
has fallen
like the trash on these streets
like the palm leaves
on the sidewalk
I'am alive
I made it
and now this is freedom from self
I no longer care about my own motives
my dream
I have servived
I did it
everything i ever wanted to do
wow what limitations
I had
now the world
is my oyster
and what a great feeling that is
this is.
Currently listening :
Vivaldi: The Four Seasons
By Antonio Vivaldi
Release date: 15 August, 1990
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In the end of the day I go where people dont want to use me
Current mood: bored
Category: Life
In the end of the day
I go where people
dont want to chew
me up and spit me
out
its just do's that
over and over
and over again
chews me up
spits me out
chews me up
spits me out
this thing in my brain
and nothing that is ever
said stays or follows
threw and that sucks
for me but in the end
will suck for you
i know this
no one has
to prove this
to me i
t is what it is
my intentions
where true and
they always have been
and always will
this will never be the same
I'am just pissed
I had my back
so i could get something out of it
always trying to get something out of it
my own gain
own gain own
gain
not about music
art or truth
just deception
just deception
over and over
and over
and over over again again and agian
just rejection
objection retaliation rejection
objection rejection
objection retaliation
never never never
never never never never never never
never never never
self intrest
self gain
no self knowledge
never ever
defameing the only real thing
that was shared
was to let me me
me mock myself
behind my back
in my back
from the back
the truth the notes the notes
the melodys
the words
the laughter
the touch
the kiss
the fire
all of it
I threw it away
trashed
with
anothers lips
no one
not two
but many
many
many
many
was I being true
no I was not
that means
it never was
it was all illusion
and i was played
a very very very very bad pun
like a shotgun in my head and heart
what a fool was I to you
what a fool was I to her
what a fool was I to him
I let you in
and all you did
and all I did was smash it
just like the others but worse
perhaps it was not
so bad
perhaps we will laugh
about it
over dinner
which one
is the better
which
one
so hard
so very hard
so sad
a truth that was a lie
to start with
so sad
I will not cry over this
like when my hostage
at one time
left me in the hospital
for eight months
after I bore a dead child
then beat me up
infront of a crowd of people
who was to blame
I would of
never let
that
happen again
how dare you assume
but that
is all bullshit
all bullshit
all of it is bullshit
I extracated myself
I am now %100
extracated my self
good luck to me
because in the day
a
really bad person
i am
is a bad person
I am
maynever know who
your company is
and guess what I am now
i wanted wanted so bad to be.
congradulations
I have graduated
to the shit hole of life
my dear
razors edge
cold and
in the end
alone
with nothing to show for but bad luck
I will get what I have always wanted
but its sure going to very sad
when I am up there
up there in ar hollow shell
I will only have hollow shells
and at night it will be so cold
terribly cold
I will be never physically alone
but my poor soul
it left that day
left that day
leaving today
watching it leave
if you dont believe me.
you can look in my eyes
what happened to the light
oops the fire's gone
the question is
what am I going to do about it
turn your back and run
oh yes thats right
this was
all planned out
how perfect for me
I mapped a x it plan
the
day
I lured me in my den
and wanted your
pen so bad
so bad
too bad
and I now I pay the price
in time will tell.
that true love only dies
when there is no longer
any water
just aftermaths
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May 17, 2006 - Wednesday
Let me tell you how it is.
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Life
Let me tell you how it is
Its called 100%
pure sabotage
inviting the devil
in for a drink
always thinking
he will care for
me because
I relate to him
he is me
and iam him
he used to
have wings
he used to
shine
and sing like an
eagle
but to many
rats
to many rats
too many
dark alleys
the consumption
the talk
the back lashing
as I grab the
leather
and welt myself
till the blood flows
I take upon
my self
because i'am
guilty
i'am guilty
i'am a sinner
a saint
a shame faker
of giving everything
to him
and this is
when I lost him
and now
and now its
gone
everything I
worked for
everybody thinks
I'am a fool
but alas you
have no idea
no idea
of what i'am
about
the things
i care about
the things
i fight for
I bend down
I scrape the floor
and its kicking
me in the head
the goat
the dog
the rat
its killing me
in the head
the monkey
has won
he always do's
and the devils
well
let them dance
let me sleep
as i burn holes
in my arm
burn holes in
my nose
as I slam shut
the door
and when that happens
oh good luck
and good night
as i'am locked down
with straps
arounds my arms
I scream as they inject
morphine
I've done it before
My track records poor
and all I have is potential
the girls got
too much fighting and fucking
on her mind
I fill out
the divorce papers
between the monkey
and the devil
and give them everthing
when I was fourteen
run away
I ran away to a horse racetrack
and stayed with a 35
year old man at the time
every one do's better
when they extricate me
a muse maker an old native
man said to me
is one who can dance with
the devil
and sing with the angels
how can you sell
your soul to the devil
when you where born
with out one
pennyless
and barely
holding on
i am
each and
every event
is going going gone
and I have nothing to sell
nothing left but these
letters
from my prison
I never said I
wanted to stay
i am just stuck
in this shit
filled hell
with worthless
notes
from a
depleated
country
and a depleated heart
so long
so long
the tickets bought
welcome
to my world
mock me mock me
I enjoy it
like I beg
for change
on the streets
never good enough
never bad enough
not strong enough
not weak enough
not stupid enough
enough enough eenough
wont you
give a girl a chance
but no
just rape her
she has
always been a $2. hoer
why not
that alls
she ever has known
and thats all she will ever have
the morning after
empty bottles
from a mascerade
and masks
trapeze
track marks
terpentine
is very easy to drink
but all it does is give you
big holes in your gut
and the stiches hurt.
the battery acid
he poured
on my fingers
still burn to this day
I always
thaught
perhaps
i had mine coming
but when i get mine
i always fuck it up
i always
do and say the wrong thing
like a runt in the pack.
too small
to get out.
too small to fight
for milk
just have me
over for dinner
and get to know me as a person
the myth has always been
better than the truth
just remember
this
my friend
they will say anything and everything
over and over and over
never giving due
just stealing
them selves from
them selves
dont do this
but i'am just a drifter
fool
and there will never be
persay
persay
persay
remember
what you loved about me
first not what
you heard
but if you had not heard
you would of
never known about
me right
right
just like an ash of a ciggarette
dear you light it up
and when its done its done.
everybody
goes
sometimes
and everybody
arrives
just not in my life time
I'am glad you enjoyed it
I ;am glad I inspired you
why dont you give a dog a bone
even water would suffice.
Aunt rose is coming to town
time to go to down
to the tornado
holes you
call homes
Currently listening :
Real Gone
By Tom Waits
Release date: 05 October, 2004
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May 14, 2006 - Sunday
it is may 14 today!
Current mood: busy
it is may 14 today
and all day for five hours straight
I'am trying to figure out my own
version of the song my way
for some this may be easy
but for me
it is not
so i will do what i always
do and do it my way.
Currently listening :
Come Dance with Me!
By Frank Sinatra
Release date: 26 May, 1998
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May 11, 2006 - Thursday
the cycle is coming full circle.
Current mood: accomplished
the cycle is coming full circle.
do i leave or do
i stay
and finish what i started.
sounds like i'am staying folks.
and its just getting better.
wow
what a trip.
i think i smiled.
i think i saw you
in the corner losing
your religion.
its funny
life is funny
today was funny
its actually getting
better all the time.
can you believe
i can
wait a moment
just dont jump the gun
jumping the gun
an't no fault of
mine
thats the way
i know it
can i alter nature
fuck ya!
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May 10, 2006 - Wednesday
i never did anything right
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
i never did anything right
and thats why things are
the way they are
the past is the past
and i did it because
you said
i could
and so
i did
many upon many
never really believed
in me
really
but i know you do
and that means
more to me
than
all the riches
in the world
its really sad
all those years
stages upon stages
and i just
didn't have it
they wrote
always
feeling really
bad for the tough street
gut wrenching
wrench
but never really
listening
but then in time
they do
they always do
that s
what i did
and now i do what
i do now
the present
there are
people who are
god sent in our lives
when we need the most help
i know that now.
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May 9, 2006 - Tuesday
went good, over dubs fun!
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
went good
this evening.
fun.
thats cool
its cool to have fun
saw the bronx
that was
fun
wow
a fun day
for me today
cool
tommorow
is going to be
fun
what is
going on
not suppose
to have that in
my vocabulary
sometimes
i stick out
like a sore
thumb
so what i say
i'am being true
to myself
thank you
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May 8, 2006 - Monday
wish I could sleep for a long time
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Life
i wish i could sleep
for a very very long time
thats all
a long time.
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so many things this week!!!!
Current mood: content
Category: Life
so many things this week
overdubbing one day
playing a show one day
playing another show one day
working 32 hours one job three days
working 21 hours another job two days
and I'am not even braking even
i ve got so many negatives
in my bank account
that its positively empty
mapping out
this new album
working out another
receiving 2 track
working on new songs
for next album
two albums
by
january 2007
7 months
of lots of work.
wish i sure wish
there was a easier way
to get threw all this
remember my only forms
of transport is
bike and bus and subway and mostly
walking cause I live in l.a
nuts
overwhelming
oh ya
and I want to
take a week
across texas
take one week
across
westcoast
all the way
to vancouver
my other dream
to go to montreal
for one week
with these
two albums
in hand
discribing
my experiences
in this place
this other planet
where
smiles are plenty
but friends are not
even friends
are more back stabbing
than anyone you
have ever known
bed sides
that are more
cut throat
than your
love
all this
all this
what I need to re release
Tallahasse 9 songs (2001)
Sedona's Travels a compilation of 15 out take albums (1995-2002) 15 songs
Odessa 1 tape track out takes (2002- 2005)
Ep Daddy 9 songs ( 2005)
what I need to finish
and the last two
to make ///////
Love Letters from the Electric Chair (2006) 13 songs
Killing my own kind (2006) 13 songs
Fucking and Fighting (2007) 13 songs
Bedroom Riddles 1 tape track recordings (2007) out takes....
so much
so little money
so little resources
so little help
so much to be grateful
about
so many things
to try
so many visions
of better times
ahead
I dream of
them
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soul thing??fun thing
Current mood: calm
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
You Are a Dreaming Soul
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul
What Kind of Soul Are You?
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May 7, 2006 - Sunday
i'am in love, when that happens i always go nuts
Current mood: crazy
Category: Life
i'am in love
when that
happens
i always
go nuts
always
go fucken crazy
fucken crazy
i go fucken crazy
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May 5, 2006 - Friday
its all the same
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
its all the same
everybody
its all the same
everybody playing games
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May 5, 2006 - Friday
enough is enough
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
enough is enough
thats that
i already insulted
myself
i already insulted
you
thats that
enough is enough
something wonderful
happened
i crossed the line
i crossed the line
i insulted myself
in ways
i never thaught
was possible
with out drugs
but i did it
and now i've got
the devil breathing down
my neck
and believe
me this son of a bitch
is trying to get the best of me
and now i've got to get under for cover
cause the land minds are taking off
and i've got to retreat
withen my self with
everything
i got a face myself
in the mirror
or i'am going to score
and i an't going to win
oh shit the bugs are back
the holes in the floor are opening up again
time to ride my pony tonight
incognito
i'am out
of solutions
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May 4, 2006 - Thursday
whoa!!!!
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life
whoa!!!!
so I put these
hand fulls
of shit in my
mouth
when someone handed
me some diamonds
to wear
I bashed my head
against a pole
when someone
was handing me a pillow to sleep on
I stepped
in front of a car
got hit and was smashed
to pieces
when someone
was opening the door
and giving me a ride
now I am
lying in the street
and no one is
opening the door
or giving me a chance
cause I burned all the
bridges
and slammed
the door on peoples hands
again
ending up
no where
with nothing
no pot to piss in
and a whole
lot
of smiling faces
just stepping
on me as I'am begging for change.
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its all becoming clear to me....
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
last night
I had a dream
I was in a train wreak
ended up in a apartment
and a group
of oddballs
different folk
wanting so hard
to fit in
where running
around throwing
snowballs
in a very old
charming
westmount home
the snowballs
where
pure cocaine
and weather I
wanted to or not
I got one shot
in my face
and my body
went numb
then i awoke
I get it
i got it
this time and I
see the pattern
oh how I never
could admit
such a thing
but this
morning it all
became
very very very
clear
its not like a found
a new copper
penny
just diced
from the mint
but what I did
come across
was a silver
dining set
that had never been
polished
in all these years
all those moments
all that shame
for nothing
tears of mortality
for nothing
all these
years
now i see
it all makes
sence
its o.k
to be who I am
right?
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oh i'am such a fool!
Current mood: blah
oh
i'am such
a fool!
my momma always
warned me about putting
your hand in the tank of
paranhias
swimming with the sharks
and I always
get bitten
I an't smittin
just got to get getting
cause
I thinks I'am boiling
in this
frying pan
oh yes
i forgot
now i'am
in the fire
hazard
for my health
and
rotten for my mind
my souls diggin
the grave
cause
i just gave it
away
and you
keep me away
far from
any one you know will
see
and whys
do i do this
fall for those
card tricks
i just got
to get getting on
cause now my minds
all tangled
up
in knots and little
ribbions
i got
the self esteem
of a ant today
and you is
just
wiped your foot with
a dollie
the kind you
put teacups on
i an't having no fun
no mo
no mo
no mo
i'am just another
of your ho's
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Jumping in the ocean with my clothing on!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life
jumping in the ocean with
my clothing on
giving and loving
I cant get you out of
my heart
cause you
is there
concreate
sewed in
bolted down
strapped in
incased
everywhere
I go
I see you
and ia'm glad you feel
the same way to.
played a show
at the knitting factory
empty like
a weekend
school gym
dont you know it
cant go under izzy & the eskimos
again
cause no body knew it was us
went to the key club
some music expo
thing slashed with
a bingo benefit
shing dig
old school rock n roll
cool people
some and some not
sometimes
I wonder
why you and not him
he was so much cooler
and nicer than you are
and why your
more rotten
and unhappy this way?
I was comotoze
perhaps some enjoyed me better that
way than I am now?
won a $25.00 gift bag
that was cool!
should of got the echo and the bunnymen
tickets!
cool cats some said I wasn't
cool enough to hang with them
so cool dryed up like
ice
some where nice and some where not!
but didn't know about the dates
of that show?
then went to the rainbow and then the belagio
hotel
intresting
thats all I can really say
intresting art on the walls
all these worlds
so seperated from the
music and the art
I loved the
cool cab driver
older guy with dreadlocks
talked about
his lady friend from
sweden
blaring ertha kit
on his radio
he liked jazz and said
go to the money tree
the original piano player
for chuck berry plays there.
i get home
i thaught it was 2am
but it was three
time why
do's it just pass so fast!
i guess i had fun
despite myself
sometimes I just dont get
people so straight with there
polyester suits.
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May 3, 2006 - Wednesday
time doesn't go fast enough sometimes
Current mood: loved
Category: Life
time doesn't go fast enough sometimes
it seems
these day
lapses
of moments
never catch up with me
and I never catch up
with them
always behind
and
always ahead
burn your bed
then that is
what is said
usually
it is only real
in my head
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May 1, 2006 - Monday
this rabbit stabbed me in the mouth
Current mood: cold
I was hurt
fell down along the
road half witted
half hearted
that bunny stabbed
me in the mouth
and now I have
a cut and need stiches
this sucks
tommorow I have to do
overdubs
hope
that rabbits happy.
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April 30, 2006 - Sunday
there's my head on a satin sheet
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
there's
my head on a sheet
the hammer came down
down down down
today
and there sits my head
on a bed
and my body
who knows where?
good bye good bye
just broke
hungry
alone
no transportation
no body to call my own
I got mine
I got mine
you must be estatic
sitting there on the mountain
thats fine
this bottle
of pills
should do the trick
just put them in the garden
and watch things grow
flowing
no favors
no flavors
just hangers
kept me hanging
on on on and on
done the same
I could I do the same
I hang my head
down in shame
the fork in the road
is lodged in my heart
I know what I want
but I just didn't do
the right thing
and I am the only one
to blame
deplorable
deplorable
I am
a coward
I am
I didn't fight for
what I believed
was right
now I know
what I'am made
out of
I knew there was
no more
when I saw
the look in your eyes
and now I pay the price.
uncomfortable
and soaked
in a caravan
of flammable oil
its
fine
I did my crime
and now I will pay my price.
watch me burn
and i'am sure
the marshmellows
and hotdogs
will taste just the same.
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awesome just a pillow
Current mood: creative
Category: Life
awesome just a pillow
playing played player
braking brakes broken
plates
fate
I should
of slammed
the door
but now
it had to
slam
on me
and slammed
shut
and my heart just
went pow
a million pieces
everywhere
now its dead
dead
dead dead
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a deep line next to mine
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life
a deep line next to
mine
a reflection
a providence
sits neatly tucked
in the catacomb
as a evergreen hugs
the
hill
into the mountain
there is a hole
and the fox is buried
deep withen
hibernation sleep
with branches
and stones
bones
sewn locks
brown little nose
is moist with salt.
the deep groves
the sweeps of
a paint brush
can hardly be clear
its 6 am
the rain has let out
ladders on top
of the
trash cans
you can see this picture tattered
it must of hung for years
the coloring tells
but now it lays
beside the new york
city sewer
a rat
trots along
he had a suit on
with a little
top hat
and a yellow tie
tucked in his pocket is a little
peice of cheese
for hard times
a flask of singapore
moonshine
and pallmall cigarette
you can see him standing
in front of this painting
like a looker by
standing infront
of a monet
I abserve like a tourist
no recolection of the
area I have come
slightly in
abserveing this little
perfect
memory
of a time
clinging on to my mind.
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April 28, 2006 - Friday
its like I woke up this morning in a ......
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life
its like a woke
up this morning
in a rose bush
on a different planet
got to put the
sling back on
I just started
writing this
song
but I have
a throbbing
pain in my shoulder
getting
ready to go the
hollywood night club
and sell chocolates
and ciggarettes
for eleven hours
and deal with
other peoples
idea of fun
It just makes me
want to run
and take a ticket
and get the hell out
of dodge
just for a while
but thats not
going to happen
anytime soon
and why should it
right?
cant wait to upload
some of the
new recordings
we are working
hard
but I just cant
help feel
that I'am a mouse
in a spinning
wheel.
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what happened to all the snow
Current mood: groggy
Category: Life
I was shivering
in a shot gun pen
ford pick up truck
rattleing around
like a shaker
made out
of clay
and a grasshopper as
big as my hand
got his head
chopped off
uncle james
and daddy took
that long shot gun
and from the distance
I saw that rabbit
run
running
like a big snow ball
then it dissapeared
and all I saw was a red
ballon
what happened to all
the snow I thaught?
there's nothing
wrong with
me
sure i'am a little hazy
and dizzy some times
and I'am just another
love junkie
hooked on a flavor
that I just cant get
out of my skin
I cant get out of my heart
I tried everything
god knows
just like that
day I was suppose to
skin that rabbit
pick some cotton
and bring in the watermelon
then drink some tea
Oddesa always
talked about
black widows
and when you see
one burn that thing
alive
why? i asked
then she took out her
thumb
and I saw two black holes
and she said
this is what will happen
so i ran out of the
house
the only time i can remember
being happy as a child
was in childress
and I stood
beside a termit hill
taller than me
and watched them
work all day long.
I long for those silent
night when all you
could hear was the wind
and the devil weeds.
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April 27, 2006 - Thursday
I'am so excited !!!!
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
I'am so excited
I feel that train
comeing
the rails are vibrateing
the cayotoes
are howling
the hobo's
are getting ready
to jump
sipping the moonshine
getting the feet ready
marking
the barrels
of wheat
by the
station
hiding behind
the shootgun
houses
the smell
of alcohol
streams in the air
freedom
my friends
is a state
of mind
state of mind
a collective
thaught till
the end of time
we are all connected
in more ways
then any professor
will teach
bleached my hair
like the old days
she's back
sassy
witty
fizzy
dizzy
and quite lovely
I dont know
this time
I'am going to stay
and stand up for
what i do
I will try my best
not to be a coward
I owe it
to myself
and all the people
I love so very dearly
I miss them
so much
my inspiration
is from withen
and you are all
there
I will do
it for you
even if I dont know
you
thank you thank you
for taking me off
the streets
and wanting better things for me
we are all
connected
I see it clearer
than I ever have before
why now?
who knows?
I guess its my
time
finally
a little
sugar
with my coffee
I cross my
fingers
and hope
I still know
how to swim
cause these
sharks
are
from
the deepest
parts of the ocean
I wish I was
a shark
but i'am a baracuda
my nose is very large
and my fins
are always
ready for an attack
perhaps
I really
loved the way
you smiled
at me
your face
your strengh
the way
you gave out your
hand
you let me in
and that
opened up my heart
right
up
a magaical
thing
happened
I was no longer
afraid
and that
is amazing
a devine intervention
a devine intervention
I am truely
blessed
today
i could see
the diamonds from
the rinestones
he was right
thank you
I'am reaching
for the diamonds
cause
its a precious
stone
just like your heart of gold
and
Opps
mine!
Currently listening :
Big Mama Thorton in Europe
By Big Mama Thornton
Release date: 06 September, 2005
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often the world does not revolve around me
Current mood: apathetic
often the
world
does not
revolve around
me
and thats a good thing
cause everything
would be like
a
salvador painting.
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oh boy
Current mood: content
Category: Life
oh boy
oh boy
life is
ok
its not that bad
is it?
nope !
It just is what it is!
some days
are bad
some days are good
I cant wait for
my shoulder
to heal
so I can write those
crazy ass
things that twirl
around my head
like a
mouse in
spinning wheel.
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April 26, 2006 - Wednesday
no need for tears, we are living in another
Current mood: cold
no need for tears we are living
in another great depression
at least in my head
Thats all bullshit
and more
I have nothing to
cry about
it just happens
it happened to me.
and it hurts
so bad
at this point I'am just grateful
for the moments
the pictures
the nothings of dismay
I laughed so much yesterday
I forgot it had been a long time
couped up in this cage
I locked myself in again
how i forget
no ones holding me hostage anymore
just me
playing fucking games with my head
just like dominque
just that that time
months and months
staying true to a fantasy
I'am just another stupid girl
holding on to the raggedy ann dolls
those two are perfect
just someone ball gag me
and whip me back into reality
this imagination of mine is
great but sometimes it just do's not
stop
relentless
bull in a china shop
screaming like a banchee
holloring like a dieing dog
for what?
for whom?
no ones there
its all bullshit
all of it
its not real
again another poor sucker
thinking he's going to hurt my feelings
well some times
I dont really have any
so dont worry about me
dont pity me
dont mock me
dont play me
I am just another middle aged woman
writing bad music with bad lyrics
cause i never went to school
or stayed long enough to improve
I'am not a fool
I know I'am crazy and no ones
ever going to love or get me
I'am damaged
believe me I know
I cant do enough drugs to feel better
cause this is my destiny
another sad ass person with a sad ass tale
about how the world did me wrong
no body wants to hear it
and most of all why should they care
I've got no money to give
no fortune to spend
no talent to give
just fucken heart braking storys and
sad ass tales
believe me one of these days
i'am going to get it right
I'am going to settle the score
there's no need for
losers like me in this world
just get that hammer and hit me
inbetween the eyes
and let me die
cause this pain
this pain of the cold cold world
hurts
and when ever I feel heaven close
its really hell opening up
its doors
and the heat
lets me breath.
then chokes me in my sleep.
I had a dream
I was pompous enough to think if
I could servive the hells
I have lived threw
it would encourage others to
feel they where not alone
i had it rough
My dad beat me
all the time
my nose is broken cause his fists where
bigger than mine
my ribs have been broken cause
his feet where larger than mine
He tryed to pull me eye out
and brake my hands and knees
drowned me countless times
and strangled me till i passed out many many times
when i was little people tahught i was crazy
and didn't believe me
then at eleven I ran away from home
hid places where i could
streets, carnavials, shooting gallerys
crack houses, hoer dens, i saw it
I breathed it i tried it all.
I ran away to a race track
lied about my age till I was sixteen
lived with a 35 year old man that beat me
everytime i got high
someone always put there hands on me
then I went insane od'ed 10 1/2 times
locked away for years
then put in group homes
then they sent me back home
my dad tryed to final my death and once
again i servived
the put in a lockdown joint for one year
as a criminal, my dad got three months
because i was crazy and a junkie
16 years old
now tell me why
i'am suppose to think
what?
then I go to highschool
then I get taunted in college
I go into the arts the only thing that keeps me going
and then i get chastized every fucken time
your crazy
your weird
you cant do that
you cant say that
your never going to get any where
and there right
wow
I wrote poetry
then they said I cant do that
I played music
then they said I cant do that
I did visual art and they said I cant do that
many people have helped me out
but then they give up
everytime
they give up
everytime
I have this dream that
all my
pain
had a reason
that I could do something that
would make a difference
who the fuck am i kidding
I'am 31 years old
putting out my 15 c.d or demo
and still nothing It didn't touch anyone
tonight the people in the coffee shop where annoyed
any social scene I hang out in thinks i'am weird
and crazy
if they only knew people like me dont live past seventeen
so why am i still alive
I'am broke, pennyless, hungry, not a shoulder to cry on
following some sort of fucken dream?
or just a pipe dream?
A dream I could make a difference
by not being ashamed of the pain and suffering
I have endured
that I can talk about it
and you know what that do's
illenate people just the same
no one wants to hear it
and no one can do anything about it
If I talk about it I'am crazy and weird
untouchable
thats what Iam
people feel weird about my past
people feel weird about my future
people feel weird about me now?
I dont now?
all i know is this
I have worked so many jobs
I have played so many stages
written so many words
painted so many painting
performed for so long
that it do's not make a difference
not one difference
and it just makes me sad
that all this pain just happens
to some people
and I'am one of those peoples
just another face walking by you on the street
smileing trying to connect to
this world that does not relate
do's not care
my people are dead
they died so long ago
all those kind hearted people
are dead
why am i still alive?
why am I still alive
my body hurts
and my mind is weak
my heart is broken in a million places
my tears still come
they still fall
will i ever
will I ever just have a moment
in the sun?
nope
I guess it was all for nothing
I guess its only for me
and thats what keeps me going on.
I have faith that every one
has the right intention but sometimes
we are just animals
less civilzed then the animals in the congo.
this I know.
but what ever will be will be.
wont it now.
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April 24, 2006 - Monday
life is good when it just keeps going
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
my life is good
it could be worse
I'am in a different city today
i ventured and i'am working
on things that have to be done
taking good care of my self
can be hard sometimes
we all have our
good days and bad days
and i just got to keep on fighting
cause these monkey ants wants to do me in
china doll hang outs
satin curtins
an valore chushins
tiny tables
with absenth bottles
silver spoons with diamond cut holes
green v shaped glass's
long ivory
elephant tusk molding
I breath in the silver dust like smoke
it envokes
places I wish i could of seen
persons could of taken care
of me a little better
I was born in a different time
flapper beaded dress's
and you with your top hat
exotic intruments
i would be strumming
entertaining
avoiding prohabition
avoiding the law
in my mind
renegades
villans
of freedom
states of mind
let me dream of times well
lived
not in this life
perhaps the last
or the next
do's it matter what i said
it never really does
because its not about me
I wanted to feel like your
number one lover but this
is not the case
mine is in this case
sweet cherry wood
with flattened steel strings
the tone of places
we could of gone to
country sides lonely city rats
this sheet of music
I mailed yesterday
the den i ended up in
should of been in photographed
there was a painting
I stared at for hours
it was a little girl with the bottle
of where's alice potions
I grew ten feet tall
and the st bernard i stroked
for hours was a funny cockroach
named timothy
we laughed for hours
before the fire
all the love letters i wrote
stiched with the finest silk
burned in front of my glaced
over eyes
you would of never read them anyway
there's no need in lieing
the dragon is danceing
and the frogs are playing banjo
she's little
with her sunday dress
she holding a daisy
or is it a buttercup
she's as big as a grasshopper
the one who made her
took years to find the 24 caret
gold from poppy country
her eyes are jade
her lips rubys
her hair
24 caret gold
you fool
you sold her for a poker chip
and shes one of a kind
and loved you deeply
more than you will ever know
ever know
ever knew
ever now
the goldfish and turtles
never took you for granted
the row boats on the shore
have fun with
your
dame
sailors
she tattooed
each and every name
on her body
with a tiny screech voice
like a 1500 century toy piano
made of mahogany trees found on the tip
of the figi islands
she tattooed her name on my right foot
last night
as the band played all night long
and the monkey
held me
craddled my hair
gave me a harp to play with
my make up smeared
my lips chapped from the medicine
my lips chapped from the train
my eyes dry from the voyage
to the den in the middle of the yukka trees
bones of the persons
last there
holding papers
on fire
everything went on fire
the fluffer got mad and
torched the office
timothy and I got out
Sir Chavas picked me off the side of the road
with only a beading thong
and a cockroach in hand
my heart stopped beating
they quit me again
put me in a barrel of ice
in pioneer town
I came too
free
I am free
the sky was opique
pink with mauve sheet music
clouds
and black thick streams painted cliegraffy paint brush strokes in the sky
thick like hashish on a butter knife
that old mare got me home
I was wraped in a cows hide
not a single word
not a single answer
not a single sign
mark on my home
just a spray painted tag
on my front door
a minor F Sharp
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April 23, 2006 - Sunday
give me an hour, and my mind goes nuts.....
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life
give me an hour
and I go nuts
ding aling a ling long
time for a bath
time for walking
in the streets
of los angeles
i'am a bad girl
doing the right
thing
I just dont fit
in
sometimes
and you know
what ?
thats o.k
its all about the
music
for me
not the bullshit that
comes along
I've been playing music
my whole life
players upon players
dice upon dice
bullshit upon bullshit
you must of been
really sad when he went away
when he stabbed him self
in the heart
he was someone I could
of been really good friends
with
I can tell
sensitive hearts
relate
we often get stepped
on get taken for granted
sometimes when
we play in the playground
alot of play with the
toys, steal others toys
step and kick other kids
to get to the slide
first
but if you get the kind
i am
i dont need
need toys to play with
because i never had any
and I dont need to converse
with others cause i have
friends that no one else see's.
back to you
I would of liked to talk
to you
but I guess I will have to wait
till I go to the big orchestra in the sky.
I will never know you
but I will love you somehow.
I am just going to write
a song and hope this
little cloud
will drift
i was doing fine
i swear i was
but then i
thaught to much
and wish I had
closer friends
in this nest
in this tree
that always sways
because it does not have
any roots.
Currently listening :
from a basement on the hill
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 19 October, 2004
3:52 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
I'am finally feeling better!!!!
Current mood: okay
Category: Life
oh I feel
this fog lifting
i hope it lasts
i hope its just not
a manic phase
god knows
i've been really
really really
low
and it has not
been sweet
and no chariots
coming my way.
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April 22, 2006 - Saturday
oh its going to be exciting!!!!
Current mood: artistic
Category: Music
its never sounded sweeter
this band i'am in
fun fun fun
the juice from
the fruit of life
has never been
sweeter
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April 21, 2006 - Friday
i love you, i love life
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
i love you and i love life
at this moment.
i dont care who you
are where your from
what you've done
i love you
6:01 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
thank you for your sweet support!
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life
with out your support
i would hurry to the
store by bottles and
bottles and bottles
all the bottles I could
carry then I would
open them and consume
the contents till
there was nothing left
to consume
and this is what you
said to me would be
your final place you
would like to see
me mother says
that no one here
really really cares
and that I think has
alot of credit
I'am stupid sometimes
and gives my shirt
off my back only to
be stabbed in the back
its all very clear
now these past couple
years I regret ever
walkng into that dimly
lighted room and thinking
to myself wow I want to
get to know this guy
I really relate to his musical
tastes, I get those chords
I get that lyric cause
its coming from
the same place
I've got to record
again, time is slipping
and my mind is lasping
tigger happy some
would say as I walked
into that wall
there are tiggers in my clothing
and tiggers on the wall
tigging and biting for
the most meat off
a bone when there
is nothing there at all.
I an't looking for
a nest
I'am not looking for some
feast
I'am just looking for a place
I can lay my head down and not get
beat this is all a game to some
a snakes and ladders type of thing
something to pass life by
on a poor excuse of gin
and cheap ways to sin
rip me apart there biting hard
today I already have ghosts that
wont ever leave me alone
got to buy my breathing device
i'am slaved to nicotine
like a baby to its mothers breast
its all going everything
I got everything I worked for
hardened labor my mind cant
take no more, you win
your the better one, they are
going to remember you
better than me, your right
its always going to be that way
I was just another
pillow that was to lay your
head and i'am pegged
nothing moves me
like a scandal
and the whole thing
i s burning to the ground
burning down down down
down down down down
everything is no longer
working the keys on the
piano are out of tune
I'am begging on my knees
god have mercy
I love with parts
that where not made for loving.
8:55 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 20, 2006 - Thursday
bullshit bullshit its only about music
Current mood: dorky
Category: Life
1.bullshit
2.bullshit
my life is only about
music and the people
I love.
sometimes
I get depressed
and say shit I dont mean
but if you dont know me by now
you will never never know me
had the time of my life
had the time of my life
got to screw my head back on
got to screw my head back on
my arms getting better
still hurts.....
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April 19, 2006 - Wednesday
oh my this is going to get big darling!!!!
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
"oh my this is going to be big darling!
we have to have you play
the beverly hills hotel
the belagio suite
champange and caviar
silver trays with pretty things
as you go
on
the bucingham place
had a pop band we can have you
my people need to see you
my people need to see you people"
thats what this long legged fellow said o me
with diamond rings
well my people are on these chairs
sleeping
dedicated folk i tell ya
broke homeless & destatute
every week enjoying the music
we reap and sew in the musical karma of life
sure we will play your castles in the sky
i say
but we are not changing a thing
just enhancing the whole black tie affair
he says with a guteral slur
"just give the people what they want"
i say
what you see is what you get darling!
in the end of the day
the message is clear
that will be funny though
if it really happens
something for the books
so and so with
you and you
and da and da
looked at yi and yi
chu and chu
did that and that
with a do and do
while we sang fa la la la la
the whole evening threw
Now ? how can we really offend the offended
at the end of the day?
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just shoot me in the head
Current mood: gloomy
just shoot me in the head
cause i shot my self in the foot
trying to be a good person
puting words in my mouth
i'am a sinner
sinner sinner
getting to heaven with a penny in my hand
dime store left overs
sharade
parade
looking at the bigger picture again
melt down
i see you
see me
just shoot me in the head
oh
that was already said
fucking with my head
monkey does what monkey say's
trying my best
it all comes out in the end
the truth always wins
all in a honest days work
best intentions
nothing to loose
nothing to noose
vermouth
lets call it even
steven
but no
thats not good enough
for who
presume
cat got the cats mouth
it all comes out in the wash
wash your mouth
just shoot me in the head
thats what has always been said
just is
just is
just ice
ice
cold cold cold world
peek a boo
i caught you
taboo
taboo
taboo
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
facts a fact
face the music
dear
cause we all have to sometime
wow
wow
wow
just shoot me in the head
oh fuck
i fucked up again
said the wrong thing
blame me
blame your self
just shoot me in the head
hurt again
hurting again
see my crying
nope not i
this time
you angry
oh
just shoot me in the head
oh
i mean
bite off my head
will ya
will ya
go for it
give it all you got
fear of death is greater than fear its self
we are equal
no ones better than the other
thats all iam trying to say
sorry i gave you the wrong idea
just shoot me in the head
did i say that already
clara bow
had sex with the
whole football team
thats what he said
wow
what iam i suppose to say to that?
i an't no clara bow
sorry you got the wrong idea
i'am going to throw up
this vile
and greed
just shoot me in the head why dont you.
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April 17, 2006 - Monday
learning piano with one hand
Category: Writing and Poetry
what else to do
watch movies and write songs with
half my arms
preoccupy my mind
with thaughts
that wont stand up in
this court inside of my brain
going crazy is a state of mind
getting older all the time
peaceful country side
I plan to rest sometime
city lights and honking cars
children running around
outside my window
I was young once
long ago
the roses in my garden bloom
I shall gather them
and take a breath
the words that
come out of my mouth
are not my own
judge me harshly
and it is postponed
all this running
around for nothing
no praise or influence
can calm this malady
inside my brain
I cut them
those country roses
they smell so pretty
the thorns will get
ya
if you let them
I guess everything in life
is that way
why it is that way
I have no idea
but it just is that way
all I want is to wake up
next to your face
in the morning sun
and that is too much
to ask
and so it is
what it is
it will always be that way
i'am the fool
your always on my mind
there's a dead grasshopper
on my steps this morning
an omen of more bad luck
i suppose
this is extreamly diffilcult
time for me to get a
protective candle
somebodys cursed
me.
did i curse my self?
do i do things i know
are wrong?
i do the same things over
and over and over
expecting different
results all the time.
this all this
bullshit
is going to pass
I swear it will
it must
I dont know what
kind of song i am
suppose to write
now
I cant pay my rent
I have no money from
my daddy
and the gifts i get
are broken things
pass me downs
and forcefull mounts
looking for a pillow to
rest my head
again again
this is happening again
cant protect my self
putting my head
in another bend
hens lay eggs
and i just fry
on a skillet
and a penny fine
unable to stand
on my feet
no one to help
me as the quick sand
sucks me deep
get off the piss pot
wheres my god now
still encased
on a pedestal
up the street
up the creek
with out a paddle
and no more
sleet
just ice
where will i put my head
tonight
on a cement block
or a pasley sheet
deep this is not
deep
let me walk
tell it all falls
down
all the kings horses and
all the knights
armour
can not stop
what will be
sad disalussioned
and depressed
heavens a place
for people who have never gone to hell
looking for friendly ground
not a sound
still under the kitchen table
hopeing not to be found
so mad no one will
answer my calls
just want to sing and
write songs
cant play the game
for long enough now
shower me
with ritches
shower me with
names
shower me with
silence
never will we meet again
I know you know
I didn't know
dont know the rules
and I've broken them
just the same
greedy people
make saine people
go insane
you see it all the time
stop playing games with my mind
mine are made of love
yours are made of hate
the castles in the sky
crumble just as fast as
the ones near the shore
take a boat
across the land
and bite on a stick
as the
babys are born dead
lets not pretend
anymore
The coffee's everywhere
I forgot to put
the pot on
streams of brown
hash like resen
no pennys
and i'am not getting
into heaven
not this time
not this time
the past is the past
let it go
the past is the past
move on
the past is always in my face
my freind
it haunts me
every passing moment
every passing breath
I have tryed
the steps of a saint
the steps of a sinner
the steps of a begger
the steps of a hoar
the staps of a peddler
and steps
I can not take any longer
I'am just crawling
up that mountain
rock after rock
step after stick
breath's keep escaping
into the life
the ruin i have made for myself
it seemed like the perfect plan
but it was the perfect trap
anyone could set up for them
selves
how to crash
and burn
faster than anyone else at all.
Currently listening :
Where Did You Sleep Last Night: Leadbelly Legacy 1
By Leadbelly
Release date: 20 February, 1996
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April 15, 2006 - Saturday
the pain is driving me crazy
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
the pain
is driving me crazy
nothing to take it
away
nothing I tell ya
its just crazy
the pain
makes me hazy
quite dizzy
fit enraged quizzy
i just want relief
but none can be found
no matter how
hard i try
hurts
oh
oh
cant move
cant lie
I sleep on the floor
on an ice thin futon
all alone every night
for two months now
back to the old days
back to the old ways
angry lonely hungry
mostly for sweet relief
this brace gets tighter
each day
and now it seems
all the joints
are aching
Its all my fault working
so hard till my body falls apart
no one to take my arm
and say everythings going to be o.k
no one to lean on
that is nice enough
or will stay long enough
to catch my breath
this is too hard
this is too hard
this is too hard
oh well
oh well
my feet are bruised
from all the standing
delusion
grasping on the edge
of sanity
its starting all over again
it means life is just getting
very heavy, no safe haven
no shoulders to cry on
no places to take
off my face
not one
drowning in a pool
of callous hearted people
of swamps filled with sewage
junk yards of diapers
pennys ironed in half
useless
trivia that will never be useful
i'am holding on to my life
to my sanity
and its barely taking
screaming and protesting
but nothing is coming out
body wont move
they say its depression
stuck in a room
that I used to invite
guests over
but now i have a room
filled with things that are painful to
touch
I have dreams that only the walls care
to hear
fear drives me inward
tears drive out of me like
boiling water
hitting the cold cold
air
I am no longer here
I remember the stainless
toilet
the hard back bed
the toiling of my head
the distant sounds of screaming
the little little cup of orange talk liquid
the only visitor I had for months
was my drug dealer
the one that had lavish
pool side partys
and endless trays of fun inducing things
the cheer of another soul
disapearing in smoke
he came and visited me
countless times while
my partner the one i slaved for
tented to
disposed my body for
emotionally drowned to
cowardly came just one day
to ask where I hid the money
and never returned
utterly
uncomprehensably alone
i always thaught
it would never come to that again
but its getting really really close
cutting to the edge
crossing the lines
of a mind quite damaged
by many scars
I must stay strong
I am praying on my knees
that I entwine myself with peace
and sanity
to right or wrong to reason
freedom
please hold me tonight
in this cold uncomforatable
place
I kiss the ground
I am able to walk
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April 14, 2006 - Friday
new song!!!!!!I an't no pull cart trolley ( to those who believe what ever they hear)
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life
New song
in C minor
and G .. minor
to a rumba and a soloing acordian
i an't no pullcart trolley ( to those who believe what ever they hear)
I an't no pull cart trolley
no sir dolly
you been talking about
me folly
telling folks I an't nothing
but zolly
I ant no fuck me holly
I an't no back street molly
not even missy hissy
just cream on top of a cake
you an't pop my cherry
just useing me like a
pull cart trolley
you can do it over
pull the sheets more over
i an't no roll over doggy
no more
I'am the cream on top of the cherry
and sorry if
you are sorry
to believe what ever you's is done
every body telling me
you talk about me sorry
I just me doing my thing
and i an't o back end rolly
call me polly
I call you stolley
using the hole in the wall
to say hello
instead of being up front
jeeze jolly
go get your folly
and stay the fuck away from me.
cause i an't no pull cart trolley.
8:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
good night, good luck,
Current mood: tired
Category: Blogging
good night
good luck
all is good
as i smoke
a ciggarette
driftting off
to sleep
with lavender
and vanilla
beans
underneth
my pillow
reading about
unholy things
with sage
burning in
my cup
admist
in deep
thaught
thanking
mother earth
and father sky
for
the tamahaks
the visions
the whispering
racoons
black bears
and there cubs
its so nice to
be equal
to all
things
brightly
perfectly created.
the time
of rebirth
the time
of zombie
incantations
rabbits and eggs
wow how pagan
sun down
yesterday
i love passover
the dinner
the prayers
the special
rituals.
the meaning.
I love
mother mary
how she must
of cryed
for her son
but how she
was relieved
to see him
alive
again
magdalyn
oh
how she weeped
and covered his feet
with oils
a time
of re birth
a time to be
new.
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April 13, 2006 - Thursday
red eye love.....
Category: Music
new song lyrics....
i'am nothing
but a
stupid
blond.....
thats o.k
at least
i red eye love
rock the casbah.
love takes me
downtown
i'am just
looking
for some
snuff.
walk bound
with a prison sentence
over my head.
I faced death row
so I'am not
scared of any body.
i'am not bad
just blunt honest
with a
big heart.
sure i have evil
ways just
when
i'am pushed
to the edge.
i am not
cool
enough to be
part of
the gang
and thats good
with me.
cause
lets face it
at the end
of the day
i'am a bad
girl
trying to do good.
i never started
the fire.
its just called
red eye love.
dont mess
with me as
my daddy
used to say
before
he took a hammer
to that mans head.
you might judge me
mock me
but just you watch
every curse you
put on me
will inturn
get you back
with three.
god bless you
cause i just cant.
3:26 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 13, 2006 - Thursday
la viva veti
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Music
infractions
of a journey
long live
la viva vieta
vite
everything happens
for a reason
just reasoning do's not always
play
kind words can heal
others dirty words
dirty words
can be the kindest words
jeeze i keep getting
tickets and jailed
for crossing
do not enter
places
i cut my eye
and burn my fingers
i would move
mountains
if i could
to get closer to you.
3:12 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
all is well...
Current mood: uncomfortable
Category: Life
all is well
the storm
has blown
over
due to
the over
whelming
pain in my
shoulder and
my bum arm
is constantly
devoted
to
reminding
of the
falable
human
body
that
i
own
1:27 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 9, 2006 - Sunday
truth is.......
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life
my mouth
my mouth
should be
shut
with fishing lines
and staples
thats all
my body
feels
like
a car ran over me
and my heart
has bullet wounds
knive stabbings
and strange bugs
that are just eating it
from the inside in
theres goes my arms
there goes my voice
all i wantde was to love
and be loved
no
this
is not
allowed
no
no
no
my mouth
my mouth
should be glued shut
hooked
and hung by
the
way
a bite my words
and my actions
drama
drama
drama
there goes my neck
it hurts
my back
hips
legs
ether
is the
easiest
way
but i would probibly
servive
and cost the
state
money
for staying
alive somehow
Currently listening :
Murder Ballads
By Nick Cave
Release date: 20 February, 1996
8:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
how sweet it is!
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life
wow
the show was fantastic
yup!
in other affairs
no hard feelings
no hard feelings
boy
no hard feeling
Boy how slimey
can people
get.
I was just
another
one
of those
girls in the
long string
of door mats
how exciting
now i know
how those poor
men felt
when I was young and more attractive
well
lets just let
bygones be bygones
then
no more pretend
no hard fallen
and no more bullshit.
what a relief
the dirty lundry
always gets found
out
when you do the wash.
i can finally move on
move out
and move up.
out of the frying pan
out of the fire
onto the ground
where i'am safe
from harms intentions.
you saved my life
and I'am grateful for
all the moments of bliss
how i hope you
have no hard feelings
time for change
time
to
just keep on moving
heard a good one today
god puts us on earth for
reasons
I just cant keep up
and thats why I'am still alive
you where the most
the best thing I ever had
with anyone
but i am just hard headed
and selfish
by nature
but the truth is
when you want something
so
bad
it always gets
taken away from
you
if it gets in the way of what you
are suppose to do.
i have to cut my losses
be grateful for the time we had
i'am sure you will be
much happier
with out me
than me
i know this
you deserve
the very very very best
and like that
dolly parton
song
i will always love you........
and if people
care to know
he is one of the best
visionarys and musicians
of our time.
but just you wait
he's going to set this world on fire
with his voice ,lyrics and music mayham.
and whom ever
steals his heart
will know they have
touched upon one of the greatest men alive.
6:03 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 8, 2006 - Saturday
first saturday not having to work after show
Current mood: curious
first saturday not having to work after show
due to deslocated shoulder
in pain but not refraining from
shmouzeling and
sticking around folks
whom appriciate my company
6:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 7, 2006 - Friday
an a apple that has fallen off the tree
Category: Life
an apple who has fallen off a tree
get bruised and mushy
how dos the apple get back onthe
tree?
10:27 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 6, 2006 - Thursday
people are really nice in san franscico
Current mood: bouncy
i love san fran
people walk on the sidewalks
Its been so long since
I've been in a city
full of walking people
saw alcatraz
played the red devil lounge
holy kiss rocked the house
that whole group
of folks
where fantastic
people where great
slept on a great big blue beenie
with the cutest hello kitty
blanket
me & my fucked up
shoulder
in this very large loft
and it was great
people where nice
my arm hurt bad
but I played anyway
I think when
your on stage
adreiline flows intensly
in the morning
we all ate at
a el savadorian resturant
it was fun.
we where treated
fantastically
by this band named
paranoid
the hills
the grass
just knocked the saddness
out for a moment
then i saw all the
cows
there cute
cows
then I got sad
about the cows.
i'am such a city girl.
Currently listening :
Risin' Outlaw
By Hank Williams III
Release date: 07 September, 1999
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April 5, 2006 - Wednesday
staying positive when all things fail.....
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
so what a week
they say bad things happen
in three's
earlier this week
i woke up with
a bad chest cold
i was riding my bike got hit by a car
then yesterday
i was strolling in the rain
having a good time
i slip on grass
and deslocate my shoulder
talk about pain
thank god
i have not been alone
we played tonight
at karma coffeehouse
we will have a great show
tommorow
i feel it!
san fransico
the place i was conceived
we still not a place to stay
but what the hell
ce la vie
i'am positive despite
all adversity.
this shall pass
now i'am waiting
for three great things to happen.
12:25 AM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
April 2, 2006 - Sunday
whoo 48 hours and still lots of fire
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Life
whoo 48 hours and still lots of fire
got to burn burn burn
cd's
cd's
cd's
bike up the road
to ronny's house
yup
before i burn burn burn
out
out
out
I feel free
wow
lucky iam
cough
bruises
sore bones
tired head
but watch me
go
go
go
my poor bike
its hardly
working
but hey at least its
still going
despite all the odds
by the way
normal is just a cycle
on a washing machene.
merci
Currently listening :
If I Should Fall from Grace With God
By The Pogues
Release date: 25 January, 2005
8:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
i should be sleeping
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Life
i should be asleep
thirteen hour day/ night?
i have a two hour brake
before I go off to the next job
wow
this is what being responsible
for my own affairs is about
I sure wish I had a pipe
with some pyotoe
and a very large bottle
of crown royal
I was out near a pool
with some
really
intresting people
nice evening
with trays of cocaine
and clean needles
and
great company
compatable company
but knowing me i would get greedy
do everybodys drugs
fuck many people
start a fire
find someone
and their credit card
get on a train or airplane
with the wrong people end up somewhere
and then wake up in
some hospital with
round stickers all over my bodythen some doctor
saying I had a heart attack (7 heart attacks already from oding)
or my lung collasped ( twice)
or some kind of near life death (5 times)
experience
of course
police asking me questions
about something i can not recall. ( my whole life)
And trying to figure out
how i got to a diffent country ( too many times)
and why three months have passed
with no memory.( I cant remember)
oh thats why
I cant do shit.
I forget all the time.
you can ask my first boyfriend/ husband
how i was like.
anyway
I'am glad
I have a job to go to.
and I have a bed to sleep
on.
and if i'am lucky tommorow
a friend might be giving me a ride to
my second job.
Currently listening :
Dead & Gone-Funeral March
By Various Artists
Release date: 13 November, 1997
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April 1, 2006 - Saturday
so dramatic
Current mood: groggy
so dramatic
i can be at times
Currently listening :
Way We Get By
By Spoon
Release date: 25 November, 2003
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my mama always told me never degrate yourself
my mama always told me
never degrate your self
in front of a man
because once you
do they will loose
all respect for you.
Well once you fall
in love your fucked
your like a sitting duck
waiting to be killed
I'am insane
I'am crazy
what was i thinking
again and again I want
so bad
so bad is all I become
I just want to know
when did I start caring
so badly
perhaps
when I lost someone
that was very good to me
gave up
give up
I wave the white flag
ride the white horse
drown in the river banks
of jereko
I'am the biggest loser
in the world
when it comes to
other people
I just dont get it
and I'am convinced
I never will
Next time i think
i will run infront of traffic
the results will
be the same
hi I love you
can I smash you in the face
not much difference
between my dad and I
when it comes to
respecting peoples boundrys
no matter how much
I try to be a better person
I just end up
being the person
I hate the most
the one that always
regergatates
on others emotions
I dont feel like
killing myself
anymore
I should just stay
away from people
i respect honor and love
cause all i do is hurt them
embaress them
and
i do it everytime.
and then
I get up
in their face say crazy things
and drive them away
I'am tired
its raining
It was raining when I rode
my bike to work with
all my bags
it was raining and I will
probibly get some crazy cough.
and embaress myself somemore.
like right now.
like this moment.
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March 31, 2006 - Friday
today is a very significant day
Current mood: tired
Category: Life
today is a very significant day
no shooting my self in the head
its three years
yeah
how do i feel?
whoa
i wish life where just nicer to me.
my bodys in pain,
from all the hard work trying
to keep food on my table
and a roof over my head.
did want to celebrate
last night with a bottle of crown royal
and 10 cc's of morphine?
you bet !!!
but I have a rage
that is just to big.
do you ever wake up
in the morning and feel life
just wants to beat the shit
out of you?
thats how I feel today
that my head was bagged
and a bat repeatedly thrashed my body
just going to take a bath
thank you
then I wil venture
with a wobbly
bike
I got hit by a car yesterday
time to get my car fixed
little by little
crawling out of the
money hole
all by my self
like a big girl
I had big help from
my friends this month
time for me to spread my wings
and fly a little
I need to get back to the city
of love and rockets
and face the damage
I did do
going to wait till the
summertime
so I can avoid the snow.
I am writing like
a torpedo
though
15 new songs
time for me to
get a working fourtrack
digital is probibly
the best forum
or just old style
tape cassette
time
wow I feel better
already
it ain't that bad
really things could be worse
its just always hard
being alone
but its probibly better this way
yes i'am crazy
alittle
I asked this guy I feel in love
with to get married yesterday
and he just honestly said no
and i dont know what I was thinking
but it felt right
its better to know what your chances
are of a future than wishful thinking
I hate making people upset
but alas sometimes
making poeple upset is all I'am really good
at.
besides singing
this man changed my life
I hit a braking point
and i will never turn back
to the fear that lived
in my head
in my art
and I guess thats what i was going for
a way to truely say i was thankful
just went the wrong way
to approaching it.
Now I just dont care
what happens
I just dont care what people
think the way i used to care
All I have is heart
and thats good enough for me.
Ruby told me years ago
I will fall in love
with san francisco
I was conceived
there.
I want to go to the state I lived as a little
girl, where oddessa my grandmother
gave me dolls to play with
when dolls where forbidden
to play with
my uncle lives there
he played with the oak ridge boys
I wish I understood
texan talk better
then I could understand
the great conversations
we would have.
In texas where the termit hills are as large as trashcans
and instead of cats horney toads roam the roads
with spikes on their backs
like a gang of punk rock kids
armidillos and secretary birds run around
living life
like I do
big walls and fast feet.
Currently listening :
All Is Dream
By Mercury Rev
Release date: 11 September, 2001
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March 29, 2006 - Wednesday
San diago changed my world
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Life
San diago
is a magical place
and the people
there are just the salt of
the earth.
I pray for justice
for the horrible death
of jacob faust.
I met his friends
his family
what a loss
what a horrific
thing.
I pray for
justice
I send love to
those magical peoples
salt of the earth they are.
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March 28, 2006 - Tuesday
I'am so proud of those kids today.....
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
I'am so proud of those kids today
marching threw the streets
standing up for what they believe
we only live in this time
or at least what we remember in this
life is this one
my bones are tired when it rains
it remembers (my bones)
all the infliction of this lifetime
now that my body is healing
it is also starting to feel
the time and the memorys
that all my bones have lived threw
I wont complain
but they sure do
I just came back from taking
a walk around my block
seeing the pitter and patters
of the rain
the quiet houses
and the palm trees and
jungle like flowers
such a great event in this
forever 21 sun
I should be asleep
in a dream
catching up with my rem
it has been an eventful day
and I am so happy for it
and tommorow is a eventful day
something with meaning
always
gives me air to breath
we are playing a benefit
for this fellow musician
that shot by the police
and the family can not afford
a lawyer to investigate the case
I have seen many wrongful things
in my life that went with out
being given justice
we must do with
what we believe in
anymeans possible
to know the truths
of our questions
and only by that
do we rest peacefully
while we sleep
and god knows with
out sleep we go slightly
mad.
Currently listening :
Tangos Inmortales
By Libertad Lamarque
Release date: 17 June, 1997
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March 26, 2006 - Sunday
oh my,
Category: Life
Oh my,
got some kind
of food poisoning
this sucks.
but i still
feel mentally better.
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and SO it is!
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life
And so it is......
from the darkest depths of
my heart appears a light
from the sincerest of souls.
I really lucked out this evening
lots of good peoples
and then in turn
I get goods with peoples.
Oscar Wilde
made my morning
while I was in pain
sitting in a bath
hoping for the aches
to go away.
abracadabra
stemmed with good
intentions
take not to long
to grow.
So that was soul
comforting.
I've got to go to bed
and get up
in three hours to go
work a eight and a half hour
day.
Working blue collar work
for 30 hours in a 80
hour time slot back to back
can be very trying.
But At least we
played our hearts out this
evening and laughed a plenty.
Just tired
from the ten hours
the night before
selling coco and a strong
shoulder
to a couple hundred
gals
I cant wait
when we go to
san diago next week
that will be
a great get away for me
its been a while
a couple years since
i've left
hollywood
for more than
a couple hours.
blah
blah
blah
good night
sleep tight
and dont let the
bedbugs bite
and if they do just hit them with
a shoe.
no bugs where hurt in the
writing of this fprose.
this earthquake
of depression
is slowing letting off
just the
after shocks
are hard to deal with.
Time is turning
in my favor
thank the moments
of peace
that
come when i dote
on pleasures
that refresh
my bandaged
and nailed back together
soul.
Currently listening :
Concepts Of Non-Linear Time
By Chris Opperman
Release date: 01 March, 2004
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March 24, 2006 - Friday
Wow! I feel so much better!!
Current mood: blank
Category: Life
wow!
i feel
so much
better i
bought some good
reading
and i will
just let this depression
a flu in the head
just go threw its course.
Currently listening :
Alone With Everybody
By Richard Ashcroft
Release date: 12 September, 2000
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March 21, 2006 - Tuesday
much better, much better
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
much better, much better
than I thaught
by the way
thats really not a bother
right now, I have more
important things
to focus on.
I know I have such a
long way to go
there is a huge
difference between
professional and amatur
and crossing that line
takes so much
some people do it
naturally
but I am a professional
at being a amatur.
i really love all the people in my life
with everything I got.
Currently listening :
Canadian Bagpipes & American Brass
By I. Webster
Release date: 29 October, 2002
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March 19, 2006 - Sunday
three hours sleep in 48 hours.......
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
three hours sleep in 48 hours
biked all the way, deep into
echo park,saw a friend of mine
he was not feeling very well
but he seems much much much
better.
I gave him a tiny tarot reading
and how I mean tiny is with a thunb nail
tarot deck, at least he was very amused
and it held good things in his future
i dont know what is going on with me
but i know this fucken bug in my
head wont stop buzzzing
very very very tired
my room is worse than yesterdays
every time I go clean it like a good
little girl, all I want to do is cry
I am such a big fucken cry baby
in need of a big teddy bear
and a fucken bottle
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Currently listening :
Ma Rainey
By Ma Rainey
Release date: 01 July, 1991
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March 18, 2006 - Saturday
its raining today
Current mood: cold
Category: Life
its raining
my house is
a mess
i've trashed
my room
the t.v broke
i'am getting
ready
to ride all
my work
supplys
in the rain
i have a
5.99 poncho
saw a movie
today
libertine
very
well crafted
broke my heart
alittle
melt down
there's
not much
left
but my
hearts
exposed
pockets
are empty
getting
ready to elope
with this
guitar
of mine
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i dont know anything.......
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life
hours and hours
days and days
of rehurseing
tired and tired
singing smoking
screaming spitting
so so oh oh
sleep and sleep
i pray to reach
i love st paddys day
but theres no parade in la
and that makes me very
very very sad indeed
not like home
at all
sad made
me very sad
time to go home
soon
and see the people
that love me
unconditionally
here i have a handful
and thats nice
better than none
and thats not to
long ago
who knows what
i'am talking about
i dont even know?
12 hours in a womans
bathroom
oh sleepy.
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March 16, 2006 - Thursday
my heads heavy
Current mood: blank
Category: Life
I woke
up out of a trance
that seemed like an endless
waiting game.
I'am not sick anymore
just very sluggish
my pots overboiling
alittle
and the kettles screaming
I need to get out of this
house.
and face the excitment
of the day
I wish I was there
perhaps if I had said
the right things
done the right
tasks
but as always i'am failing to
see, there is no right or wrong way
really.
some people catch
the early bird some miss
it all together
i either get there
to late or way to early
even for my own birth
i was two months early
jumping the gun
jumping the boat
i have much work to do
for the recordings next week
my mother says why
do you
write your
dairy entrys in
your blogs
for the
world to see
its cheaper
on paper I say
and if I should
die
than someone
who cares would want to
know what I had
on my mind before I
was gone
my friends
very few of them
care in this compasity
its like we are all assigned
a certain limit if
expectation
or the expectation we
can have on others
mine is
avious
dont try to kill me
or throw me out of a moving car
or lock me in a basement
for months
dont follow me, stalk me
dont come to my front door
hack into my emails
elbow me in the back when I'am sleeping
I dont like to be spit on in my face
my ribs have been broken
so I rather they be
hugged than beat upon
I dont appreciate bullets in my body
they leave huge scars
but the worst is dishonesty
because most of
the people in my life
when I was younger where
theives, con artists, scetchy
people to say the least
there is a honor
a code
if you are no longer
in need of my presence
then you go
and the door is closed
no need for
anything not heartfelt
really
I'am not in control
of anything in the end of the day
except myself
I think the title
of the album
will be
murder ballads from the electric chair
hopefully 12 songs....
Currently listening :
Live: From Here to Eternity
By Clash
Release date: 26 October, 1999
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March 15, 2006 - Wednesday
each one smashed in to pieces
Current mood: quixotic
each one smashed
into
pieces
made
out
of glass
i
can hear
my
lungs
sewed in to
my body
neatly
intwined
with other organs
each tie
meaningful
smashed
in to pieces
like a glass
crafted
christmas decoration
just another
one i was
hanging
on a holy tree.
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very nice, very pretty,
Current mood: content
Category: Life
very nice
very pretty
it sounded like rain
hitting the windows
in the middle of the
day.
most importantly
it was sincere
and thats why we gave
it all we got.
time to sleep
time to say
goodnight.
Currently listening :
Praise God I'm Satisfied
By Blind Willie Johnson
Release date: 27 February, 1990
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March 14, 2006 - Tuesday
this hurts....only love can brake your heart!!!!
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
this hurts.....
only love can brake your heart
oh !!! Ah!!!
yuk yuk yuk yuk
oh ma theres a big hole in my heart
see its a clean bullet gone right threw
at least you can see threw me now.
Currently listening :
Vivaldi: The Four Seasons Concertos
By Laszlo Varga
Release date: 31 March, 1998
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I get it, I finally got it!!!!!
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
We all have different eyes
we all see colors and hear sounds our own very unique way
and hence the idea of missed communication
we are always understanding what we want to understand
we feel because we feel,
I have a picture of my grandmother and grand father and my great great grand father and great great mother, I see my hands, I see my nose, I see my face.....
like a jig saw puzzle threw life I put the pieces back together to identify my face and voice
there I am parts of this and sewed up parts of my ancesters.
I am sitting in my den, and my skins are hanging, in a cancove.
generations have always been prepared, and thus we are born
prepareing for the next generation.
I get it, I finally got it, it all matters and in the same hand it just dosn't.
I can not fight anymore, it will be what it will be
I gave it all I got and beleieved in true love finalized by destiny.
but destiny is not always the final destination.
it is just a passing series of events either you are touched by the sillouettes
sounds, breath or you are not.
some people just consume the produce and some people pick and grow and deticate their lives to seeda and roots, unrooting cutting, growing, watering, slowing passing
their lives in a web until they cacoon and finally choke them selves and they are dead.
fruits of my labor, I have no fruits just dirt and mud, scars scrapes, stiches on my hands.
It is said what ever you put between your self and the light will be taken away from you.
I admigned utopia, a place a could rest my head and my hands so i could heal
from all the years of physical labor and mental anguish.
you have gone but my memory still hangs on to the two months of happy bliss
I am slow, and very much like the hare and turtle...
but the race was over long ago
and I come to the relisation
I was left on the boat and like a true artist I thought of others and did my job well
to my subcomed death.
I played every note perfectly, everything I ever had as the titantic sunk.
you are far away, and forever will be
and now it is time for me to retreat into my cave sharpening my skills
so I can servive
goodbye
and remember I had the time of my life
and will always cherish those
notes we played together perfectly
we shared moments I will always sing about
I hope you dont mind
we traveled traveled the world and I was on the deck and made friends
with all the peoples we came upon on, its not my fault you chose to stay in the room
and hid in the kitchen.
I have all the postcards
and they are worth more to me then any million dollar deal, fame and fortune
anti rock star
have always been and always will be
its like last night
this dashing fellow questioned my admiration for his performance, and skills
and I said I'am just not skinny enough to bullshit you.
meaning if I'am starving myself to have people like how i look
then I'am not going to strave my sences to enjoy the one thing truely love in life
and that is music and great showmanship.
thank you very much.
and my note is intended for a fellow who just didn't understand
the signifcance he truly had in my life
I was just his passing fancy and He was to me
the pillar of salt I needed for my very thirsty soul.
So thank you for saving my soul, good bye , good luck and good night!
Currently listening :
Yanqui U.X.O.
By Godspeed You Black Emperor!
Release date: 19 November, 2002
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March 13, 2006 - Monday
Just in a tired state of mind.
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
Just in a tired state of mind. I woke up in a different part town.with a pillow under my neck and mexican quilted comforters.I have been here before
and shared times with friends that are far away.moments that felt forever, and promises that where ment to be kept.I am back here.construction
always is the background tapestry.Transient bands of people, pissing on trees and looking threw the gated garbage cans.I will be seen today.
and today is the day i will see.I hate these white dormant stale 2by2 rooms, everything so stale and the smell of sickness.sometimes i can tell where I'am going with the bottles that have me walk out with.We are getting ready to throwup all my melodys on a vibrateing tape pulled by magnets.
its going to be fun.But I cant stop remembering those precious moments, was I just conned, was it just a lie, am I just lieing, will it be just be one of those things.money burning, dust gathering, cases of water, cases of boxes,
where they ever opened.time to travel onto another bus, to get to another place, that will just slam the door in my face.
Part II
so I jumped place to place
like a frog from pad to pad
flys to be had
and the news came in, quite good
the man in the white suit was great
it turned out fine.
I'am not going to die afterall.
my eyes and teeth are next
my lungs are good for now.
got to rife here talk and listening time
planning proding, producing
and the cards are good
the deck is half full
and jokers
are my wild card
but all is not lost,
Just lots of things to do,
papers, towing, fixing, cleaning
tommorow I start on the patch
so my voice will be
like a songbird
but I do love to smoke
it covers all my emotions
all my hesitations
it covers my face but not my ass
like all my vices
I most stay focused
relationships
are the least of my affairs
we try , we love to cry, all good things
take time, if I want to be good
to myself, I must focus why?
thats what the spider said to the fly
and the fly torn his own wings and
did not even shed a tear.
Currently listening :
Singing in the Bathtub
By R. Crumb & the Cheap Suit Serenaders
Release date: 22 April, 1993
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March 10, 2006 - Friday
1-2-3-4- lets go
Current mood: artistic
Category: Life
1-2-3-4- lets go
in our dreams
fly all over
create in
endless rooms
full of
instruments
and play
each one
of them
create
vast amounts
of sonic mayham
and pretty ugly
things
butterflys with
mohawks
shoes that talk
of every step
they have taken
just gearing
up
thats all
closure
was the greatest
part of love
I have ever had.
"I get violent
when I get fucked
up
I get fucked up
when I'am blinded'
old school - new school
mixing it all up
and throwing it up.
getting ready
to sit in a
little room for
12 hours
peddeling
chocolates and
cigarettes
the good thing
about this whole deal
is i get to witness things
no one else does
and catch up with
a shitload of people
its like I'am
the secret holder
I dont know?
I cant wait for the
day I can Just
can play and write.
this life is getting old.
but it is what it is.
after all.
thinking of re-releaseing
two of my older c.d's
Tallahassee 9 songs
Sedona's Travels( compilation of years 1993-2001} 18 songs
??????????????
Currently listening :
London Calling
By The Clash
Release date: 25 January, 2000
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March 9, 2006 - Thursday
picture of me in the la times,,,today!!!!
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
that was really nice.
A really big suprise.
huge picture of me
in the L.A times paper.
It made me laugh
one person asked me
to autograph the paper
at my office job.
I think that was
nice of the lady
to take my picture
and I'am thank ful for that.
Currently reading :
The Dorothy Parker Audio Collection
By Dorothy Parker
Release date: 15 June, 2004
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March 8, 2006 - Wednesday
o.k
Current mood: awake
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
o.k i'am going to be the bigger person.
i love all of gods creations>
Currently listening :
He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corners of Our Rooms
By A Silver Mt. Zion
Release date: 27 March, 2000
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oh ! put it off, being put on....
Current mood: drained
Category: Life
My insides are on fire
my body just dont like
me anymore
my breathings is hard
perhaps staying home
and resting is what I
just need to do.
I dont mind sleeping
on a futon, but boy my
back is hurting.
But I did do something
right, mac and cheese
my favorite.
addicted to
mytube, catching up
on videos
watching
over and over again.
Just staying away
from negative creeps
is my new goal.
Cause I'am negative
and creepy
enough.
Currently listening :
Songs of Our Soil
By Johnny Cash
Release date: 27 August, 2002
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we had a good show tonight!!!!
Current mood: determined
Category: Life
I cant sleep tonight.
god knows I should be passed
out, if got to get to get up by 8am
to go to my job.
but my mind is raceing.
i cant stop thinking of joshua tree
and seeing circus acts, 1920's caberette
vaudville burlesque acts
drinking weird healthy potions
from china town in after hours
jazz art deco diners
laughing incessently
about things that just
dont make sense
drunken phonecalls
from girlfriends hiding out
in underground speakeasys
the eskimos and I played
tonight a total of 21 songs
we are embarking on
a recording project
so we thaught to try
out a handful of songs to see
what we liked and what flowed.
my windows keep banging
its windy tonight
I keep thinking someone
is at my door, but those days
are long gone,
for that I am amused
unexpected moments have
been the snapshots of my year
so far.
My paranoia so wants to be
the keeper of all compartments
of my mind.
I might have a new addition
to the project.
It might be a great addition if it works
out.
excited about that.
excited about alot of things
perhaps its mania
because I was so ill with
some flu, in result lost my voice
and deeply heartbroken
over things that never where
dilusion and resolution
combined in a tatoo of
a drunken black out.
three months into 2006
and things could not be weirder.
well they could.
they always can
and they always will,
asked myself this
why was I so afraid to be free
so afraid to be bonded
in a box.
never fit in anyway.
when i look into
the looking glass
I wanted to be alice
standing ten feet tall.
or looking into bushes
or mountains , daimonds
in the sky.
there is a cat outside my window
looking for the cat that once belonged.
But they dont live here anymore.
they just dont
and they never will again.
the deal is done.
life just goes by so fast.
so fast.
so little time and so many
years lost on fixing things
that will be forever broken.
I guess its about moving on
and enjoying the flowers that bloom
and not worrying about the
seeds that never hatched.
the sailboats that never where
crafted.
its all about timeing
and i have always missed the
one.
and coming on the two is my craft.
they dont know what to make of you
is what was said to me the past few days.
hell if I know,
I'am just trying to get along
with out getting my legs broken
and locked in a room with out a door.
ball and chains remind me of everything that
that hurt.
bandaids
and grapefriut juice.
perhaps I'am just not
cool enough to be cold.
Just bold enough to be
warm.
and comforted enough to
stand alone and believe
in what i'am doing.
I remember grade four
I went to another school
of many, the new kid
again and again
I took on the boys club.
they threw hundreds of
snow balls, and I kept
throwing them back
with my bare hands
and acting crazy.
I fought and fought
every single one of them boys.
and by the end of the year
they all respected me,
and to this day
they all remember
my name.
And we laugh together
when I run into them.
I dont know am
I back in the school ground
with my little gang
trying to get a
little corner in the playground?
I dont fight, I take on battles
time for me to make a posters
and and plaster this city
with letters and images
I love everybody
because like neil young says
there's a little of blood and milk in everyone of us.
Currently listening :
If I Should Fall from Grace With God
By The Pogues
Release date: 25 January, 2005
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March 7, 2006 - Tuesday
great day & night, i thank my lucky stars*****
Current mood: hopeful
******great day & night I thank my lucky stars******
I love collaberateing with people I have the up most respect
for, its a treat really, I forgot for one second how much i enjoy
doing such things......
It was fun tonight
I did miss hobo jazz & and count smokula
at the derby but got there for the last hour and a half
got too see two great magic artists
one almost made me loose my dinner
by cutting his vains and mouth all up.
great!!!!
I loved it and the last one
had mice doing tricks
and a clapping machanical monkey.
(my favorite)
there was a space Darth vader stars wars
burlesque dancer that was putting a saber
between her legs, then put the saber down her
mouth, with blaring techno music, she did
have ass pasteys, I have never seen that before.
It was fun.
Then went to the cha cha bar
it was like I was on acid
bright reds and blues my favorite
combination, I wore a new dress
white and hippy,
played fuse ball with a friend
I was able to be my self
be free and not looking
over my shoulder.
What a sigh of relief.
I thaught I was forever
locked in a pandora's box.
now I can go back
to playing the autoharp this evening
and watching one of my favorite movies
blade runner.
Currently watching :
Blade Runner
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March 6, 2006 - Monday
feeling better!!!!
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
feeling better!
getting ready to ride my
two tire thing into
the rain
just listening and planning
out .....
getting ready to record.
hopefully 16 songs.......
exciting...............
....
This dark cloud
over my head is subsideing
I know depression is just
anger turned inward
just focusing
no matter what happens
its just broken flowers
promises and non sence that just
drives me mad some times
nursery drama
kindergarden songs
tissue paper
and hugs
wet diapers
broken baby bottles
rashes on the bum
in need of a warm blanket
not I
said the spider to the fly
not I
I hope you dont mind!!!!!!
for this I will
sleep alone tonight!!!!
Currently watching :
The Blue Angel
Release date: 13 November, 2001
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March 5, 2006 - Sunday
what was I thinking?
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
What was I thinking
I really thaught
this was it
the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow
the kiss like no other
the touch that defined
all the others
the passion
I have felt for no one
other
fortune faulter
fucked up all together
folding like no one other
a repeat of a scene
over and over over
hand over
hanged over
falling into the river
all together
made my bed
now
fold it up
pack it up
let it up
let go child
you tryed
held on with everthing
I had
it was perfect
it felt that way
the bubble pop
cracked the windows
unplugged the drain
all in vain
my body
not good enough
too old
too much baggage
I have the
lines in my vains
the cracks in my back
the bruises on my arms
from holding on to too much stuff
I put my finger in the hole
long enough
its time
for
me to get back
in the saddle
and ride
just one moment
to define
the others
it never came
it was over
before it began
everyone bet on it
they all won
their bets
as I lost my heart
it got stepped on like
a pile of rocks
I told you so
he told me so
she told me so
they told me so
but no
not I
putting my face
in the blender
it felt like a bender
a razor neatly
making an incesion
across my face
lost face
lost face
love that has
turned to hate
its killing my hope
jade is written
across my face
tainted love tainted
enough
beat up
beaten up
beating up
broken down
braking down
a love like no other
I swear father who
the hell is in heaven
cause i ain't got no father
ain't got no mother
to hold me and tell
me everything
is going to be o.k
it just hurts
hurts so deep
I cant breath
I cant talk
i've lost my voice
dissapointed
in my self
I let it happen again
I let the
building come down on me
I dug the hole in the ground
I jukped off into the river
never knowing how to swim
there eating me up
these sharks
the fangs go so deep
and i sleep
with out ever closing my eyes
the darkness
is back
monkeys are dancing
spiders are building their nests
rats are sleeping in my bed
the lice is biting in my head
all the friends in my head
have turned against me
and the hedge stone
should
read as follows
the person left a long time ago.
this is heart brake
this is how it feels
I feel hollow
and utterly
losing this game
called life.
Currently listening :
Bonsoir My Love
By Josephine Baker
Release date: 10 April, 2000
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March 4, 2006 - Saturday
planning & praying.
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
planning and preying
on my deep insides
to muster everything
in my soul.
to stay focused
on my recording.
ignoring the demons
that say I cant do it
ignoring the angels
that say I will.
Just comeing to
a deep understanding
what ever will
be will be.
Staying healthy
and calm
is the remedy
to riding the
storms in the night.
Currently listening :
Best of Lead Belly
By Leadbelly
Release date: 02 May, 2000
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March 3, 2006 - Friday
oh.
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life
I see.
what I could not see.
Now I see and I am still
blinded by love.
but it was me.
and I see.
That I did you wrong.
I will carry on with
that thorn in my heart.
It was there before
and it will always
be there.
I made a promise.
I will always keep
never to go back.
And if I never
told you
my love for you
will never die.
No matter what happens.
No matter what is happening.
No matter what happened.
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March 2, 2006 - Thursday
everyday boreing things.....
Current mood: sick
Category: Life
I have this terrible cough
for the past week.
still coughing.
I was looking forward to seeing
a band I love and am inspired
by tonight.
But everyone I know is sick
and no one can leave the house.
I finally got a roomate, that
has made my worrys less.
So tonight I am, going to just
take some theraflu
watch a movie and get some ZZZZZZZZ's
but I must add I have been working
on this cover In the pines by lead belly
and it just wont stop playing in my head.
Currently listening :
Where Did You Sleep Last Night: Leadbelly Legacy 1
By Leadbelly
Release date: 20 February, 1996
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We had lots of fun @ the sin city all stars event...
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
We played three songs and the crowd
hooted and hollered
it was lots of fun.....
The eskimos and I have been
having lots of fun playing
alot......
even though I have lost my
voice I have this huskey
Wanda Jackson feel.
I am happy.
Its just a big adjustment lately.
life.
As a band we are very strong
and we all get along quite well.
I look forward to recording this
month, I think we will do very very
well.
I know the adjustment has to
do with the fact I am starting
over.
Starting over is not
always easy, knowing
the expectations
I have sometimes.
The follow threw
is becoming more consistant.
Slowly
repairing
a ship that has
crashed
against the
rocks of life
is a large over haul
perhaps this time
I will repair it
to be stronger.
Tonight I felt some
kind of brake threw
emotionally.
And this is good.
I am growing up.
a little.
focusing.
sometimes is the hardest thing to do.
Currently listening :
Slowly But Surely
By Holly Golightly
Release date: 19 October, 2004
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March 1, 2006 - Wednesday
oh a lady baby
Current mood: cold
Category: Life
oh a lady baby
gone gone
so embarassed
plain like jane
yak like fat
blow so
bad
mean ugly dirty
rotton
oh a lady day
on on
so fustrated
game like fame
hack the fact
pretty rotton
speak
speaking
never
again
oh a lady day
gone
going
who are you?
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February 28, 2006 - Tuesday
this evening>>>>>
Current mood: ditzy
Category: Life
this evening i went to
a underground jazz juke joint
in the middle of korea
town
had some okinoa pancakes
then I found out there was shell
fish inside,intresting
yep,
didn't go blind
but then I chased it
with
two shots of imported china herbal
medical good for the lungs stuff
boy ,
perhaps I'am having a acid flashback
or something
or an allergic reaction
it feels like I'am on mushrooms
Perhaps the medical drink
is fighting the
lung infection I have.
feels good though
and god knows
I needed some medical attention.
something
or what not.
time to sleep.....
finally
I will get a good nights sleep.
I can't stop thinking
of the one I'am in love with.
I'am pretty funny right now.
Its a kodak moment.
I sure hope my friend takes the
room.
the alarm just went off in my
little complex.
very loud
so very loud.
Currently listening :
Founder of Delta Blues
By Charlie Patton
Release date: 21 March, 1995
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February 25, 2006 - Saturday
I think way to much...........
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Romance and Relationships
I think love might be a verb
I used to think love was
a noun.
Relationships will
forever be question
marks to me.
But really in life
nothing is a period
until you die.
Perhaps the greatest
moments I have in my
life are sentences,
not chapters
and novels.
I was never good at
writing a proper
sentence
and perhaps
never will.
Currently listening :
Dark Was the Night
By Blind Willie Johnson
Release date: 30 June, 1998
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so funny.?
Category: Life
tonight a girl
was so happy
her boy gave her
a flower
it was like a pretty
summertime
buttercup
yellow like a sunday
school dress
but then her
face changed,
as she leaned towards
my ear....
when people
get
honest
they always
look raw
and unfinished
like a crinkled
report card
being straightned...
she whispered
in my ear
"it was from a crack
pipe, in california
they cant sell pipes with
out flowers"
I wasn't shocked
perhaps taken a back
a little,
But then it made sense
I had always wanted to buy
that little vase with
a little flower
when I went to the
ciggarette store
little did I know
that cute little
decoration was a
crack pipe.
Last time I did
crack it was
in 1988
I think it had
just hit the streets
And when i tryed
"the landing me in the
crazy ward strapped
down for days, shitting
on my self
and thinking I
was Jesus Christ
Drug"
I smoked it out
of a red coca cola
can.
Times have changed
and sometimes
I seem to be as
gulible as a 12
year old sheltered
run away.
I dont know if
I was ever really
sheltered or gulible
just nothing seems
to shock
me
it just takes me
back a little.
Because truth is
always stranger than
fiction,
And the things you seem
to understand at face value
never are what they appear
to be.
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February 23, 2006 - Thursday
swamp pond story
Current mood: good
Category: Life
Even in the swampy pond
of the far far deep
thrushes of secrets
there happens to be
a magical tale
that is whispered
among the willows
as they sway
cradleing the wind
in their long warm arms
caressing the
warm breeze babys
with their leaves with
there long silky hair.
They sing a lullaby
of e flat minor
they are not able
to sing
in major
due to
the horrific bloods
shed in the barks
and banks
they have drank so
many tears.
the lullaby
goes as this
"the lilly one
day was slowly
becoming extinct
for she was
so pretty
and all the animals
thaught it was
holy to eat her pedals
so she was pushed further
and further to the edge
going toward
the water
and her leaves
where so large
she fell in one day
drowning
saying good bye as
her life passed before
her eyes
she came flying out
of the swamp
in her mind
it must of been the
crooning crocidile
looking for something
sweet to eat
but no
it was the frog
handsome, big, beligerent, clever and
humorous
saved her and
nutured her leaves
to be strong enough
for the current
inturn
saving her very
own being
and lifeline
As she was so sad
she cryed and cryed
wanting so much to drown,
Tired of being alone
The frog
sang to her
held her on his back
eating the
flys that wanted so much to
eat her pedals
with his very own tounge
he believed in her
till her leaves
became strong
and she could live
in the swamp and
servive
the love was so strong
so this was destiny
and that is why
the frogs
jump and live with
the water lilies
forever protecting them
and inturn
the lili only
allows the frogs
to dwell withen her.
And for that the willow
will forever sing the
baby winds
to sleep
with this tale of
servival & love.
Currently listening :
Moments to Remember, 1952-56
By Louis Armstrong
Release date: 29 May, 1996
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February 22, 2006 - Wednesday
take the money and run......
Current mood: excited
Category: Life
take the money and run.....
double dare you....
guess It was just a joke
the whole thing.
like a monkey
pin the tail game.
funny funny funny
I must be so funny.
the whole thing is
just a sham.
how stupid was I.
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montreal oh sweet montreal!!!!
Current mood: lonely
Category: Friends
montreal oh sweet montreal
forever keeping my soul clean
just like when it snows
then the ice sets
eight months go by
spring arrives
and slush it does
appear every where
the smells are uncovered
it rains
wipeing
the street clean
the cracks on the sidewalk
appear
the
potholes in the street
rear their ugly heads out
ode to a fresh summer
on these old cobble stone streets
montreal oh montreal
I am far so far away
from kindred hearts
and honest voices
that I have known all my life
and will know till I'am old and gray
pray for me my montreal
there are no churches, bars and bordellos
all next to each other
all honest to one another.
Currently listening :
Enemy Is Real
By Tricky Woo
Release date: 30 June, 1998
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the opened jar on your kitchen table .....
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
It broke my heart
I was just a condiment
in a long line of jars
you see neatly
placed on the
shelves of any
grocery store
emptyed, recycled
and re packed
the price tag was
no different
and the
consumer made
me feel
special till
it washed me
out and put me
in the dishwasher
and thats when
I noticed the
other jars
some where
bottles
some where
salt shakers
and I was
just a Itty Bitty
mustard jar
sure I was
imported
and seemed
different
but alas
the result was
the same
as a plate
Ah to my suprise
there was a time
I would mock the plates
but you see
I had no
cover
so I dryed
out long ago
at least the
packageing
was still
somewhat intact.
Boy it was so
nice to feel
truely wanted
to be held
to be used
there was a need
that I served
but I had no more
musterd
but I was unique
for a moment
It was nice
It changed my life
I for
once saw what
I was placed on this earth for
and my position
was never clearer to
me than today.
I actually ripped part of
my label
I gave it freely
because someone held me
softly and tryed not to
drop me.
But you see when you give
part of your label you are giving
the very one thing you have
had to protect your very
life
in you very own shelf life.
My jar cap was already cracked
and that was hard to face
living in the world as a condiment.
But what price have I had to pay.
It was special to me.
I was bought, used and washed
then put out in the bin
like my birth
just another face in the crowd
of billions.
Shelved on the counters of zillions.
Looked at and always summed
up for price and taste.
Never seeing the truth
of my excistance.
And I finally figured
it out as they placed me
and others
in a box
and I was smashed
among a million other
condiment jars
and the screams
where horrific
but I refused to cry
in terror
for it would of been
horror
if I had never known that
my whole exsistance
was in the hands of others
and how they decided
to utilise me was at their
own descretion and never had
been my own.
Currently listening :
Horses in the Sky
By Thee Silver Mt Zion Memorial Orchestra
Release date: 05 April, 2005
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February 21, 2006 - Tuesday
there are rocks in my pocket.
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life
I awoke from a startleing dream
all alone
all in the dark
there I was
in a corner
unable
to breath
no one around me
for miles and miles
there was a nile
full of water
full of grace
black as the
dead sea
thirsty
for water
thirsty
for air
trapped for
days
no one hearing
my pleas
just one
moment please
I begged
to the
gods
but just locusts
and snakes
and rocks in
my pocket for
protection
then a bird
flew
to the cement basement
I was curled
in a corner
it started singing
then all the angels
in heaven
started
speaking
the devils below
where crying
I just wanted
to die
for not a human soul
was around
but
what a great delusion
I was in
for one moment
seeing the truth
as thousands
of people
where stepping
all around me
as I was really curled
in a subway
located in the
heart of rush hour
right near
central park
it could
of been true
the delusion
the fantasy
the conclusion
however
it must of been
because i was
stuck
and all I had
was rocks in my pocket.
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February 20, 2006 - Monday
The kite in the sky twinkle.
Current mood: curious
Category: Life
Such a pretty park
with doves and swans
be careful
the swans have big
bills, and sometimes
they like to chase
you
I was laying
on a hill in
Central Park
during the sunday
tam tams
a place people
like to get
together
in a
atmosphere
of cabin fever
finally letting out.
I have always had
trouble with
kites
the wind never
had seemed to
blow in my direction.
It was sitting on a
flannel blanket
this stop sign
red kite
I was listening to
the chorus of
excitement in
people voices
My kite was beside
me
I dosed off
into a seemly
innocent daydream
and like a
pole shakeing
when a fish has
been hooked
on a peaceful day
the role of string
started moving
I opened
my
eyes
and there
was my kite
so far up in the
sky
twinkeing
like a star
in a midnight
sky.
Currently listening :
Live at the Opry
By Patsy Cline
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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February 14, 2006 - Tuesday
Valentines Day in 1988 .......
Current mood: full
Category: Life
It was a hazy day
the mist from the dawn
was riseing high
like a kettle of boiling
water
the train was passing
and all the plates
in the kitchen
were shaking
in the shotgun house
I was living in with my
husband.
It was four am
time to get up
and get ready
to muck the stalls
my nose had
been bleeding
pot belly billy
the trainer I had
been working for
at the time
had given us a bonus
in a very tiny ziplock bag
and as I always had
stolen the other
bags out of his pocket
because the
powder had always made
it easier to face my
situation the morning after
I was looking at my
self in this fine morning
a bloody nose
and a big black eye
I dont remember
what had happened to
me the evening before
but as my husband
started coughing
his morning ritual
I peeked over
in our
6 by 8 apartment
and his face had
guilty
so I assumed
as always
I had pushed the
line
or was extreamly
paranoid
that powder had
always brought
the devil out of me
and there was the bottle
of scotch, empty
bone dry empty.
The train had passed
and time was just lagging on
every minute had felt like months.
I was afraid was this the day
this husttle was going to be over.
Fort -Erie was a tiny town
but as I looked back
I was a tiny person
filling big shoes
and caught in a life
I was hopeing would
be over soon.
My husband at the time
was 35 years old
and because I have
always been a good lier
he thaught I was a eighteen
year old, slightly retarded
and I always
loved that
because little did he
know I was a fourteen
year old run away
that just happened
to consume more drugs
and alcohol then five
grown men put together
so people didn't really
question how old I was.
And if they did it was
time to just move on.
I also believe
that in the backstrech
mostly everyone
is hiding something
God knows my first
boyfriend
was a serial rapist
I had no idea
until I read it in the
newpaper.
And so it was
this was valentines
morning
I was a Assistant horse trainer
married to a man that
didn't know my real name
and I had to tend to
eight wonderful
run down race horses
In the course of my
four years hiding
out in the land of
no ones land
deep seedy secret
filled haystack
and big buckets full
of water, and pitchforks
I had learned
the art of the hustle
form the con artists
theives, killers on the
run.
No one ever gave them
selves up, no one ever
talked about the life
they had had, or why
there face had read guilty
We just used to talk
about the racehorse's
and the seven days a week
lifestyle, that we all shared
in common
awake at 4am and work
very very hard labor.
.........................
So where was I
oh yes
Valentines morning
there it was a
pink flower
in a pot
with a little note
that read "I Love you"
As that old man to me at the time
started to wake up
he coughed, and coughed and coughed
he sat on the edge
of our tiny twin matress
and started lighting up
a very large joint
and the duskey haze outside
our window
poured in and now
the whole apartment
was one big giant
pot of boiling water.
I was 87 pounds
at the time
and everytime
I looked
in the mirror
I loathed myself.
Truely hated myself
for all the lies
i had told,
and if I was not
100% intoxicated
all of the time
the tropical rainstorms
of saddness
would pour on me
as my body would
feel it was being stabbed
by thousands of
knives engulfed
with gasoline.
I loved my husband
at the time not
for what a wife would
feel in the mature sense.
But the fact he had taken
me under his wing
I was so young and was being
eaten alive
by the voltures,
hienas and wildbores.
Before I had met him
I was working on the backstrech
and I lived in a tack room
and slept on the floor
when the wintertime came
with enough whiskey
and cocaine I
was despret enough
to sleep on anyones
bed for shelter.
Till he came along.
The first time we had met
I was being thrown
out of the local tavern
for fighting and stealing
and my head hit
the cold cement
He picked me off
the ground and said
did I want a ride home.
Back to my tack room
and he said he was
going that way.
Then I proceeded
to throw up all
over his car, and passed
out cold drunk.
He never laid his hands
on me, in a sexual manner.
He could of, but he was
kind.
and saved my life
at that very moment
I knew there where
nice people in the most
not nice places.
Thats how a biased
my opinon on people.
There where no other
choices I had ever known.
But that morning
I knew
it was going to be over
soon
as I took
the potted
plant and smashed
it with all my might
against our little window
and I screamed out
every pain and
feeling I had ever had
"On Valentines day
you should always
buy a girl red red roses"
stormed out
and knew
I was about to
embark on a very
very
enlightning journey.
11:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 13, 2006 - Monday
I was an echo........echo,,,,,,,,,echo
Category: Life
I was an echo
echo
echo
echo
echo
oh with love
echo
echo
echo
oh with passion
echo
echo
echo
til there was no more mountain...........
til there is no more water..............
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a piano fell on my head.
Current mood: discontent
Category: Life
I was walking in a cold snow filled
alley
the shoes I had on had holes into
I was practically freezeing to death
There was a nice fellow
very good looking and very
sharp witted brillant
all around go getter
and I fell in love
right there and then.
But when you come out
of sub zero tempratures
you go mad
and sometimes
people are mad
now everything has changed
I thaught I was getting
it together
now I have no form
of transportation
no car
I lost my keys last
night and my bike is locked
to my gate.
but the most devastating
thing is the man
I fell in love with
no longer will ever
talk to me again
I'am upset because
it hurts
my heart really
hurts
so as I'am trying
to walk out of the alley
out of the cold
trying to find some
socks so
the
ice wont freeze
them to death
I trip over a newyork
city rat
and
a piano falls on my head.
9:38 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 12, 2006 - Sunday
I just dont know?
Current mood: devious
I just dont know?
Did you ever get the feeling that you had
to go or the feeling that you had to stay?
Thats why I'am a fan of the late Jimmy Deranti
Thats exactly how I feel
at this moment.
9:41 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 11, 2006 - Saturday
god damn I cut my finger!!!!!
Category: Life
One sunny morning I woke up
and found a new found fear
sitting on the edge of my bed
this monkey was different
than all the others
that had woken up beside
me
it was older and
its voice was deeper
funny I forget when
you wake up with a monkey
thats a bad sign
its like an omen
but worse
because its influence
on your actions
are more destructive
than waking up beside
a weasel
you see the weasel
will do things like
tie your shoelaces together
put salt instead of sugar
in your canester
put hair dye in your shampoo
bottle
put marbles on
your floor so you slip
and fall
but its funny
and sometimes we
need weasels in our
lives to remember we are living
its funny really
the whole process
of birth and stuff
now lets examine
the monkey
It holds on your
back and whispers
things in your ear
It can sit on your
chest to the point you
are suffacateing
It can bite your ear
so hard you are screaming
when the monkey
appears its like
having a horror
poltorguest, demon
opening up a cupboard
and a million cockraoches
swarm out
thousands of fire red ants
crawling up your leg
being in a pit
of rattlesnakes
perhaps a shotgun
cocked up inbetween
your legs
or when your taking a
bath one of these fuckers
dangles a toaster
over your head.
now you can defend your self
from the goingtoscarethefuckrightoutofyou monkey
that is the offical word
for the type of monkey I am
describing
But if you have
never been exposed to this type
of monkey
You can do crazy and foolish
things
alot of people
think they have gone mad
and end up being
pumped up with weird anti
pycho drugs and then the
monkeys sometimes
win, you start
beleiveing them
and so forth and so forth
I should be a expert now
with all these types
of mind sucking spirits
they aren't all bad
dont get me wrong
sometimes you need
them
or they would not appear
in your life for nothing
there is always a reason
like an antidote
for a virus that is
destroying your body
these are more for your soul
something that can not be seen
but you know you have one
Anyway back to my story
about this sunny morning and the
monkey that was sitting
on my bed
It was alot older
and was smoking
a opium pipe
I got up
and told the monkey to go
away
and if it tryed anything
I could ignore it
and by doing so
the monkey should dissapear
but this one
just sat there
stairing at me
then it said
something
I tryed not to listen
I saw his crickled
white hairy mouth moving
but my hand enclosed
my ears
and I started panceing around
the house humming to my self
but then I thaught
he's older and looks tired
so I decided to listen
I was ready for the
worst
"I have a gift for you
look at your finger"
unknown to me
I looked at my hands
and one was right beside
my head holding
a gun to my temple
and the other resting on
my waist
I was pulling
the trigger at
that very moment
but had stopped because
there had been a pain
with the finger
that was suppose to
pull the trigger
I was so shocked
for the whole time
I had been trying
to avoid the monkey
My own body
had formed a
Kuu , its when
a governing goverment
is about to be over
thrown by killing
all the persons in office
and there for come into office
I was scared
now and dropped
the gun on my
white 400 thread
pillow from bed bath
and beyond
the pain
on my finger
was throbbing
like a wisdom tooth
in need of being pulled
but there it was
A huge open gash
on my finger
splurting blood
like a broken
sewer pipe
The opium smoking
monkey started to laugh
and I wrapped my bed sheets
over my finger
I screamed at the
top of my lungs
to the point my
eyes where
popping out of
my head
and I started
to see little
dots all around me
" why are you laughing
opium smoking old monkey?"
The gray Hair Arangetang
with the washed out mouth
responded in a corse
sand paper voice
with a tone similar
to a old car in need of brakes
stopping at a stop light.
"Just wanted to drop by
and see how an old friend was doing,
it looks like you might be in need
of a band aid"
My point being
is no matter
how tempting
it is to listen
to the monkey the results
are always the same.
I dropped the
gun on my pillow
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tired
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
Once there was
a caterpillar
that was having
a hard time
crossing a branch
then all of a sudden
a gush of wind blew
this caterpiller
on a leaf that traveled
on a river
this river lead to a ocean
then the ocean
spit her out on
land
everything was
different
the trees
the climate
the predators
seemed like
the friends she
knew
only to turn
out to be
the predators and
the predators
actually turned
out to be the
friends
and so few could
be found
so the catterpillar
ventured
all distraught
and disoriented
at the end of its rope
and found another
caterpillar
that seemed
to have good intentions
but only to find out
this caterpillar
was mean
and tryed
to push the
caterpillar
off its new found
refuge, and it
bit it but
neverthe less
did find its friends food
and shelter
even though the price
was so high
the new catterpillar
did have another....
in a weird new land
now the foreign caterpillar
was used to an open
dialouge with the others
around it
and the weird land
caterpillars
judged this caterpillar
tremendously
calling it crazy
and half fast
but little did they
know what kind of butterfly
this caterpillar
was to be.
As the foreign
catterpillar started
to cacoon
it withdrew from the
mean one
and another
caterpillar appeared
actually a butterfly
disquising it self to
be a caterpillar
so the foreign
one would accept it
And as the foreign
one became
closer to the disquised
butterfly
the foreign caterpillar finally
thaught it could rest
and go back to cacooning
so it could rest to fully
develop as a butterfly.
But the foriegn caterpillar
did not know what kind
of wings it was going to have
for all around it
was flys, moths, bees, nats, fruity flys, masquitoes
for it was so long ago
it forgot what
kind of flying insect it was.....
The foriegn caterpillar
rest its head
and started to feel ill
for the tree it joined
this other caterpillar
was a cactus
and it started to go
hungry and the other
made the foreign catterpillar
feel really bad
discribing the caterpillar
to be a fly and
assuring the caterpillar
while underhandly
making the caterpillar
feel very small
but at the same time
feel very strong
the foreign caterpillar
was so confuissed
and did not know
what to do?
For the foreign caterpillar
had a code
of ethics
very much ingrained
in its self
and needed to rest
or it was going to die
and so the new catterpillar
but really a butterfly
started to teach the
caterpillar how to
fly
by pushing it off
the cactus needles
and plunging the
caterpillar
in feasts of necture
from the
flower
now the caterpillar could not
beleive that finally had
come face to face
with one of its own
and started to cacoon
and finally became
a monarch butterfly
and started to want
fly but the other
was a butterfly moth
and showed it its wings
and often outflew the
monarch
and said
you should stop
flying because
no one is going to care
and you are not ready
to travel
so much nicer though it was
than the fly it had servived with
in the prior moons
but something was not right
and finally
one day the monarch
flew and relized it could fly
despite all the contradictions
the butterfly diqueised as a catterpillar had said
then one day the
butterfly disquised as a caterpillar
left and the monarch
was devestated
but the monarch was so used
to weird behaviour
in a weird land
that the monarch
became weird
in hopes to better
communicate with the butterfly disquised as a caterpillar
but it was too late
the butterfly disquised as a caterpillar
had moved on
leaving the monarch
with out a cactus or a tree
and for the first time
the monarch had to climb
but as it fell it became
a stronger butterfly
learning how to dive
the butterfly disquised as a caterpillar
had laughed
and thaught
the monarch crazy
But you and I know
the monarch is one
of the most amazing
butterflys
it travels at great distances
able to fight off
preditors of many kinds
and drink poisonious nectures
and servive
the monarch was sad
and all aone
to be abondoned
but was grateful at
least it finally got wings
and was just
scared to find a
gush of wind
to be blown back to where it
was always ment to belong.
6:36 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 10, 2006 - Friday
life
Current mood: cold
Category: Life
a union
a onion
trees
big enough
to shelter
us from sin
truely
things
the way they seemed
they should
of been
or the way
I wanted them to be
this evening
I found out
this young kid
hung him self
on a wind mill
in palm springs
his name was
dallas
he had a heart
of gold
and was loved by
many
may his soul
rest in peace
1:44 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 9, 2006 - Thursday
um................
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
I pulled the bed sheets
over my head this morning
and I got
bit by a spider.......
I swear
if I could change
my life
I would of already...
I've tried every pill,
drug,
fucking friends,
fucking lovers,
being fucked
by family members
junk, horse, lsd
black pearls,
ballons, no ballons,
crack pipes,
liquid trax, noose's
drowning,being drowned,
suicide ,car crash,
being crushed by a car,
sticking my hand in
a baboons cage,
building jumping,
eviction notices,
traffic walking
with a bandana
russian roulette
oding 11 times
seeing the white light
seking the dark hole
no communication
too much communication
therapy, electro,
phyco, emotional
12 step, 4 steps
1 step 2 step
Budda, tie-chi
god, jusus
isis, wicca
self help programs
inner child,outer
child,
lost my child
moving to a new
country
knowing anybody
being known by anybody
walking alone ,at night
getting into abusive situations
perhaps addicted
to death
addicted to controling
things I cant get
I think I am depressd
again....
um
I am just way
too sensitive
for this world
today.
10:22 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 8, 2006 - Wednesday
I have a poetic soul
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
apples
or grapes
my head
just sits
on a platter
a single
beta
in a goldfish
bowl
will I
ever be able
to join the
the ever flowing
river
perhaps
I am
a grasshopper
caught
in the side
of a pick
up truck
waiting for it
to stop
so I can jump out
and play in the fields...................
10:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 6, 2006 - Monday
Amoures D'ablio
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
Amoures D'ablio
It is a love like no other
a passionate and powerful force
it enters your life like a torpedo
it brakes every shackle you
ever had on your heart
every moral fiber gone fron exsistance
it eats away from the inside
yet rejuvanates like
the first kiss you ever had
people have died over such a love
it is something you can not buy
you are for ever changed
there is no point of return
you can swim the oceans
you can crawl all the mountains
you can pray at every temple
but once you have drank from the
temple of youth
you are forever sick
aching, sweating, in pain
wanting more
it consumes your every thaught
questioning every ploy
questioning every breath
questioning every prayer
but once you take it
you can never go back
to the way things where
you can protect your self
but it is futile
madusa's curse will never turn you to stone
Thor's sword may never come down on you
Venus's potions can never work
Neptunes rod may never strike
you will never be able to cry wolf again
Little boy Blue has changed into the color Red
The universe will never be so Vast again
The Oceans can not be deep enough
What a price when you dance with the devil
but the devil wont tempt you ever again
God himself doesn't know the antidote to this
curse........................
You can never look at another
you can never tempt another
you can never breath anothers name
you can never be touched by another
for all this is hollow
when you have been seduced and have induced
Amoures Diablo
Currently listening :
The Essential
By Mamie Smith
Release date: 01 October, 2002
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February 5, 2006 - Sunday
&*&^%%^$there are moments!!!!!!!!!!!*&^^&%
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
there are moments
in a evening
two hours to be exact
where something inside
just sparks
when people
smile
when you walk around
in a city
able to have
conversations
randomly with faces you have
seen before
that is not three way talking
with a cell phone
in Hollywood
you are no longer a stranger
Its starts to feel like home
perhaps I'am just a
bohemian and used
to living the life of depending
on the conversations of strangers
it was so refreshing
tonight I had fun
I left my part time job early
ran into a couple of people
I knew from various locations
status's
part time work like, socially, musically,
randomly, personally , intellectually,
emotionally, randomly....
hung out at this nifty little
bar called "le bar"
right beside a crack hotel and a gas station
across from a t.v studio
that looks like a mansion
out of the movie
the main charactures
name is Scarlet O'hara
gated heavely and white roses
and right near a dennys and
a huge freeway
with 7 lanes going each direction
I think it may be called the 101???
the little nifty bar is located on sunset and bronson
funny????!!!!????
To me
I came from a city
where every sign is in french
and I associate it with the idea of home
Then hung out .....
for one hour
the clicking of the glass's
around 1 am people are always
very happy, its like the mixture
of alcohol very loud noises
and for a hour, people are
in a happy state, laughing, dancing,
touching, bumping, hugging,
takeing off their pasted on emotionless faces
turning the stero of their voices on shutting off the monotone
pitches in their inflections
letting go of the clutching of their purses, setting them aside
putting down their magazines, cell phones and blackberrys
taking off the vice grips on their necks
taking the pins out of their perfectly placed poses
then 2:oo am comes to a starting point
Last call is announced for the very last time.
the bar closes
and that magical time
ceases
the lights turn on
like a football arena
people take 15 minutes
to get every put in place
like santas elf workshop
I invision a million invisable
elves helping each person
put back the bodies
in which people encase
themselves
in.....
a slience happens....
like a wheres waldo lost and found
bottles,glass's, bank money withdrawal notes, wallets
quarters, dimes, nickles, cell phones,
bills, lipsticks, baggys, papers,combs, sweaters,
scarves, crushed cigarettes, puke, spit, etc....
all of these items meshed, scattered in
within the four walls
in the chairs
the bar decorations
potted plants
bar railings
every single part of this
place is tattered
every surface scratched
touched
anyway so I caught up
with random conversations
of faces
as I'am leaving
ran into two gals
coming from a afterhours secret vip place
that gives out cream puffs and all
I could think about was this 45 minute drive
by the ocean donut shop that serves the best
pastery
we talked socially about
feeling empowered
to walk on the streets of hollywood
as we passed 26 homeless people
and got honked by 20 cars....
asking us if we needed a ride?
I got angry one time
and said I was an undercover police
and the guy answers so am I........
I guess out of the 19 cars
he wasn't a john looking
for his doe
walked
to our own houses
five blocks to be exact.
as I get to end of this story
I dont know what home is
to me,
I could get punk rock and
say its where I lay down my head
I have been incarcerated as a teenager
and that never felt like home though.
Maybe home is just getting comfortable
to let your shoulders down
getting the reasurence
from other beings that
they are happy to see you
happy to see your face
and you dont have to try
so hard...........
In my case to put my
poker face on...
Currently listening :
Heroin Hates You
By Iggy Pop
Release date: 26 August, 1997
5:11 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 4, 2006 - Saturday
my part time job.
Current mood: tired
Category: Life
my part time job is intresting
today girly girl talked about
the "love" of her life being
in jail for attempted murder
one on her.
And how she miss's the passion
she had with him.
Then we talked about suicide
she would never do that because
she has a son.
What could I say.
I tryed to listen.
It made we sad.
We talked and I wondered
is she going to be
the one out of five
woman every minute killed
by her husband?
who knows what I'am talking
about i just worked
10 hours in a nightclub
peddleing cigarettes and chocolate
and listening to peoples
lives, being a part of for a minute
or two.
Over many years of knowing them
in those few minutes...
..who knows what I'am talking about?
my car died so I had to
bycycle home, and saw a homeless man
walking and peeing in a cup at the
same time.
Two prostitutes that looked like
they where going to kill me as I passed
them on my bycycle.
Almost ran over a man in a group
'of five they looked like they had
just got out of prison, or was on vacation.
perhaps this is just a fucked up
nightmare......
perhaps I wish I could offer help
I get off the computer
get in my bed
and hope when I wake up
tommorow
I am less self absorbed
and
something nice happens
unexpectedly.
7:16 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 3, 2006 - Friday
a perfect bundle of joy.
Current mood: touched
Category: Life
A perfect bundle of joy.
comes one day on your door step.
If your only used to getting
trash, then you might throw
the perfect bundle out by accident.
I guess thats what throwing the baby
out with the bath water, saying means.....
Currently listening :
Hard-Headed Woman: A Celebration of Wanda Jackson
By Various Artists
Release date: 26 October, 2004
7:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
the spider and the fly
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life
once upon a time
there was a spider
who was friends with a fly.
The spider said to the fly
why wont you come and
dine with me in my silk crafted
canopy.
we have been friend for so long
and why wont you do this one very thing.
The fly didn't want to be compleatly
honest for the fly liked haveing
long conversations about god and
niche, and drawing by degas.
if the spider had only known
the fly thaught to himself
how enjoyed these conversation
but it was hard work
flying around the spiders
web for lengths of time.
moments in our time but
hours upon hours in
fly and spider times.
the fly kept avoiding
the question because he was afraid
to insult the spider.
The spider persisted
and one day the fly
said to the spider the
most honest thing he could say.
I love you spider
I love our deep conversations about
life, it always refreshes my soul.
But my wings are tired
from flying around
the web.
I cant ever dine with you
I cant tell you why
Its just a feeling that I have
thats its dangerous.
And please dont be affended.
The Spider was speechless
And only relised at that moment
that the fly was the same kind
of fly that he foundly dined on.
The spider had always thaught
those flys had been pray
and wanted more than
ever for the fly to get caught in
his web.
The spider had not thaught
about the fly and his feelings
our the most enlightings
moments he had shared with the
fly.
Just the instinct.
kicked in.
Then out of no where
the fly fell to the ground
and started flapping around
and wheeseing.
The spider rushed to the fly
and for a second thaught
about the fly as a fellow spider.
the fly said as his breath started
to get slower and slower.
I have always known of
my destiny I just thaught
It could change because
I didn't relise you where
a spider, I looked at you as a friend.
My life is so much
shorter than yours
and thank you for aiding while
I am going off to the unknown
or if there even is one.
The spider kissed the fly
and held its
hand.
It was the saddest moment
the spider had ever had.
And the greatest moment
for he finally had his greatest
friend for dinner.
Currently listening :
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By Ennio Morricone
Release date: 25 October, 1990
2:48 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 2, 2006 - Thursday
this years going to be a hard one......
Current mood: grateful
Category: Life
*******************************
So far this year has been a hard one....
Let me tell you.
My car,,,, I spend all this money
just to find out its lemon.
*********************************
otherwise
great band....
great people...
great places to play.....
great people that like it.....
As for my own trials and tribulations
I cant even go in lengh because I would be here all night.
but the summery..
************************************************
My personal club vender business
is going under...
So all the things I worked for
in the past three years are going and going fast they are.
*************************************************
anyway I just know I better hold on because when you get
into a ship wreck , it not the fear of drowning
because i know how to swim...
But I relized its the fear of sharks
eating you alive.
And they will..
and hopefully I will get to shore
soon...
I went to check out sin city all star event tonight..
It was fun, good music and very nice people..
But that drive home sucked.
I started to see smoke
then these three blokes
tryed to help me...
I was upset offered to buy them drinks for there help,
so they order the most expensive drinks
I payed with money that I dont have
then this guy just helped me out...
I got home...
alone I am...
and I just thaught about the mistakes
I keep making...
So tomorrow I am going to go do construction
just to make 40 dollars if that....
But at least I will make some money..
And fill my tummy with something to eat...
But for tonight.
cut my losses
take a bath
and do what I do best
write a song...
**********************************************
And remember if i have no riches at the most I have love
and love you just cant buy...
and my love cant be bought......
**********************************************
Currently listening :
G.P./Grievous Angel
By Gram Parsons
Release date: 22 March, 1990
1:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
February 1, 2006 - Wednesday
February oh my(*&)(*&^&^(% oh my..............
Current mood: jubilant
February Oh my *&^&^%%$@
Oh My*&*&)^^&%^%$$%..
what si is going on........
too much for this bird brain of mine........
heart and cupids
braking and wings falling.
crowns and coffee beans
12 in total last night & 24 cups
of coffee in 48 eight hours...
me oh my....
mi oh maaaaaaaa.
stop go!!!!! stop go!!!!!!!!!!
whoaaaaaa horsey.....
slow down!!!!
this wagons on fire
folks
on fire
crazy crazy
things
all in a week
period
great it comes when it comes....
and shines when it shines..........
LAST NIGHT was fantastic....
lots and lots of good hearted kind folks....
protests...professional pan handlers.....
dedicated fans and peers..
the whole band played so wonderful........
O.K.??????????
$35 $$$$$$$
well
ezposure
fun fun fun good music
and lots of coffee beans............
was it jazz or surf?
country or western swing?
murder ballads or murdering of ballads?
How about all of it in one nice
gift basket!!!!!
it was a night i will
remember for ever as a great all together
great evening!!!!!
Currently listening :
Best of Lead Belly
By Leadbelly
Release date: 02 May, 2000
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January 30, 2006 - Monday
A typical conversation in Los Angeles....
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
my end of the telephone.............
dring..ring..........................beep......dring
a ling ling ling...
Hello the Cox residence......
What did you say????????
huh, I cant hear what your saying????
Oh , How are you?
Its been so long ..........
can you speak louder!!!!!!
oh your WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!
I can"t hear you?????
You WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!
thats great!!!!!
I am really happy for you!
ummmm......
Oh ya thats awesome!!!!!!
Oh you have to go!!!!!
nice talking to you!
bye.
click.
a typical conversation
in Los Angeles
Currently listening :
Four Women Blues: The Victor/Bluebird Recordings Of Memphis Minnie, Mississippi Matilda, Kansas City Kitty & Miss Rosie Mae Moore
By Various Artists
Release date: 25 February, 1997
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January 28, 2006 - Saturday
So lightly.
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
So lightly
do the words
resonate in my ear drums
kiss's and whispers
monotone glances
and firecracker advances
the excitment
jolts like a barrel of
bullets
go ahead
no ones going to push
you down the elevator
there are so many buttons
they all look red to me
come fly away
with me into the
plush thumb holder
a tiny
very small
concave of memorys
I want to be asleep
often
in a morose dreamstate
to denie the financial
dismise
my purse is empty
but full of niknacs
and little dolls
plastic green
big as my fingernail
looking for employment
to fill my purse
I am worryed
I will not be able to pay my
rent
on time
trying to get the
modivation
but all I want to do is sleep
a deep slumber
tired from running
up and down these stairs
throwing rotateing
no levitateing
being ambushed
with priority mail
that must be followed in response
with a tender note
but all the notes are negative
what ever am I to do?
what ever am I to do?
sleep
that is what comes to mind.
Currently listening :
The Living Road
By Lhasa
Release date: 10 August, 2004
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January 24, 2006 - Tuesday
There's a fire in my oven!!!!!
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
There's a fire in my oven
there a mouse in my house
there's a fly on the wall
there's a cough that just wont stop
an aching feeling
a whispered good bye
a trap door escape
of life passing by
why try to loose
your religion
sometimes thats all you got
even if you think god
is dead life is not all lost
we cryed so many tears
and broke so many spheres
but what was gone
has surely returned
I'am sorry for the tear stained letter
and the flop top tales
but all is discovered
under the sand dunes
of timbuckto
and for who is to who
and all that I can say
is
adieu
adieu
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January 21, 2006 - Saturday
Just tears, bread and wine.....
Current mood: intimidated
Category: Life
Dear isabells
I'am sorry I must go
there are only
tears bread and wine
left on the table
never to be eaten again
it was a moment in time
that will be in my heart
till the end of time
a flame that got
so hot it burnt out
like a shooting star
a branding on a cow behind
like an endless wave
in such a short time
the streams will
never touch again
It was a passing fancy
our passion will stay
etched in a moment of time
but never again
will take hold
the horse has been taken
away to the sick bay
the metal glue factory
has taken freedon away
the ground is soiled
the building was not
built on a solid foundation
so be it
so the ocean
swollows the fire
and that is
what the postcard read.
love
X
Currently listening :
Eureka
By Jim O'Rourke
Release date: 08 March, 1999
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January 20, 2006 - Friday
well well well!!!!
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life
well well well
wells of wish's
wells of nots
wells of whales
wailing down the wale
removing the tail
the tale
the fable
setting down the silverware
baking apple pie
churning the butter
milking the cow
well
un well
for well
to tell
am I well?
Currently reading :
May I Feel Said He
By E.E. Cummings
Release date: 01 October, 1995
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January 19, 2006 - Thursday
justmaking musicfolks!!!!!!
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
just making music
life is like a prison sometimes
you just dont get free boarding and rent
and a instant community.
Its just like a self made
four wall type of existance..
in these four walls
I make screaming sounds out
of cellos autoharps
piano and my trusty guitar
my beds made
my dishes dirty
the answering thing a ma jig
has a new voice on it.
its windy and chilly in hollywood
today, my depression was very
bad yesterday, so I drove
to the ocean
how pretty and relaxing
how lucky I am
where I'am from right now
I bet there is sleet and snow
bite the bullet she used to scream
as i did tap dancing and fortys dance moves
oh how I hated her
but oh that 75 year old
dance teacher was right
despite the wild turkey on her breath
and cigar smoke from her hair.
"bite the bullet"
she always screamed at me
with the monotone loud speaker
pitched decible
"And you will always be as good as your last dance"
the dancers code..............
as for me cynthia
I always get shot in the heart
and I blew my hips long ago
so what does that make me?
a devil dancing bullet eater!
Currently listening :
Best of
By Carlos Gardel
Release date: 19 May, 1998
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I have got so many things to do!!!!!
Current mood: crazy
Category: Life
I have got so many things to do.....
I get scared....
I sabotage.....
make shit up that is not there.
hurt the ones closest to me.
when I should be just doing
what I need to do.
We are going to record at
this special place.
My dreams are coming true.
what do I do?
I start to loop in a very dark place
and try to destroy every thing that works in my life.
this does not make sence
to me and never has.
why we do the things we do?
Oh I fuck up badly.
guess if I stick to it.
It might sound really really good.
or just true to what it is.
and is that not what I devoted
my blood sweat and tears too?
perhaps what I write be justifed
in recordings ?????????????????
I just seem to crush my self.
no longer I swear............
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January 18, 2006 - Wednesday
January blues.......
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
its not that cold here
but winter is here
this little house of mine
has no winter coat
I went to the hardware store
looking for hats and socks
for this little house of mine
the department guy
with the funny belt of tools
thaught I was weird
thaught I was a fool
But my poor little house
of mine
was shivering threw the night
it was sad and so mad
that the fireplace was
was covered and not working
I tryed to explain to it
that now we have electricity
but it was not having it.
So I threw a party and
filled each room with people
thinking the heat of people
could warm up its little heart
but all the little house
did was complain and moan
then I got heaters and filled
each room with heat but
no its nose got dry
and the house started to cry
I tryed everything I could possibly
do,
Then I saw the truth
the house was not cold
the house just didn't want me around
so I moved all my stuff
out,
and the house got sad
that I was leaving.
Then the house and I had a heart to heart.
The house was in love with me.
and wanted me to hold the house
till the house felt warm.
So I lit the covered fireplace
and it started to smoke
and I started to cough the
house started screaming
and the roof tumbled down
this love I thaught
was not ment to be
because there I was
dieing in the arms
of a falling house.
Currently listening :
European Impressions
By John Coltrane
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January 14, 2006 - Saturday
wrote this great story but myspace gliched it!!!
Current mood: blah
Category: Life
spent two hours
on myspace writing a story about a monkey and a goldfish...
myspace gliched it!!!!!
ahhhhh!!!!!
going to work
in a shit room to sell
chocolates and ciggarettes..
wish I was at a show..
enjoying life like other artists
but no.
I'am just a
drone
moaning about life....
auto harps guitar and pianos
thrown over this little house
cold because there is no heat.
slippers on my feet
and my tape recorder
has died
.......
ciggarette buts and dirty lundry
and underwear
in the wrong lundry bin,
I'am just a goldfish in a monkeys world.....
but really a storke in love with crocidile tears.....
another night in a shit room
filled with lavashly dressed
dimwits
and smart people
all trying to get there groove on.
tomorrow I will play the open mike
at canters trying to get a show there......
Its fun that place......
hustlers,dealers, rockstars and homeless folks
all gathered together
sipping soup and crackers....
Oh I cant wait for the day I'am driving out of
town just to come back again.....
over and over and over.......
playing music
and not in a shit room
welcoming girlly girls
to take there pee
and cake on their makeup
in a dimly lit shit room...
spraying cotton candy
so it does not stink.......
But I must say
I have seen things others will never know
happened
but I and my guitar....
the storys I can tell.....
I only wish I didn't have to
actually be there
but I wish I was dancing
or playing and having a good kind of time.....
Currently listening :
Where Did You Sleep Last Night: Leadbelly Legacy 1
By Leadbelly
Release date: 20 February, 1996
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January 12, 2006 - Thursday
David aka Transient Motor Tic took these photo's!!!!
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Art and Photography
David aka Transient Motor Tic
took all these new
photo's.
I on the other hand took more
than 6 months or longer
to figure out how to scan
photo's in this thing!!!!!!!
Next will be recording.
What a intense day.
One I will never forget.
I learned alot of things.
This year alone I have fucked
up so many things.
But unlike the years
before I am not
throwing my self
off a ledge.
Off with the old
and in with the new!
Just like these photo's.
Last nights show was quite funny.
my dress ripped all the way
in the back.
And so did my heart
today.
Sometimes I dont
seem to have ears.
And my memory
seems to go as well.
Do they ever wonder
though when you are
mesmerized by there
mere presence you are
unable to hear.
And if you are like me
when you let someone in
you want so much to make
them happy.
But let me be honest
I try so hard I smother
them to death with love.
and I have got to
do something fierce about that.
because me running away
all the time is just getting
exhusting.
oh i have really got
to find a new subject to talk about.
starting today i will write a poem.
Motel 6
I had to use
the
tear stained
napkin
with his letters
xb
It
came into
use
as I held her
severed
toe
gashing
like a firecraker
on the fourth of july.
She throws up
a whailing commentary
while her
lee press on nails
are ripping into my forearm
"those damn
spiked red heels
getting caught in
the elevator
fuck ohhhhhhh!
just as I was getting
my best client yet!"
I was just a innocent
by stander as i was
taking the bucket
to get filled
for the evening,
those damn
great big white
weed wacker
sounding metal
box.
Always scare the shit
out of me.
I wanted to get ice
to keep the milk
cold for the morning.
I was having
my ritual
drive as far as
you can to
the motel out of town.
But not far enough to get lost.
And cry the evening
on the articles
of clothing
the last one left.
with a blue yellow
bottle of absenth
to knumb
the pain.
but I think someone
else is going to
need it more than me
tonight.
Dont turn the other
I forget those
sacred words
every time i
need then the most.
Well what the hell
a couple
drops
wont be that selfish
I notice
her blood
is streaming down
my forehead
and as I look into
the reflection
of the brass
always on elevator doors
I notice
my foot
is missing
a little toe.
The end.
o.k!
then good night!
Currently listening :
3
By The Black Heart Procession
Release date: 05 September, 2000
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January 10, 2006 - Tuesday
There's heat in my bones!!!!!
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Life
Today was one of the best days of my life.....
writing on the piano
cello & autoharp
the love in my life
is just kicking my ass
with greatness and love
as my friends back home
jo-ellen and randy
would say
the salt of the earth
the salt of the earth
and I just dont get
to see real moments
and niceness too often
in my line of works
and my heart
whoaaaaa
thats something else
all together
let me tell you!
I had a vision today
that something
crazy is going to happen
20 years today.
I did have another vision
that this artist very close
to my heart
was going to be playing
a sold out show
at a sort of venue
like the rosebowl
and not to set the sails
of the boat
on fire.
as for me!!!!!
well I better live these
next twenty years
at my upmost
best.
the storms
that have hovered
over my head for the past
25 years are going to be
moving on
and how sweet it is
to be loved by
the winds of change....
Finally!!!!
I can let my head hang
down and not worry about
a piano falling on my head.
Thank grace for graceing us all
today!!!!!
those chains have been
unhooked!!!!!
and those pins in my brain
finally taken out!!!!!
wow needle in my arm
finally put to rest.
All is well
for twenty years to come......
Currently listening :
Swordfishtrombones
By Tom Waits
Release date: 15 June, 1990
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there is a chill in my bones.....
Current mood: grumpy
Category: Life
there is a chill in my bones
at the relisation
that I'am a fool
sometimes
I leave the milk out
and it becomes
bad.
Currently listening :
Nostalgia/Pain
By Elizabeth Anka Vajagic
Release date: 17 May, 2005
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January 8, 2006 - Sunday
fucked up fuck heads!!!!!
Current mood: lonely
there's a invisable line let me make it very visable
some people are a fuck heads
and I hate fuck heads
because they just dont understand how to fuck off!
Currently listening :
Sub Mission: The Best Of UK Subs 1982-1998
By U.K. Subs
Release date: 27 June, 2000
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January 7, 2006 - Saturday
I am a tired old beat up work horse
I am a tired old beat up work horse
in need of some good hearted rest
in need of some shine in the sun
some loving while I'am driving
myself to the edge of this
off beaten track of life
I keep pushing the plow
but not one seed I've planted
is taking hold to the soil
perhaps its just all
taken the nuitrients
needed to plant a
crop.
I dont know how to do
it different
dont know any better
god knows nothing is getting
easier and the more I grasp
to the edge of this sinking ship
the fast er it sinks
the faster I hit a wave
that will just magically
send me off to
some shore
just a little land
with out sharks
smelling for fresh meat to eat,
I keep having whales branecles
caught in my hair.
I wish I could just hang out
with a great blue
but it seems the great
whites have and always
be the ones who give
me the time of day.
and so I'am sending
out a message
a message in a bottle
and I hope some one or
something can help me
get on a boat
or a moat
what ever it will be
i'am ready for another
adventure
despite
the risks.
January 5, 2006 - Thursday
fine tuning on my part......
Current mood: busy
Category: Music
just listening to everything that has been recorded in the past two years
just fine tuning
fine tuning
on my part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
some times
we just get off track.......
no more excuses......
on my part.........
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January 3, 2006 - Tuesday
This year is going to be a great one for me!
Current mood: devious
Category: Life
I can just tell!
today I am going to practice
two sets worth of music.
tonight who knows
who will come enjoy the
sounds of songs?
painful & joyous.
all wrapped up
in a performance
of pins and nails
loosening at the
release of deep
emotion .
Currently listening :
Ma Rainey
By Ma Rainey
Release date: 01 July, 1991
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December 31, 2005 - Saturday
Free Downloads @ odeo.com/tag/izzy+cox - 12k -
Current mood: drained
♠Free Downloads♠
of my music @
http://odeo.com/audio/526012/view-
Have fun
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December 30, 2005 - Friday
Its not my birthday but its really nice that people are wishing me a happy birthday /nice!!!
Current mood: creative
Its not my birthday
but these past few days
alot of people are really nice
sending me post it notes
and all.
I wish it where my birthday I would
be very touched.
My birthday is august 23
and this year I will be a year older.
older than last year
it just goes by so fast
perhaps I'am the slow
one
This is year is going to be exciting
I can feel it
four years ago
kicking the leaves
autum was so colorful
skys where gray
nests on the trees
stiched and taped
together
peep shows blaring the latest
dance mix's of madona
the hobo with the beard to his knees
like an illustration by crumb
who lost his
mind talking to his imaginary
screaming mother
was changed in a new outfit
holding a warm
cup of coffee
and a yellow pillowcase
I saw him happy and misplaced
in a better place
and a tear dripped from
my eyes a happy liquid.
The fruit and vegtable
merchant was not so happy
the snow and sand storm
had knocked his sign
to the ground
millions of lightbulbs
and hubcaps
splattered
how pretty
from a distance
a perfect mess.
I dont like being told what to do
so it is fair to say
I am a hard headed woman
a mule with pretty ribbons
in his hair
in need of a friend and a sugar cube.
Kung Pow my disabled turtle is happy
she is sitting on her rock
nodding her head to the sound
of my tape recorder
as I listen to some songs
that where recorded live
with the Eskimos.
Got to figure it out
got to figure it out
going to figure it out
any means possible.....
willing to go to any lengths
thats what I'am suppose to do,
Real life!!!!
Pay phonebill
pay home living Bill
Pay ritty Ratty four wheel automoble insurence
get cartridge for printer.
I guess get brakes for car
it has been exciting pulling hand brakes
though???
yup ypu yup do dat ditty pop.
Songs to upload
tracks from the karma Coffeehouse
recorded from my Sony clear voice
cassette-corder one track .
Electric chair
promised roses
killer from the pretty island
?????????????????????????
I just peeped my head outside
its sunny and the construction
with really fit with these recordings.
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December 28, 2005 - Wednesday
I so can not go w/out sleep for three days again.
Current mood: curious
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
I forgot when I dont sleep for 78 hours
every thing is like a dream
kind of like the movie waking life
if any one saw it.
I was so stupid for
taking my songs off
since I had so many many numbers
well such is life.
right.
Currently watching :
Waking Life
Release date: 07 May, 2002
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December 27, 2005 - Tuesday
Sorry!Went crazy no sleep in three days..
Current mood: crazy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Deleted the music thinking I was pausing it
crazy with out sleep
How ever will be putting
a song from the past three
c.d's I put out.
* means out of print!
*1994 -Iz Cox 4-track "Girl" 12 songs
*1995- "the praying mantis" 6 songs
*1996- "Todds Gene Pool" E.p ?
*1997-1999 "The $ellouts" "E.p " 4 songs
"The $ellout$ " Ohio" 8 songs
"The $ellouts" Single Star Vrs two songs
*2000-" Iz Cox "Hi! I'am number 101! I'am technifyed to serve you"
*2000- "Empire of the ants" 12 songs
These three will soon be available------
2001-Iz Cox presents "Tallahasse " 9 songs will be (up on myspace)
2002-Iz Cox presents "Sedona's Travels" 18 songs (up on myspace)
2005-Most recent Izzy Cox & The Eskimos "E.P? Daddy" 9 songs ( up on myspace)
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December 26, 2005 - Monday
the madness is starting to come to an end.
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life
Finally
I sit down and take a deep breath
there are more lines
starting to take root
on my forehead
that is the way things are sometimes
dodgeing the bullets
thats all
holding on to the life
perserver
just doing what I got to do
I'am glad my bodys
not doing weird things anymore
for a second I thaught
my days where coming to a end
I lied
I always think this is my last day on earth
thats what meglomania is stemmed from
But at least I can ignore it a little
just writing
music
all the time
I'am so glad maman got bored
just as she called capitol records
telling them about her 31 year old struggleing
daughter that is so talented
and they politely hung up on her
as she was playing a tape cassette
of my earlier stuff
I'am so glad I think for
one second she got the struggle
and thats cool.
Just facing my demons
just facing them straight in the face
the fear of life its self is subsiding
I'am not kissing the rattle
snake or expecting it to turn into a fawn
I have the ability to think any thing in my head
and making it into reality
thats cool right
but do I have to put my hand in the
fire all the time?
till I have no more hands
I guesse!
Tired
but happy
that I did all that work
now I dont have to be worryed
about finding a card board
box to call my home
And I'am not worryed that
I owe anybody anything either
and all that does is make someone like me
sleep better at night
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December 25, 2005 - Sunday
oh boy! I'am tired, x-mas is o.k! just working like a dog.
Current mood: pessimistic
Category: Life
Just worked six hours
had one hour break in two days
ready to power sleep till 6pm
then off to another job.
I'am sure my friends
are fustrated
but its better I work
and not be there then be
homeless sleeping on there floor
right!
anyway!
just got to pay pay pay the bills
now my brakes are fucked on car
more more more$$$$$$
spent and owed.
other x-mas is cool
a nice power nap is all
I ask.
yesterday was nice.
went to santa barbara
great place!
ocean
and ducks sleeping
on the shore.
oh what a great get away!
way to intense to hang with
anyone for too long right now.
just in better get money
or on the street mode.
Sometimes I wish I was not
on my own all alone
but its better than being
surrounded by people
who are not available
or dont get you
or cant give you
the things you need.
For me its security.
any form will do thank you!
Happy Holidays Folks.
love Izzy
a
Currently listening :
White Light White Heat
By Velvet Underground
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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December 22, 2005 - Thursday
slightly cynical this morning........
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
"I had a dream one day.
Right smack in front of a busy
city sidewalk.
I was five years old
It was a vision
It was a fast forward of
my life
It was very sad and made
me cry instantly.
Oh what horror.
But then there was a light
and I felt a presence
the fast forward had stopped.
There was a reason
and it made sense
to me and prepared me for
the things I have seen
and especially feel
but at times like these
I forget that profound moment
that has kept me going threw
"the years
Someone told that to me this
evening while I was working in
the Spider Club.
It gave me goose bumps.
what are you suppose to
say when people just say
different things like that?
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December 21, 2005 - Wednesday
happy &^%%^%$.^%&*^*f908(*&*&%ckfuck holidays!
Current mood: busy
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Today is my holiday!
and it was great!!!!!
spent time with loved ones.
feel better!
good show last night!
second set better!!!
nice.......um.......ya..............
made holiday cards
fun yum yum yum yum
fuck fuck fuck the x -mas trees and dead babys
on peoples lawns
o.k he was a baby and an't that cute.
but do we really have
to have a glow in the dark
decoration beside a huge blowup doll of barnie the
what ever purple thing??????
I rather like having bones hanging on
a tree at lest there is some truth to that!
right?
what a crazy week ahead.
working four jobs in total.
and still not ahead.
what is the fucken point some times
anyway
back to my usual self.
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December 20, 2005 - Tuesday
moving on up!!
Current mood: crazy
moving on up out of the sick bed.
feeling so much better.
time for new horizons.
seeing the forest from the trees.
hearing the difference of a seagull
& a humming bird.
so hum hum la la
fa fa la la.
yucky yucky
talky talky
gum drop on the bottom of my chair
and a stickler for shiclkers.
so f*&^(&^%(&^$%^(%$&^(% that!!!!!
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December 18, 2005 - Sunday
oh a little better!!!!!
Current mood: sick
sometimes its better knowing
whats wrong with you then
being left in the dark.
my eyes are still as red
as cherrys
and my back still
feels like pins and needles
but I sure do feel better.
knowing that I'am not
dieing.
crazy week ahead
hope I get threw it.
At least I will be singing
my heart out on tuesday.
Currently listening :
Blues Singer
By Buddy Guy
Release date: 03 June, 2003
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December 17, 2005 - Saturday
oh la la......
Current mood: sick
Category: Life
whats the use of getting a flu shot,
if you end up getting the flu in your eyes
both my eyes are shut and I'am in bed
and whats the use of complaining
it is what it is........
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December 5, 2005 - Monday
you get nothing....
Current mood: amused
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
so i was sitting
in a hollywood cafe
and a homeless man with a halo
around head said this to me
no matter what you do
in life with a heart like yours
you get nothing!
10:49 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
December 2, 2005 - Friday
painful stiches in my heart........
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
I had a dream
a day dream
perhaps I'am
a day time tripper
I sure ain't a fibber
and skippers
I found out
can be liers
I broke my
mothers
heart
not by my actions
just a long generational
gap of truth
I have three
new siblings
I'am trying to
let them in
feel their care
and love
Astonished
with dismay
of the truth
uncovering
ever growing process
I have never let people
in
only for moments
then a hold my breath
and wait for
when its ok to breath
it is often I am drowning
in mid air
I love
them like my own
and I cant wait to see them
I am a younger sister
of two sisters
and a older brother
I never knew blood could
be so thick
all I have ever known is shame
for things I never did
and for things I never
knew
and for times
when i went very hungry
I had no one to turn too.
And when I did it was always a
big mistake.
And I remember the
ones who have helped me
with kind words and actions
and those are very few.
I am trying to let you
in
I dont want to let you down
I am a failure
and have been most of my life
for every thing I touch
turns
to dust
or dies
literally or emotionally
people just dont want to ever get to close
do people ever get close enough
the time I spend with people are precious
and people wonder how I can remember
moments they dont remember and I say
this in my head
because it is alot more important to me
then it is to you
and that is o.k.
I never say i promise
unless I can say 99%
it will happen.
I am not like other people I suppose
I feel.
but that is not true
that is my monkey talking
and let me tell you!
my monkey is so very hungry
and I'am am so very
tempted
then my coffen starts talking
and I just keep it open
because it will not close
no matter how hard i try to close it.
it is like blogging
I do it for me
not for anyone else
maybe sometimes
I am rambling
but today some gin looked very tasty
a couple dilattos sound very good
I got mad
and I screamed
very loud
very loud
it has been three months
since I have gotten mad
personally
I was and am embarressed
I always am
when I get very vocal
and of course I was wrong.
but I tryed to get away
from telling the truth
and when I do I get
sloppy
drooper
slobby
frothy
flabby
ugly.
"my monkey says
it dont talk
monkey dont do
monkey dont say
monkey ain't going to
change till it change"
My time at the club
is coming to an end
2 1/2 years spent in a
restroom
I prefer to say three
I like even ranged numbers
My life has changed so quickly
so rapidly
so with out haste
all in gods speed
It is alot to
swollow
to gulp
down my mouth
all this truth
about my bloodline
good the bad and the ugly
with a empty fist of missing
dollars
recently
grasping for air
I wish I worked really
hard
but the harder I try
the deeper the hole gets
the wider the crack in the
windshield
the bigger the hole in the tire
I am falling in the well
and it is getting deeper all the time.
who knows what I will
find threw the looking glass.
"I see a poppy growing
this morning
and it is so pretty
so there is life after death!"
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November 30, 2005 - Wednesday
the viola,
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Had a dream I was on a boat,
weeping very hard
nice to see land
when I awoke
I saw a friend for the first time
in four years that was visiting los angeles,.
back to the dream
It was very nice and very sad
I was with the lover
the soul mate
the one I see in all my dreams
how ever in all my life
I have never seen his face
only a blurry outline
and I saw his hands
playing the viola
while the titanic was sinking
got up this morning
glad I was on land
glad
that perhaps
I did not feel all alone
and commenced
my training
of the viola.....
there is a part
of my soul that is broken
but like a fire it
is getting larger
grasping for air
and timber.
Currently watching :
The Man with No Name Trilogy (A Fistful of Dollars / For a Few Dollars More / The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
Release date: 05 October, 1999
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November 29, 2005 - Tuesday
it getting better all the time.....
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
Oh its cold in this little house I tell ya.
Your so lucky........
I tell ya!
I must tell you though.....
the music never sounded better sunday!!!
how exciting....
it is......
this enferno is burning.....
and flames are starting to spread.......
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
hot!!!!!
Currently listening :
25 All-Time Greatest Recordings: The 4-Star Years
By Patsy Cline
Release date: 12 September, 2000
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November 26, 2005 - Saturday
went down the wrong rabbit hole alice........
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life
went down the wrong rabbit hole alice.......
you are not ten feet tall and you no longer are
a little girl.....
this rabbit hole keeps getting smaller
and smaller, I 'am suppose to be shrinking
but all thats happening to me is I'am getting larger...
I want to click my ruby red shoes and go home with toto,
but how I'am stuck looking in the glass,
smoking the hookia
and mistaken for a larva
wow
how exciting
ALICE
I truly took the wrong pill
the red one
or the blue one
which ever one I take has a
bad affect on me..
perhaps working 12 hours in a closed
room with bip bop dip dop
uh ah oh uh ah oh oh bup dat bup dat
anyway
going to
my cave
because dont you know I'am really a lone
wolf..........................
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November 24, 2005 - Thursday
so many things, so little time to absorb it all.
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
I have older siblings
never knew I had
no longer alone
and I feel it
have a whole big family
love to love
have alot of it
like talking to my twin
very nice
has been very nice
it is very nice
freaked out of course
alot of information
most of it very nice
hopeful
see pictures
see me
my father
the good parts
It makes me greatful
I was not alone
Still very dizzy from all this
The club tonight was
packed
lots of crazy ladies
almost got into a fight
I hate to fight
but I did the right thing
held my ground and stayed
very very very calm
rare
exposed lately
I feel like I'am walking
on egg shells
not smelly ones
not sweet ones
just they are under my feet
right now
High strung
nervous
edgy
silly
obbsesive
time to take a
bottle of saint johns wort
its the season
lonely
different
not the same routine
its nice
lots of changes
spaces
traces
faces
masks
rats
fats
facts
last
mass
mast
fast
ghast
jazz
born
again again again
until I get it right
could do more
love more
need more
far more
better
my heart feels
the perfect bandaid
it feeds the perfect remedy
the truth always wins
Currently listening :
Murder Ballads
By Nick & Bad Seeds Cave
Release date: 17 February, 2002
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November 22, 2005 - Tuesday
wow,wow,wow,!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
I am so happy today!
I just found out life does get easier.
It so nice to know you are not alone
in this world.And there are other people
like you.
Thank Goodness something
came out of such great pain.
That when so many things
bad happen there
is always a bandaid.
Most unexpected.
Most delightful.
Most awesome.
Most wonderful.
Sometimes even our own parents
get things right.
I am so happy joyous and free
at the moment.
And I so beleive in the cosmic
universe.
I hope I can still write good music.
perhaps better now.
I feel whole.
I feel free.
I feel not so alone.
Persistance of love alway wins.
you only live once.
perhaps not.
but at lest you can only remember the one your in.
And you can make wrong into right if you try
hard enough.
Mostly if your good to your self.
right!
viva amour vite voila.
I love all the of you.
too!
Currently listening :
Live 1980
By Devo
Release date: 30 August, 2005
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November 20, 2005 - Sunday
blah blah blah
Current mood: blah
blah
blah
blah
fucking off
on myspace
blah
blah
blah
ditching
phonecalls
while
on myspace
blah
blah
blah
no ones
calling always on
myspace
blah
blah
blah
got things to do
while
fucking arond
on myspace
blah
blah
blah
make posters
got pretty pictures
printers broken
writing on myspace
blah
blah
blah
new songs
in need of recording
arranging
just playing on myspace
blah
blah
blah
cars broken
got the money
just sitting
on myspace
balh
balk
halk
smoking cigars
in a pin stripe
suit
thinking of all
the people
I would love to talk to
balh
jakl
fghfdgfjkhsfLKSJF:LKF
7865347865498674[9-0956-5
-85
68-tPhl;Ls[k/v,:Lknblkpkbmc,mbelrjb
gld';lbkjftjbfb
bored
with
myself
writing
about my self
obsessed
with myspace
getting off myspace
getting on the bycycle
and getting on with
out my
pacifier
myspace
Currently listening :
Mother Twilight
By Faun Fables
Release date: 31 August, 2004
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under the covers
Current mood: sympathetic
Category: Life
things
so many
things
to
do
woke up
dressed down
playing
guitar
crying
laughing
happy sad
e minor
meets
f sharp
cleaning house
throwing out
letters lost
trinkets
bought
with all my
dollar
so much
loss
pictures
now in box's
for times
down the line
when times
are good
and
memorys
are few
taking stock
of herds of thaughts
all sewn togther in emotion
why?
is a question
never knowing
which one is the answer
sitting around
playing instruments
fighting wars
and answering
lifes most gruelling
questions
with
pulling the covers
over my head.
Currently listening :
The Complete Blind Willie Johnson
By Blind Willie Johnson
Release date: 27 April, 1993
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what?
Current mood: okay
Category: Art and Photography
hoping for things to
be better
feel better
taste better
braking my mothers plates
with finger tips
knuckles
bloody
shards going
tendons feel
millions of
pedals
all turned into nails
pain just feels
like cocaine
heart pumping
jack hammers
on a sunday morning
in new york city
after a long night
of drinking
and reckless driving
waking up beside
some derilect dickhead
with smelly drenched
porn magazines
everyone is handsome
under the influence
the hand grinder organ player
sings his sing
with his monkey
shaking the tamborine
after every three
phrases
stopping
his
glass eye
fallis
little monkey
with a barrette
effortlessly
smokes
and yo-yos the eye
street hustler joe
playing card man
tricks me again
his hands
takes only dollars
walk away
feeling like
I was a winner
looking in the pockets
endless supply of holes
three
months
the bandages
on hands
will not heal
burning
pit of guilt and guts
nurse
jane
so kind
around the halls
listening to
lithum
induced rambles
while the stroke
takes forever to heal
the tea in the cup
is made of human blood
convinced
the lady with just scars
on her head and face
just keeps
singing
an old riddle
"how much is that dog
in the window"
she will not stop
laughing at
a high pitched screech
and loud bellowing
coughs
every time
you walk by
89 pounds
the scabs
on legs and arms
will not heal
wondering why the
dogs are talking so fast
to each other
no one there
can care
wanted alive or dead
the drug dealer
with the long beard
visits
kind
never returns
was it about the tea
a twelve year old
run away
and now fifteen
locked up
in a insane
hospital
yellow wrist bands
like an all night rave
ask to believe
in god
blind deaf and dumb
people
like suitcases
in an airport
fancy
small large
old new
blue
get lost
name tags
contents
are important
losing
them
is sad
ever get to the airport
stand there
watching them
all go by
telling the storys
of the people who
own them
every day
finding suitcases
in the airport
getting on and off
many airplanes
looking for mine.
Currently listening :
The Sea is Fierce
By Elk City
Release date: 23 October, 2001
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November 17, 2005 - Thursday
I love the banjo!
Current mood: surprised
I love
to love
when
love
comes
unconditional
really
this banjo
has the sweetest
sound ever
trances
romantic
hard ache
this banjo
plays with
all it heart
it sings
the only
song
we really
get to ever know
and so many have
died for this sound
it is priceless
but it is every where
it can never be bought
it can never be tainted
it can never be sold
Love has no price
I always thaught it was a fable
but it is not when you
hear the song of the banjo
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my life is an adventure, constantly turning for the better.
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Blogging
Just today I was walking for a while and
I looked around and saw crazy things
people screaming at each other
a man kicking the shit out of a metal
box, and the company I kept
just kept telling me a fantastic
story that had me enthralled
for hours.
It was very nice.
It has been very nice
having no transportation
in Los Angeles is a fustrateing
but liberateing feat.
Before when I didn't know how to drive
I did not know the difference.
But I felt it today.
And what I am so grateful about
is knowing that I was alone
before, biking, walking, sleeping
wishing, praying holding on to the
life preserver.
Now I do not do everything that really matters
alone and that feels really nice.
even though I have no car
I'am not the only one, and have been here
before.
If I got threw life before alone
I can do it now.
I just have let more people in
my little cave.
And i'am learning to reach out.
not take hostages and be taken hostage.
that can be tricky if all you know
is walking and now you can swim
when your in a flooding river.
anyway
just grateful
for music, friends and life
and the possibility of
an equal love between people.
Currently listening :
Nina: The Essential Nina Simone
By Nina Simone
Release date: 23 May, 2000
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November 14, 2005 - Monday
nothing is that bad in my little world.
Category: Life
I just get down
sometimes
when I put
alot of love
out there
nothings really
that bad
things can
always be
worse
every body
wants to shine
exactly the same
I guesse
I would be lieing
if I told you
that I wished
after two months
of not playing
out!
that more people
would of came
to the show
at least
some faces
I have seen before
but there where
new faces
that seemed to stay
for the two hour set
and that was nice.
and kenny kline the fiddle
rocked hard
Billy pittman
played like a pro
and david peitree
also did
the same
Perhaps
its just the fact
I wish I could do this
everyday
for the rest of my life
So in
a way
I just got to be grateful
that I had such great musicians
on stage with me
and the coffee shop was
cool enough to let me play
my own personal jesus.
1:22 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
The braking point!!!!!!!
So we played this convention center
5oo screen writers
playing under florecent lights
they didn't know what a P.A
was but eventually they got some
working equiptment
it was nice to play infront of that many people
its been a while
A good four years
it was nice to remember
that time I got the chance to play
we sold 18 c.ds
to many people
I had fun
it was fun
Tonight I played karma cafe
There was eleven people
talking coffee and internet
it was fun
They had fun
We sounded very good
it was very good
that was a time it was very good
I really know now the well of Hollywood
has burned out for me
It is time to play other citys
what to do?
how to do
could I do
should I do
pack up this instrument
and leave the show?
the lights
the empty promises
over and over
your going to be somebody
someday
your going to be famous
kid
your going to make it big
well I have
and this is it
this is the best its going to get
and i'am ok with that.
just a humble writer
going along this life tagging
the poles of the air
with my sound
the sound of dread and slumber all in one breath
poem the braking point
Its broken and it cant be fixed
I knew of such things long ago
when that man hit me in the
head with a crow bar
I tried to drink the memory
away
Now I play and it goes away
for a moment or to.
I had such ambition then
standing across the fence
like broken bottles
in a bar room fight
gone down the stream
all the things that are not right
my heart it beats
so slow it seems
thats why the
is slow
enough
to close your eyes to
I want to close my eyes
and never wake up
but I awake and its never
as bad as it seems
and I'am thankful
the black widows
in the corners of my
house sont poisen and
kill me in my sleep
but then again
It wouldn't be so
bad if they did
with my luck I would probibly
arise
with a black eye.
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November 11, 2005 - Friday
the human and the snake
Current mood: busy
Category: Religion and Philosophy
over and over again
my friend
does it ever get
different
or exciting
liberating
do you ever question
your judgement
when your
stabbing someone
in the eye
or ripping
their heart
out when
they need
it
to keep on moving
I don't know?
remember friends!
when you asked the
snake to help
you get to the other
side when you
where drowning
and when you got
there
he just strangled you
and you drowned anyway
dont be mad at him
he's a mighty python
To be a snake charmer
you must always have the upper hand
when you dont
you are no longer the charmer
you are the one
about to be bitten
Thats why there is no such
thing as a human charmer
because like rats
we have the ability
to turn for no just reason
now i'am not
saying anyone
or anything
is evil
if your
anything like me
you like to try
things
go places
do things
that not everyone
can do
the reason being
to not die
in life
wishing you
could
of
would of
should of
been or did so or not.
The question of Love?
It is better to have loved then not at all.
I by no means regret
love
just the problem is
most people are not able
to do the hardest of
fundamential tasks
so the question is
is it a task
or a natural born
talent
I disagree
some are born
with the natural
nature
and someone like me
had to learn such a behavior
but once learned
the
damage
is
irreversable
I will never be able to
live life with out love
I found a ring
two years ago
it read :viva amour"
live love
and today
I left it
on a tray
and with out knowing
threw it out
what an important lesson
I must no longer need
the ring
because thats how I feel in my heart
or perhaps by losing it
It made me
never forget
the significance
of an object
found
lost to the lost and found
may some times be
the most important
lesson of love
one must learn.
Currently listening :
Hank Williams - 40 Greatest Hits
By Hank Williams
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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The limo and bycycle
Category: Life
the limo and the bycycle
are exactly the same to me
they both get you
to where you want to go
12:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
November 10, 2005 - Thursday
my poor car died today!!!
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
the transmission went
oh well
just got to hustle
another gig
back to the drawing board
back to my mighy ol bycycle
and bus
(tonight is going to be a
hard ache
got to fix my bike tommorow)
it all will be o.k
I feel it in my heart
when I make enough$$$$$$$$$
then I will fix the
wheels
I dont think moving
is a good solution for me any way,
music is sounding good.
and when all else
fails
love is good
I love so many
people right now
its nuts
no screaming
no shouting
just a little depression
thats o.k right!
Currently listening :
Bessie Smith: The Complete Recordings, Vol. 1
By Bessie Smith
Release date: 09 April, 1991
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November 9, 2005 - Wednesday
fa la la holes everywhere...
Current mood: recumbent
Category: Automotive
fa fa la la
my cars got a hole in it
my wallet has a hole in it
my heads got a hole in it
my jobs got a hole in it
my voice got a hole in it.
fa fa lal lalalalalalalalal
fa fa da da da
the only thing
the greatest thing
is my heart
does not have a hole in it.
And I dont think
that has ever happened
before
7:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
blah blah blah blah blah
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Religion and Philosophy
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
yada ya da y ad ya da ya da
la la lallllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ppppppppppppppppahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
tahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
klakk kalak
faglah faglah
ryyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
buuuuuuuuuu
boooooooo bo bob oboobo boob bobo bob
tototootottototototototototototototoototot
tweet tweet tweet
oink oink oninknknknknknknkn
moew moew moew
razzzazzzzlahhh
jheioldlllllllllll
wha wha wha wha
bah bah bah ba h
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
negh negh negh
0000000000000
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1===a b 1 1 1 1 1 1 *900000
5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 =80?????????????
1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-11-1-1-1-1-1-1--1=-35?34
wowowowowowowowowowwowowoow
bark bark barl
gnarl
snort
yipyipyiypiypyiypiypiypyiypyipyiypiypiypyiypiypyiypiypiypyi87864687101
6510564
65716540
657183741679
403671
3670364
there are billions
of sounds in the world
and an endless supply
of numbers
to many things to count
and subtract
what does this all
add up to anyway??????
bobobobobobobiibiibibibibibi
diiiididididididididot
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I am not moving, just playing other citys
Current mood: contemplative
i am not moving just playing other citys....
just very
very
very
manic yesterday...
Currently listening :
Where Did You Sleep Last Night: Leadbelly Legacy 1
By Leadbelly
Release date: 20 February, 1996
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November 7, 2005 - Monday
today is the day ! I'am going to do it soon.!
Current mood: determined
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
today is the day
I'am going to turn
back to you
the avenue
It was nice so
nice but the time
is now!
viva
viva
vite
vamoose
adious
save money
get a van
go across
this country
singing
my songs
this is what
I'am going to do.
it is important
it is what matters to me
it is what
my future
holds for me
the unknown
and this is it
time to
go where
the people
need me so
where ever that may be.
a drifeters life is a drifters wife
and dont say
I didn't tell
you so.
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it is so cool to see the way people are!
Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life
I just see the world the way it is!
clear and more stable each day
wow what a trip.
"you get what you want
then you never want it again.
go take everything take everything
my friend"
courtney love wrote those lyrics
in her song and they ring true
since the first time I heard
them.
thats the way the world is
"the world is mearly
a stage and we are just the actors in it."
shakespear wrote that
quote
and again how true that is.
Everything has its time
like a flower in bloom and when its
done it closes
dies
and the seed falls into the ground
and then once again
the process
takes a sprout
and it starts all over agian.
Currently listening :
from a basement on the hill
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 19 October, 2004
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November 6, 2005 - Sunday
communication is a subtle frost.
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Writing and Poetry
communication
is a subtle key
dropped and stuck
in the vent beneath
my feet
the snow makes it hard to
find lost little objects
the windows
on the store fronts
get glaced with ice
like a frosting on a cake so
thin you have to look
at it in the light
once the sun
hits the snow banks
your eyes get
blinded
you feel warmth
but reality hits
you when you breath
in and the cold
strangles your breath
no matter how
many layers of
socks, gloves and hats
you wear
you are forever
cold
your bones
seem brittle
and the hottest
of fires in your fireplace
cant defrost
the chill that
saturates
your every muscle.
hypothermia
I have been inflicted with
my jaws rattle
when i get scared
my tounge
still
twists
and the words I would
like to say get drowned
and the drain
just swollows
my every sense of
information.
oh montreal
if you could see
me now
I would allow
you to spit and kick
me in the face
in a humourous manner
of course
I am not as tough
as the city girl I left
behind used to be
there was a time
my very expression
could express
my every thaught
but no longer
I am more sophisticated
refined
not so much wiser
perhaps
dimmer
from
the sunshine
and fortunate life
the edge
is polished
and my bow arrows
of fight and concern
are like a billboard
and now I choose
who can see
me and who never will
tonight I
was unable to speak
so I seemed
to the unkeen
eye
mute dumb and deaf
people
are naturally
insensitive
they are afraid
of what we like to be
known as disabled
it never accured
to me that the
very things
that frighten
people
are strengh
of an uncanny sort
empathy
is rare
and money
can not replace
a priceless
emotion
intresting
when the woman got insulted
I handed her a note
that clearly
stated all things
are at cost
that 1cent candy had
a price
It was intresting
how I did not let on
or let her have the power
of ever knowing
I understood
every expression
and very narrow
minded or perhaps sheltered
word that came out of her
very crooked mouth
and diluted shit brown eyes
that crinckled nose
poor girl
she is going to age quickly
and no amount of plastic
enhancement
will ever make
that ugly
mind pretty
I took pity
I r arely
do on people
I mostly
always give them the benifit
of the doubt.
oh cruel world we live in
at times
but the cruelest
are always
the saddest
of beings
so consumed
with a whole lot of nothing going on.
what a great lesson of what not to be.
and so many lessons
of how to live.
time to sleep
in slumber rest
and if my eyes should open
before my heart
may my heart
guide
me
gracefully
in a large
landscape
tommorow
when I sit
in the backseat
of a dune buggy
going threw
the red sands
of the prehistoric
playground
of the beginnings
of human kindness.
Currently listening :
Twilight Zone
By Jerry Goldsmith
Release date: 19 December, 2000
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November 5, 2005 - Saturday
Tales of a poor person in 2900. chapter 1.
Current mood: thirsty
Tales of a poor person in 2900.
Chapter 1.
The parade.
-------------------
i sit in front!
eating apples and cream!
waiting for the parade
to pass my street!
then I see garbage
trucks with ballons on them.
wow what a great parade!
they where giving out
old typewriters
and decapetated dolls
and torn teddybear legs.
what a great parade for the poor.
the medical parade
after gave out old crutches
and empty boxes of lifesaving
medication.
The music was quite nice
as well
very intune soulful
spicegirl covers.
and mcdonald
commericals over the years.
done in an 80's style.
they gave out free
c.ds that when put in your c.d player
or computer started a fire on
your hardware.
that everytime you
pressed power these great uplifting songs
started playing.
Now i know where the song
"we didn't start the fire"
came from.
the chains on my legs
are heavy today
I know I'am allergic
to the compounds in the metal
because my ankles
have turned purple and red
from a weird allergy.
But the great Nike
shoes are made for these
type of chains
they hold them in place.
so i can at least jump around and play basket ball.
Currently listening :
Spiceworld [Japan]
By Spice Girls
Release date: 16 September, 1997
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live love!!!give love!!!!receive love!!!!
Current mood: awake
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Live love!!give love ! receive love!!!!
I think thats what everything really is about.
all we want is love.
accepted
trusted
touched
forgiven
leaned on
heard
being able to voice ones own
ideas
i got fantastic news today
and it made me so happy
that someone I love
wants to make a difference
in the world
so happy
I cryed on the phone
with my little brother
happy happy tears
so proud
worked many hours last night
might get a job at a mexican
resturant near the beach
during my days
at this time.
I have this persistant cough
allergys and the weather changes
always seem to take advantage of me
and have their way with me.
I am happy, and content
with the people in my life
and the things I have
getting along with people
has never been easier
its really nice to have people close
to you who support you
mentally and emotionally
thats makes a very big difference in
your well being
in all aspects
inspired by love
the love that is all aroung us
as for their is much distructuion and hate
on the earth so is peace joy and love
thats equals it.
Its so easy to look at the black hole
then to see the silver lining
in the clouds
so much easier to remember the negitive aspects of everything
then remember the subtle glow and force of the positive light
even in the darkest of times
the candle burns
threw out the sunny days
threw out the thunder storms
once it is lit
and in a protective glass
it will live its life
even the brushfire
lives its life
the back draft
all of it
all of us
need space oxygen
wind
breath
and for our chemical composure
h20
I love water with ice cubes
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November 4, 2005 - Friday
crazy days of melancholy......
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Blogging
I long for those moments
that it was so easy
like sipping tea
I look around this house
everything reminds
of you
but you where not
here with me
and are not now
and never really was
I made you up
in my mind
and when the
person was here
and it not act like you
it was disappointing
I have a fever today
and perhaps
I'am seeing things
that are not there
I miss those moments
How easy to forget how
uncomfortable
moments
those times
more than none
where terribly
hard
we just fought alot
was that so
I dont know
anymore
no one can replace
history
memorys
common places
security
but It is better
my life today
I have not raised
my voice
in two months
and I laugh
alot more
and go to sleep
not worryed
But there is a
missing feeling
a missing note
in the melody
today
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November 3, 2005 - Thursday
hacking my lungs aay!!
Current mood: nauseated
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
hack hack hacking
my lungs away
eh!
but happy
never the less
lots of changes
lots of changes
life is so different
billy is back
and I'am very happy
and it sounds really
really
really
good very good
christmas lights in july
turkey for breakfast
cereal for dinner
phone for cooking with
bathtub for getting places
microwave for internet uses
micro phones
for cooking eggs with
guitar for sking
would it not be so nice
if the whole world just mumbled
to each other
sang when they where angry
sreamed if they where hurt
and whispered lullabys when they
they where having a
normal conversations
with each other.
looking for another job
at the moment very
intresting
lots of
jobs that i'am just not
ready for.
dont know if I can
be put up for the fight.
I would love to be a janitor
for a school
or hotel
really
but perhaps not.
big buildings can be scary
at night when no one is around
that could be fun for singing
and recording
but when was the last time you saw
a young nutty artist
singing and cleaning floors
I guess if I was
a creepy guy
like a serial killer type
I would get hired
perhaps working for a jingle
house ...
um la la buy mr clean
he's bald like a bee
but he sure can clean
fa la la la la la la la la
only three ciggarettes today
.......................
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November 2, 2005 - Wednesday
like a big cry baby !!!
Current mood: cold
Category: Life
last night was lots of fun!
My highlight in a long time.
today it is cold outside.
and I seem to have a cough.
I will stay in bed and watch t.v.
clean my house.
get ready to rehurse
with an old band mate.
get ciggarettes and
chocolate and candy for work.
Got to find another job.
the club is not popular
like it was.
money is sparse.
reminds me
of a time not so long ago.
when I could not afford
healthy things.
my fridge is empty
but what a great time
to focus on the things
I do have.
A bed to sleep
in
a fridge a stove
my own restroom.
A car a phone and
a computer.
And to get postive
my good friend
lent me his cello.
My dream intsrument.
singing with soda
& his million piece
band is fun.
I get to growl and mimic the
horns. God knows I love that.
I will be playing this month
at Karma cafe.
Should be lots of fun.
It has been two months
since I played a show
with my own music.
I was Just feeling blue.
not that much if I think
about it!
life is short
so you might as well enjoy it.
while you got it.
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November 1, 2005 - Tuesday
Just singing to c.d----------back ups are fun!
Current mood: busy
Tonight!!!
kiss or kill
zen sushi
Soda and his million piece band!!
fun fun!!!
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its o.k! I see where i went down the wrong steps.
Current mood: giggly
I had a dream.
its was a very long dream it lasted for many years
and many moments threw out the day
it felt like I was going down the right steps
into the right home.
but It never felt like home.
it never was very bright
so i searched for sunshine
so i searched for freedom
so i searched for justice
there was a sign
I even bought a map not that I have
used one before
never ment to abandon
you
never ment to leave every thing behind
together
together
goodbye
never said goodbye
back to the home tape
cassette player
back to the out of tune everything
back to the suitcase that never carryed much
going away
to the far away land in my head
to the place where there is no judgement
no one says bad things
no one rapes you when you get sick
no one kicks you in the back when you throw up
violently over the toilet bowl
no one cares the clothing you wear
no one knows your name
just your face
your smile
the hums
ahhs
ohha
ohs
las
fas
di
rai
do
I found my return ticket
it never expired
that conductor
I trusted was a lier
a fibber
a hustler
a gambler
I just was blind folded to this
high back chair
my mouth was sewed
shut
dental floss
can be very hard to heal with
the iron pords in my ears
are rusted and time to take out
the mirrors in the
kitchen can finally be broken
the dishes in the bathtub
will be thrown out
the tags on my underwear
can be cut
I dont belong to
anyone
or anything
and have and never will
the violence
my eyes
are stained with
will never wash out
because dont you know
tears are never dry
Currently listening :
Born into Trouble as the Sparks Fly Upward
By The Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra and Tra-la-la Band
Release date: 23 October, 2001
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October 31, 2005 - Monday
cello******my new joy--Gary rocks my world******
Current mood: calm
Category: Blogging
Cello*****
my new inspiration*******
my friends Gary, Steve, Thomas, Tom and Soda
Have been just saving my big butt.
So I have this new instrument
and boy it makes me very happy.
Tonight Is my favorite night in the whole wide world.
But tonight its just going to be some of
them mentioned
watching scary movies at my house.
why?
cause i feel very sensitive
like i could burst out in tears or song
very manic of me
so its better if i just stay in close quarters
with loving folks.
All day at the dmv, three hours
AHHHHH
very well
I didn't throw a temper tantrum
very happy about something
that made my life
easier
thank you
I'am sending a thank you out to the universe.
could be worse
I cant afford halloween
decorations
but its in my heart.
Currently listening :
Edith Piaf: Her Greatest Recordings 1935-1943
By Edith Piaf
Release date: 18 July, 1995
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October 29, 2005 - Saturday
every thing settles when the storm is gone.
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
And for this I'am grateful
my other lotus half
teared off long ago
across the streams
down waterfalls
birds picking it up
dropping it in the seas
up the clouds
in the querys
but it will find it way
it always does
life always does
I have a fever of a
hundread and three
and I'am not freaking out
made it this month
thank god
happy for happiness
believe in love
in destiny
all things work them selves out
threw grace
and thats all have today
song
I played a cello this morning
and how sweet is that sound
planning to get some
hot duck soup
getting ready for work
I dont need to be with anyone
no more hostages or victims
how sweet the sound
I was once lost but now I'am found
The man who
kidnapped the first african settlers
sold them and turned them into slaves
wrote amazing grace how sweet
the sound just before he died
all things
in life
balance
karma takes its turn
Currently listening :
Ella & Louis
By Ella Fitzgerald
Release date: 07 March, 2000
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I'am so sorry! I thaught it was o.k!
Current mood: blah
I'am so sorry
I thaught it was o.k
but o.k
I was not
on crutches
on fences
with passion
attraction
got on a get away car
now ready to take on the
struggle all by my self
i'am all by my self
it like this melody
wants to entrap me
but not this time
again
nope not I
said the spider to the fly
I just got off work
and times are rough
fear of losing
everything i worked for
thats o.k
if I do
Tear down
re Build
the cycle of my life
and the draining plug
named Hollywood
is a strong current to face
on your own
I lie in my bed
today
dreaming of better times
but this time is the better of
them and how sad it makes me feel
time and time again
the yo-yo goes up and down
time to fix the bycycle
time to ride that
horse
perhaps i will become a nurse
one day
good money
then I can write about
sadder cases then me
its not like any ones knocking at my door
promising this
doing that
will that stop me from
creating
I think not
will not
can not
I have been playing
and writing music since
I have been five years old.
just being independantly wealthy
perhaps helps
than I dont have to relay
to anyones twists and turns
but perhaps
the biggest asshole is myself
yes myself
I ve been in that bathroom to long.
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October 27, 2005 - Thursday
otherwise , happy today!!!!
Current mood: bouncy
Happy!
otherwise..............
you see......
Its like I have a bear dressed up in
a cockroach outfit following me!!
every where I go...
People come up to me,
telling me what I should of done,
why am I doing?
Evesdropping
like shit droppings
boy a gin and tonic would
really be cool today
but of course
the cockroach would be
so happy
and kick shit in my face while
I fell down on it.
Other wise
Life is great!
Love is good!
Money sucks bad!
probibly will live out of my car for a while...
My c.ds will go cheap though.
just in a mood
who knows how much of it
is really true
I get my spells and when I do
I'am caged in a dungon
with nothing to do
no sunlight
no happiness
ahh how dramatic
but it sure feels good
to be happy
pennyless
but happy
thank you very much
the rest of my life is
finally meaning something
fuck my friends
who dont except me for
who I am
or what I'am
about
I'am a honest
trustworthy person
sure i'am crazy
but normal is a cycle on a washing
and drying metal thing.
you know we try the very
best with what we have.
and I just dont know
better sometimes.
I love to love.
thank you
Currently listening :
Sounds of the Circus Vol. 1
By South Shore Concert Band
Release date: 01 December, 1991
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why bother?
Current mood: uncomfortable
why bother brother
it just dosen't get easier
I cant jump to anyones fiddle
only mine
so I guess I should hop
on a roof and sing or
scream at the top of my lungs
I feel like a beltbuckle that
always falls off
never to be shone or set
in place
i'am sad
that made me cry
I had a hard enough day
perhaps
I'am just too much my own
I guess thats why I'am on
my own again
birds of a feather fly together
but often I feel like
a
platapus
very rare
very scorned
or admired
I guesse I'am pepe the pwu
pretty but smelly
memtaphore speaking
way too many bags on my shoulder
thats why I will just sing
about it.
thank you very much
and I will post
them threw invatation
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October 23, 2005 - Sunday
it hit me like a ton of bricks........
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
I just cant lift my head up today
saddness over whelms me.
put my hands
across my face.
curl up on the bed
and sleep till it goes away.
what did I do
a rude awakening
is going to hit me in the face
shameful dignity
there is no use in feeling sorry
for your self
when you are standing up for your self
you just might be piss poor
and homeless for it.
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October 22, 2005 - Saturday
sitting in a rusty house with spiderwebs and empty jars.
Current mood: optimistic
sitting in a rusty house with spiderwebs and empty jars.
art deco kitchen table chair.
smoking ciggarettes
and watching the plates
pile up with
bread crumbs
and the black oak ants march to
the sound of plates not moving
yesterdays messages
on the telephone
make me weep
about the things I could of said
the friendships
I have lost due
to my nature
of packing up my things like
a gypsy girl on the run
fourtune
has never been my conquest
just a throwing of the dice
I love you more today than moments
ago
the poloroids
are aged
and we where born on the run
but I didn't do anything wrong
I just sang my songs
its like burning at a stake
at times
but this is not a problem
just a street merchent
a filaro hat
a kiss stain with maroon
dollar store bought lipstick
smudged
memories
are like
ashes
from smoke
from fire
we are born like limber
trees weeds roses cactus
the leaves we shed are the moments
I grabbed all of mine and made a book
like everyone else on this earthly plane
I expose transpose
i will not fear
love
o.k
the pen the telephone the guitar the scrapes of paper the match book
the hair clip the keys to my jungle the water bottle the penny the empty
m'nm coco the dmv registration the cup of cold coffee the remote to a
television cock eyed the spanish fan on the wall the bella reese album the peggy lee
the miles davis the big boy piggy bank
the candles shaped like fruit
these are some of my favorite things.
Currently listening :
Best of
By Leonard Cohen
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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October 21, 2005 - Friday
Got to go towork......tonight!!!
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Got to go to work,
and it sucks.
sitting in a restroom
facing the same pink walls
for 2 years and some change
at least I have a job
some say
today was a hard day
the old
flame
tinker box games
mother calling
telling me its all going to fall apart
hell in a handbag
father saying
its the end of sunlight
on a sunnyday
the others
losing faith in the process
work disapointed at the revenue
friends or foe
who really knows
empty fridge
thats all i got to say
its hard these days
who knows when the penny
is going to drop
but what the hell
lifes a yo-yo
goes up and down all at the manner of seconds
love found is a love lost
got to pack up these wares
and make a living
still happy
despite all odds
it feels good to be alive
even if I might lose my house
due to financial loss
back on my own again
cant spit far enough
to find a bucket
i 'am just glad
i dont have rickets
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October 17, 2005 - Monday
If it could happen tome, it could happen to you.
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
If it could happen to me, it can happen to you.
life is funny that way.
my world is up side down
but i really like it that way.
I have always wanted to sit on
a ceiling.
its so good its bad.
Currently listening :
Love Songs
By Etta James
Release date: 23 January, 2001
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October 16, 2005 - Sunday
I love everybody.
Current mood: artistic
Category: Blogging
I love everybody.
I dont have to like anybody but I do.
I peeked pick a boo.
and i'am so happy for you.
That made me so glad.
You have your wings back.
thank god.
nights I prayed by your side.
like a friend will do when a friend in need a friend in deed.
I dont regreat anything in my life.
My cage is open
it always has been
but it is I that has chosen it closed.
and that was sad.
I saw the light threw another persons eyes.
that made me happy .
I took a chance.
I turned my back on smiles.
I wore that denial
I filed down my nails
and gave up such a fight
but with positive and love
you can have every charm
dont be alarmed
It is great to be alive
and love is like a sudden death
a sudden death in saddness and dispare
every moment alive
is a great one
dispite all odds
I have lain in my bath
with sleeping pills on my mind
I have stood by a tree
with a pearl necklace to stream
I have looked at guns
and thaught of how to aim
but now I know it was all the same
I have no blame
I have no shame
it is hard to stay alive
with thaughts like mine
at times
I have given up
but not today
I am grateful to be alive
to see the birds at sun rise be excited to fly
to see the orange venders by the corner
happy to sell there wares
to feed their children
and be so happy
to see the trees giving us oxygen
at night when we sleep
to see the reflection of god
in the eyes of children looking at their mothers
to see the dog
lie asleep
on the floor happy for a treat
I see the goodness in all people
not because I have to
just because I believe
we are alive for a reason
and that is a treason on pity
and self deprevation.
Currently listening :
All Is Dream
By Mercury Rev
Release date: 11 September, 2001
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October 13, 2005 - Thursday
what a lovely day for a de ja vieux
Current mood: bored
um
red ants on my computer screen
its getting chilly
now
my friends back home
would laugh at me
that I'am cold
I like people
nice ones
hard to find in a place like this
there's no one over
such a big house
a dry spot
you can really over play a city
I've done it my whole life
its not like i'am 14 years old
but I feel like that today
touched with the gift
of laughter
and a warm heart
you can be scary with good intentions
the path was always paved with that
I just dont kiss ass very well
when you know me i know you
very well
then
Like a flyer that somehow didn't get torn
down
what I have i give freely
your tags sticking out i say
to the next super model
there is toilet paper on your shoe
If I where in there shoes I would care
your so pretty they say
what are you doing here
in this room
I like working for my self
I was so innocent
but not really
a fast buck is a fast buck
even if it is honest even if you work hard for it
even if you are not jaded
and care
illusion
delusion
resultion
duffy used to scream at me
why did I look up to you
I remember
like when I put love at the bottom of my pocket
not a pocket knife
a switchblade
when I was very young i had one
i cut my self
and never carried a weapon after that
words can be weapons
gossip can be harmful
I cant do that
I dont fit in
I fit with out
I'am a rebal after my own heart
you cant tell me what to do
but your actions tell me what you do
like that spider camped outside my house
it just waits
for ants and fly's
I was away in the cactus and rocks
some kind of national park
came back
I hurt her web
she was big
I stepped on her with out knowing it
to smart for your own good
pretty shoes and i mean it
red ones with polka dots
I like polkas and tango's
they speak to me
a struggle to get along
to get by
to say hello
but faces are the chapters in the book
and the reactions that are silent
aref the words
speak out loud
at the end of the day
I see my face in the mirror
I hear my breath
heavy with ashma
I used to say a ciggarette is a personas
life
you light it then it burns away
the ashes are the moments
the cherrys are the memorys that matter
they burn threw your eyes
everything matters
I miss the conversation
of the intellect
tell me about a book that will change my life
tell me about a song that takes me places
i could not afford to go
I am previleged
or under
above or below
average or genius
black or white
if the ozone is destroyed
we will all be gray
no more color
Thats what i see when i see you
the many spectrums of the rainbow
the tones and pitches in your voice
the manners in which your body projects
I like saying fuck you
fuck off
under my breath
yesterday
i said it with conviction
and you beleived me
and I ment it
what I was really saying
was
if you steal my stuff
thats ok
just dont say
you didn't
I love you
with everything I got
even if I'am not cool enough
I'am warm enough to see it
being your own very person
is a curse and a blessing
people either love or hate you
and I'am used to it.
I have everything to lose
and I misplace everything
that matters to me all the time.
Tonight an hier to a throne
sayI'am sexy and he wants to dress
me in clothing that will show off
how sexy i am
he offers to pay my rent
for a year if he could see my breasts
I ask him for the dollar
he owes me for the ciggarette he requested
from my little shop in the vip lounge
and he chuckles
he will make it up to me
by taking me out for breakfast
I tell him thank you
god bless i'am a married woman
he says with a smut voice I can share
You are sexy
sometimes
I see the most unbelievable
things in the world
the truth is
stranger then fiction
when i a twelve year old run away
people believed I was 18 years old
because i could drink harder
snort more coke then them
and sex was like playing doctor
but now I'am older and honest
people find it
slightly fictional
and so i tell them
and will tell you
ever so kindly with a sultry tip
fuck off
go fuck your self
and everyone you wished you had
and every one you will
god less I mean bless you
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I rather have enemys than have friends like you shaney.
Current mood: touched
Category: Friends
This goes out to someone that wont even read it.
you are such a good friend.
You gossiped about me behind my back.
you called me crazy.
but in my face and on the phone you where
such a good friend.
Many times I begged you into having lunch with me.
that is so much fun.
you gave me advice and when I took it you
used it against me.
how nice .
so sweet to have friends like you.
I guess the time has come to say good bye.
But you where so kind you did it for me.
I thank you
for reminding
me what shallow people are like.
I so thaught the world of you
and would of done anything for you.
But no
I guess I was not cool enough
And when you talked about others I took
your advice
I respected it like gold
but when I did something that
you didn't like
you could not tell me to my face
but you had to tell everyone else
around me
so they treated me like shit
not you
you are innocent
I failed to see the person you truely are.
Thank you for reminding me
not to be fooled by scumbags like your self.
dishonest back stabbers
At least when I had something to
say I said it to your face.
Shaney I hope you read this one day.
Currently listening :
Bluebird
By Emmylou Harris
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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October 10, 2005 - Monday
Its better, my heads not spinning as much.
Current mood: content
Category: Romance and Relationships
so sad to hear the tone in your voice
always had a way to get under peoples skin
people I love do the same to me
like monkeys that groom each other
groom mentally
same to me
been very nervous lately
Lots and lots of changes
Yesterday was one of those days
started studdering and was ready
to check my self into the
nearest mental instatution
thank god
one friend by my side
lucker than most I suppose
made my first love cry
second angry
and my current sad
With this record i should really
decide to become a nun
and not involve anyone in my tiny world
of tissues and eye liner stained pillows
broke down
it happened I studdered like i did when my
father was about to choke me up against the wall
thank god i was not alone
thank goddess
thank goodness
today I spent eight hours in driving school
made people laugh
what a change I usually make people very sad
and in return I feel sad
just a pity pot sort of affairs
this love is different
never laughed so much
and felt so much
so scandalous, risque, a very specail affair
of the heart so very true to the nature of passion
the meetings of the mind
a devine intervention
It just feels I was all alone on a island
and there was someone else there
This is how people get close to me
something real
very real every moment
and even when it is gone they always
end up being close to me
till the day I die.
Thats the hardest thing of the way I approach life
it is a very long process
things are turning around
its a circle
a cycle
a birth and dead
a very deep blue
made of many colors
seen death many times when I was a junkie, a garbage head
when I lived on the track when i was a neglected child, homeless, on the racetrack
in the foster homes, in the mental ward, in the hospitals
my life only got better when I picked up a guitar
and sang loudly teriffyingly out of tune.
that was the end of the very beginning
if I had only known then
would of been alot more grateful.
For right now in this moment I beleive it is all for a reason
every leaf that falls on the ground every scrape on my legs
that show my struggle to stand in this world
every crease in my face shows the years
the tears the glory the guts the pain
and for that I am grateful.
and for that I will never let my music be last
or put it infront of anyone
it is its own identity.
it is my voice
mostly the one I can not relate to when I listen to it back.
it is something other then me
a devine intervention.
a grace
I have fallen
and by grace I stand
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October 8, 2005 - Saturday
dont have enough money honey*********
Current mood: depressed
dont have enough money honey!
my works winding slow...
I got medication to take to keep
me alive but the fucken shit costs
300$ a month
I 'am so poor and broke
selling chocolates and ciggarettes
barely getting
by
my rents to high
for my means
but there is no where else to go
got to find alittle strengh
to get by
it is very hard
today
two small nervous brake downs
sobbing hard
not enough money
and no shows for alittle
pocket change
when its good its really good
but when its bad it horrible
thats all
depressed
repressed
and oppressed
stressed
cursing
sad
and sad
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October 7, 2005 - Friday
humho ha..............................................................
Current mood: giggly
humho ha......................
ah....................fa.la.la
funny..................
laughing.................
alot................
lately...............................
half a lotus flower found another lotus flower...............
pretty................................................
green................
silver..............
noodles with butter.........................
funny..................................................................
just planning to record right now.............
re invention...............
time of process, frail like a spider web..........
dew on a morning cactus.........
popcorn on the side of your mouth.
a sly glance of one you
are in passion of.
the smell of abseinthe on your morning clothing.
the smoking pipe still smoking near the
cinder filled fireplace...........
finding a picture of a moment
long forgotten of a time well lived.
as my eyes start to crease
with withered sun and tears
the reflection of the mirror
starts to change
with a purfume of happiness
being accepted makes one rejuvinated
I just thank the universe that
for once in the moment
of time i have been experiencing
aformof happiness that cant be described in a needle
pill cask bottle word promise vision dream religion
color
a meeting of others
that dont condemn you for being
Currently listening :
Black Heart Procession
By Black Heart Procession
Release date: 13 January, 2000
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October 3, 2005 - Monday
a little sunshine when you lift the lid..
Current mood: thankful
I found a little box
in the garbage
on the side of a very sad road
the sun was setting
church bells where ringing
snow was falling
flakes where very large
they hit your mouth
tasted very sweet
my feet where hurting
many holes in my soles
the ductape was falling off
salt from the street
ate right threw them
my army socks where very wet
and I had missed the 80 bus
it looked like a toaster on wheels
the windows where foggy
every one looked happy
the bus was joyous
to be warm
oh montreal january
is cold
but what great finds
you find
in the garbage cans
a little abondened box
red velvet
probibly someones gift
the box was not worthy
it was just a case
it was a belated gift for me
had embrodorary
on it
doves and candles
pretty
old looking
discarded
I opened it
looked around
there was the faithful cross
on mont royal
all lit up
not a sound could be heard
in such cold tempratures
I took the lid off
who would of known
who ever had
owned before
never saw its true potential
but I did
and there I had it
in my hand
a box of endless sunshine
seeping threw the snowflakes
in subzero temprature
oh what joy
it was for me that day.
7:45 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
October 2, 2005 - Sunday
on my own again........
Current mood: depressed
yes i'am on my own again
alone again
the phone doesn't ring again
not many friends
again
in a house
with me on my mind
and all the things I could of done
perhaps
again
i will be surronded by instruments
and a dead end job
with a tiny speck of hope
that my projects will turn out
but alas
but alas
again
stuck lost
jammed shut
afraid
no where to turn to
no one to lean on
all on my own again
my feeling of losing the loving feeling
is really deeply in my heart
and when your in the gutter
boy people sure love to pick on you
actually they just leave you alone
i'am like a dog with
burrs in my paws
in the corner
licking them out
the lights are very dim
and i cant make believe
there is a reason
but like i do
everynight
I thank the stars
that I'am alive
and I have love in my heart
for everyone I meet
for everyone I have been with
its sad
yes
but it was sadder
before
knowing
that the one your with doesn't
love you the same
and thats a shame
but what I learned
that I have love in my heart
starting all over again
all over again
from the very bottom
from scratch
not to eager to let to many people in
for there is an infection
in my heart
and the dirt is coming out
yes left with
what I have always had
a tape cassete
and a guitar
and not many people
around
loss
its an ever ringng word
a death of sorts
like a star
shining because the sun
illuminates it
because after all it is dead
the stars are dead
they died so long ago
going out of town
to see them shine
alone
perhaps I will be killed by some serial killer
that would be
a
notorous death
if any
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September 29, 2005 - Thursday
feeling better.......
Current mood: hot
so much has happened since the last time
i have written
I have not raised my voice or
been unhappy for a while
I just dont want to jinx it really
so i'am keeping it mums the word
but my life is calm
like this morning I went and sang back up
for this band called soda and his million peice band
it was so much fun
boy it was an oven though
and I got what they call a little bit
of sunstroke and some redness in the face
fun I had fun
it feels good to be able to breath a
little and not feel like
drowning in a river with rocks in my coat
living like a hermit sometimes is a good thing
it makes it easier
anyhow
anyhow
its very hot in my house
have been making alot of music
and recording on my tapedeck
and that makes me happy
I'am not playing for a whole month due to the fact
I need to mentally regroup
lots of loss lately
nothing terrible
just uncomfortable
like wearing new shoes
or new pants that have not streched
out to comform to your body type
oh but my heart is heavy
and the pain is still great
its just i'am not in the frying pan
maybe in the fire
but thats ok
at least when it burns
it doesn't stop
it just burns till there is nothing left
and theres alot of rotted wood to
get rid of
no more excuses
no more whineing
no more complaining
just doing the things I have got to do
to make me happy
and that my friends is music
being apart of
Currently listening :
Breezin Along
By Josephine Baker
Release date: 15 August, 1995
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September 25, 2005 - Sunday
its setting in,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Current mood: gloomy
Its setting in..................................
....................................................
time to close the doors...................
turn off the phone............................
drive away for a couple days...............
.......................................................
away...............................................
......................................................
a bottle of scotch.............................
....................................................
a bag of the finest opium.................
......................................................
a very nice pipe................................
......................................................
my guitar.......................................
.......................................................
a pen............................................
...................................................
a book............................................
......................................................
I was happy....................................
.......................................................
I'am just as needy............................
......................................................
as the day I was born......................
........................................................
Currently listening :
Meat Is Murder
By The Smiths
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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September 24, 2005 - Saturday
i woke up this morning
Current mood: awake
i woke up this morning
like a flower dancing
in a vase
I am so dramatic
and I feel better
brakng up is always hard
to do
even if it was not
great, or friendly
my heart is infected
with a cold
and it wont stop coughing
Currently listening :
Complete Works In Chronological Order, Vol. 1, 1929-1936
By Lil Johnson
Release date: 15 February, 1995
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a dream I had called the end of a lucky time.
Current mood: blank
Category: Blogging
this is my dream upon sleeping
this evening so instead of sleeping
I will puke my ills
out on paper
in hopes you will call me crazy
and go away
it is a tradgic time
a tradgic event
with a tradgic dream
soi i'am talking to
a miniture horse
and a giant ladybug
the chorus of trees
planted in dancing garbage cans
the lady bug whispers
"The end of a lucky time
where I used to entertain the leaves
where i used to make alot of dirt so I could grow
more apple trees
whereI used to think that my scent was endless
of smells so nice
and my friends where few but true
but now all that has gone
and I am sad"
the ladybug wispers so not to scare the horse
the horse responds in an irish accent
"back to the drawing board they say
back to a place of observation
back to a place you know is your home
but now you know
the journey
never ends"
then the planted trees in garbage cans
start singing
"we are born lonely and die just the same
your bubble has broken
and you are far away from all that seems
honest and real
sincere"
the ladybug responds with more whining wispers
w"ith in my own eyes I cant reconize
is it happiness
or is it depression
a famine
perhaps I will get on a bird
a fly far far far
then turn around
and sell chocolates and ciggarettes
in a dim restroom"
then the horse screams in hopes the ladybug hears
"didn't you do a year of therapy
only to return to a place you got out from
the banging of cups
the cup frothing from the lid"
the planted trees in garbage cans start ranting
"in a atonal mose
it has been unleashed
the darkest cloud of them all
the reality
you are alone
in a strange land
innocent and nieve
darkness
swollows your thaughts
no one knows only you do
what can not lie ahead"
the ladybug starts crying and drowns
the horse with out noticing but starts saying
"i feel dead inside tonight
no one or no thing can fill
the void
the void
yes i am amused
at my thaughts
and question the very thing often
but everything i touch
turns to shit in the end
the end of a lucky time
the razor is not sharp enough
i tryed"
relizes she had killed her only friend the miniture horse
and starts to confess to the dancing trees
"sincei tryed on myself i just end up killing all my friends anyway
the nylon is to old to hold
the gun is a prop
i never had a steady wing
this bag and needle has been used so i dont
want live long with an incurable illness
the bird is an aging pelican and is not fast enough to crash and burn
it would probibly fall
the ledge is not high enough
to brake every bone in my body
so i went and pitched a tent on the 101 freeway
and got beat up and robbed for sleeping
in a spot that was someone elses
when i arrived at the hospital they refused me because
i had no insurence
oh my god
there is not enough wood to build me a cross
and i have already falt lined
already and death is
heaven
its silver and gold
at exactly the same time
cosmic
in the stars"
the horse is now a ghost
comes back and kisses the ladybug
to sleep
now iam tired good night
everyone sighs
and a earth quake swollows everyone and they all die,
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September 21, 2005 - Wednesday
i love that little sweetheart of a chaton.....
Current mood: recumbent
Category: Writing and Poetry
There he was all snuggled up
on the bed we used to sleep on
chester a black rag doll
a little one
I would get to know
so well
chester
an extention of his better self
we came to an aggreement
my heart purged
the sewing swans came in and patched
this major organ in my human cavity
and a smell passed threw my
body
shhivers up my spine
tingles in my arms
I started singing a jingle
a thimble
a needle and thread
It is all a very big ? mark
this was not what I had planned
I am a loyal loyal
perhaps not so much
antisipated
this much joy
I would of waited in line
but as a fine line that defines
a Degas to a Jackon Pollack
you can not really tell
like a sigh
a twitch
I did pull away
my head said things and my eyes
made the clouds into serpents for a second
maggots on a mouth
death all around me
for a split second
it made me sad
for a second
they come back at the most unusual moments
when I decide to jump off a cliff
I remember just in time its not a pool
that I see inviting me in for a dip
its is the grand canyon
and the red stone is hard
and probibly
my body would thump
and my bones would brake
and I would die and very restless
goodbye
He mooed the whole way
back, but we talked
about the time to come
and how in a another life
we could be relatives.
or perhaps change places
I the ragdoll
and him the girl that loved
the way he patted my stomach
and cleaned my hair.
Currently listening :
Atom Heart Mother
By Pink Floyd
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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September 20, 2005 - Tuesday
It started the iceburg is melting....
Current mood: artistic
its very nice!
the iceburg is melting...
years of trash is becoming uncovered...
sometimes trash
may look like garbage
but in this case
I am finding treasures
I think I smiled
yesterday.
Angels in the electric chair
Currently listening :
Live at the Casa De La Tr
By Maduro
Release date: 21 April, 1997
2:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
September 19, 2005 - Monday
sad
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
just very sad today
very
very
very
very
but o.k
I think I will be
o.k
life is life
love is love
death is death
life is life
and with all these
things they have
a beginning
a middle
and end
so sad
so sad
Currently listening :
Mozart: Symphonies 33, 34, 40; Masonic Funeral Music
By Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Release date: 10 October, 2000
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September 17, 2005 - Saturday
I'am i ever going to hear the coin drop.
Category: Sports
You may never hear the coin drop
the well is deep
the patience needed
take heed
the air is filled with a certain
mist
like a fist in the stomach
it shortwinds me
you may believe in
the light at the end of the tunnel
but I believe in the penny
being dropped in the
mouth of a whale
my plant died the other
day
it was the saddest thing
I ever did
but I didn't make the seed
like a sudden death
like an earthquake
so fast
time is held
longer
like a fat pregnant
pause
perhaps i may never
want the sentence to die
getting ready to sing a duet
with one of my favorite bands
Soda and his million piece band
this will be fun
I played a show last night
at hotel cafe
8pm is a very early time slot
I'am glad I have people that
come see me play
I am lucky i have a band
I am very superstitious
I know its a sign of
i must go
outside
right mow
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September 9, 2005 - Friday
i try you try itry so hard to bring me a silver platter
Current mood: weird
Category: Writing and Poetry
i try
you try
i try
so hard
bring me on a sliver
platter
i beg
you beg
i beg
borrow and steal
anything
dress
figure
makeup
perhaps you will look at me
hold me close
not close the door so hard
i get on my knees
you get on your knees
i get on my knees
and pray
beg
steal
borrow a plate
and in the end
i lose my head
you lose your head
i lose my head
and it falls so far
so far
off a cliff
my nose
hits the stones along the way
and in the end
it lands in a ditch
thats where my head lands
in a ditch
i kick it
you kick it
i kick it
fickle fickle mouth
i fickle it
you fickle it
i fickle it
the mouth
never does what the hands are doing
what i am doing
what you are doing
is falling into ditches
kicking each other
with our fickle mouths
begging
borrowing
stealing each others heads.
Currently listening :
Murder Ballads
By Nick Cave
Release date: 20 February, 1996
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September 8, 2005 - Thursday
you got gum drops in your mouth.
Current mood: blah
you got gum in your mouth
i get it
thats why your not
eating ice cream with me
oh that gum must be tasty
it reminds you
of the good times you had
oh poor baby
i told you you could have icecream if you wanted
but no the left over gum
underneth the red ruby shoes
taste better
i get it
i got it
i have to forget it
try to find
people who like icecream
because no offence that gum is gross
but you have that gum
tasteless
and nothing
really that matters attached to it
just remember
when you want icecream
there might be someleft over
but you know
i love melting
icecream
its like a milkshake.
Currently listening :
What's Love Got To Do With It (1993 Film)
By Tina Turner
Release date: 15 June, 1993
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September 7, 2005 - Wednesday
i went camping
Current mood: artistic
i went camping it was fun
made a fire
built a tent
ate tin can soup
saw a bunny rabbit
sat and talked with a mallerd duck
was on a little john boat
went fishing
my partner lost a fish
his fishing line was to old
it got away
that was sad
walked on a beach with castwaway
branches
camping was fun
i'am glad
though
i'am glad
i have a bed with a mattress
shelter
a stove
a working toilet
and running water
i wish I did not have to work
in a club selling ciggarettes and chocolates
but if it was not for this job
i might be camping 7 days a week
24 hours a day
and that would suck
some have mentioned
my music may take off
yes perhaps one day
but it seems
to me
that perhaps
a manager
might help
and finding one of those is very diffilcult
so until someone other than myself wants
to promote the music that I write
it will be a while
My wishlist
recording the music
with the band
12 songs off the top of my head
having a small label help out with distrabution
a manager that can top off his or her talk with action
and a month or two to create a recording
that will depict the sound we have live on record
but for now it will be
me working 5 nights a week
hoping the band sticks and we hone down the sound
find a studio that wants to record it
and hopefully put it out and get a distrabution deal
what would be great if some succesful
band wants to have us on tour with them so we can get exposure........
just a little musicial rant....
sorry.
Currently listening :
Franks Wild Years
By Tom Waits
Release date: 15 June, 1990
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Check out this event: Izzy Cox & The Eskimos @ The Hotel Cafe
Current mood: cheerful
Hosted By: Izzy cox & The Eskimos
When: Friday Sep 16, 2005
at 8:00 PM
Where: The Hotel Cafe
1623 1/2 N Cahuenga Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90028
US
Description:
Izzy cox & The Eskimos
Click Here To View Event
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August 30, 2005 - Tuesday
but you might find, you get what you need/
Current mood: anxious
I cant always get what i want
no you cant always get what you want
but if you try sometime
you get what you need
Currently listening :
Hot Rocks 1964-1971
By Rolling Stones
Release date: 27 August, 2002
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i'am so wrong sometimes......
I just don't get it
i lost another game of cards
perhaps i should stop gambleing
with my deck of hearts
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secrets kill people like me..........
Current mood: restless
before i
spill the beans
of my sicko habits
***********************
I talked with my brother
yesterday
it was his birthday
the day before
he lives in edmonton
I have never been there
for the first time ever
we talked
really !!
he used to love
the sport hulk hoggan did
but now
he loves black sabbath
(thank god!)
and do's things
that are harmless
he's 5-11
260 pounds
with a heart of gold
and a mind just blossoming
last time I saw him
it was eight years ago.....
did you ever love someone so much
you acted very strange
not what you would of amagined
acting
in a million years
I love my brother
I dont even know him
I remember
the intricate comics he used to draw
at six years old
the story's of killing and the bird
flying away
it runs in the family
I told him he was awesome and I was proud of him
that action made me feel like I won the lottery
any way that was the best birthday gift in the world
a conversation with my 18 year old brother
****************************************************
secrets kill people like me.
but I was a jerk
last night
I really was scared
so many things have happened
to the ones I love
Jail, instatutions , and death
so scared
fear is my trumph card
but it makes my brain
clot and I dont think straight
and i never win
(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
(I'am crying again!!!!!!!!))))))
(i'am a selfish cry baby))))))
it gets muddy
I see things
their not there
creative
but a big strain on the ones I love
no excuses
none
I called hundreds of time
panic
then hacked in his privite phone box
erased the nasty message
I got worried
perhaps jails instautions and death
but that applys only to me
personal
me
not you
I crossed a boundry
I felt I was justifyed
when I feel I'am justifyed
I'am wrong
very wrong
not cool
no wonder he's not talking to me
no offense dad
but I pulled a old papa
that scares me
i'am not even high
brought to my knees
i think to much
but dont talk enough
I cut up fruit last night
melons
cantalope
mangos
strawberrys
placed it in a silver tin foil tray
people ate it today
it was nice to see that
it made me feel good.
************************************
my car needs gas
my car needs to be washed
i cant beleive i know how to drive
and live in a pretty house
in a very climate hot country
play consistantly with other artists
when you have someone in your life
who is well adjusted 99 % of the time
it makes a difference
when your in love
not in love with the thaught of love
it makes you become a better person
i always thaught
love was in a dumpster
funny how a song came out in a trashcan
i relate
i'am not alone
I will for today not cross his boundry
co-dependancy
sucks the life out of you and the one you love
I but i love life anyway
despite all the odds
despite all the expectation gone astray
besides the pts
besides the delexia
besides the cronic lung issues
besides the terminal uniqueness
I love this world
I love the music visionarys create
the art of the seekers
the beatles
that roam the earth
the trees that fight to give us air
despite the shit we put in our air
blah blah
the show will be great tonight
I just feel it
Currently listening :
Dyed in the Wool
By Shannon Wright
Release date: 21 August, 2001
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August 28, 2005 - Sunday
i promise!!!!!!!I'am not moving physically!!!!!!!
Current mood: chipper
Sorry if I gave the wrong notion
it was just a feeling.
i just get on thinking, and thinking
i forget other people read my blogs
i love hollywood
los angeles has been accepting of me
there are more people here
so just by numbers alone some may get me
i do need a casual vacation
we were thinking of going camping
by the beach or by a river
for a couple days
i just love trees
when i dont see them enough
i start going loopey
i feel a certain disconnection from my body
and mind
when nature is not prevalent
i just get sad you know
when things disband
like my musical partner
moving out of state
but i have new ones to
learn from
and its exciting
i went to sunset junction
jason faulkner was really
good i enjoyed his
melodys
priceless really
I loved the walkmen
that band was inspiring
i really want to see them in a closed
venue
we ate a papusa
it was disapointing
mostly corn
i looked in the mirror
i need to start working out
I was filmed today for a documentary
about open mikes
I totally told too much
about the things I have been threw
way to self concious
i have to hand it to the
professionals
they can bullshit their
way out of any question
not i
boy I tell you I have tryed
what will be will be
and what is just is
i worked tonight
i was happy for some reason
its like that song
i lost that loving feeling
thats how i feel often with this
job, the source of income
that makes it possible to
put c.d's out and sent them
blair has a song
i great one
let the sunshine in
kind of feeling
not the childrens song
there is a lyric i love
don't let this town suck you in
i ask myself
tonight have i changed
iam i afraid to end up in the same place
i always have
struggling for rent
for my meds
will i lose my mind
perhaps
this race i have chosen to
run in
will never stop till i die
kind of this thing
called life
the unspoken contract you
signed when you
came from your womb
dieing is not a bad thing
commiting suicide
is honored in some cultures
but that feeling is subsiding
THIS is what makes me want to leave
leave meaning
crawling out of my skin
moving big boxes and
having no one to help you
but then a kind stranger always
comes to the rescue
if your willing to have your heart open
long enough for the changing
of the guards
it could be as simple as I had never thaught
i would be alive this long
and now i have passed my judgement
of where i should be
i am free
to do what i want
love whom i want
stay at my own free will
there is apart of me
that feels if you
get to know me long
enough i will disapoint you
as a human being
make mistakes that will not be able to
be taken back
but all this is a farse
i am ageing
perhaps not gracefully
for the years
the struggles
the pains
the broken parts
show in my face
and in my hands
but thats ok
big day tommorow
rehurse play be filmed
go to sunset junction make flyers
make stickers
to stick places
o.k
i'am done
i love you
Currently listening :
from a basement on the hill
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 19 October, 2004
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August 27, 2005 - Saturday
Thank you! Hollywood!
Current mood: nauseated
thank you hollywood for all the great times and the
future I have ahead of me.
but its like that jinny derantie song
"did you ever!------- --------- ------ ------- ------- ------- --------
stay go I dont know?"
my stomach hurts, and I cant take my job anymore.
I work five nights aweek now.
and I can not handle it anymore.
so creative I must become really fast.
My cost of living far exceeds my
income if I leave this job.
but perhaps I will be suprised.
perhaps all I need is a vacation.
I not to go .....................................
its just a feeling that I have when things get good.
I am being interveiwed tommorow for
this documentary and I'am nervous.
very nervous.
I hope i sound coherent.
when I'am tired I dont sound sane.
anyway only tommorow will happen when it happens.
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August 25, 2005 - Thursday
so I slept for ever, i need more sleep it seems...
mixed emotions
celebrations and wishing good to the ones
you love.sometimes you dont have to
know someone so well to love them, but the ones you know
well you love harder.
I miss montreal .
but i love los angeles, however it is time to go away
and this is the rock solid truth.
time for a little get away.
i wish I didn't have to go alone.
perhaps I dont.
I don't like asking anyone for help
but sometimes you need to.
got to go....
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August 22, 2005 - Monday
tomorrow is my birthday
Current mood: nauseated
Oh i'am so dizzy this morning...................
its so sad , this artist this person
I really admire and i'am inspired by
is now being trampled by the dragon.
braking my heart it is.
tomorrow is my birthday
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August 16, 2005 - Tuesday
just found out the viper cancelled 4 shows....6 in total
Current mood: confused
the viper room sucks as ---s
why?
in the past 6 months viper room has cancelled
6 shows in total !!!
fuck that!
next time someone books me there I will
have to get it in writing!
right!
otherwise all is good!
Currently listening :
Girl Singers of the Big Swing Bands
By Various Artists
Release date: 17 August, 2004
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August 15, 2005 - Monday
o,k!&%^&%^& a very eventful Day*&^&*%&^
Current mood: calm
Perhaps I should really talk about my life in the past few
months ........get ready this can be a long one.
get your cup of coffee or whatever you like to consume.
smoke a ciggarette or if you dont smoke chew on some bubble
gum because this ones a hard bullet to bite,
or a hard one to digest.
It all started just before july 1st
A fugative is running around in my courtyard
and the police helicopter is so close the dishes are rattleing.
disturbed that the 10 ft gates around the community
are not as safe as I would like.
I watch my 75 year old neighbor stand up to this barely 21 year
gangbanger, screaming "vamose stupido" until the
tattooed, stressed out criminal leaves the little rose garden
community.
then a few days later.
I was going to work like every other friday evening..
getting ready like a racehorse to work 12 hours straight
give or take a few minutes.
To stand in a fancy nightclub catering to a list folks
the fortunate society in this hollywood culture.
yes i'am a drug dealer peddling ciggarettes and sugar
to the rich and famous.
A funny job, really the club is really
pretty and the people that work there are
really nice people. All artists and humbled for the best part.
Just trying to pay bills and costs for the passions
that drive them threw the life worthmore than riches and prizes.
perhaps better known as bells and whistles.
anyway I fell upon a mishap
a bunch of bleached blond cracked out, washed out
actress's from the valley? I dont know really?
but thats what someone said...
anyway snuck in the club, flying on some heavy drugs
the aggresive type they where that evening.
like a bunch of steriod using frat boys from a popular
beta, omega, ? difinately lacking vitamins for sure.
decided to jump me, well it took 5 of them to get me down.
and a few coca bars and a big part of my tips that evening and my
holy cow of that job my nicotine boxes.
anyway so that happened.
and of course they pressed charges against me and of course since one
of them was on a t.v series in the eightys (sindication in germany, of course!)
the police was so worryed I was after their money????
my head hurt, back and neck & $2000.00 in hospital bills later...
I got over that bump on the head
I mean bump on the road.
then the musical track I wrote the melody & lyrics for, on a track that supposedly
is being heard in canada and europe the "producer" never sent me the money owed and a copy of the track .........
that was upsetting.
anyway so I write my misfortune of the month off,
but no sooner do I do that more things starts to
brake the camels back................
as I go up for air in the well of sludge in the swamp of crocodiles......
the floods of saddness start to smog my windows
as my right hand man, friend, guitarist , arranger..........
got a great offer to move to new york brakes the news to me he must take it! and go.......
It starts to set in that all my best buddies back home now
have all moved to different parts of the world and my chances of seeing them in the next
couple years are slim to none.
as my heart starts tearing apart at the seams...
I start getting ready for dark deep depression.....
right!
but alas to my supprise...
the love of my life stood by me threw all these storms around my life.
I find out that a few radio stations played my latest
recordings, people at shows start buying c.d's.
I start getting booked at nicer places.
my favorite record store
asked to be in a documentary.
I start looking around and hollywood has put a door banner
on my door, "home"
my turtle grew a couple inches.
my step cat kiss's my face in the mornings.
and my fav little dancing bar remodeled
looks like a 1940's saloon.
I find a bunch of artists
I see and admire do well & aspiring.
and life is sometimes stormy
but if I just keep swimming
and going up for air
I just keep living.
and the skys are bright aqua blue most of the time.
Currently listening :
The Living Road
By Lhasa
Release date: 10 August, 2004
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August 6, 2005 - Saturday
so the project grows, because the seed has been planted
Current mood: melancholy
I swear i love this album
why did you have to go man
we where at the beginning of
a good thing
really
I know you have doubt
but you will see
that i am just not a flash in the
pan, god knows it would be easy that
way. the more you care about things
it gets , harder i
Currently listening :
American IV: The Man Comes Around
By Johnny Cash
Release date: 05 November, 2002
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July 30, 2005 - Saturday
worked all night! tired like a hot dog climbing a hill.
Current mood: drained
worked some long hours tonight for
very little.
but ah t is the nature of the beast.
time to go to the beach.
or something.
the park perhaps.
go to where the people
are.
people.
need to be around more people.
working my but off.
oh things are well.
steady fast.
in its own time.
at the rate it is suppose to go.
its the little things.
sleepy.
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July 29, 2005 - Friday
I dont know?
Current mood: sleepy
I dont know?
anything!
Currently listening :
Early Song
By Faun Fables
Release date: 31 August, 2004
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July 27, 2005 - Wednesday
The mint was great!!!we where played on 103.1
Current mood: chipper
The mint was great and found out we where played on
a fantasic radio show. hosted by steve jones.
wow!
wow!
wow!
the mint was a fantastic venue and we will be playing
there soon.
what a day!
what a day!
Currently listening :
Jazz 'Round Midnight: Three Divas
By Billy Holiday & Dinah Washington Ella Fitzgerald
Release date: 24 October, 1995
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need it. crave it. want it. kick it. leave it love it.
want it. hung it, dump it, wait it, feel it, deal it, jump it. zoop it. must it.
love it want it .
inspiration
the muse
i cant do it
but I want to
shoot it.
deal it.
feel it.
instead i will write about it.
leave it.
fuck it.
make it.
take it.
shake it.
enough already.
it doesn't care.
it doesn't breath
its so little
its an object.
a space gun.
to get spaced out with.
face it honey.
you hand out the cards
you know when to fold them
you know how to roll with them
when the dealings done.
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July 26, 2005 - Tuesday
wow! full house last night! lots of love!
Current mood: ecstatic
thank you
to all of you
I really needed that!
It felt like home
just so much love
so very nice
like tea on a chilly night
a breeze when its to hot at night
a kiss from a love
so suddenly
with out
effort
thats it
effortless
I love the derby
the sound is fantastic
the vibe
that club was made for singers like me
nice like a chilled grape
a fresh loaf of bread
the perfect tone from your guitar
another artist in mode with your instrument
a crowd of people not laughing at your mistakes
polite enough to just shake there heads
the seed you planted finally sprouting
the cat you have purring on your belly
the one your with
proud of the risks you take
not condeming the risk you are
the tear you have just
streams down your cheek
and not in your mouth
the hair you have not poking
your eye
the friends you have
being there when you are at your most
unsettled state
and not judging you for it
have I gone long enough
all my love
just have all my love
I give it freely
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July 25, 2005 - Monday
running around like chicken with my headcutoff
Current mood: excited
going here
doing this
doing that
dropping
stuff
tripping on my self
ironing, cutting, pasteing
wish I was drunk and pissing on my self
not really
I always look stupid
my head hurts
why must I do everything by hand?
its going to be great
tonight
norms playing
he's the drummer of the band
he's really good like everybody else
Currently listening :
All Is Dream
By Mercury Rev
Release date: 25 January, 2005
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July 23, 2005 - Saturday
lovely as the new day, got to get away into sleep
Current mood: hyper
so I came home
my baby's gone working hard
for his money
I miss his smell
and his tasty lips
rubbing his back till
his breath is heavy
my baby, my papa, my one of a kind
with a heart of gold
and a touch
I would sell my soul
big mama
so tired but wired
from a fire little drink
with a devil on it
keeping me up for days
my fingers are dirty
my legs are weak
standing and serving
10 hours in toll
no sitting no standing
running around
for hours and hours
so I can pay up the
rent on these
little fancy four walls
time for sleeping
missing my baby
rubbing my eyes
so dirty getting blind
time to jump in the bath
and have a conversation
with a duck thank you
Currently listening :
Barrett
By Syd Barrett
Release date: 03 July, 1990
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July 21, 2005 - Thursday
sometimes I got to feel really bad avant I feel better
Current mood: busy
avant before avant before
advance I cant seem to budge
much
brains all knotted up
you see what you hear
if I dress crazy perhaps they will get it
I dont have to do much to scare the shit
out of people sometimes
I dont mean to
I never did want to
you know we where friends long ago
till I went to court and there
you stood
shocked
bewildered
upset
unsettled
walked me home in total silence
and never talked to me again
but dont worry
you are not alone
its common really
you witness a car crash
a person servives
you know this person
years later
you cant put your self in that persons shoes
and so alas you must cut off contact with the person
because you lack empathy
and have od'd on pity
another so close to my heart
stated
you are the most diffilcult person I have ever met
but it is worth every second
so I'am really trying to stop smoking today
i fell from grace
or perhaps my patch fell off
and i got angry and decided to smoke a ciggarette
vowed to never smoke again
but then all my
weakest memorys
pop up like
bubbles from the bottom of the swamp
someone says your impatient
i say would it just be nice to light my self on fire
people assume when you have seen alot of things
you are strong like bear
but no
i'am just missing all that extra skin
it just got to damaged from battle
that I dont have any covering my heart
i'am really all exposed
must be feeling better writing and describing my feeble little
mind
so my best friend back home reminds me I have hundreads
of journals in boxes
I ask her to throw it away, but she says
perhaps some of the problems you face
the questions you have could be in those journals
I know she is right
but all it is
--__sad more sad
mad more mad
hungry more hungry
stupid more stupid
any way my house is infest with
big black ants
and small red ants
they are every where
on the ceiling
on the walls
thats it i am calling an exterminator tommorow.
ah its all about the ants now
all the time.
better look them up on the internet of how to de invite them
out of my home.
akk
Currently listening :
Real Gone
By Tom Waits
Release date: 05 October, 2004
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July 20, 2005 - Wednesday
tonight my mind races,
Current mood: sleepy
tonight my mind races
like a mouse in a wheel
over and over turning around in the
same farris wheel
what could i have done better
what could i have said
how come I really suck
I'am I really crazy
I'am I just a lounge
lizard
or some fucked up 31 year old
caught in some weird tale
meglomanic
narsesitic
cant stop cleaning
depressed
thats it
totally
and utterly
sad
distant
like tall glass of water my good friend says
mines empty
I didn't call anyone I love
I just cleaned and cleaned and now I cant stop
saw this movie
it made me very sad
today had been a
feild full of broken glass's
thats it I'am passing out.
Currently listening :
Emperor Tomato Ketchup
By Stereolab
Release date: 09 April, 1996
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July 17, 2005 - Sunday
wow, feeling better!
Current mood: cheerful
I woke up and i guess my depression monkey
has gone to jump on someone else today
getting ready for a show tonight
its going to be good I feel it in my bones!
Currently listening :
Atom Heart Mother
By Pink Floyd
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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July 15, 2005 - Friday
its been so long, since i've written a blog
Current mood: calm
I think?
according to my therapist
I have been depressed
I wonder if that can be connected
to getting the shit kicked out of me by
7 in total baywatch bitches
not mrs anderson I dont think she
would stoop so low
as to beat up a bathroom attendent at a
night club.
anyway I must move on
and will
I am playing hotel cafe
let me tell you about Hotel cafe
I have personally tryed to
to play there for two years now
and now that I am
I don't even get listed
in the la weekly
anyway such is life
August is creeping around the corner
and my birthday is coming up.
31 years old.
I just never thaught I would make it this long
alive that is
but I really have nothing to complain about
life is good.
I hope people show up.
as all my other shows
I just keep sending out demo's
and just keep playing
that is the way to go I guess?
Time for me to do a mini
tour up the coast
september I think.
Currently listening :
Robot Rock
By Daft Punk
Release date: 19 April, 2005
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July 7, 2005 - Thursday
cafe melies 1 and 2 I sang and wrote lyrics
On the Cafe meleis compilation c.ds i sang and wrote the lyrics
and melody on Cafe melies 1 "Moon blues"
and cafe meleis 2 "Monkey"
and no where am I given credits.
I know there's alot more bad reveiws on how they hate my
voice, and lyrics but please say my name.
Did not Cid vicoius say
"I dont care what you say about me at least spell my name right!
I think those reveiwers are cowards!
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So as I was laying down to sleep this AM
Current mood: cynical
I had just seen the bomb attacks on the working class
of London.
Angry sad
War
this is what war is like
I can read about it.
all I want.
But when you see it.
911
U.K.
gulf war
iraq
afganistan
anthrax
this is war
I think about the fact
that when we went over there
could be anywhere
could they fight back?
really?
I wonder?
War
this is it
guns, bombs, death,
destroying the earth, feeling of peace
since we dont fight dinosours any more
are we creating them.
war is wrong, death to each other is wrong
what are we fighting now?
the unseen.
they are invisable
it seems
we are not
this will not end.
the east has fough wars that have lasted for hundreads and hundreads
of years.
Ever hear of the 500 year war.
same shit!
different century.,
war
saddness
the grasping
of real
this is not a viedo game.
this is not a viedo game.
people really die.
Vets going back to the war.
at 60 years of age?
freedom?
or brain washing.
yin and yang perhaps?
guns , greed, slaughter
speaking of god's
For one nation this is a holy war
For the other protecting our freedoms.
killing the working people
killing the working people
killing the slaves
killing the drones
killing the ones standing against the wall
killing the ones who want a better life.
I cant say what is right and what is wrong
this is a war
and these are the things that come to mind.
Currently listening :
The Pink Panther [Bonus Tracks]
By Henry Mancini
Release date: 23 January, 2001
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July 6, 2005 - Wednesday
back from LV
Current mood: blah
so I went to L V
depressing
slots and children up all night
seeing their mom and dads gamble
dinner away
The weather was great for now my cronic back
and neck pain due to
being attacked
this sucks
pain
I hate it
I keep hoping every day when I awake
it will be gone
no such luck yet
yesterday
I was in the police station for a long time
being interveiwed for something
I did not do
fun fun fun
not like law and order
at all.
any way
have to go to work tonight
or I will not be able to pay my rent.
Currently listening :
Stoned Soul Picnic: The Best of Laura Nyro
By Laura Nyro
Release date: 18 February, 1997
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July 3, 2005 - Sunday
going in a car very far from here
Current mood: blank
happy 4th of july
peoples
i am hopelessly
a romantic
fantastic
my head hurts
my body hurts
leaving town
planned it for days
is it for me
going to see dwight yokam
i like the new record
a lover or hater
perhap both
wow sounds like fun
traffic all day
wow
Currently listening :
Stand
By Sly & Family Stone
Release date: 25 October, 1990
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June 29, 2005 - Wednesday
since friday evening my heads been dizzy
Current mood: indescribable
So its really fucked up,
I get attacked
and I got to brush it under the rug
if I want to keep my job,
well thats the way it goes!
Damn it just gets harder a
nd harder to go threw life
when all you really want to
Do is play music and entertain people.
Well I just have to focus on that and thats that!
As for the restroom , for now I still have
my job, and I just have to make rent.
My bodies really sore.
And my arms really fucked up find it hard to play music.
But that will heal!
Right?
anyway.
Just got to make a living.
So I have a place to rest my head.
And stay creative and write the songs that make me feel better.
And that is what is important.
As for monday it was a o.k show ,
it would be nice to have drums.
hope there are no more crazy celebritys trying to beat the shit
out of me tonight.
Currently listening :
I Can't Quit My Man
By Ida Cox
Release date: 01 November, 1995
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June 25, 2005 - Saturday
weird very weird assulted 5 girls
Current mood: disappointed
weird very weird
scary
attacked by 5 baywatch girls
sucks
sad
big bump on head
dizzy
brused arm
hurts
got to go to work tonight
scared
shame
a victim
perhaps
time to get enrolled
in kung fu school again
things happen in three's
right?
waiting for number three
1. fugative in yard
2. attacked and robbed at place of work
I really hope that was 2-3
why am I on myspace
limited time with friends
perhaps in this very long strip of a city
I hope I dont get fired
if so perhaps time to go back to pirg
and do some good again in this world
my guitar is finally fixed
I was lonely last night and today
(some drunk guy said I deserved it, nice!)
but met up with friends around 2 o'clock for coffee
and felt better.
will take healing bath before going to work.
and will pray, pray, pray.
that all gos well.
Who would of thaught selling chocolates and ciggarettes would be a dangerous job?
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June 22, 2005 - Wednesday
show went fantastic.
Current mood: cheerful
it just can not get better then that!
25 people came to see us.
great vibe.
lots of fun.
so i'am not so depressed.
anymore.
its going to be good times.
sending lots of c.d's out.
postive.
There was the helicopters in my yard
(I live in a gated little community)
about an hour ago.
cops everywhere.
people on the run.
this one guy demanding some old neighbor if he could go in his house.
my neighbor is about eighty
and didn't give a damn
told him
to vamose stupido!!!!!
scary
very scary
but they got the guys
my neighborhood
is not that safe.
anyway getting ready for work.
getting ready to sell chocolates and ciggarettes
hope people tip me tonight
I have got to send out about 30 cd's
to people.
hopefully it will get noticed.
the music.
Currently listening :
Swordfishtrombones
By Tom Waits
Release date: 15 June, 1990
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June 20, 2005 - Monday
oh oh oh oh oh oh I dont want to go oh oh o hoh !
Current mood: bouncy
oh oh ho hoho hohohohohohohoohohoho hoh hoho ho
326453756938765&*^%&^(*&)(&*&()_)(+))(+_+_
***
((((((((((((sucks)))))))))))))))))
((((((((iaam playing tonight and I bet no one is going to show up))))))))))))))
because &^^%(*)_(+_+_)_+)++_)**&^^%$&%$..&%$..&)(&*^%$..$@..!@@..
I never learned to kiss ass.
And play the games
that people play
very tooo straight forward
90586942376876&^^&^%%%^$%$....(*&*&^$%..$%..$%$%^&*^)(*)(_+)_
(((((((((((((((((((((ahhhh)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Currently listening :
Washing Machine
By Sonic Youth
Release date: 26 September, 1995
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June 19, 2005 - Sunday
god honest? why?
Current mood: indifferent
I kept cleaning my window and I finally broke it.
So I didn't have to clean it anymore.
So if you come up to my face I will probibly
get back in yours.
with kiss's and hugs.
Trauma read the lastest studies on my mental disorder
called ptsd.
And nothing new.
damn when are they going to have a valid cure?
Looks like I am still going to be flighty and tempermental.
Its like this I either deal with this thing with
whiskey smack pills and lots of more trauma.
or I spend it in endless 12 step programs and emdr therapy.
just like the girl from the fight club.
and be wacky creative and personable the very best I can.
Spend -that word I mean live with it.
So what if I see things when I get stressed out.
and say things I dont mean and forget it.
So I told you.
my secret.
my disfunctional existance.
Do you except me or reject me.
most often people reject me, because they cant figure me out.
good luck!
I cant figure myself out.
I feel better being alive when I play music.
and some say I'am good at it.
and some say I take up space in the world.
some say I'am boring.
some say I sound like a dead animal.
Some say I'am talented.
some say I'am autistic.
some say i'am brain dead.
I say i dont care and often I forget what people say.
and sometimes i dont remember what year it is.
what month it is.
and sometimes like today its hard.
and I'am sad.
I had a disturbing dream last night.
and when that happens I spend the rest of the
day trying to get threw the living part of my life.
even if it feels unreal.
sureal.
You see today I have diffilculty in concentrating.
My eye sight keeps faultering and my mind keeps racing.
and I thaught to go to the zoo.
but it is closed.
i thaught to go horseback riding but it is closed.
I thaught to see a movie but I dont want to be in the dark.
I am afraid of the dark.
often.
perhaps today I can give myself a break.
I tryed singing but really feel i am bad at it.
I wish I was bi-polar it just sounds cooler.
ptsd is scary.
its scary all around.
but i wont be scared I'am not a bad person.
Its the ass-holes who probed my spirit that are.
perhaps being thrown out of a moving car by my dad didn't help.
I get it today is fathers day.
thats why I'am all fucked up.
alas a reason for my condition.
today.
dosen't help it though I still have the dizzyness.
I will try playing again.
I will just watch blade runner .
tonight i will go see a show at spaceland.
Currently watching :
Blade Runner (The Director's Cut)
Release date: 14 September, 2004
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June 14, 2005 - Tuesday
? I love then though.
Current mood: creative
when the love is gone
when the love is gone
when the love is gone its gone!
Currently listening :
Trompe Le Monde
By Pixies
Release date: 20 May, 2003
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So, as this project changes.
Current mood: sad
So I may be saying good bye to
the best guitar player I have ever played with.
Vincent Gallo he is a great guitar player as well
as a good soul.
And yet again
I regroup
and try to keep my head upbove the waters.
when you finally think it is going well
remember life throws curve balls
to get you down to the ground.
but I shall just keep waking up in the morning
till by blanket covers me in the deep sleep
of life
(a great lyric)
Even when the thrill of living is gone
we keep living.
And so I shall start sending out all the c.d's
and get ready to record and set money aside
somehow or hope that someone out there see;s the potential.
That I'am not just some crazy flake.
that my track record is just me
trying and trying and getting better despite my self
many thanks to all the patient artists that have shown
me along the way.
i am sad.
I wish someone would of told me straight in my face really.
that I did not have to read it
on a blog.
but that is how it goes.
life
I apprieciate the easy moments really.
that begging, stealing, cheating would of not gotten me anywhere anyway indeed.
lieing
well I just lie to myself anyway
thinking what I have to say is special.
goodnight!
Currently listening :
Yann Tiersen and Shannon Wright
By Yann Tiersen & Shannon Wright
Release date: 15 March, 2005
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June 13, 2005 - Monday
I love tom waits but I dont sound like him!
Current mood: thankful
I wish I did,
though
perhaps i would have a bigger fan base
and more steady musical players playing with me.
Perhaps a record deal. or producers seeing my vision.
yes if I where tom waits or sounded like him
all these things would probibly happen.
But currently until I change into a man these things are
not going to happen.
Otherwise I am going to have to be like the other
10 million female singer songwriters,
probibly never going to be respected for
the talent I have.
Or for the things I have to say.
only by a very small small handful.
sad but true honey.
Currently listening :
The Best of Miss Peggy Lee
By Peggy Lee
Release date: 20 October, 1998
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June 12, 2005 - Sunday
ace tone I love this little thing.
Current mood: busy
just me
with a tape cassette.
a guitar
an ace tone
a keyboard
and a strange voice.
very happy!
heaven really.
its been so long.
thats how i used to do it in the old days.
however a 12 string guitar would make it mesh like butter.
now I need to go get some things.
Went to a party earlier with blair
ontop of a downtown hotel called the standerd
funny, and fun.
all in one little token
in a slot macheine.
my life has surronded other people
often
but now things are changing.
i rather be appreiciated
but i'am a strange fruit really
very picky
happy but lonely
all at the same time.
a poem I fell upon.
THERE IS MYSTERY IN HUMAN HEARTS
There is a mystery in human hearts,
and though we be encircled by a host
Of those who love us well and are beloved,
To every one of us, from time to time,
There comes a sense of utter loneliness.
Author unknown.
Currently listening :
Blueprint for a Sunrise
By Yoko Ono
Release date: 09 October, 2001
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I just do what I do.
Current mood: tired
I just do what I do.
My life depends on it.
and so it is so.
I'am just Crazy.
Currently listening :
Waiting for the Moon
By Tindersticks
Release date: 17 June, 2003
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June 4, 2005 - Saturday
And so the band went marching by.
Current mood: calm
the saints didn't know what to do they got
all mad.
And very upset and the saints did not go marching by
so they all got drunk and fell over in a horse buggy
and the saints where turned into vexins.
Life can be like a sailing kite.
Fights and trudgeing depression is
my case right now.
On vacation.
On auto pilot.
What I'am I doing?
it seems I just must me very bad.
a sinner.
Still coughing, soul coughing
no smoking , no smoking
just really choking.
Currently listening :
Dyed in the Wool
By Shannon Wright
Release date: 21 August, 2001
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June 1, 2005 - Wednesday
today is today.
Current mood: crushed
today is today
yesterday was yesterday
and tomorrow is not here.
I hope you are happy
with all your found success
and happy friends
May love brighten your world
and may loss be fleeting
there are tears and new found fears
I was born
then I lived
now I die
and the rest is it.
but for today
that is all I have
unknown
alone
just like I was born
and how I may die.
Currently listening :
Black Heart Procession
By Black Heart Procession
Release date: 13 January, 2000
6:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
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